Here's the scenario.

Its a hot afternoon,you're wearing a suit and you're stuck inside a hot crowded elevator.

The air in the small space is barely breathable with the stenchy combination of mouth odours and damp undeodorised armpits.


Beads of sweat form on your forehead and slowly roll down your face.

At this point you're pissed .It seems this Popular Government building in Port Harcourt (names withheld) haven't serviced their elevators since the Country's Independence.The doors simply refuse to open.You and the other nine or ten occupants of this metallic box are trapped.

Now, just when you think things couldn't get any worse, somebody FARTS!


A silent fart.

And not just any silent fart,but the HALL-OF-FAME- MOTHER of all silent farts.

The kind that demonically assaults nostrils and makes one dizzy.

Guys, this was no joke.It was the dilemma I found my self in last week.And trust me it wasn't funny.

In a few seconds, the foulness of the fart mingled with the heat, and already
terrible mouth and armpit odors, to form a Vile stench that felt like the presence of an evil spirit.

All around me, people were murmuring and making uncomfortable sounds. We stared at each other suspiciously as if to discern the identity of the culprit. But it was pointless. Whom ever the "FARTER" was, he/she was in there with with us, disguised behind the same look of disgust.

"Chai!" came the voice of a man from behind me.

I considered holding my breath, but then realised that would mean inhaling large amounts of this horrendous fart to do so.Scratch that idea!

"Na God go punish de pessin wey do dis kine tin!" spat a heavy set woman on my right. I eyed her closely. Was she capable of such a stench?


An eternity passed.

The murmuring continued.

Soon, the elevator doors opened. We all rushed out of our stinky confinement into the embrace of the fresh air. The ordeal had lasted only 2 or 3 minutes, but felt like a week.

The memory of that fart still lingers in my mind like a bad dream.I think people should be fined for farting in such places. Its just...just...wrong.
I mean, seriously.


Moral of the story??

If before leaving the house today,you consumed large amounts of beans in any form (e.g akara or moi moi), or had some boiled eggs with some powdered milk, and then you find yourself in a small confined space with other people,I am pleading with you.......as a Christian and fellow human being...RESPECT YOURSELF!

Please be considerate to individuals within your immediate air space. The contents of your stomach are nobody's business. Not everything's worth sharing.

Life is a choice.
So choose wisely.
Enough said!



http://opustjkwrites..com/?m=0

First to comment...yaaaay!!




That aside, I feel you bro. I've been in that kind of situation, the only difference was that it was in a cab in Ondo state. Those familiar with Ondo cabs will know that the drivers squeeze 6/7 passengers into a space for four.

So there I was in this cab, on a very hot and sunny day (they don't call Ondo 'The Sunshine State' for nothing) when this Mama, should be in her 60s, raised one aged buttock and let one rip. She now turned to us her co-passengers, smiling and ignoring our shocked and annoyed glares, said cheerfully "e pele o. Ma binu" (trans: pardon me).

And oh, did that motha stink! In the humid and cramped space!!

What could we do? In Africa we respect our elderly citizens so ignoring Mama's infuriatingly cheerful demeanour, someone collected the broken winder from the driver and cranked the windows all the way down. This was after the driver had initially refused to hand it over because according to him, he couldn't find it. However, by the time Mama Agbalagba Nla released the gaseous remnants of her breakfast, nobody told the driver to fish out the missing winder in a jiffy.

Who wan die

I don't understand Chinese..
cuz I don't get wat u saying

Ishilove:
First comment...yaaaay!!

so??
mek we fly?

welcome to nairaland Opustjk....
dis story always has me in stitches. lol
i love ur blog like madt

OK noted

Lol

Some farts could be concentrated that you could almost taste it . The most dangerous farts are from Yoruba girls . #experience

Op, how do we knw you are not the one that farted? Bt i cn imagine wat u passed through sha. I feel ur pains

Ok, noted

Hmmmmm! *Covers Nose*


* In "Ajibutter's" Voice*.....Op I don't fart @all


Back to topic! Op I understand your plight . We all have been there ....That moment You try to hold d sh*t,sweating profusely and praying it doesn't make a loud sound ......

Uwaezuoke once told his "Unbearable Fart Situation" story. Lwkmd ....He was in a Luxurious Bus travelling from North to one of the Eastern States when he found himself in Op's shoe,after eating all d things they sell in d park. The guy no fit hold d thing,as he no fit cheat nature, he had to let out a silent but dangerous fart,Lol. Everyone in d Bus cursed d living day light out of d person that did that,he kept mute. He even joined suit ...Until a little boy sitting with his Mum shouted,"The person that did this will fart uncontrollably until he dies" .....Uwaezuoke no fit bear d curse,he gave d little boy a heavy knock on his head and told him that he can take all d insults from everyone but certainly not from him ....

me I don't send.. I fart for fun

Knock !!

Knock !!

who is there?

Ayew!!

Ayew Gana dance ooo if I show you my money

So, is it okay to fart in a crowded Nairaland thread?

Tnx op

I'm gonna treat the fartee like a terrorist

i checked all three versions of the thread placed on front page, wondering if maybe there was some difference somewhere, found they're all the same thread repeated on front page three times. . . . . . . . .

fart-philia. . . . . . .

I feel your pain,Pele

Oboy! E go evil gaan

Huh i jst perceive d odour now self as i d read d story.


Chai all dis farting naija pple dy do there is God ooooooo

Olorun o da ile iso

Major reason y u shouldn't..

U could be arrested as a Boko Haram member for mass murder.

Op,

Finished reading the Op and believes in it but a question:

What do you suggest that someone who is fart-pressed in an elevator will do?

Iso buruku

Loooool! A nice one.

You shouldn't fart in Public!!

Whc kind thread be dis??

Fart now...

Iffa hear say I no freely donate when after all it won't kill u.. Just enjoy it while it last

Lol...but sometimes you can't just hold it. It wil just happen independent of the exercise of your will..lol