Amuga:
Just imagine... i am really not happy and my hubby have warned me against hitting her. I just feel like slapping her every secound

No need hitting her.I'm sure she's an adult and has made her choice.She will live with the consequences whichever way it turns out.

delightful1:

Thanks for this, I guess my desire to talk with him is as a result of the bitterness in my heart. I wonder why I am feeling that now after I have moved on for more than a year now.

You should listen to these ladies. Somehow, when there's a breakup, ladies wanna ask why, they wanna talk and know what happened. This to me can be dangerous though - because useless guys know how yo capitalize on this softness of ladies.

My advice is to try not to see him on a second thought. Reason is because you still have feelings for him and I know you know it. Seeing him eye to eye may make unwanted flames come up. He's probably gonna feel sorry for you, but that doesn't mean he will be faithful to you ever.

babyosisi:


I don't want you to think of leaving yet
Let us see if this marriage can be salvaged
Are you still having intimacy with him?
How is his behavior towards you?
Are you working?
Any physical abuse?
Does he leave home and disappear?

for now,no intimacy b/can afraid of HIV or any stds
His behavior towards me is very bad,let me tell u the truth he don't love me simple
I have my own shop ,but also in school
No he has never hit me before b/c he know my family will not take that.

T3Amo:
My boyfriend .... since he knows that I will not be as comfy in Naija then he is willing to come this side ....

Herzumpther:
And I told him everything. I told him dad has said I he won't let me marry him......I told him the way it is. He was speechless for over an hour before asking if I've given up already that made me run away the other day and I said no. He blamed me for not opening up all this while and said its alright. He said he will be coming to see my dad on Sunday and he just kept encouraging me not to give up on us, everything will be fine and one day we will look at today and laugh. Even though I was seeing the confusion/sadness in his eyes, he didn't want me to notice..........as usual he gave me the ice cream he bought for me before asking me to at leat collect the ring but I told him to wait till dad agrees.



Please he wants to come on Sunday o, should he come or wait a bit...dad.....I'm already scared of dad's reaction.

Should I talk to dad again before Sunday? I don't want to offend my dad.

Your dad will be angry but no matter what,the issue will be resolved at the end.Brace yourself for your dad's anger but it will fizzle eventually.
Your fiance should meet with your dad.Let him know he might not be well received at first but he's got to be a man meeting another man.He should leave a good impression too.
I have the feeling it will turn out well at the end.

thorpido:
Your dad will be angry but no matter what,the issue will be resolved at the end.Brace yourself for your dad's anger but it will fizzle eventually.
Your fiance should meet with your dad.Let him know he might not be well received at first but he's got to be a man meeting another man.He should leave a good impression too.
I have the feeling it will turn out well at the end.

Do you think he should just wait a bit? Maybe when he returns from his trip in April as hr intends traveling next week? Do you think my dad will be disappointed in me if he should come? I mean on Sunday? Do you think I should talk to dad again? The thing is I'm scared, maybe I should wait a bit.

Chipeculiar:
Goodevening everyone here, i av bin following up on this thread and i find it particularly interesting and expository. I need help on this issue....I'm in a relationship with a guy i met around august last yr....we've bin friends for a while now but communications have mostly being on phone. At first, I enjoyed the chats and calls but i later noticed some little things about him that i dont really like.....am more of an exposed person than him....from his igbotic voice to how he walks nd how he comments on some issues, i really dont appreciate. I understand that there's alot to give up for a rlship or marriage but now i feel that am going to have to teach him or complain abt many things abt him and he is already seeing me as one who is hard on him even tho he claims he is open to learning.....as at now....we quarel over little statements and all dat..my question is that, are all these normal when two persons are getting to know eachoda? ofcos he plans on getting marrid

Are you Igbo too?Is your communication still mostly on the phone?

Herzumpther:
Do you think he should just wait a bit? Maybe when he returns from his trip in April as hr intends traveling next week? Do you think my dad will be disappointed in me if he should come? I mean on Sunday? Do you think I should talk to dad again? The thing is I'm scared, maybe I should wait a bit.

Your dad might be angry or disappointed but I believe his anger or disappointment will fizzle out.

What do you do presently?I can't remember if you mentioned it.

GlorifiedTunde:

Is the bolded still so? How much physical contacts have you made and how frequently?

we see mostly on weekends...its just abt few hrs to talk....datz an issue 'cos i dnt knw hw he can physically react to issues....and because of our denomination, we are nt allowd to be too close(even to hold eachothers hands is nt allowd)

thorpido:
Your dad might be angry or disappointed but I believe his anger or disappointment will fizzle out.

What do you do presently?I can't remember if you mentioned it.

I'm presently serving.

Maybe we should wait a bit.

thorpido:
Are you Igbo too?Is your communication still mostly on the phone?

mostly yes..bt we see on weekends mostly. am an igbo but grew up in yoruba land

Chipeculiar:


we see mostly on weekends...its just abt few hrs to talk....datz an issue 'cos i dnt knw hw he can physically react to issues....and because of our denomination, we are nt allowd to be too close(even to hold eachothers hands is nt allowd)

What denomination? You need to know how he really reacts to issues. You shouldn't even be talking about marriage yet. You need to understand a lot about each other. Even eye contact is necessary, you need to read him, he needs to read you.

Dunno about these doctrines that hinder proper knowledge about each other.

Herzumpther:
I'm presently serving.

Okay,I just wanted to know that you are not a student and in a good position to have a man visit your home.Let him meet with your dad now.Don't worry about your fear.You guys won't be the first in this kind of situation.You can just tell your dad you will be having a visitor.

delightful1:

Thanks for the response so far, It's good having people to tell this and hear their opinion as it has been bothering me for a while now.

I asked if it was his girlfriend and he said she can't be the one, because, she was miles away then. I strongly suspect It's him cos of the familiarity in the post, the style of writing and all, but he outrightly denied it.

He even agrees he has a girlfriend
It is already over then

thorpido:
Okay,I just wanted to know that you are not a student and in a good position to have a man visit your home.Let him meet with your dad now.Don't worry about your fear.You guys won't be the first in this kind of situation.You can just tell your dad you will be having a visitor.

I am expecting a visitor or .......but he is not coming to see me. I'm not sure I will want to be at home when he comes, I will just stay in church.

Chipeculiar:



mostly yes..bt we see on weekends mostly. am an igbo but grew up in yoruba land

There are people who say they can't marry someone with a deep accent and they walk from such relationships.
You will have to ask yourself if it is something you can live with.
Apart from the constant arguments,how is his character?
I think you both need to know how to have discussions and listen more rather than just reacting.

Herzumpther:
I am expecting a visitor or .......but he is not coming to see me. I'm not sure I will want to be at home when he comes, I will just stay in church.

Be at home.When he comes,introduce him to your dad as your friend.

Herzumpther:
Do you think he should just wait a bit? Maybe when he returns from his trip in April as hr intends traveling next week? Do you think my dad will be disappointed in me if he should come? I mean on Sunday? Do you think I should talk to dad again? The thing is I'm scared, maybe I should wait a bit.

Herz, good move.

I just thought of something now. Can you write a letter to your your dad? Pour out your heart to him in that letter. Start by telling him how much you love and respect him and will never want to offend him as he is ur hero bla bla

Then tell him the hood qualities of this guy and how you much you believe he will make him(your dad) happy by taking care of you. Be detailed about his good qualities. You have sold the guy to everyone here with a few lines, write much more in the letter and sell him to your dad.

Lastly, beg him for a chance to at least meet with the guy on Sunday and let the guy prove himself to him.

I won't want a situation where the guy will bump into your dad on Sunday and things will get very nasty. This might just deter the guy, to stay away completely, not because he doesn't love you but because he loves you enough not to be a stumbling block between you and your dad. He will rather live with the pain of losing you than cause trouble in your family.

Some guys are like that and I will probably do the same too.

All the best love.

Herzumpther:
And I told him everything. I told him dad has said I he won't let me marry him......I told him the way it is. He was speechless for over an hour before asking if I've given up already that made me run away the other day and I said no. He blamed me for not opening up all this while and said its alright. He said he will be coming to see my dad on Sunday and he just kept encouraging me not to give up on us, everything will be fine and one day we will look at today and laugh. Even though I was seeing the confusion/sadness in his eyes, he didn't want me to notice..........as usual he gave me the ice cream he bought for me before asking me to at leat collect the ring but I told him to wait till dad agrees.



Please he wants to come on Sunday o, should he come or wait a bit...dad.....I'm already scared of dad's reaction.

Should I talk to dad again before Sunday? I don't want to offend my dad.

Talk to your dad first Prepare the ground well by telling your father about this man,how responsible he is how respectful,about his family his faith etc
Sell the man to your dad as it were But he should still come whether your dad is ok with it or not but let the man know the exact picture,that he may not be well received.Your dad may feel offended if he insists the man should not come and he comes
There is also a chance he will see how serious you are about this man if he comes
I think it is time you take the bull by the horns,you are a big girl now
Your dad loves you greatly,tell him you have never disobeyed him and you are very sorry if he feels offended by this action but that you just wanted him to meet Lekan face to face and get to know him and that you know he wants the best for you.Stroke his fatherly ego .

Just assure your bobo your dad may not receive him well but that you love him and will work to make this happen
Tell your mother to do some behind the scenes pleading on your behalf too
Mothers are usually easier to appeal to

Herzumpther:
I am expecting a visitor or .......but he is not coming to see me. I'm not sure I will want to be at home when he comes, I will just stay in church.

Hehehehhehe

This my babe sef, you too funny. Where are you running to? Why will you want to stay away in church?

You should be in your room skabasshing while the talk is going on.

You will most likely not be present during the discussion actually.

Kimoni:


Herz, good move.

I just thought of something now. Can you write a letter to your your dad? Pour out your heart to him in that letter. Start by telling him how much you love and respect him and will never want to offend him as he is ur hero bla bla

Then tell him the hood qualities of this guy and how you much you believe he will make him(your dad) happy by taking care of you. Be detailed about his good qualities. You have sold the guy to everyone here with a few lines, write much more in the letter and sell him to your dad.

Lastly, beg him for a chance to at least meet with the guy on Sunday and let the guy prove himself to him.

I won't want a situation where the guy will bump into your dad on Sunday and things will get very nasty. This might just deter the guy, to stay away completely, not because he doesn't love you but because he loves you enough not to be a stumbling block between you and your dad. He will rather live with the pain of losing you than cause trouble in your family.

Some guys are like that and I will probably do the same too.

All the best love.

I didn't even think of this. I will write it tonigh then put it in his car.I'm sure he will see it tomorrow on his way to work.

Thank you so much.

babyosisi:


Talk to your dad first Prepare the ground well by telling your father about this man,how responsible he is how respectful,about his family his faith etc
Sell the man to your dad as it were But he should still come whether your dad is ok with it or not but let the man know the exact picture,that he may not be well received.Your dad may feel offended if he insists the man should not come and he comes
There is also a chance he will see how serious you are about this man if he comes
I think it is time you take the bull by the horns,you are a big girl now
Your dad loves you greatly,tell him you have never disobeyed him and you are very sorry if he feels offended by this action but that you just wanted him to meet Lekan face to face and get to know him and that you know he wants the best for you.Stroke his fatherly ego .

Just assure your bobo your dad may not receive him well but that you love him and will work to make this happen
Tell your mother to do some behind the scenes pleading on your behalf too
Mothers are usually easier to appeal to

Okey. Thanks a lot ma'am.

Hmmm okey. Then I will have to cook him catfish pepper soup, he listens to me very well and he is always happy when ever I cook him pepper soup.

chisom101:
for now,no intimacy b/can afraid of HIV or any stds
His behavior towards me is very bad,let me tell u the truth he don't love me simple
I have my own shop ,but also in school
No he has never hit me before b/c he know my family will not take that.

Do you have that text and other texts forwarded to your phone
You need it because he will deny it when asked and brand you a crazy woman
If he checks your phone,forward it to your mother's phone

Kimoni:


Hehehehhehe

This my babe sef, you too funny. Where are you running to? Why will you want to stay away in church?

You should be in your room skabasshing while the talk is going on.

You will most likely not be present during the discussion actually.

Yes I wouldn't want to be present. I might faint out of fear.

Herzumpther:
Okey. Thanks a lot ma'am.

Hmmm okey. Then I will have to cook him catfish pepper soup, he listens to me very well and he is always happy when ever I cook him pepper soup.

Yes
Have this discussion when he is in an excellent mood.start very apologetically and then lay out your points
You must project this man as the best man out there
This may just melt his heart and he will agree to see the man even if reluctantly,that will be good

Herzumpther:
Yes I wouldn't want to be present. I might faint out of fear.

You must be there o
You can't be absent,incase your father decides to bring out his shotgun
Your presence will make him leave it in the holster

babyosisi:


Yes
Have this discussion when he is in an excellent mood.start very apologetically and then lay out your points
You must project this man as the best man out there
This may just melt his heart and he will agree to see the man even if reluctantly,that will be good

Awwww...body don dey sweet me already.

babyosisi:


You must be there o
You can't be absent,incase your father decides to bring out his shotgun
Your presence will make him leave it in the holster

As forceman concern!

babyosisi:


You must be there o
You can't be absent,incase your father decides to bring out his shotgun
Your presence will make him leave it in the holster

Hahahahaha. Dad is not that harsh. The highest he will do is tell him to go and he will hear from from me or the him peaceful to go and never return but dad will finish him with questions, that I'm sure of.

Amuga:
Just imagine... i am really not happy and my hubby have warned me against hitting her. I just feel like slapping her every secound

What she needs is your love and support not abuse

Herzumpther:
Hahahahaha. Dad is not that harsh. The highest he will do is tell him to go and he will hear from from me or the him peaceful to go and never return but dad will finish him with questions, that I'm sure of.

I was joking
Go in there with him and after you serve them drinks and fried fish
You disappear and allow them to talk

Chipeculiar:
Goodevening everyone here, i av bin following up on this thread and i find it particularly interesting and expository. I need help on this issue....I'm in a relationship with a guy i met around august last yr....we've bin friends for a while now but communications have mostly being on phone. At first, I enjoyed the chats and calls but i later noticed some little things about him that i dont really like.....am more of an exposed person than him....from his igbotic voice to how he walks nd how he comments on some issues, i really dont appreciate. I understand that there's alot to give up for a rlship or marriage but now i feel that am going to have to teach him or complain abt many things abt him and he is already seeing me as one who is hard on him even tho he claims he is open to learning.....as at now....we quarel over little statements and all dat..my question is that, are all these normal when two persons are getting to know eachoda? ofcos he plans on getting marrid

I don't see any thing loving about this man in your eyes
The burden seems heavy and yoke hard at this early stage
He will be good for someone else not you