The husband of a female friend of mine gives her all she needs but does not give anything for her mother/father. I asked her if the parents made things difficult for the husband during their traditional marriage. She said no, that the parent helped the husband in slashing most of the requirements. The mother even stopped working abruptly to help cater for she grand-child so her daughter can go to work. The mother helped her daughter for close to 2 years (not in her daughter's house oh), while her father moved finally to the village. She helped her in catering for the baby, tutor the child (as she was a teacher), goes to market and sometimes cook for her daughter just to make things easy for her.

After close to 2 years, the girl's father requested for the mother to come back home and stay with him. Since she moved to the village, my friend's husband does not call them, does not send even 1 naira to these elderly people that is no longer working. Thank God the father earns small pension which they feed on (while the mother lost all benefits because she abruptly stopped her job.)

Each time my friend confronts the husband, he flairs up, starts up a quarrel and give all sort of excuses. This is a man that have changed car 3 times in 5 years. He does not seem like someone that can not afford to give small financial assistance. He give his wife good money but restrains her from giving anything to her parents or siblings.

This is not the first married man i have come across that does not care for the wife's parent.
My question here 'Is this proper in Naija'? What do you advice, the person affected is following this conversation.

Dont they have other children and cant ur friend save something from what the husband gives to her to support her parent? Was any agreement made about that before the marriage? Cant ur friend call his attention?
The man self too stingy

1. The lady is supposed to save some amount given to her by the hubby in order to help her parents.
2. The lady's siblings should play their part in whatever capacity they can help.
3. The man does not love his wife's parents. It seems he married the lady because she is a stakeholder in his financial upliftment
4. Maybe that man has been embarassed by his wife's parents either socially, morally, financially or emotionally
5. It seems the parents of the lady did not support their union from the beginning
That man is hardened and heartless.

Kellygold:

My question here 'Is this proper in Naija'? What do you advice, the person affected is following this conversation.

Don't make it about a naija thing

Its even expected you take care of your elderly ones

let the girl work and send some money to her parents or save some of her own loot for them

Why should a man provide for my parents? Tarh!

He should take care of his parent, and I, with my siblings would take care of ours.

Can't she use her own money to take care of her parents?

The woman in question can save some of the money hubby gives her for her parents. But she is working too, how about she taking care of her parents too. Must everything be on the man's shoulders?

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Redoil:
Dont they have other children and cant ur friend save something from what the husband gives to her to support her parent? Was any agreement made about that before the marriage? Cant ur friend call his attention?
The man self too stingy

She is a very good giver, i have even benefited from her. But she gives to her siblings and parents without the husband's knowledge.

According to her, the parents have always shown love and affection to her and her husband. They actually do not expect him to pay their bills, but some form of care like call or xmas rice will do. The husband does not do any of these. Actually she calls, send stuff to her parents in the name of her husband.
It is so bad that each time the parents get a gift from her, they take permission from her before calling the husband to say 'thank you' because most times they know it was not truely from the husband.
*ex-hailing* their case taya person. But this couple is super in love with each other, that is why the parents do not worry so much. The parents just feel like he loves their daughter and hate them which is quite abnormal.

Kellygold:


She is a very good giver, i have even benefited from her. But she gives to her siblings and parents without the husband's knowledge.

methink that is the best thing to do

Learning here...

ichidodo:
The man is plain heartless and wicked...in my youth,my dad would buy foodstuffs and more when we all go to see my maternal grandmother....Every year.

How? The man is not wicked jor.

Stingy in-law! some men are just built like that.

yomi007k:
Learning here...

Hmmm my dear, similar case cause katakata between hubby and I... My man thinks since my parents are well to do and comfortable, they don't need stuff from him atall. He's so scared or should I say paranoid that my parents may see his presents as inferior or small but that's not the case here. Parents ( in-laws) appreciate being acknowledged by their son inlaw especially. It's not that they're starved or needy, it's sends a special message to them that they're not/will never be forgotten.
Ofcourse I'm more than capable to care for my parents . and trust me they know who gives what( esp when you are very close to your parent(s) )


1.Occasional phone calls (birthdays, mother&Father's day,) and not only when there's loss in the family.
2. Christmas / Salah gifts ( even if they don't celebrate as long as someone in the family celebrates this then they must be included too)

You think these are small stuff?.... Try it and see for yourselves.

Agrika:
Stingy in-law! some men are just built like that.

He's not stingy. 'thinks it's not that important. Someone has to set him straight - WIFE.

Ewuro4:


Hmmm my dear, similar case cause katakata between hubby and I... My man thinks since my parents are well to do and comfortable, they don't need stuff from him atall. He's so scared or should I say paranoid that my parents may see his presents as inferior or small but that's not the case here. Parents ( in-laws) appreciate being acknowledged by their son inlaw especially. It's not that they're starved or needy, it's sends a special message to them that they're not/will never be forgotten.
Ofcourse I'm more than capable to care for my parents . and trust me they know who gives what( esp when you are very close to your parent(s) )


1.Occasional phone calls (birthdays, mother&Father's day,) and not only when there's loss in the family.
2. Christmas / Salah gifts ( even if they don't celebrate as long as someone in the family celebrates this then they must be included too)

You think these are small stuff?.... Try it and see for yourselves.

Thanks a mill.
I'm not married yet but I'll bear these in mind. Already, I ensure I call family members and in-laws either every weekend or every other weekend.
But u know being a 9ja man aint easy, may God help us sha.

I'm not sure he really loves his wife o,cos iF he really does he'l love and care for her family esp her parents,Tank God my hubby cares for my parents like he's own,wen eva he sends money for his parents he doesn't hesitate to send to mine as well..maybe I'm just lucky....but WIFE u really need to make your husband see the need to take care of your parents atlist once in a while send them stuff on his own accord... If he loves u he'l listen to u after much pressure...

You can't love a woman without loving every thing about her. Some people are just too selfish. Once its not their direct family, they tend to hold back in financial support.
Tell your friend to try sending as much as she can to them. Because, this type of man, by the time you finally nag him into giving them. He'll rub it in your face and make the house very uncomfortable for you.










N.B- this is actually a time bomb waiting to explode.

Baseless argument.

Is there an agreement,he must provide for his inlaw?

Is the wife not working,why can't she help her hubby out,by sending money on his name?

Inlaws,shouldn't be a leech,its not their right to the man's purse,

We need to hear the man's side of the story,before judgment can be passed,till then,to me,the man does no wrong.

Yomieluv:
Baseless argument.

Is there an agreement,he must provide for his inlaw?

Is the wife not working,why can't she help her hubby out,by sending money on his name?

Inlaws,shouldn't be a leech,its not their right to the man's purse,

We need to hear the man's side of the story,before judgment can be passed,till then,to me,the man does no wrong.

Send what in his name? You just don't get it do you? It's really not about the money & gifts but the act of respect and Acknowledgement involved.

This is a very important aspect of marriage many men take for granted and it shouldn't be.

there is something now called nuclear family. A lot of things are changing in the society that we have.

But OP, what does your friend do with the money given to her.if she has the thought of her parent at heart, she will not wait for her husband to give her to give to her parent.

tell her that I said she was picking an unnecessary misunderstanding at home. she knows what to do. everything does not end in shoes and hand bags. she should save some for her parents

Richy4:
there is something now called nuclear family. A lot of things are changing in the society that we have.

But OP, what does your friend do with the money given to her.if she has the thought of her parent at heart, she will not wait for her husband to give her to give to her parent.

tell her that I said she was picking an unnecessary misunderstanding at home. she knows what to do. everything does not end in shoes and hand bags. she should save some for her parents

She send gifts to her parents and siblings in the name of her husband. But she want her husband to have similar attitude even if it ones or times a year.

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