I don’t quite know why I am sharing
this extremely personal story with you
now, except that there is a little voice
pushing me to let it out, and I am
acting on that.


This story might be upsetting for some
and it might make others feel angry
and for that I apologise.

I want to tell you about the night I
gave up on life...

It was back in 2000, my life looked as
if it was going well, I had a lot of
friends, I had a decent job, I had
travelled a bit, I had good looks, I had
money in my pocket, the works. The
thing is I wasn’t all that happy and I
couldn’t for the life of me figure out
why I was unhappy inside. I used to
fantasize about ending my life, it was
actually a real comfort to know that I
had the choice of living or dying.

I used to plan how I was going to end
my life so as it would look like an
accident to lessen the pain on my
family, my favourite fantasy was
jumping off a tall building.


One night, I was working in a bar and
I was walking the 2 mile walk home
late at about 1am. The rain could be
heard thundering down onto the
pavements. I was walking slowly in
the rain as I liked the feel of rain
against my skin. I noticed in the
distance a dog, and it was limping
quite heavily. When the dog got closer,
I noticed the dog had only 3 legs as it
ran past me. For no reason, I started
crying uncontrollably as I felt so sorry
for this dog. I couldn’t get the dog out
of my mind the next day, and
wondered why I was so upset by it. I
realised I felt like the dog: alone,
soaked, not fully functional and
nowhere to go.

A few nights later I decided that the
jacket of life no longer fitted me and I
was taking the jacket off for good. I
said goodnight to my mum and dad, I
called my sisters earlier on to tell them
I loved them. I took 26 strong sleeping
tablets up to my bedroom after telling
my dad not to wake me up in the
morning for work as I had a days
holiday. I sat in bed with the tablets,
a glass of milk and cried as I took each
tablet. I cried for my mum, and at how
heartbroken she would be, I cried for
my dad as I had only told him I loved
him once in my life. I cried for my
sisters as I would miss them terribly
and knew they would miss me. I took
all 26 tablets and put my head on my
pillow to die. I am crying as I write
this just now.


I can’t quite remember when I woke
up, I was in hospital and two of my
friends were there with my mum and
dad and sisters. I had been
unconscious, I honestly don’t know
how long as I have never spoken of
this to my family since. The morning
after I had taken the tablets my dad
was up for work as normal. He didn’t
wake me up as I had told him not to,
however he heard a bang when he got
up at around 5am. Apparently I had
fallen out of bed. That fall , and my
dad hearing it, saved my life, I believe.

When I woke up in the hospital there
was a lot of crying, a lot of questions
and a lot of explaining. The hospital
psychiatrist came round and asked if I
needed help. I told her I knew why I
had done it and I was going to rectify
the issues in my life. I felt ashamed,
guilty, upset and angry at myself at
having to put my family through
something as awful as this just
because I didn’t have the balls to sort
out some of my problems.


I didn’t feel I fitted into life, with the
friends I had, the job, just everything.
What did I do? I started over. I
dropped my friends as I realised they
were drinking buddies and not friends,
I changed my job, I upgraded my skills,
I got my finances sorted out and
moved to another city. I have never
looked back since and I have been on a
quest ever since to find myself and
share the knowledge I have with
others..

LESSONS FROM THAT NIGHT

Nothing and I mean nothing is so bad
that you have to take your own life.
There are always options and if the
worst comes to the worst, drop
everything and start again. If you are
in this situation just now, please
believe me when I say it will get better
and there are people who can help.

so what exactly is your problem?

I ain't got no problem anymore..
I am only passing a message to those who feel same way i felt also..

Allureoftheseas:
so what exactly is your problem?

must u talk??....OP jare...that was cool....

Sometimes I do have the same feeling but I don't have the balls to take my own life;especially when I imagine the other good aspect of life. I know everything will be ok;that is the voice that comes to my head when I think of dying. It is well.

rudepen:
must u talk??....OP jare...that was cool....

thank you very much Brother..

Tekzyflex:
Sometimes I do have the same feeling but I don't have the balls to take my own life;especially when I imagine the other good aspect of life. I know everything will be ok;that is the voice that comes to my head when I think of dying. It is well.

Amen..i so much appreciate your contribution.Let's pass this message out to others

what is the name of the pills you took?