A very good morning to you all, and I'm guessing you all had a great weekend.

I was with a female cousin of mine yesterday (married) and she was lamenting to me how her has husband has annoyingly stopped giving her money for the upkeep of the family.

She said she now has to hide her money from him most times cos whenever he discovers she has any, he distances himself from any form of financial responsibilities that concerns the family.

The reason when I inquired started fully when she handed over a cheque from her personal account to the caretaker in regards to their rent.

She said she and her husband had a discussion the night before, and he promised her that she would be reimbursed if she settles the rent, but changed suddenly when she paid the money.

Now that I've paid the rent, he doesn't drop a penny in the house she told me. She's the one practically shouldering all the financial responsibilities. Ranging from their kids expenses to kitchen expenses to house expenses which include NEPA bills, purchase of water for their geepee tank...etc.

According to her, she only has a rough idea of what her husband earns and very little idea of what he spends it on.

I know some men are irresponsible but this case supersedes irresponsibility. I prefer to tag the man an over grown baby. Someone who has refused to mature.

As a man I believe its your responsibility to provide for your family regardless of the kind of job your wife does. You wife is there for support and not for you to abandon your responsibilities for. Every man should always bear that in mind.

What do you guys think?

This is a very serious issue.
I experienced similar when I was growing up. My dad was a business man while my mum was a graduate without a job. My dad was very hardworking and he would always leave the house early in the morning and come back home at late evenings all in the bid to cater for his family

I noticed that as soon as my mum got a job, he kind of became lazy. He wasn't going to work early as before and he began taking unnecessary breaks from work.
This led to problems in both his business and marriage.

I just used this story to express my thoughts. Husbands, when they see that their wives have a source of income tend to feel that a burden has been lifted off their shoulders and they kind of relax, which isn't supposed to be so

Definitely the wife should take on some of the financial responsibilities, after all marriage is a kind partnership relationship. But this shouldn't mean that the husband should use this as an avenue to prey on the wife

In my own opinion, I think the financial responsibilities should be shared based on the income strength of both husband and wife.

Thanks

wch men?

Why is not talking to or asking her husband about it?

Let her ask him what he has been doing with his money

spartoo:
wch men?

Read the topic

xynerise:
Let her ask him what he has been doing with his money

You don't know some men, they'll just come up and lie about one invisible business they're into. And the poor woman would have no choice than to believe him.

You cousin is lucky. I watched my mum cry severally cos of the embarrassment she received from my dad. I watched how my dad would cross certain things off the market list to reduce the little amount needed for feeding. It got so bad that I'd go to my dad's superstore to steal cash just so my mum could have some money in her purse( that I'm not proud of). She was just a secondary school teacher then. My dad has never bought anything for my mum. She worked hard, got promoted , became an academic supervisor etc. Fast forward to 2014: she retired n received her gratuity. Meanwhile dad who was a rich banker then, lost his job n was duped in a business deal he ventured into. Now mum is the one in charge. No more tears. She now runs the show. The jeep she bought, dad drives it. Everywhere they go, mum tells whoever cares tho listen that dad bought the car n not her. She has begun her building project n will soon become a landlady. She doesn't hesitate to give whenever dad needs cash. She has forgotten how it was. She has forgotten how this same man who is greatly benefitting from her now, used to abuse her n call her lazy n a liability. Lol. Now who's the liability? She doesn't hide her money from her "beloved'' husband. I get mad at times n wished she would retaliate. But my mum would have none of that. She now has more thasn enough wrappers n jewellries. No more tears. Hmmmmmmmmm I believe that's how marriage should be. So pls advise your cousin to do what she can. She's even blessed with money n can comfortably provide for herself n kids. If need be,let her do same for her husband. Things will change for the best someday. And of course, now that mum has some money, dad is not even contributing a dime anymore. Lol. Mum still believes he will change some day. But as we wait for that day to come, mum is smoothly running the home n everyone is happy.

The rate at which these things happen is appalling. Wouldn't wanna narrate my. Own ordeal, but it's 'bout time men realise that they are meant to provide for the Family and a woman's earnings should only be "extra". The movie "Courageous" Says it all.

I have to say thank God for my husband o! For all the foolish things he has done in our married lives he has never pushed the financial burden to me. I know he will even wash plates and clean toilets sef to make sure we are catered for.

But if the woman is making a considerable amount of money,why won't she help?..what is her money for? Make ups and clothes? Spending money on her kids should be a problem? But it is right for the man to spend all his money even when he is making a pea nut amount.women loves to anounce to the whole world whenever they spend a penny on their familly. If a man starts a busines for his wife and she eventually starts making good money from it,why won't she help out financially? Or maybe the husband sent her to school and took care of her till she graduated and get job,still she will expect to go to her grave with all the money she makes.I thought women wants equality but when it comes to responsibilities,they'll remind you that its a man's job. Only a house wife should complain if the man is not taking 100% care of his financial responsibilities.but as for working class or business women..shut the ffuck up you selfish beings!!!

Daresh:
I have to say thank God for my husband o! For all the foolish things he has done in our married lives he has never pushed the financial burden to me. I know he will even wash plates and clean toilets sef to make sure we are catered for.

hehehe..na your husband dey your profile?

CrazyMan:
A
What do you guys think?

Why didn't you ask the husband?

Daresh:
I have to say thank God for my husband o! For all the foolish things he has done in our married lives he has never pushed the financial burden to me. I know he will even wash plates and clean toilets sef to make sure we are catered for.

You're lucky then...most women would gladly trade places just to have a man like yours.

I'd never do that because I'm competitive by nature. If my wife starts earning more than I do, ill start working harder to surpass her and I personally gain satisfaction from providing for the house.

This scenario can only be applicable to men who are naturally lazy/lack ambition and who look for the easy way out

Jackeeh:
You cousin is lucky. I watched my mum cry severally cos of the embarrassment she received from my dad. I watched how my dad would cross certain things off the market list to reduce the little amount needed for feeding. It got so bad that I'd go to my dad's superstore to steal cash just so my mum could have some money in her purse( that I'm not proud of). She was just a secondary school teacher then. My dad has never bought anything for my mum. She worked hard, got promoted , became an academic supervisor etc. Fast forward to 2014: she retired n received her gratuity. Meanwhile dad who was a rich banker then, lost his job n was duped in a business deal he ventured into. Now mum is the one in charge. No more tears. She now runs the show. The jeep she bought, dad drives it. Everywhere they go, mum tells whoever cares tho listen that dad bought the car n not her. She has begun her building project n will soon become a landlady. She doesn't hesitate to give whenever dad needs cash. She has forgotten how it was. She has forgotten how this same man who is greatly benefitting from her now, used to abuse her n call her lazy n a liability. Lol. Now who's the liability? She doesn't hide her money from her "beloved'' husband. I get mad at times n wished she would retaliate. But my mum would have none of that. She now has more thasn enough wrappers n jewellries. No more tears. Hmmmmmmmmm I believe that's how marriage should be. So pls advise your cousin to do what she can. She's even blessed with money n can comfortably provide for herself n kids. If need be,let her do same for her husband. Things will change for the best someday. And of course, now that mum has some money, dad is not even contributing a dime anymore. Lol. Mum still believes he will change some day. But as we wait for that day to come, mum is smoothly running the home n everyone is happy.

Your mum is a rare breed, her kind isn't easy to come by - you're blessed to have her, as is your father.

My only advice is that you ask her (if you can) to always include her name in property documents... once bitten, twice shy.

hahn:
I'd never do that because I'm competitive by nature. If my wife starts earning more than I do, ill start working harder to surpass her and I personally gain satisfaction from providing for the house.

This scenario can only be applicable to men who are naturally lazy/lack ambition and who look for the easy way out

I luv ur type of man

Jackeeh:
You cousin is lucky. I watched my mum cry severally cos of the embarrassment she received from my dad. I watched how my dad would cross certain things off the market list to reduce the little amount needed for feeding. It got so bad that I'd go to my dad's superstore to steal cash just so my mum could have some money in her purse( that I'm not proud of). She was just a secondary school teacher then. My dad has never bought anything for my mum. She worked hard, got promoted , became an academic supervisor etc. Fast forward to 2014: she retired n received her gratuity. Meanwhile dad who was a rich banker then, lost his job n was duped in a business deal he ventured into. Now mum is the one in charge. No more tears. She now runs the show. The jeep she bought, dad drives it. Everywhere they go, mum tells whoever cares tho listen that dad bought the car n not her. She has begun her building project n will soon become a landlady. She doesn't hesitate to give whenever dad needs cash. She has forgotten how it was. She has forgotten how this same man who is greatly benefitting from her now, used to abuse her n call her lazy n a liability. Lol. Now who's the liability? She doesn't hide her money from her "beloved'' husband. I get mad at times n wished she would retaliate. But my mum would have none of that. She now has more thasn enough wrappers n jewellries. No more tears. Hmmmmmmmmm I believe that's how marriage should be. So pls advise your cousin to do what she can. She's even blessed with money n can comfortably provide for herself n kids. If need be,let her do same for her husband. Things will change for the best someday. And of course, now that mum has some money, dad is not even contributing a dime anymore. Lol. Mum still believes he will change some day. But as we wait for that day to come, mum is smoothly running the home n everyone is happy.

Some men sha. Ur mum is really special

crackhaus:

Your mum is a rare breed, her kind isn't easy to come by - you're blessed to have her, as is your father.

My only advice is that you ask her (if you can) to always include her name in property documents... once bitten, twice shy.

She does always. Lol. Not her name though. She uses her children's.

Jackeeh:
You cousin is lucky. I watched my mum cry severally cos of the embarrassment she received from my dad. I watched how my dad would cross certain things off the market list to reduce the little amount needed for feeding. It got so bad that I'd go to my dad's superstore to steal cash just so my mum could have some money in her purse( that I'm not proud of). She was just a secondary school teacher then. My dad has never bought anything for my mum. She worked hard, got promoted , became an academic supervisor etc. Fast forward to 2014: she retired n received her gratuity. Meanwhile dad who was a rich banker then, lost his job n was duped in a business deal he ventured into. Now mum is the one in charge. No more tears. She now runs the show. The jeep she bought, dad drives it. Everywhere they go, mum tells whoever cares tho listen that dad bought the car n not her. She has begun her building project n will soon become a landlady. She doesn't hesitate to give whenever dad needs cash. She has forgotten how it was. She has forgotten how this same man who is greatly benefitting from her now, used to abuse her n call her lazy n a liability. Lol. Now who's the liability? She doesn't hide her money from her "beloved'' husband. I get mad at times n wished she would retaliate. But my mum would have none of that. She now has more thasn enough wrappers n jewellries. No more tears. Hmmmmmmmmm I believe that's how marriage should be. So pls advise your cousin to do what she can. She's even blessed with money n can comfortably provide for herself n kids. If need be,let her do same for her husband. Things will change for the best someday. And of course, now that mum has some money, dad is not even contributing a dime anymore. Lol. Mum still believes he will change some day. But as we wait for that day to come, mum is smoothly running the home n everyone is happy.

Of a truth your mum is truly a rare breed. If it were most women, you dad would have probably been squatting with a relative living from hand to mouth.

She's truly special.

Jackeeh:



She does always. Lol. Not her name though. She uses her children's.

Smart.

hahn:
I'd never do that because I'm competitive by nature. If my wife starts earning more than I do, ill start working harder to surpass her and I personally gain satisfaction from providing for the house.

This scenario can only be applicable to men who are naturally lazy/lack ambition and who look for the easy way out

dis's a real mAn talkin

chibic:
But if the woman is making a considerable amount of money,why won't she help?..what is her money for? Make ups and clothes? Spending money on her kids should be a problem? But it is right for the man to spend all his money even when he is making a pea nut amount.women loves to anounce to the whole world whenever they spend a penny on their familly. If a man starts a busines for his wife and she eventually starts making good money from it,why won't she help out financially? Or maybe the husband sent her to school and took care of her till she graduated and get job,still she will expect to go to her grave with all the money she makes.I thought women wants equality but when it comes to responsibilities,they'll remind you that its a man's job. Only a house wife should complain if the man is not taking 100% care of his financial responsibilities.but as for working class or business women..shut the ffuck up you selfish beings!!!

abeg don't say that. From what op said, you'll know its a deliberate act. They are not his kids? So he was doing her a favour by picking up the bills before? Na wa oh. So because the woman decided to help, he should now relax so that she will suffer? What does he do with his money? I really do not blame women that refuse to help. Its attitudes like this that discourage them.








Let me see one man that did not know how my parents were doing 1-0-1 just to pay for my school fees, that will come and do this one for me. Ahem! Both him and his kids will go hungry. Marriage no be by force. At least women know better now.
Mtchwwww.

It's actually common, there are many irresponsible and selfish men these days. The idea is he can spend his money on girls and what not since he believes the wife has enough to take care of the kids no matter how much your spouse has even as a woman how will you feel good not spending your money on your children and household Very pathetic

A man caters for the family with the help of the woman.


It is wrong to think that the man has to carry all the financial burden and responsibilities.
In some cases the women earn nearly a much or even more than the men.

Men have huge responsibilities. Their parent and extended family, investing and so much more.

Why should it be an issue for the woman to have paid a rent?
Since I am also self employed apart from my job my husband never really knows how much I earn. But I always let him know and even give him most of the money for the home. He was and still is very reluctant but I insist.

I love that man so much I could not bear to let him struggle through all the responsibilities alone.
Because my husband is really mostly focused on the home and the family back home, it does not bother me at all. If you love a man, then you want to support him as much as you can. It has been that way since we married and it works for us.
However I must admit that it was not very easy. At a stage my husband was shouldering too many responsibilities at the expense of the kid`S. We solved it like we sole all serious issues. Written contact between us. We reach a compromise and put it in writing. It really works.

I just make sure I keep enough money back to be able to indulge my kid`s once in a while

I am the head,i cannot push my responsibilities to my wife no matter what

chibic:
But if the woman is making a considerable amount of money,why won't she help?..what is her money for? Make ups and clothes? Spending money on her kids should be a problem? But it is right for the man to spend all his money even when he is making a pea nut amount.women loves to anounce to the whole world whenever they spend a penny on their familly. If a man starts a busines for his wife and she eventually starts making good money from it,why won't she help out financially? Or maybe the husband sent her to school and took care of her till she graduated and get job,still she will expect to go to her grave with all the money she makes.I thought women wants equality but when it comes to responsibilities,they'll remind you that its a man's job. Only a house wife should complain if the man is not taking 100% care of his financial responsibilities.but as for working class or business women..shut the ffuck up you selfish beings!!!

You're getting it all wrong bro.

Read my original post again...we're talking about when the man deliberately shy away from his responsibilities thereby leaving the weight of the family on the shoulders of the woman, and not a situation where a woman settles a petty responsibilities and starts telling everyone that cares to listen.

Hmmm na wa for some men o


lalasticlala ishilove obinoscopy seun

Meanwhile in another news

www.nairaland.com/2132165/face-santa-studio-beauty-pageant

Things are hard so we dont expect men to bear the family responsiblity alone. Mbanu,you wan kill am. But why on earth will a sane man do same to his wife. Thats wickedness. The man is the head of the family,the lead,the front liner,the team captain. He should do his work with the support of his wife. God made a woman to be a helpmate. Only an irresponsible and lazy man leaves family responsibility for his wife. If a man is handicapped,thats a different issue altogether.

In my personal opinion, there's a blessing that is attached to being good, responsible and caring to one's family, anyone who delibrately leave his/her own part without being played is unknowingly and ignorantly missing his/her blessings.

chibic:
But if the woman is making a considerable amount of money,why won't she help?..what is her money for? Make ups and clothes? Spending money on her kids should be a problem? But it is right for the man to spend all his money even when he is making a pea nut amount.women loves to anounce to the whole world whenever they spend a penny on their familly. If a man starts a busines for his wife and she eventually starts making good money from it,why won't she help out financially? Or maybe the husband sent her to school and took care of her till she graduated and get job,still she will expect to go to her grave with all the money she makes.I thought women wants equality but when it comes to responsibilities,they'll remind you that its a man's job. Only a house wife should complain if the man is not taking 100% care of his financial responsibilities.but as for working class or business women..shut the ffuck up you selfish beings!!!

I can almost bet that the husband in the post does not share in the house chores. A man if he can should take financial responsibility of his family. Only when he doesn't have the means should he be excused.its not in a woman's hardwire to provide for like that she would always feel cheated.
As for the poster s cousin if the husband has any source of income she should stay clear of some areas.if he doesn't want to pay the rent. Chop liver and ignore it. If when he sees you are not forthcoming he would pay.
I had such an experience.first year of marriage we shared the rent 50 50.i was paying cable buying gas buying all the food.plenty love plenty foolishness. School fees sef....The underlying issue was my husband could owe without troubles. I hate owing passionately.so I would run and pay.
One day I told him I could pay but out of respect for him I wouldn't. I turned a blind eye and he took care of business. I don't get money for upkeep or food. But I don't mind for now I can afford those

To expantiate my point above, go to any family, where the husband do shy away from financial responsibilities to his wife delibrately, you'll see that the woman will always be more blessed than the man, the implication is that, once a man shifts his financial rresponsibilities on his wife, he has unknowingly shifted his blessings as well on the said wife, though, it might be difficult for the woman initially, but at last, you will discover that the woman will laugh last and later be in total control. Atleast, about 2-3 posters above me has confirmed this.
So, anytime i see a foolish man who thinks he's smart by shifting his financial responsibilities to his wife, i do pity him, because he's gonna definately lose his blessings to his wife. It's sympathetic but there's nothing one can do about it, it's natural.

It is another thing if the man does not have o, but the the one that have and refuse to be financially responsible is just doing himself unknowingly. It's a pity! Ignorance kills!