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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / My Dilema.... (2386 Views)
Dilema On Who To Marry Among Two Guys / New Post (relationship Dilema) / Sex Dilema (2) (3) (4)
My Dilema.... by missamanda(f): 7:37am On Feb 28, 2015 |
I'm a fresh graduate who finished last year dec. I moved to lag as soon I was done with project, still awaiting my final year result. I decided to enroll in a fashion academy here in Lagos of which I'll resume on monday. There's this guy whom I've known for quite sometime now. He's working and goodlooking, also well groomed. I like him. He's insisting on getting married later this year, probably Nov/Dec. He said I should come to where he is this march, that his mum wants to see me, and if possible I'll leave lagos and the fashion academy. He wants me to be closer to him. Now, I've already paid for the academy and won't get the money back. I told my mum about it, she siad I should pray about it and there's no way I'd leave the academy. She said if the guy can't wait for me to finish, then I should forget about him. The training will last for nine months of which I'm not sure of completing since service is around the corner. I really don't know what's best, should i just continue with the training or should I just take a break and go and see his mum, then come back to complete the training? |
Re: My Dilema.... by pickabeau1: 7:44am On Feb 28, 2015 |
So his only redeeming qualities are his goodlookingness? So where is he based .... Has he even met your own parents How serious is he Does he have a job or apartment of his own You want to throw away a chance to be financially independent on the chance his mom likes you? OwKay |
Re: My Dilema.... by Hazardd(m): 7:48am On Feb 28, 2015 |
comunication is the key in every relationship.. If he didnt understand you now i wonder when he will,is it when you people are married? |
Re: My Dilema.... by missamanda(f): 7:55am On Feb 28, 2015 |
pickabeau1:I'm nt only interested in his physical appearance, I said he's well groomed too. |
Re: My Dilema.... by Nobody: 7:56am On Feb 28, 2015 |
missamanda: Education is more important. His mom can wait. You can't be putting your dreams aside for somebody else. If he is serious then there's no rush. The meeting can wait until you achieve what you came there to do, because if you show him now that your dreams are less important than his, then he'll expect you to make such sacrifices even when you two are married. You'd be setting the course of the relationship, unwittingly. BTW, why can't you go see her on weekends? Or set a day when you're both not busy with other commitments. |
Re: My Dilema.... by pickabeau1: 8:02am On Feb 28, 2015 |
missamanda: Yes further proving my point All you have said is surface and superficial attributes |
Re: My Dilema.... by Nobody: 8:03am On Feb 28, 2015 |
Meeting his mum now that important or what? Is he the one you want to get married to? You just had an opportunity of a lifetime and you want to waste it to go and see the mother of the guy you like... Well my advice to you is to wAit! Don't rush things. Start with your training, meeting his mother now won't say for a fact that he will get married to you immediately! You don't want to waste the money you paid for your training, which is part of your future and dream. So just suggest to him to show his mother a picture of you or something...and maybe during your training, you might have break to go see his mother. Is he going to see your mother too? |
Re: My Dilema.... by debonairprinx(m): 8:13am On Feb 28, 2015 |
We men take ladies who set goals and have dreams seriously,we also loose interest in ladies that attribute less importance to us. This work in different ways,the question you must ask yourself first is;"am I ready for marriage yet".. Then try to reason things out with him,you can go on a weekend and come back for your training. Just figure out what's best for you. |
Re: My Dilema.... by menix(m): 8:21am On Feb 28, 2015 |
Sure beau, go see d mum buh pls i mean Please!! leave out goin to stay wiv him. Visit is ok. Since u know service might not allow u finish d programme, y then should mum insist he should wait 4 u. If d guy is close to ur heart desire kindly book ur ticket nd every oda thing will fall in place.. |
Re: My Dilema.... by funkyjms: 8:21am On Feb 28, 2015 |
"...He said I should come to where he is this march, that his mum wants to see me..." It's not a bad thing if his mum wanna meet you but personally I he has meet your family first. "...and if possible I'll leave lagos and the fashion academy. He wants me to be closer to him." That's selfish! What plan does he have for you if you leave Lagos? Btw, why should you be staying with him (I'm assuming this is what 'closer to him' means) when he has not walk you down the aisle? "...The training will last for nine months of which I'm not sure of completing since service..." Even if you decide to be "closer to him," you will still leave him as your service is around the corner the except if you wanna forfeit everything for a man who hasn't pay your bride price. "He's insisting on getting married later this year, probably Nov/Dec." I'm not against him getting married. In fact, almost every lady wants this kinda seriousness from men but my point a real man must have a better plan for you. Nothing should be done at the detriment of anyone. |
Re: My Dilema.... by funkyjms: 8:28am On Feb 28, 2015 |
PunkyBrewster: This is so true. I know of a woman who experience this. |
Re: My Dilema.... by Nobody: 8:35am On Feb 28, 2015 |
funkyjms: Yeah, it's very common. |
Re: My Dilema.... by englishmart(m): 8:38am On Feb 28, 2015 |
you are considering leaving your career pursuit for a good-looking young guy, who might proly dump you for someone else? If really he fvking loves you, he wouldn't trade your career for anything.... But, if you are too desperate to get married to someone because of his good looks, then be ready for a divorce, for there are a million guys who are more goodlooking |
Re: My Dilema.... by missamanda(f): 8:50am On Feb 28, 2015 |
englishmart:who cares about physical attributes? What matters is the fact that the decision is serious, probably he wants me to come so he could engage me, then I'll come and continue with my training, he has spoken to my mum on phone. Dnt want to inform my dad yet till everything is set. |
Re: My Dilema.... by missamanda(f): 8:53am On Feb 28, 2015 |
menix:I'm nt intending to stay with him. Infact it's just to meet with his family that's all then I'll come back. The guy seem serious. I asked him why the rush, we shld just slow things down and pray about it. |
Re: My Dilema.... by agrovick(m): 8:56am On Feb 28, 2015 |
Easy o |
Re: My Dilema.... by Nobody: 8:57am On Feb 28, 2015 |
Never sacrifice your financial empowerment to any man,or anybody. If he can't wait,let him go to hell. Most men are afraid of independent women,cos one of the things to enslave a woman is to make her financially dependent.. Once again,if he can't wait,let him go. |
Re: My Dilema.... by Nobody: 9:06am On Feb 28, 2015 |
pickabeau1:What is wrong with you sef? Y are you attacking her? What is wrong if she likes his physical appearance? If you can't help her just free her joor. @op nov/dec is still far, let him know you really want to continue at the Academy. |
Re: My Dilema.... by menix(m): 9:18am On Feb 28, 2015 |
[quote author=missamanda post=31160612] I'm nt intending to stay with him. Infact it's just to meet with his family that's all then I'll come back. The guy seem serious. I asked him why the rush, we shld just slow things down and pray about it.[/quote] He might b trying to rush due to: *Age; He might still be young buh som of us unconciously set an age range we mst not crox b4 gettin it done. *Fear of losin u; Yes there are diz angelic galz we re scared of losing. Jst follow ur heart, yes u can pray too if need be. |
Re: My Dilema.... by pickabeau1: 9:28am On Feb 28, 2015 |
3cycle: All this one Na early morning rant... Someone comes here and all she says about her intended is that he is attractive and well groomed Nothing about his values, his philosophy or whehter he is even caring to her and you say I'm attacking her Even for you that likes tall dudes, is that all you considered? Now who is cranky this morning Go and eat and come back 3 Likes |
Re: My Dilema.... by menix(m): 9:34am On Feb 28, 2015 |
Beau i swear u will get numerous misleading advise, mine not excluded thou. Its very easy to lend advise to others buh wuld do a diff. thing if dey re faced wiv same issue. U know this guy better than every1 of us nd u know ursef better, u ve a mum who cares jst confide in her she wont mislead u, so will dat inner voice not mislead u too. |
Re: My Dilema.... by englishmart(m): 9:55am On Feb 28, 2015 |
missamanda:seems you already know what to do |
Re: My Dilema.... by pickabeau1: 10:03am On Feb 28, 2015 |
englishmart: Exactly Wait for the thread in two years with a new user name Everything she has said about this guy is superficial..nothing on character If he is a wife beater..no idea A womanizer..no clue Yet they complain when some say women are too emotional Let me call MizMyColi |
Re: My Dilema.... by InZA: 10:06am On Feb 28, 2015 |
The whole thing seems too mechanical. I didn't even see anywhere, where you gushed about being so in love with the guy, nothing like "I really love this man"..." I can't imagine my life without him "..." He makes me so happy" It's like being with him is another one of your "compulsory" school projects. All the best though. 1 Like |
Re: My Dilema.... by MizMyColi(f): 10:44am On Feb 28, 2015 |
pickabeau1: I'm here Sir ![]() |
Re: My Dilema.... by MizMyColi(f): 11:11am On Feb 28, 2015 |
missamanda: If your going to pay his Mom a visit, won't, I repeat, won't affect your training, then please go ahead, but if it will, please, your future (personal) is equally important, so the visit can hold on for now, except of course, his mom is critically ill. Btw, How long is "quite some time"? ![]() Before, I read your post, I saw Pickabeau1 mention the word "superficial" Sweery, going by the characters I highlighted in your post, I'd have to agree with him. Sincerely now, tell me, if he suddenly looks smelly and tattered, loses his job and his face becomes somewhat unpleasant to look at, would you still like him? Would you love him? On the guy's part, two things are involved, either his motive are unpure or genuine. There's a possibility his Mom is pressuring him seriously and he just wants to get over the marriage ish, or......there's something more sinister ![]() You have to be really sure. And there's no way to go about that other than Taking Your Time. Y'see, you need to make him understand you're not desperate (except of course you are). This is the journey of a life-time we're talking of here. If he is for real, trust me dear, there will be no pressure. He'd wait for you, as long as he knows you're not stalling unnecessarily. Na small small dem dey take chop food wey hot. Don't let my comments get you incited at him o, don't let my comments give you the impression he's bad, and don't go asking him silly questions because you want to ascertain his true motive. All I'm saying is that it could go both ways. Just think for yourself and see the wisdom in your mother's unspoken words. I say you continue with your academy plans. I would if I were in your shoes, even though it might shitty scare me I'd lose him. But I reckon that wisdom is always profitable to direct our paths. 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Dilema.... by Tymax(m): 11:31am On Feb 28, 2015 |
I pity the guy. He fell in love at the wrong time. I'm sure he won't be able to wait for fashion school then NYSC to be over. Just free him. Let's be logical, he is ready for marriage. You are not. |
Re: My Dilema.... by pickabeau1: 11:40am On Feb 28, 2015 |
MizMyColi you are just writing This girl has fallen in love with fine groomed dude. All else does not matter |
Re: My Dilema.... by MizMyColi(f): 11:54am On Feb 28, 2015 |
pickabeau1: ![]() ![]() Either ways, it is still good I do what I can from here. Sometimes, experience is the best teacher sha. |
Re: My Dilema.... by missamanda(f): 12:07pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
MizMyColi:Thank you...well said, I'll heed to this advice. |
Re: My Dilema.... by pickabeau1: 12:07pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
MizMyColi: You try No mind me |
Re: My Dilema.... by Nobody: 12:11pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
The only reason you're interested in him is his good looks and grooming? That's not enough reason for you to choose to spend the rest of your life with him. You're in a fashion school. You want to build a career in that line I guess. If he wants you to quit just because he wants you to be closer, you might as well end up as a house wife. What matters most in marriage is the relationship/friendship between the couple which cannot be smooth when you two have walking different lanes. My dear, don't be deceived. Love is patient and puts the interest of the other person over his. If he loves you, he'll wait. Don't throw away your dreams except you want to become a Mama Nkechi. All the same, pray to God about it and follow your inward witness. Remain blessed. |
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