babyosisi:

Contd
Loverboy wanted Njide and she knew it,she could see it in his eyes when they talked and laughed in the living room,she had been in love many times and can read the eyes of a man smitten.
As she lay on the bed,she thought about her fiance Okey who was away in Kaduna working in a bank.Six months ago she had kissed him goodbye but unbeknown to Okey,her love for him was fading and faded and she hadn't the courage to tell him.
Then suddenly the door opened and in came loverboy she adjusted herself on the bed and he sat beside her,looked deep into her eyes,she smiled,he leaned over and kissed her on the lips,she responded well then he held her very close to his chest then kissed her on the forehead,on her neck,he nibbled gently at her right ear and caressed her ample bosoms and said in the most soothing voice that he loved her from the first day he set his eyes on her.
Njide's heart raced,she wanted him to stop,for 2 years she had been celibate,keeping herself for marriage,but today her flesh had won over the desires of her Spirit .
As the morning lights shone through the windows,she got up,took a shower,dressed up,loverboy walked her to the end of the street,hailed down a cab and she waved him goodbye.
That was the beginning of their love affair.
Theirs was the sort of romance you read in story books.The passion could be cut with a knife
Loverboy was determined to make Njide his wife and in a few short weeks it was clear to all that they had become an item.She had a key to his flat,came and went when she pleased,her picture graced his nightstand so it didn't come as a surprise one afternoon when he popped the question in the most ordinary way.
It was a Saturday morning barely 6 weeks after their first date, the sun was shinning brightly,Njide had come by with a bag of groceries to cook some soup and stew when she met loverboy handwashing his clothes in the backyard.
He looked up,quite delighted by her presence and greeted her with a hug.
Njide dropped her bags on the floor and sat on the railing close by while they chatted and laughed.
He had on a pair of boxers, blue and white stripped boxers and a white T shirt.
Then in the middle of a story as she talked and gesticulated in her usual manner,
he looked up at her and said "Njide,I would like to marry you"
Njide laughed and pulled his leg a little by saying No,adding that he couldn't be serious.
From the first date,it was apparent to her that loverboy wanted her for a life partner,all his plans and conversations after that seemed to include her, so the "formal" proposal was not at all a surprise.Even if he'd never said those words,she wouldn't be shocked if he'd just gone ahead and fixed a wedding date.
That was how sure things were.

Ah!

So he married her eventually. Nice one. For a moment there, I thought he was going to dump her after having his "wicked" way with her.

Yep, I see the moral of your story. It's important to have that chemistry at the beginning so that when things get tough later one, the couple will have that as one of their solid foundations to fall back on, and see them ride through the rough waves.

Nice one, Osisi.

chisom101:
Anty we are suffering.

Ndo o
Be strong

EfemenaXY:


Ah!

So he married her eventually. Nice one. For a moment there, I thought he was going to dump her after having his "wicked" way with her.

Yep, I see the moral of your story. It's important to have that chemistry at the beginning so that when things get tough later one, the couple will have that as one of their solid foundations to fall back on, and see them ride through the rough waves.

Nice one, Osisi.

Yes
I am njide and that is my true life story
We talk about it still from time to time and he always says thank God for that heavy rain
When the rough times come I always remember how we started and the passion and we try to rekindle that because we started well.
The love notes,the letters,the cards,the trips,dinners,planning on our future,picking out names for the children to come
So you see why I cannot understand getting married without passion
It won't work for me
I have to be madly and hopelessly in love first ,maybe by my nature

babyosisi:


Yes
I am njide and that is my true life story
We talk about it still from time to time and he always says thank God for that heavy rain
When the rough times came I always remember how we started and the passion and we try to rekindle that because we started well.
The love notes,the letters,the cards,the trips,dinners,planning on our future,picking out names for the children to come
So you see why I cannot understand getting married without passion

Osisi!

What a fairy-tale, Mills & Boon experience you had!

Yep, I so get you on all you've written. But does that sort of passion ever fizzle out? I doubt it. It might be smothered a bit with life's events (children, jobs, bills, family life, etc) and there are times you'll almost want to strangle him (okay, not literally before someone takes this out of context), but at the end of the day, because the foundation was / is solid, you'll always find your way back.

Make up time after disagreements is always the best. Like a bomb.

EfemenaXY:


Osisi!

What a fairy-tale, Mills & Boon experience you had!

Yep, I so get you on all you've written. But does that sort of passion ever fizzle out? I doubt it. It might be smothered a bit with life's events (children, jobs, bills, family life, etc) and there are times you'll almost want to strangle him (okay, not literally before someone takes this out of context), but at the end of the day, because the foundation was / is solid, you'll always find your way back.

Make up time after disagreements is always the best. Like a bomb.

And boy,have I had those near strangle moments
Hahahahaha

Like Ujujoan,I believe in being sure your hubby is the will of God for you but I also believe that will of God must also be someone you are very attracted to.
How do I know my husband was God's will
When we met,he had backslidden a little from faith and I told him I wanted to please God and didn't want to live in sin
He joined a local full gospel business men's fellowship and rededicated his life
One day a guest preacher came and during prayers he said there was a young man there in love with a young woman and that unbeknown to him,he has an uncle that is preventing the trado stuff from progressing and that God was taking care of that.we found out his uncle wanted him to marry a girl from their hometown and wouldn't consent.after that word of knowledge,his people went to see my folks.
I won't lie we fell many many times because the chemistry was too much between us
We actually had to go to the court to marry without telling anyone ,way before the trado so we would stop feeling guilty

I'm a child at heart and i don't really comment on threads like this..... But as a guy at my age... going through this page, I've learned a lot, like a whole effing lot. God bless you guys real good.

Awww

babyosisi:


Yes
I am njide and that is my true life story
We talk about it still from time to time and he always says thank God for that heavy rain
When the rough times come I always remember how we started and the passion and we try to rekindle that because we started well.
The love notes,the letters,the cards,the trips,dinners,planning on our future,picking out names for the children to come
So you see why I cannot understand getting married without passion
It won't work for me
I have to be madly and hopelessly in love first ,maybe by my nature

babyosisi:


And boy,have I had those near strangle moments
Hahahahaha

Like Ujujoan,I believe in being sure your hubby is the will of God for you but I also believe that will of God must also be someone you are very attracted to.
How do I know my husband was God's will
When we met,he had backslidden a little from faith and I told him I wanted to please God and didn't want to live in sin
He joined a local full gospel business men's fellowship and rededicated his life
One day a guest preacher came and during prayers he said there was a young man there in love with a young woman and that unbeknown to him,he has an uncle that is preventing the trado stuff from progressing and that God was taking care of that.we found out his uncle wanted him to marry a girl from their hometown and wouldn't consent.after that word of knowledge,his people went to see my folks.
I won't lie we fell many many times because the chemistry was too much between us
We actually had to go to the court to marry without telling anyone ,way before the trado so we would stop feeling guilty

Court wedding?

How were you able to pull that one off, without your folks knowing? Aaaahh!

EfemenaXY:


Court wedding?

How were you able to pull that one off, without your folks knowing? Aaaahh!

In the city were we were
How will they know?

They had met him,loved him and consented
He had carried the first knocking on the door wine sha with his uncles and dad

We had to marry fast o
Imagine chopping and then falling on your knees to repent only to chop again
It was tough
But God is merciful o

MojAyo:
abi o,igberaga,I tire self

Well, Herzumpther could not answer my question. I just don't understand what she was complaining about when nobody forced her to post her family history all over nl. The way some people loves attention sha.

babyosisi:



In the city were we were
How will they know?

They had met him,loved him and consented
He had carried the first knocking on the door wine sha with his uncles and dad

We had to marry fast o
Imagine chopping and then falling on your knees to repent only to chop again
It was tough
But God is merciful o

Lol @ chopping and falling on knees to repent!

But as long as they'd already consented, you were as good as married sef.

EfemenaXY:


Lol @ chopping and falling on knees to repent!

But as long as they'd already consented, you were as good as married sef.

Talk true didn't you feel some guilt
Am I the only one that sinned
Please don't tell me I am chatting with ndi nmuo ozi aka angels
Rofl

kaylawil:
Hmmm, I've bn following dis thread for sometime now n I must say I he learnt a lot of tinz. Tnx to babyosisi, forexmart, uju, n others. Its truly a matured thread.
At this point I need to share my issue here.

For smtim now I've bn battling with my marr.

I met dis men who I later married in a church. He wasn't my spec thou but for reasons I cnt really comprehend we got married. I felt I had married my dream man. He wasn't financially buoyant but was Ok for his level. I'm from a well to do home.

Its four years since I got married with kids n I fink I'm fed up already with d union. No love, no affection, just discovered he has house somewia in town. U have to beg for practically every tin from kids, sch fees to feeding to rent n so on....
Lies about me to whoever cares to listen, never sees any tin good bout me. And to tink ds was smone u met on d low n packaged him to d level he s hw supported n saw him thru school. Got a good job and disregards me n d kids.... I'm so confused cos I'd always tot mine wld be heaven on earth but d reverse is d case.
Lies a lot, is selfish n self centred....

I'd made up my mind to leave cnt bear a day withnsmone who treats u like trash. Mind u I was a graduate even befr I convinced him to go back to sch n finish up.

Really confused... I feel sad for my children cos all I had wanted for dem was d best growing up under d arms of loving parents just as I did.:-)

CD: babyosisi
efemenaxy
forexmart
ujuoin
cococandy et all

kaylawil:
Hmmm, I've bn following dis thread for sometime now n I must say I he learnt a lot of tinz. Tnx to babyosisi, forexmart, uju, n others. Its truly a matured thread.
At this point I need to share my issue here.

For smtim now I've bn battling with my marr.

I met dis men who I later married in a church. He wasn't my spec thou but for reasons I cnt really comprehend we got married. I felt I had married my dream man. He wasn't financially buoyant but was Ok for his level. I'm from a well to do home.

Its four years since I got married with kids n I fink I'm fed up already with d union. No love, no affection, just discovered he has house somewia in town. U have to beg for practically every tin from kids, sch fees to feeding to rent n so on....
Lies about me to whoever cares to listen, never sees any tin good bout me. And to tink ds was smone u met on d low n packaged him to d level he s hw supported n saw him thru school. Got a good job and disregards me n d kids.... I'm so confused cos I'd always tot mine wld be heaven on earth but d reverse is d case.
Lies a lot, is selfish n self centred....

I'd made up my mind to leave cnt bear a day withnsmone who treats u like trash. Mind u I was a graduate even befr I convinced him to go back to sch n finish up.

Really confused... I feel sad for my children cos all I had wanted for dem was d best growing up under d arms of loving parents just as I did.:-)

You are already married and you can still move up from there
Lose that mindset of leaving,please don't entertain those thoughts
Determine to make this work
If you allow resentment to grow and fester,you grow quickly apart
He was your dream man you thought so there was goodness in him when you met him

Before I comment further,what attracted you initially to this man
What was it about him you loved and made you say yes
Give me 4 things
I will share with you some things in my 4th year of marriage too ,that could help

kaylawil:
Hmmm, I've bn following dis thread for sometime now n I must say I he learnt a lot of tinz. Tnx to babyosisi, forexmart, uju, n others. Its truly a matured thread.
At this point I need to share my issue here.

For smtim now I've bn battling with my marr.

I met dis men who I later married in a church.He wasn't my spec thou but for reasons I cnt really comprehend we got married. I felt I had married my dream man. He wasn't financially buoyant but was Ok for his level. I'm from a well to do home.

Its four years since I got married with kids n I fink I'm fed up already with d union. No love, no affection, just discovered he has house somewia in town. U have to beg for practically every tin from kids, sch fees to feeding to rent n so on....
Lies about me to whoever cares to listen, never sees any tin good bout me. And to tink ds was smone u met on d low n packaged him to d level he s hw supported n saw him thru school. Got a good job and disregards me n d kids.... I'm so confused cos I'd always tot mine wld be heaven on earth but d reverse is d case.
Lies a lot, is selfish n self centred....

I'd made up my mind to leave cnt bear a day withnsmone who treats u like trash. Mind u I was a graduate even befr I convinced him to go back to sch n finish up.

Really confused... I feel sad for my children cos all I had wanted for dem was d best growing up under d arms of loving parents just as I did.:-)

He wasn't your spec and you still married him without knowing why?

To the young ladies,if you believe in God's will and you have gotten a yes in your spirit,still spend some TIME to date.I can't give a specific period but it shouldn't be less than 6mths of regular communion.You should get to know who he is.There are some basic things you also look out for;
Does he have a personal relationship with God?Is he in a group/service in church?Are there people he respects,people who can admonish/counsel him?
Does he respect you?Can you talk to him and he will listen?Is he honest?
I believe in God's will and I know there are times when the will may not look attractive but I believe the partner you want to marry should be attractive to you.God will put that attraction there.
Ujujoan married a man she initially didn't have an attraction for but like Babyosisi said of her friend,she is stuck in a loveless marriage and most times it's the case.

kaylawil:
Hmmm, I've bn following dis thread for sometime now n I must say I he learnt a lot of tinz. Tnx to babyosisi, forexmart, uju, n others. Its truly a matured thread.
At this point I need to share my issue here.

For smtim now I've bn battling with my marr.

I met dis men who I later married in a church. He wasn't my spec thou but for reasons I cnt really comprehend we got married. I felt I had married my dream man. He wasn't financially buoyant but was Ok for his level. I'm from a well to do home.

Its four years since I got married with kids n I fink I'm fed up already with d union. No love, no affection, just discovered he has house somewia in town. U have to beg for practically every tin from kids, sch fees to feeding to rent n so on....
Lies about me to whoever cares to listen, never sees any tin good bout me. And to tink ds was smone u met on d low n packaged him to d level he s hw supported n saw him thru school. Got a good job and disregards me n d kids.... I'm so confused cos I'd always tot mine wld be heaven on earth but d reverse is d case.
Lies a lot, is selfish n self centred....

I'd made up my mind to leave cnt bear a day withnsmone who treats u like trash. Mind u I was a graduate even befr I convinced him to go back to sch n finish up.

Really confused... I feel sad for my children cos all I had wanted for dem was d best growing up under d arms of loving parents just as I did.:-)

The bolded is confusing. He wasn't your spec, you couldn't comprehend why you married him, but he was your dream man? Can you clarify?

Good evening lovely ladies, wives, spinsters and girls. What did I miss? Sup Herzie? Aunty Osisi Plenty salute from here.

.

ileobatojo:


The bolded is confusing. He wasn't your spec, you couldn't comprehend why you married him, but he was your dream man? Can you clarify?

If I am not mistaken I read in between the lines to understand her to mean that he was the man of her dreams despite his financial situation at the time.

babyosisi:


If I am not mistaken I read in between the lines to understand her to mean that he was the man of her dreams despite his financial situation at the time.

Oh, I see. I still wonder why she says she can't comprehend why she married him though if he was really the man of her dreams.

ileobatojo:


Oh, I see. I still wonder why she says she can't comprehend why she married him though if he was really the man of her dreams.

I believe underneath the present turmoil,there is love there
The first years are tough learning and adjustment years with so many added pressure like kids,schooling,trying to start a career ,financial strains.
I felt like running away many times wallahi
If not that we lived abroad,I may have run back home some weekends
To make matters worse first child was such a cry baby and she was barely 7 months when I got pregnant again
The child cried for no reason
I felt like just leaving her with the father and disappearing

I think one of the reasons I do threads like this is that I had questions as a young wife in my twenties and times I needed counsel and help from an older person and had no one to talk to.i didn't want people to judge me,spread rumors about us,think I was weak,a bad wife,etc so I kept these feelings to myself and just tried to move on .
We would argue and have disagreements sometimes on simple stuff and I will be so hurt and just wished he could understand my feelings and felt he was insensitive and I could never convey my true feelings.

I am a pretty emotional person so this weighed me down greatly.
I knew he loved me but I felt he didn't show me that or show it enough
At times I even felt he was heartless ,I am being plain here
I made my mistakes,o boy did I make mistakes.

But the good thing is that I learned ,some were light bulb moments
And over the years I have learned loads
The way I handle issues now is totally different because I have matured a great deal
In my quest to change my spouse,I was the one that changed and that change produced the change I craved
I can almost say that we love each other more today than when we first met and it was hardwork to get there



Hopefully I can advise someone ,a young wife from what I have learned,that is the so,e purpose of this thread and the reason I am laying myself bare because I believe in the institution of marriage
Marriage can be enjoyed to the max

thorpido:
He wasn't your spec and you still married him without knowing why?

To the young ladies,if you believe in God's will and you have gotten a yes in your spirit,still spend some TIME to date.I can't give a specific period but it shouldn't be less than 6mths of regular communion.You should get to know who he is.There are some basic things you also look out for;
Does he have a personal relationship with God?Is he in a group/service in church?Are there people he respects,people who can admonish/counsel him?
Does he respect you?Can you talk to him and he will listen?Is he honest?
I believe in God's will and I know there are times when the will may not look attractive but I believe the partner you want to marry should be attractive to you.God will put that attraction there.

Gbam
No girl should marry any man without courtship.
I believe the two biggest reasons we didn't call it quits at our roughest moments were

1 our love for God
2 sexual chemistry ( very very essential ingredient)


I have written here that I have no problems submitting to my husband because he submits to God
It's easy to submit to a man who loves God with all his heart.you can never go wrong with that so I relate well with Ujujoan on that level.God makes it beautiful.there is so much I can't write

babyosisi, I dey feel you jare... Marriage can be enjoyed! !!! my sister's own is super sweet

I just love this thread, full of positive energy. ..

queensmith:


The only essence I can capture here is that of settling.

You are right I don't understand it. Much as I don't understand why women put up with so much. What do I know i'm only ever expecting a partner to be fascinating as opposed to being a dude I yolk myself upon then spend my life trying to make it work.

Trust me, when the chips are down, being 'fascinating' would be the least thing to worry about, eapecially if you're expecting that to be a constant. Every relationship has it's up and down period, only that the wise would work to smoothen out the rough edges and not let problems to spiral out of control.
And 'trying to make it work' surely shouldn't be one-sided; it's a joint effort, albeit one entered in willingly, with full understanding, love, and utmost regard for each other, knowing such efforts are bound to yield mutually rewarding outcomes.
Please, I am not trying to undermine your right to demand whatever you consider as most important in a relationship, just explaining further.

babyosisi:


Yes
I am njide and that is my true life story
We talk about it still from time to time and he always says thank God for that heavy rain
When the rough times come I always remember how we started and the passion and we try to rekindle that because we started well.
The love notes,the letters,the cards,the trips,dinners,planning on our future,picking out names for the children to come
So you see why I cannot understand getting married without passion
It won't work for me
I have to be madly and hopelessly in love first ,maybe by my nature

At what point did you call it quits with okey your fiancé?

even though there is an exception to every rule, will I be correct to say you cheated on ur fiancé then?

I ask because you were still with okey when you went visiting loverboy

MarvellousGod:
babyosisi, I dey feel you jare... Marriage can be enjoyed! !!! my sister's own is super sweet

I just love this thread, full of positive energy. ..

Yours will be too
Just look beyond the physical and material and go for substance in a man.that will never fade
Many of these girls chase after wealth and marry eediots then turn around to call him a monster when he was a monster from day one
Look for a good man with a good head on his shoulders and most importantly a man who respects the sovereign authority of GOd
The winds will blow but the foundation will stand firm

harveyspec:


At what point did you call it quits with okey your fiancé?

even though there is an exception to every rule, will I be correct to say you cheated on ur fiancé then?

I ask because you were still with okey when you went visiting loverboy

To be truthful yes I did cheat if you put it that way
My mind was already over him,i had fallen out of love before accepting this date,I couldn't tell him,he was faraway ,I wish I told him first but I didn't
He found out weeks later
I was young,I was 23 and maybe would do it differently if it were today and I wouldn't advise anyone to cheat but leaving him was the best decision I made,I have never regretted it.
,

Babyosisi and the other ladies contributing.God bless you real good. I have been a silent reader but your posts have thought me a lot. May your river of wisdom never dry. I hope to have a successful marriage and I know with all I have gotten here and God's help I am on the right part.

babyosisi:



Talk true didn't you feel some guilt
Am I the only one that sinned
Please don't tell he I am chatting with ndi nmuo ozi aka angels
Rofl

Guilt ke?

Why feel guilty when eating the forbidden apple? It even tastes better. As per sin, my own big pass your own. When we went back to get married, na double celebration. I even had the full backing of my nan (grandmother) God bless her soul.

Both parents on either side were er...shocked esp. my MIL...oh, and his siblings at his "fast move".

FOREXMARTS:
Good evening lovely ladies, wives, spinsters and girls. What did I miss? Sup Herzie? Aunty Osisi Plenty salute from here.

Hello. Good evening to you too. I don't think you missed much sha, only that aunty Osisi has not competed that her story o. or as she? Make I check again.

I've not really been around here, I've been at the kitchen . I got a mention here only for me to see that is a mention I've long chosen to ignore. No time abeg.

Odillz xup?

EfemenaXY:


Guilt ke?

Why feel guilty when eating the forbidden apple? It even tastes better. As per sin, my own big pass your own. When we went back to get married, na double celebration. I even had the full backing of my nan (grandmother) God bless her soul.

Both parents on either side were er...shocked esp. my MIL...oh, and his siblings at his "fast move".

Hehehehehe
I didn't tell you of our first class adventure train ride from the east to Kaduna
Chai
We had to buy the ticket as mr and Mrs before we became mr and mrs or they wouldn't sell
Imagine 2 nights in a train cabin alone with a man you love passionately
Kai Menene
As we were chopping mosquitoes were chopping us kwa
But nne the guilt was bothering me and he felt bad because I would feel bad
Memories that remain with us till today