moca:
I can understand why some parents r skeptical of their wards especially females marrying from diff tribes.
Fear of the unknown.

Even in d same tribe,some parents don't want their children to go too far.
Still fear of the unknown.

Parents know their children's weak and strong points.
I've seen parents who agreed that the first daughter can even marry a man from another country but opposed the second stepping far from their town.
Reason;she can't defend herself if the inevitable happens so we need to have her close by.

So to all those who hv problems with parental approvals,have u shown u r a master of ur own mind when crises brew up?
R u too soft/pliable to a fault?
Do u have a mind of ur own?

Can u stand and fight a crowd alone?

These r some of their fears.
And they r genuine.

So it's left to u to convince them that u r on top of d situation however it may seem

Parents have seen that marriage is not a bed of roses as we youngies always hype so they view all angles b4 making their decision.

And they have seen it all.
So when talking to ur parents about issues like this,convince them u can handle it so their mind may know peace.
Most times,they r not really interested in "daddy I love him so much stuff"
Marriage is more than that.

(this was deducted from eavesdropping on my aunt and d husband arguing about d daughter's interest in a man from a different state. Have to tell my cous who went to d dad to reassure him she is no weakling and can take very good care of herself if things go south. Today,that man is one of our best inlaws)

I wont say I do not understand you.
In as much I know parents wants to protect their child in terms of crisis,how much can they really do? Do you think it is easy to contantly report to your parents about issues in your marriage. Can you stand your husband constantly abused and talked about in your family cos of his wrongs.
Many people who married from the same village/town/state/tribe still have problems their families cant be able to solve. The advice ends up being 'my dear you have to endure marriage is not a bed of roses'.
In my opinion,parents interference in marriage as regards to defence or to slove issues rarely yield results.
Parents should look inwards about any prospective in-law not really the tribe.
In some cases self,some parents dont live long enough to defend thier daughters.
A woman once told me how the dad rejected the man she wants to marry because he is from Benue. After much pleading no result,she let the man go. She later got married in her late twenties from her state and just before she gave birth,the dad died.

Parents should also understand that not all daughters are lucky in having flow of many suitors.

ichidodo:
[b] Sorry if we don't buy into your idea of generalizations because first off we can confidently generalize that 21 century marriages are rife with instances of infidelity especially in Nigeria and on the part of men...Now factor in an intertribal marriage where communication disconnect is certain and the wife can get easily isolated by the simple method of switching languages in a family gathering of some sort then you have the episodes of benin women being naturally fiesty as the general defence mechanism against their randy men.Afterwhich you consider the motives of these men involved in intertribal marriages,are they looking for free licence to roam without the inquisitive glare of a benin wife??. Add these all to the general psyche of a lonely igbo woman with kids or pregnant far away from her comfort zone. This story looks familiar..Oh yes...shiningmama and mutter's...As for general socializing by both families,why do we have to travel 800 miles just to socialize with them or vice versa why can't we just 'branch' by the roadside to see our inlaws abi na only our daughter dey marry for nija??[/b]

You really dont like benin people.
See,it all depends on families anyway.
You guys should stop all these fear fear for your sister. If she is happy be happy for her.
I wont really know which part of benin your sister is married to. My man is from benin town. I was surprised when I visited. Igbos that are in benin is really uncountable. The market we bought things from are mainly occupied by Igbos,the very people I bought oranges and banana from were Igbos.
Thier mode of communication is English and broken but that does not mean they wont speak bini lang in family gatherings. She too can decide to learn their lang to fit in
I think you guys should have made a through check on your in-law than all these una fear fear.

MojAyo:
hello,pls can u link me to the ttc thread,cos I ve planned to finish my studies before another baby comes in

Are you having problems with conception? TTC= Trying to concieve.. Don't think you need the thread...

Herzumpther:
Can anybody be 100% PERFECT

She had read too many mills and boons stories and romantic movies that portray abstract as the real.


I guess she is still under the influence of "pregnancy hormone". When she delivers, her eyes will clear...

bellong:


She had read too many mills and boons stories and romantic movies that portray abstract as the real.


I guess she is still under the influence of "pregnancy hormone". When she delivers, her eyes will clear...

This pregnancy is a strong thing o. One thing that's scares life out of me.

Herzumpther:

This pregnancy is a strong thing o. One thing that's scares life out of me.

Don't worry, what you will exhibit may be entirely different. You probably would crave for "asun" by 1am...

bellong:



Don't worry, what you will exhibit may be entirely different. You probably would crave for "asun" by 1am...

1am? Is pregnancy that bad and stressful? well if its asun then I wouldn't mind sha.

The one I wouldn't want to do is begging for other people's food and not able to eat mine. My neighbor does it, for the past one month she has been eating from me, always complaining of not being able to eat her own food. I sometimes pity her sha.

Good morning everyone. Pls I need ur advice.
I have known my fiance for some yrs now and we plan settling down. One of the factors I love abt him is that he thinks ahead(a real goal-setter). Both families have given their consent to the extent that the traditional list has been given to them. The thing now is, we intend getting married as soon as possible(in April) in order to get things formal n avoid side talks...and also considering our spiritual positions.but when I mentioned it to my parents n he to his pple,they objected to it saying it's too impromptu. My parents are saying we have to "prepare well"(spending-wise) from our side and I think his pple are assuming he will "forget" abt them once he gets married(since he assists the family,though the last child).I am from Abia state and he is from Edo state.I am currently learning fashion designing while awaiting Nysc in May. I av tried convincing my parents I dnt want to wait but get married but they r thinking I am the one forcing the guy to marry me.N.B,I am d fourth child and 2nd daughter,none of my siblings are married yet. So most times I try to stand my grounds,they hush me and this is also making my fiance think am not ready to settle down with him yet. Yes,my parents(esp my mum) are disciplinarians. Pls,wat is required of me to prove to them I am ready to become a wife?

MercyMercy:
Good morning everyone. Pls I need ur advice.
I have known my fiance for some yrs now and we plan settling down. One of the factors I love abt him is that he thinks ahead(a real goal-setter). Both families have given their consent to the extent that the traditional list has been given to them. The thing now is, we intend getting married as soon as possible(in April) in order to get things formal n avoid side talks...and also considering our spiritual positions.but when I mentioned it to my parents n he to his pple,they objected to it saying it's too impromptu. My parents are saying we have to "prepare well"(spending-wise) from our side and I think his pple are assuming he will "forget" abt them once he gets married(since he assists the family,though the last child).I am from Abia state and he is from Edo state.I am currently learning fashion designing while awaiting Nysc in May. I av tried convincing my parents I dnt want to wait but get married but they r thinking I am the one forcing the guy to marry me.N.B,I am d fourth child and 2nd daughter,none of my siblings are married yet. So most times I try to stand my grounds,they hush me and this is also making my fiance think am not ready to settle down with him yet. Yes,my parents(esp my mum) are disciplinarians. Pls,wat is required of me to prove to them I am ready to become a wife?

I'm afraid there is really little you can do if they are paying for it.

You have no reason to be worried since both of you seems committed to the same goal.

jaybee3:


I'm afraid there is really little you can do if they are paying for it.

You have no reason to be worried since both of you seems committed to the same goal.

Thanks for ur honest reply. I tld my fiance I am taking things easy wit them considering the fact they are the ones bringing the money but he is not comfortable wit it. He is scared they would av a say in our affairs when we get married.

MercyMercy:

Thanks for ur honest reply. I tld my fiance I am taking things easy wit them considering the fact they are the ones bringing the money but he is not comfortable wit it. He is scared they would av a say in our affairs when we get married.

No they won't so long as you don't keep going back to them for favours.

jaybee3:

No they won't so long as you don't keep going back to them for favours.

Hmmmm. Ok. Thanks a lot.

MercyMercy:

Tell him to convince his people Once he is able to do that, he will come with his people to meet your parents. Convincing your parents will not be a task you need to do anymore.

MercyMercy:

Hmmmm. Ok. Thanks a lot.

you're welcome

Herzumpther:
1am? Is pregnancy that bad and stressful? well if its asun then I wouldn't mind sha.

The one I wouldn't want to do is begging for other people's food and not able to eat mine. My neighbor does it, for the past one month she has been eating from me, always complaining of not being able to eat her own food. I sometimes pity her sha.

It is not that bad.... Only an exaggeration.

However, different people with different experiences.... Get to read enough books, be prayerful, commit to exercise and you will have it easy.

When are you kick-starting the first process?

MercyMercy:
Good morning everyone. Pls I need ur advice.
I have known my fiance for some yrs now and we plan settling down. One of the factors I love abt him is that he thinks ahead(a real goal-setter). Both families have given their consent to the extent that the traditional list has been given to them. The thing now is, we intend getting married as soon as possible(in April) in order to get things formal n avoid side talks...and also considering our spiritual positions.but when I mentioned it to my parents n he to his pple,they objected to it saying it's too impromptu. My parents are saying we have to "prepare well"(spending-wise) from our side and I think his pple are assuming he will "forget" abt them once he gets married(since he assists the family,though the last child).I am from Abia state and he is from Edo state.I am currently learning fashion designing while awaiting Nysc in May. I av tried convincing my parents I dnt want to wait but get married but they r thinking I am the one forcing the guy to marry me.N.B,I am d fourth child and 2nd daughter,none of my siblings are married yet. So most times I try to stand my grounds,they hush me and this is also making my fiance think am not ready to settle down with him yet. Yes,my parents(esp my mum) are disciplinarians. Pls,wat is required of me to prove to them I am ready to become a wife?

What is your fiance saying about it? You both have to be on one boat. If you can convince him you are ready now, I believe his can also convince his parents. Let him know what you want.

bellong:


Tell him to convince his people Once he is able to do that, he will come with his people to meet your parents. Convincing your parents will not be a task you need to do anymore.

He is still on it,trying to convince them.
I was thinking I had a part to still play from my side...

MercyMercy:

He is still on it,trying to convince them.
I was thinking I had a part to still play from my side...

Your part will be made easier when he comes with his parents to ask for a date.

Richiy:


What is your fiance saying about it? You both have to be on one boat. If you can convince him you are ready now, I believe his can also convince his parents. Let him know what you want.

To be honest,both of us dnt want a loud wedding but my parents are looking at something big.asoebi,big hall,guests,etc.and we dnt av the money for 'unnecessary' spending now.I can't push all the expenses to my fiance.something has to come from my side too n since I dnt av any savings now,looking to my parents for contribution and unfortunately,they dnt av too much for now.

bellong:


Your part will be made easier when he comes with his parents to ask for a date.

Wouldn't it mean we are conforming to wat my parents av in mind of a big wedding?

MercyMercy:
Good morning everyone. Pls I need ur advice.
I have known my fiance for some yrs now and we plan settling down. One of the factors I love abt him is that he thinks ahead(a real goal-setter). Both families have given their consent to the extent that the traditional list has been given to them. The thing now is, we intend getting married as soon as possible(in April) in order to get things formal n avoid side talks...and also considering our spiritual positions.but when I mentioned it to my parents n he to his pple,they objected to it saying it's too impromptu. My parents are saying we have to "prepare well"(spending-wise) from our side and I think his pple are assuming he will "forget" abt them once he gets married(since he assists the family,though the last child).I am from Abia state and he is from Edo state.I am currently learning fashion designing while awaiting Nysc in May. I av tried convincing my parents I dnt want to wait but get married but they r thinking I am the one forcing the guy to marry me.N.B,I am d fourth child and 2nd daughter,none of my siblings are married yet. So most times I try to stand my grounds,they hush me and this is also making my fiance think am not ready to settle down with him yet. Yes,my parents(esp my mum) are disciplinarians. Pls,wat is required of me to prove to them I am ready to become a wife?

How old are you?
Do you have any savings or can you contribute anything to the ceremony/home today?
Does your man have a good job to sustain the both of you (since you would just be going for service)

I don't the see the hurry IMHO

Waiting for your answers

Thanks

MojAyo:
tanx my love,u knw men can be vry complicated,bt u can't say becos of dat ,u won't get married,becos society won't favour u at all with d stigma of a single old woman

And this is enough reason for you to tolerate abuse? Tell me, which is better? To be a dead Mrs? Or an alive "single old woman"?

MojAyo:
yeah,u make d right decision,bt be vry careful of d next man u allowed into ur life,men dis days re full of nonsense

Speak for yourself, honey.

The men in my life + the ones I know are nothing like what you've described.

Be bold enough to admit that due to fear, lack of self-confidence, and low esteem, you've sold yourself short with the mindset that physical abuse and domestic violence are the norm and should be expected in a marriage.

bukatyne:


How old are you?
Do you have any savings or can you contribute anything to the ceremony/home today?
Does your man have a good job to sustain the both of you (since you would just be going for service)

I don't the see the hurry IMHO

Waiting for your answers

Thanks

I am 24. I don't have any savings and yes,my fiance can carter for us

MojAyo:
dear,its like u knw my husband vry much,becos what u said here is synonymous to what he do,imagine,laughing with a guy infront of him,he will say me and d guy re into something together,he once slapped me becos of dis issue,bt I think I'm going to do all my best to make it work for my baby sake,nothing like a perfect relationship

Grin and bear eh? For how long? Till he puts you six feet under?

You're walking on eggshells, afraid to breathe around him and you console yourself with phrases such as, "nothing like a perfect relationship"? He's got you exactly where he wants and you don't even realise it, or that you're gradually fading into oblivion.

You'll soon be no different to a piece of furniture in your own home. Blending into the woodwork.

MercyMercy:

I am 24. I don't have any savings and yes,my fiance can carter for us

You are still very young.

Why can't you both wait a year?

That way you would have gotten some savings (upto N100K if not more) and you would be able to contribute to building your new home in addition to whatever your parents can afford.

It would also help your parents prepare more for the wedding (You are the first child getting married and they want it to be 'big'). Both parents support your marriage, it is just the timing that is an issue to them.

bukatyne:


You are still very young.

Why can't you both wait a year?

Konji na bastard...

bellong:


Konji na bastard...

Pastor Bellong

prissyluv:

Wow. Your fellowship president tried ooo even with an accident. Just this few months has drained me already.
I agree with you on the last paragraph madam buka. I am seeing that in my peoples reasons. God is my strength sha.
Thanks alot

Amen dear

Hold on...

When you remember that marriage is ideally for a lifetime, a wait of 1 - 2yrs becomes 'short'

babyosisi:


Some here are actually children who still collect pocket money especially the loud mouthed ones
Many are still trying to scale WAEC

LOLs

trendiitee:
ive been following dis thread closely and I must confess it has really blessed me a lot.


babyosisi, bukatyne, cococandy, efemenaxy. a big Weldone to you all. may God continue to uphold ur homes.

Amen, thanks

God be with you too