The most important is to pray about it

babyosisi:


Give him the benefit of the doubt,he may be telling the truth
Does this girl live in the same country he travelled to?

Yes, the girl lives there.

GlorifiedTunde:


There! You answered your question already @ bolded. In as much as it is good to keep your relationship at all cost, don't lower your self esteem. Most ladies have been emotionally damaged because they insist on loving a guy who won't love them back equally. I'm of the opinion that one should only fight for a lover whom you're already married too. A lady is as important as a guy in relationships. If he valued you and all you have done, he shouldn't have reasons getting another. Real men don't dump quality girls.

Just let him go already and save yourself from imminent emotional breakdown

But again that text may not have come from him

Herzumpther:
My sister after reading her Post I became scared of even getting getting married or pushing my own ish forward.

See that of Sunshinny That got me thinking really bad, I can't even have dinner.

Am surprised none of the two people she directed the question to have replied. Or have they?

delightful1:

Yes, the girl lives there.

Hmm
I was thinking maybe a room mate playing pranks
Then ask him point blank if they are dating ,seeing one another and who sent the text?
Who he suspects sent the text
It came from his phone so It must be from someone with close access and familiarity
Your first hunch is usually right

Like the other poster said,this man is not your husband if you feel strongly about this,you can back out and move on
This is the best time

GlorifiedTunde:


There! You answered your question already @ bolded. In as much as it is good to keep your relationship at all cost, don't lower your self esteem. Most ladies have been emotionally damaged because they insist on loving a guy who won't love them back equally. I'm of the opinion that one should only fight for a lover whom you're already married too. A lady is as important as a guy in relationships. If he valued you and all you have done, he shouldn't have reasons getting another. Real men don't dump quality girls.

Just let him go already and save yourself from imminent emotional breakdown

My intention is not to fight for the relationship. For some weird reasons, I just feel like talking with him and at least know Why he did what he did. I don't know Why I feel there's a need to 'talk.'

babyosisi:


Hmm
I was thinking maybe a room mate playing pranks
Then ask him point blank if they are dating ,seeing one another and who sent the text?
Who he suspects sent the text
It came from his phone so It must be from someone with close access and familiarity
Your first hunch is usually right

Like the other poster said,this man is not your husband if you feel strongly about this,you can back out and move on

I don't think its matters at this point,the guy obviously does not want to go ahead with the relationship.Se needs to move on and stop any communication with him.

Even if it's the mutual friend who is now her ex's girl friend,he will still deny it.

possible that the girl sent you the message.

Now how serious is his relationship with this girl?
I will never give a man who has another girl in his life a chance. But that's just me.


counting on him to come back soon and do right by you may be a mistake on your part.
Nobody really knows how these things work.

He may wiggle back into your heart and make you believe all will be well only for you to spend the next 5yrs waiting for him to come back meanwhile he will be giving you myriads of excuses.

If you see someone better,pls move on

delightful1:
Been following silently and I must commend all the ma'ams on this thread for the encouragement, advice and lessons. Babyosisi, EfemenaXy, Cococandy, edwife, mutter, bukatyne, moca, kimoni and every other person, well done.

I have a complicated issue, single at the moment tho. Like three years ago, I was dating this Igbo guy. We were so in love and nothing else mattered. He was into fashion designing and was also a goalkeeper for a club then.

On the 1st of January 2012, he came to my house and asked that I marry him. He told my mum too. Didn't give him a definite answer but I was happy. Mum liked him too, he was irresistibly likable.

He had to travel out of the country in search of 'greener pastures', he wanted to go international with his football career. I was there for him, gave him all the support he needed before traveling. Months passed and no call or text from him, eventually, he sent me a text after five months or so. I would spend lots of money to buy airtime so I could talk with him, we would exchange sms and mails. Things were not rosy and there was a time I even sent him some money.

A year and few months later things changed, he began finding faults and making excuses for his annoying behavior. Little did I know he was already planning for me. He just sent me a message saying I shouldn't bother to wait for him if I'm getting impatient and he also said some religious stuffs about being a changed person. And I was like 'now I'm a devil?', I was shocked but didn't argue with him too much. Gradually, I became less bothered about the whole thing, not because I didn't love him but I didn't want to beg for his love, I don't have to or so I thought. I wanted to give him some space to see if things would change.

Recently I got a message from him asking what happened to our love, said he misses me and would like to talk. Time came to talk and he feigned ignorant of the whole message, he said he didn't send the message that he has no record of the message sef. Sent him a screenshot and he said maybe someone did. It was then I knew he now has a girlfriend who in fact is our mutual friend on Facebook. The girl used to ask me too many questions about my relationship,like she cared.

My question is, should I just let go like we never existed? I feel like I at least deserve to know Why he did all that to me. God knows I loved him with all my heart.

babyosisi:


But again that text may not have come from him

Girl, that's possible. But again, how do you explain the "no calls"?

If he had been trying to communicate with you well enough, you both would have caught the lady playing pranks.

Well like babyosisi said - confront him about it. Ask him boldly if he's seeing anyone. If he says its complicated - sister pack your things and leave!

babyosisi:


Hmm
I was thinking maybe a room mate playing pranks
Then ask him point blank if they are dating ,seeing one another and who sent the text?
Who he suspects sent the text
It came from his phone so It must be from someone with close access and familiarity
Your first hunch is usually right

Like the other poster said,this man is not your husband if you feel strongly about this,you can back out and move on
This is the best time

Thanks for the response so far, It's good having people to tell this and hear their opinion as it has been bothering me for a while now.

I asked if it was his girlfriend and he said she can't be the one, because, she was miles away then. I strongly suspect It's him cos of the familiarity in the post, the style of writing and all, but he outrightly denied it.

babyosisi:


Go ahead and give your update please.i am dying to know how things went

So I decided to see him as you all advised me to. I called him in the morning and immediately he picked said ,"Herz what ever it is we can work it out. Have I offended you this much? I said no and he asked we meet at any place of my choice and I chose a field not too far from my house........we eventually met by 2.

cococandy:
possible that the girl sent you the message.

Now how serious is his relationship with this girl?
I will never give a man who has another girl in his life a chance. But that's just me.


counting on him to come back soon and do right by you may be a mistake on your part.
Nobody really knows how these things work.

He may wiggle back into your heart and make you believe all will be well only for you to spend the next 5yrs waiting for him to come back meanwhile he will be giving you myriads of excuses.

If you see someone better,pls move on

Any girl that has a fiancé going to Obodo Oyibo will wait an average of 5 years minimum to get here
I wish I could write this on a bill board
Even if he gets a green card same day he steps in it ( which is hardly the case) he will take about 3-5 to get citizenship

delightful1:

My intention is not to fight for the relationship. For some weird reasons, I just feel like talking with him and at least know Why he did what he did. I don't know Why I feel there's a need to 'talk.'

Lol that's like waiting for the lotto.

Guys never actually say why they mess up. Except he caught you cheating and tells you to your face that's why he doesn't want to go ahead anymore,the average guy will never be straight forward about why his attitude is changing.

He may feign ignorance at best.
You go tire to wait for answer.

Just move on already.

moca:

And she believed that?

I dont either. My husband called him this evening but he claimed he is moving to another country soon and he is coming to pick his wife. Even claiming legal action if the baby is aborted

Herzumpther:
So I decided to see him as you all advised me to. I called him in the morning and immediately he picked said ,"Herz what ever it is we can work it out. Have I offended you this much? I said no and he asked we meet at any place of my choice and I chose a field not too far from my house........we eventually met by 2.

And...

FOREXMARTS:


Am surprised none of the two people she directed the question to have replied. Or have they?

Yes they have.

Amuga:
I dont either. My husband called him this evening but he claimed he is moving to another country soon and he is coming to pick his wife. Even claiming legal action if the baby is aborted

419 husband

I know a girl that waited 5 years and eventually married someone else
Another 6 years,shame no gree her return to Owerri,she was stuck in Lagos waiting
I know another that has two kids still waiting
Another 3 kids and later died in a car accident in naija never came here
There are tons of similar stories

delightful1:

My intention is not to fight for the relationship. For some weird reasons, I just feel like talking with him and at least know Why he did what he did. I don't know Why I feel there's a need to 'talk.'

You need to move on ! Why if the girl did that to let you know that they are dating and you are dancing to her tune.Leave them alone and carry on with life,it is not easy to break up with someone you once love but it is necessary for your sanity in order for you to have a life.

Relationships are broken,and count this as one of them.Please stop looking for his attention,you don't need this at this point.

Use the dignity left and break any liaison you have with him.

delightful1:

Thanks for the response so far, It's good having people to tell this and hear their opinion as it has been bothering me for a while now.

I asked if it was his girlfriend and he said she can't be the one, because, she was miles away then. I strongly suspect It's him cos of the familiarity in the post, the style of writing and all, but he outrightly denied it.

So what do you want to do? You wanna speak with him I guess. Well that's OK.

But know this, if he's not denying he still has a girlfriend somewhere, and also cannot trace the sender of those messages, call it quit babe.

I know its gonna be hard for you, especially considering your contributions to where he is today, but you may have to let go. don't sink trying to fall for a floating guy.

babyosisi:


Any girl that has a fiancé going to Obodo Oyibo will wait an average of 5 years minimum to get here
I wish I could write this on a bill board
Even if he gets a green card same day he steps in it ( which is hardly the case) he will take about 3-5 to get citizenship

there's this saying that the lady who went to see him off to the airport will hardly be the same he goes to receive at the airport on his own end.
Very true.

Amuga:
I dont either. My husband called him this evening but he claimed he is moving to another country soon and he is coming to pick his wife. Even claiming legal action if the baby is aborted

choi.

All to seem serious?

chisom101:
Pls Anty babyosisi,I saw this massage in my husband phone last week my eyes have seen my ear,been crying since then .see the message below.

(My dalin how are u,start comin I miss ur hot dick can't wait to suck ur lovely dick ,this time I will cum inside ur mouth , ur tongue can do a lot of wonders, I want u to suck my pussy like never before. then I will Bleep u till u cum.am wet pls start comin)

I'm trying hard not to laugh, this isn't meant to be funny. . . . .

queensmith:


I'm trying hard not to laugh, this isn't meant to be funny. . . . .

Better tell her to first breathe in and out. She needs to relax at all cost first

cococandy:
choi.

All to seem serious?

Just imagine... i am really not happy and my hubby have warned me against hitting her. I just feel like slapping her every secound

Goodevening everyone here, i av bin following up on this thread and i find it particularly interesting and expository. I need help on this issue....I'm in a relationship with a guy i met around august last yr....we've bin friends for a while now but communications have mostly being on phone. At first, I enjoyed the chats and calls but i later noticed some little things about him that i dont really like.....am more of an exposed person than him....from his igbotic voice to how he walks nd how he comments on some issues, i really dont appreciate. I understand that there's alot to give up for a rlship or marriage but now i feel that am going to have to teach him or complain abt many things abt him and he is already seeing me as one who is hard on him even tho he claims he is open to learning.....as at now....we quarel over little statements and all dat..my question is that, are all these normal when two persons are getting to know eachoda? ofcos he plans on getting marrid

babyosisi:


And...

And I told him everything. I told him dad has said I he won't let me marry him......I told him the way it is. He was speechless for over an hour before asking if I've given up already that made me run away the other day and I said no. He blamed me for not opening up all this while and said its alright. He said he will be coming to see my dad on Sunday and he just kept encouraging me not to give up on us, everything will be fine and one day we will look at today and laugh. Even though I was seeing the confusion/sadness in his eyes, he didn't want me to notice..........as usual he gave me the ice cream he bought for me before asking me to at leat collect the ring but I told him to wait till dad agrees.



Please he wants to come on Sunday o, should he come or wait a bit...dad.....I'm already scared of dad's reaction.

Should I talk to dad again before Sunday? I don't want to offend my dad.

Chipeculiar:
Goodevening everyone here, i av bin following up on this thread and i find it particularly interesting and expository. I need help on this issue....I'm in a relationship with a guy i met around august last yr....we've bin friends for a while now but communications have mostly being on phone. At first, I enjoyed the chats and calls but i later noticed some little things about him that i dont really like.....am more of an exposed person than him....from his igbotic voice to how he walks nd how he comments on some issues, i really dont appreciate. I understand that there's alot to give up for a rlship or marriage but now i feel that am going to have to teach him or complain abt many things abt him and he is already seeing me as one who is hard on him even tho he claims he is open to learning.....as at now....we quarel over little statements and all dat..my question is that, are all these normal when two persons are getting to know eachoda? ofcos he plans on getting marrid

Is the bolded still so? How much physical contacts have you made and how frequently?

cococandy:
possible that the girl sent you the message.

Now how serious is his relationship with this girl?
I will never give a man who has another girl in his life a chance. But that's just me.


counting on him to come back soon and do right by you may be a mistake on your part.
Nobody really knows how these things work.

He may wiggle back into your heart and make you believe all will be well only for you to spend the next 5yrs waiting for him to come back meanwhile he will be giving you myriads of excuses.

If you see someone better,pls move on

I don't know how serious their relationship is but that doesn't even matter to me. Like I said, I'm not intending to fight for the relationship cos there's clearly nothing to fight for. Considering all that has happened, fighting for it will be foolishness on my part. He clearly isn't worth it (even though I love him).

I just wanted to know if It's right to want to have a talk with him, at least let me have/get the reason why we are breaking up? Weird? I just feel like venting cos all the while I never said anything about it.

edwife:


You need to move on ! Why if the girl did that to let you know that they are dating and you are dancing to her tune.Leave them alone and carry on with life,it is not easy to break up with someone you once love but it is necessary for your sanity in order for you to have a life.

Relationships are broken,and count this as one of them.Please stop looking for his attention,you don't need this at this point.

Use the dignity left and break any liaison you have with him.

Thanks for this, I guess my desire to talk with him is as a result of the bitterness in my heart. I wonder why I am feeling that now after I have moved on for more than a year now.

delightful1:

Thanks for this, I guess my desire to talk with him is as a result of the bitterness in my heart. I wonder why I am feeling that now after I have moved on for more than a year now.

That's probably because you received a text from him which might have rekindle whatever feeling left in you,then you find out that he must have broke up with you because of the mutual friend.
It will pass,just keep yourself busy....

Delightful1,no be when he spell it out u go know say he has moved on.

Most guys won't ever tell u they hv moved on especially if u also contributed to their success.

What r u talking with him for?
Save ur face and dignity joor.
Don't ever let him see ur downcast face.
If it's me,i for don gbaa ya booth long time ago.
There is never a one Mr Right for every woman. The way men see and fall in lv with one or two at a time also apply to ladies.
That's why they can marry more than one.
So u can zero ur mind on one side and open it again on d other side. That side might even be d best.
Wish that ladies know this.

delightful1:

I don't know how serious their relationship is but that doesn't even matter to me. Like I said, I'm not intending to fight for the relationship cos there's clearly nothing to fight for. Considering all that has happened, fighting for it will be foolishness on my part. He clearly isn't worth it (even though I love him).

I just wanted to know if It's right to want to have a talk with him, at least let me have/get the reason why we are breaking up? Weird? I just feel like venting cos all the while I never said anything about it.

I think you should still discuss it with him.However,have it at the back of your mind that he might not be sincere with you.Being abroad and having a fiance in Naija can get complicated except you are very disciplined.