biafranqueen:


Yes my Dear the marriage is still brand new. My husband and I use to fight about money because he is a saver and I am a spender. When I realized that he is the best person to handle the finances I took my mind off of it, and he relaxed in sharing more of what he is planning for the family. It took a while for me to change and now he trust me with his ATM card for days because I have learned that its not a must that I buy new stuff every time money enter my hand. Believe me it took like 7 years to get to this point.

The compliments, have you put on weight recently? Or does he like a certain style of dressing?

That part had me rofl

Four years is no meant feat especially in marriage. As regards the birthday and celebration thing, he may not be a fan of it or probably do not remember them until given notice. Some men are more secretive than women. Sorry I quote the wrong person.

biafranqueen:
My Dear I am so sorry to read your pain what a beautiful thread my Sister started.

I have been married for 12 years now how long have you been married?
The reason I ask is because if it is a new marriage he may be taking his time to divulge such information.
It also depends on how the marriage started, how long you dated. Did you see these traits and thought he would change?

My advise is that you can't change people you have to change yourself first. How? By not worrying about his finances, by being honest with yourself, definitely you have an inkling of an idea on why he may be behaving as such.

Mine is not a matter of spending cuz I am very good at saving and very disciplined. I am just thinking that maybe it's cuz I am not working so he feels telling me stuff is not important if I cannot contribute financially. In any case, I have stopped worrying nd asking nd I have peace of mind

biafranqueen:


Yes my Dear the marriage is still brand new. My husband and I use to fight about money because he is a saver and I am a spender. When I realized that he is the best person to handle the finances I took my mind off of it, and he relaxed in sharing more of what he is planning for the family. It took a while for me to change and now he trust me with his ATM card for days because I have learned that its not a must that I buy new stuff every time money enter my hand. Believe me it took like 7 years to get to this point.

The compliments, have you put on weight recently? Or does he like a certain style of dressing?

babyosisi:


That part had me rofl

Hahahaha, trust me, it was an exciting journey. I growing up in abroad he in the village. I had the American mentality of credit cards, spend now, pay later, living beyond our means, to him it was close to abomination. Thank God I saw the light!
This is a beautiful thread Nne God bless you for it!

happysisi:

Mine is not a matter of spending cuz I am very good at saving and very disciplined. I am just thinking that maybe it's cuz I am not working so he feels telling me stuff is not important if I cannot contribute financially. In any case, I have stopped worrying nd asking nd I have peace of mind

I am glad you took your mind off it. Oh yes, you being the homemaker and he the bread winner that is definitely part of it. I am glad you zeroed you mind from it. If you need something let him know in advance if we can budget for this or that next month. You are a new family and he has a lot of securing to do. Be patient with him. As for the compliments, have you changed your outer appearance?

happysisi:
How do you handle a husband who only tells u want he wants to tell you. The wife has no idea about his finances. His communication is zero and won't also give listening ear. His Ego and Pride is killing the marriage as he never appreciates the wife or says sorry even when he's wrong. He does not complement the wife, no birthday, bal, anniversaire célébrations yet he complements other women both married and single. A man who only sees bad in his wife for example, only wen u do thread hair dat he will compliment negatively. Too much to say and type

Nigerian men are very secretive by nature
You don't want me to tell you about my early years
Even now sef
Do you know I got his life insurance policy in the mail just a few years ago and opened it and kept it,that Was the only way I found out how much his beneficiary will get in the event of his death.
I asked the man prior and he bluntly refused to say.
like you ,up till this moment,I still hear of certain things from his responses in phone conversations while speaking with someone or when he is telling another story and throws the " didn't I tell you previously when blah blah blah" and I will say no,I am just hearing it.

When I was a new wife like you,I also got very mad,I felt he didn't love me enough to share these things with me and I would talk and talk about it whenever it occurred.
I later realized that is how men are,almost every friend I have complains or complained of the same things and I came to the conclusion that men are naturally that way by their make up.they are not like women that tell every detail of everything.

There are sometimes it is pretty glaring he should have told me and I would still talk about it but it doesn't hurt anymore like before.
Like when he sends money or gift to some one and they call or run into me and thank me,I have to use sharp wits to pretend I knew all about it but I am sure there are times the looks on my face will show that I had no clue.

There was a time I actually did tell my husband
" why don't you ever compliment the soup,when it's good,why do I only hear about my soup the day I put too much salt in it or the day you want to ask why there was no stock fish"
I didn't say it politely btw,because I was angry.
No one likes to hear just criticisms so I get you here

Regarding the money aspect,I will say get a job if you don't have one,don't bother about his earnings and how much as long as he takes care of stuff.men are usually secretive about that,divulging his earnings to a woman is what many men will never do.
I usually know my husband's starting salary because I look at the contract but from then on,I never know the amount of any increases and raises plus other honorariums and I hardly ask.
There were some consulting work my Oga did and he was owed ,I heard about his sorrows when the folks hadn't paid but only heard about the payment almost a year after he received the money and that because I asked o
Men can be very annoying
According to my friend,if he gets up to pass mark overall you just manage him like that lol

My main purpose and focus on this thread is to educate young wives like yourself so you don't get frustrated over things like this which are little fish,instead you develop strategies to deal with them and one of the strategies is to Learn to overlook them or find solutions to mitigate them for instance earning an income.
I promise you,it won't be a big deal in years to come.

happysisi:

Mine is not a matter of spending cuz I am very good at saving and very disciplined. I am just thinking that maybe it's cuz I am not working so he feels telling me stuff is not important if I cannot contribute financially. In any case, I have stopped worrying nd asking nd I have peace of mind

I didn't even read this before my last post.
Many people come down on me when I say this but I am a strong believer that no woman should be a full time housewife
The disadvantages outweigh any advantages.

I remember when I wasn't working and we were living off his income ,he would be going to the store and I ask him to buy me sanitary pad,the man came back with this very rough,cheap store brand sanitary pad,the type that will bruise your laps
as far as he was concerned why buy "always " brand for $4 when Kroger has the same thing in its brand for $1.99
I said nna,you might as well had bought me a copy of the houston chronicle newspaper to use
That won't happen if I had my own money
Then I found it so humiliating to ask for money or to be bought something after an argument
Chai
Then Sometimes to add insult to injury ,he will refuse to give it at those times and I felt so belittled
I got a job and that problem was solved
I advise you to get a job or earn an income at home.
It does something to a woman's self esteem and respect from the spouse

Do ur hubby give u pocket money?
Pocket money inside feeding money?
How do u ask for a raise in feeding money?

babyosisi:


I didn't even read this before my last post.
Many people come down on me when I say this but I am a strong believer that no woman should be a full time housewife
The disadvantages outweigh any advantages.

I remember when I wasn't working and we were living off his income ,he would be going to the store and I ask him to buy me sanitary pad,the man came back with this very rough,cheap store brand sanitary pad,the type that will bruise your laps
as far as he was concerned why buy "always " brand for $4 when Kroger has the same thing in its brand for $1.99
I said nna,you might as well had bought me a copy of the houston chronicle newspaper to use
That won't happen if I had my own money
Then I found it so humiliating to ask for money or to be bought something after an argument
Chai
Then Sometimes to add insult to injury ,he will refuse to give it at those times and I felt so belittled
I got a job and that problem was solved
I advise you to get a job or earn an income at home.
It does something to a woman's self esteem and respect from the spouse

. wish my aunty will see these post.

U have said all I wanted to complain about lol. I think it gets to me.more because I used to earn money nd never get to ask anybody before I got married. What annoys me the most is that the advise he gives to Ppl he won't apply it to himself. For example this allowance of a thing.

I don't know how to ask nd when I do and insult comes with it, it pissess me off. Like, he should know a woman will for example a woman have personal needs. Most times, I appreciate whatever he gives nd manage it.

As for looking good, if u see me and they tell u that I am married not to talk of having kids, u won't believe it. I look at myself sometimes and cry cuz I was much more better when I wasn't married.

I have started looking for a job no matter how small to get back to my bubbling self. Above all, I have decided not to bother or ask of anything again so I will be happy

babyosisi:


I didn't even read this before my last post.
Many people come down on me when I say this but I am a strong believer that no woman should be a full time housewife
The disadvantages outweigh any advantages.

I remember when I wasn't working and we were living off his income ,he would be going to the store and I ask him to buy me sanitary pad,the man came back with this very rough,cheap store brand sanitary pad,the type that will bruise your laps
as far as he was concerned why buy "always " brand for $4 when Kroger has the same thing in its brand for $1.99
I said nna,you might as well had bought me a copy of the houston chronicle newspaper to use
That won't happen if I had my own money
Then I found it so humiliating to ask for money or to be bought something after an argument
Chai
Then Sometimes to add insult to injury ,he will refuse to give it at those times and I felt so belittled
I got a job and that problem was solved
I advise you to get a job or earn an income at home.
It does something to a woman's self esteem and respect from the spouse

moca:
Do ur hubby give u pocket money?
Pocket money inside feeding money?
How do u ask for a raise in feeding money?

I can even understand the pocket money bit for full time housewives
The one I cannot understand is the one about women that work and give every cent to their husband to control
and then he gives them pocket money out of their earnings.
God forbid * snaps fingers*
That one won't work for me o
Ha
So the day he is angry with me for something he will seize my pocket money or make me beg and apologize before I get it
My own sweat o
Mba kwa * shrugs shoulders*
my children will be stretching hand to collect pocket money and a whole Chief Mrs Beatrice ,the daughter of Ichie Nwokorie will stretch hand kwa
Tua
O ma nga cha cha

After readin for 4 days on my Nokia C1, I get to page 52. Thanks to all that made this thread a warehouse of info about marriage. I ain't married yet but hope 2 be in d next few years. Thanks once again

simiolu1:
After readin for 4 days on my Nokia C1, I get to page 52. Thanks to all that made this thread a warehouse of info about marriage. I ain't married yet but hope 2 be in d next few years. Thanks once again

I am so excited the young men are also benefitting from this

babyosisi:


I am so excited the young men are also benefitting from this

That's a joy I can relate to. I was suprised a day some1 called me (a newly married lady) just because of something I posted about my genotype. Info is really power and with what I have read on this thread, permit me to say all contributors have made me Mr Macho!

babyosisi:


I can even understand the pocket money bit for full time housewives
The one I cannot understand is the one about women that work and give every cent to their husband to control
and then he gives them pocket money out of their earnings.
God forbid * snaps fingers*
That one won't work for me o
Ha
So the day he is angry with me for something he will seize my pocket money or make me beg and apologize before I get it
My own sweat o
Mba kwa * shrugs shoulders*
my children will be stretching hand to collect pocket money and a whole Chief Mrs Beatrice ,the daughter of Ichie Nwokorie will stretch hand kwa
Tua
O ma nga cha cha

Yes o.
It's very vital that married women don't stay idle no matter what.
If u stopd going to work due to child birth,u can stay at home and do something.
Some fry chinchin and co ans supply.
Online marketing.
Look,if u earnestly need it,u must see urself doing one thing or the other.
One housewife that I know,after trying mmany things(though she didn't go to school)
Ended up doing pap in commercial quantity.
Pap. Every three three days and supply.
When I asked her how far,she said had she known,she would hv started early.
Don't underrate anything.
Provided it's bringing in d much needed cash.
Also u have ur pride and dignity to maintain.

If ur people ask ffor something,u can give them without asking hubby.

There is one important aspect I want to touch.
Spending.
D truth is that some women spend money as if there is no tomorrow.
Haba. Brazillian,horse,peruvian,all join,they r competing at d detriment of their family.
Every owambe,they r there with d matching clothes.

Though ur hubby might not complain but majority don't like it. And the old saying that u judge a caring man by his wife's standard of living will make some to keep mute.

I was at d parking lot in shoprite when one man was complaining to another that wifey just went in to shop with 70k and at d end of the day,she will come out with nothing tangible. And truly she came out with nothing tangible.
She and her entourage.
As soon as they came out,hubby closed his mouth and pretended all is well. Guess he never knew I was nearby.

This drives a man into d hand of another woman.
Makes a man keep late night.
Or start bozzing.
Ladies,safeguard ur home.

Immediately after my wedding, a galfriend asked me "where is ur own car? If na me,i no go gree o. Or rather I will be going to work with his. U can't marry this type of man and u r not riding d latest car in town"
That was d beginning of the end of my friendship with her.

Be wise.

moca:

Yes o.
It's very vital that married women don't stay idle no matter what.
If u stopd going to work due to child birth,u can stay at home and do something.
Some fry chinchin and co ans supply.
Online marketing.
Look,if u earnestly need it,u must see urself doing one thing or the other.
One housewife that I know,after trying mmany things(though she didn't go to school)
Ended up doing pap in commercial quantity.
Pap. Every three three days and supply.
When I asked her how far,she said had she known,she would hv started early.
Don't underrate anything.
Provided it's bringing in d much needed cash.
Also u have ur pride and dignity to maintain.

If ur people ask ffor something,u can give them without asking hubby.

There is a woman in this America that makes pap for a living

I totally agree with you but some men do take advantage of it and spend it on other Ppl instead of you. That a woman is independent doesn't mean her hubby shouldn't give her stuff once in a while. Since I got married, over 4 yrs ago, hubby never bought anything for me. Absolutely nothing. No card or even cake for bday. Even if it's not ur way, ur r married now nd need to compromise or else, u chase the woman to.another man who cares nd pays attention




te author=moca post=31310870]There is one




important aspect I want to touch.
Spending.
D truth is that some women spend money as if there is no tomorrow.
Haba. Brazillian,horse,peruvian,all join,they r competing at d detriment of their family.
Every owambe,they r there with d matching clothes.

Though ur hubby might not complain but majority don't like it. And the old saying that u judge a caring man by his wife's standard of living will make some to keep mute.

I was at d parking lot in shoprite when one man was complaining to another that wifey just went in to shop with 70k and at d end of the day,she will come out with nothing tangible. And truly she came out with nothing tangible.
She and her entourage.
As soon as they came out,hubby closed his mouth and pretended all is well. Guess he never knew I was nearby.

This drives a man into d hand of another woman.
Makes a man keep late night.
Or start bozzing.
Ladies,safeguard ur home.

Immediately after my wedding, a galfriend asked me "where is ur own car? If na me,i no go gree o. Or rather I will be going to work with his. U can't marry this type of man and u r not riding d latest car in town"
That was d beginning of the end of my friendship with her.

Be wise.[/quote]

moca:
There is one important aspect I want to touch.
Spending.
D truth is that some women spend money as if there is no tomorrow.
Haba. Brazillian,horse,peruvian,all join,they r competing at d detriment of their family.
Every owambe,they r there with d matching clothes.

Though ur hubby might not complain but majority don't like it. And the old saying that u judge a caring man by his wife's standard of living will make some to keep mute.

I was at d parking lot in shoprite when one man was complaining to another that wifey just went in to shop with 70k and at d end of the day,she will come out with nothing tangible. And truly she came out with nothing tangible.
She and her entourage.
As soon as they came out,hubby closed his mouth and pretended all is well. Guess he never knew I was nearby.

This drives a man into d hand of another woman.
Makes a man keep late night.
Or start bozzing.
Ladies,safeguard ur home.

Immediately after my wedding, a galfriend asked me "where is ur own car? If na me,i no go gree o. Or rather I will be going to work with his. U can't marry this type of man and u r not riding d latest car in town"
That was d beginning of the end of my friendship with her.

Be wise.

I agree with all except the highlighted
A man who wants to cheat will cheat regardless

Speaking of friends or relatives kpa kpa
Do you know my aunt ,the closest relative I had in the city I met my hubby ,called me aside one day after I introduced my fiancé now husband to her and very concerned she told me I could do better
Her words paraphrased " he has no car,nothing much, even the flat sef is empty ,you are still very young and you are pretty,why are you rushing,other people will come nau"
Well I just smiled
Guess who now calls her inlaw from time to time to help her out?

babyosisi:


There is a woman in this America that makes pap for a living

My sis,i know this woman very well cos I sometimes help d little I can. Hubby don't give her anything yet he works. What is that thing they normally play? Eehe,baba ijebu.
4 kids. I'm so happy for her.
Never ever underrate anything.

moca:

My sis,i know this woman very well cos I sometimes help d little I can. Hubby don't give her anything yet he works. What is that thing they normally play? Eehe,baba ijebu.
4 kids. I'm so happy for her.
Never ever underrate anything.

Wow
I heard another lady who knows her,give that testimony at a gathering how she was asking God what to do and heard the spirit of God say pap pap
The rest is history

happysisi:
I totally agree with you but some men do take advantage of it and spend it on other Ppl instead of you. That a woman is independent doesn't mean her hubby shouldn't give her stuff once in a while. Since I got married, over 4 yrs ago, hubby never bought anything for me. Absolutely nothing. No card or even cake for bday. Even if it's not ur way, ur r married now nd need to compromise or else, u chase the woman to.another man who cares nd pays attention

.

Teach him o
It is a learning experience for most of our men
It doesn't come naturally
Did they ever see their father give their mom a card?most didn't
Use idea small small with hints here and idea and teach him
That is the way o
Our men are fast learners I tell you sha


Let me tell a true story
Don't laugh
Early years of marriage ,my birthday,we were going somewhere with the kids
Oga stopped at a store while we waited in the car ,ran out and bought a birthday card,ran back in ,addressed it right there and gave it to me
I almost threw it out the window
How igbotic!
Seriously
Na so dem dey do love?
Of course that drive was not pleasant because I ranted and raved
That was the first and last time it happened
I had to talk o
I figured if I don't stop this now,this man may hand me 10 bucks on my next birthday to buy myself a card

babyosisi:


I agree with all except the highlighted
A man who wants to cheat will cheat regardless

Speaking of friends or relatives kpa kpa
Do you know my aunt ,the closet relative I had in the city I met my hubby ,called me aside one day after I introduced my fiancé now husband to her and very concerned she told me I could do better
Her words paraphrased " he has no car,nothing much, even the flat sef is empty ,you are still very young and you are pretty,why are you rushing,other people will come nau"
Well I just smiled
Guess who now calls her inlaw from time to time to help her out?

Imagine!
Ndi oso chi egbu.



@babysisi,it seems there is a deeper issue than what u r letting us know.
U r obviously very hurt.

I don't celebrate birthdays,anniversaries and all. Hubby does. It's in this nairaland that I started having interest small small.
His birthdays have come and gone and I didn't do anything. Unless he is around and bought somethings,i will now remember to say happy......
As for giving him gift,let me remember first of all,then we can talk about gift but meanwhile that don't stop him from surprising me whenever it's mine.
So give him time and teach him,it will sink in one day.
And if he is up and doing in other areas,abeg fashee d birthday thing.
It's not worth d headache. We all hv diff orientations.

This is another funny story
Many years ago,my husband came home one evening with flowers
It wasn't my birthday,anniversary,mothers day or Valentine
It was just an ordinary day and he comes home and hands me 12 roses
I am thinking,hmm,why this sudden romantic gesture ,this is good
Then while I received the flowers,I said wow this is so sweet
You won't believe what I heard
The man told me he was coming out of the train station and there was the florist there selling off his left over flowers for a $1 for the evening
I laughed so much
Ka m si kwa ( I for say)

babyosisi:


Teach him o
It is a learning experience for most of our men
It doesn't come naturally
Did they ever see their father give their mom a card?most didn't
Use idea small small with hints here and idea and teach him
That is the way o
Our men are fast learners I tell you sha


Let me tell a true story
Don't laugh
Early years of marriage ,my birthday,we were going somewhere with the kids
Oga stopped at a store while we waited in the car ,ran out and bought a birthday card,ran back in ,addressed it right there and gave it to me
I almost threw it out the window
How igbotic!
Seriously
Na so dem dey do love?
Of course that drive was not pleasant because I ranted and raved
That was the first and last time it happened
I had to talk o
I figured if I don't stop this now,this man may hand me 10 bucks on my next birthday to buy myself a card

Free him abeg
Hubby bought valentine card and gave me
Na so I dey look the thing up and dow. A teddy and tea cup.
Shuo! My baby don tear d card and teddy into pieces. As for d cup,will look for it one day

Maybe I'm un romantic.
He will compose poem and send to me.hours he will call to kow if I received his message.
I will say yes.
I'm learning sha.
E no easy o. Enuf bending

moca:


Imagine!
Ndi oso chi egbu.



@babysisi,it seems there is a deeper issue than what u r letting us know.
U r obviously very hurt.

I don't celebrate birthdays,anniversaries and all. Hubby does. It's in this nairaland that I started having interest small small.
His birthdays have come and gone and I didn't do anything. Unless he is around and bought somethings,i will now remember to say happy......
As for giving him gift,let me remember first of all,then we can talk about gift but meanwhile that don't stop him from surprising me whenever it's mine.
So give him time and teach him,it will sink in one day.
And if he is up and doing in other areas,abeg fashee d birthday thing.
It's not worth d headache. We all hv diff orientations.

She can start by giving him cards and gifts on his own birthday too
That may teach him what is expected of him

babyosisi:
This is another funny story
Many years ago,my husband came home one evening with flowers
It wasn't my birthday,anniversary,mothers day or Christmas
It was just an ordinary day and he comes home and hands me 12 roses
I am thinking,hmm,why this sudden romantic gesture ,this is good
Then while I received the flowers,I said wow this is so sweet
You won't believe what I heard
The man told me he was coming out of the train station and there was the florist there selling off his left over flowers for a $1 for the evening
I laughed so much
Ka m is kwa ( I for say)

U don enter motor ndi oshi!

moca:

U don enter motor ndi oshi!

That is eh
Hahahahaha
This flower thing doesn't come naturally o
There was a period he ordered flowers from 1800flowers to be delivered on my birthday and valentine
He did it about 4 years and stopped
Now I don't know if he goes to pick them from the cemetery

babyosisi:


She can start by giving him cards and gifts on his own birthday too
That may teach him what is expected of him

Exactly.
Me too I'm learning.
It's a tradition in my new family o. They celebrate everything.
Even father in law has called and scolded me for forgetting his birthday.
Imagine?

I now have where I wrote all down and my phone too reminds me.
We learn everyday.
I found out hubby loves it when u praise him so I do that. His head will swell.
I bought a very expensive perf the other day and gave him. I just close eye and pay.
Chei! Marriage!
See me going into men's store to look for things. It's well o!

babyosisi:



That is eh
Hahahahaha
This flower thing doesn't come naturally o
There was a period he ordered flowers from 1800flowers to be delivered on my birthday and valentine
He did it about 4 years and stopped
Now I don't know if he goes to pick them from the cemetery

Abeg,its midnite here!
They will think I don kolo

[
I do celebrate his bday nd he will end up saying it's waste of money, can u imagine? Even the kids bday, even just cake, he will say it's not necessary every year dat growing up, it funny happen to him nd he ended up fine...can u imagine da logic?

I have stopped expecting anything not to be hurt. Seriously job hunting cuz Datz going to be the end of it all

quote author=moca post=31311834]
Exactly.
Me too I'm learning.
It's a tradition in my new family o. They celebrate everything.
Even father in law has called and scolded me for forgetting his birthday.
Imagine?

I now have where I wrote all down and my phone too reminds me.
We learn everyday.
I found out hubby loves it when u praise him so I do that. His head will swell.
I bought a very expensive perf the other day and gave him. I just close eye and pay.
Chei! Marriage!
See me going into men's store to look for things. It's well o![/quote]

I do celebrate his bday nd he will end up saying it's waste of money, can u imagine? Even the kids bday, even just cake, he will say it's not necessary every year dat growing up, it funny happen to him nd he ended up fine...can u imagine da logic?

I have stopped expecting anything not to be hurt. Seriously job hunting cuz Datz going to be the end of it all

@ happysisi
You know why he sees it as a waste ?
It's his money
He pays the piper so he dictates the tune
If the money was from your own earnings,he wouldn't mind
Making your own money gives you a lot of say in the home,I tell you