babyosisi:


Do you know what I will advise since you are friends with them
Call the wife aside if you are that close or have a female close to her call her aside and ask what the issue is
You will be shocked at what you will hear

already had that in mind.

5minsmadness:


already had that in mind.

Please come back and report the findings and mention me
I guarantee you,her stories will shock you
I have counseled men who told me how evil their wives were and how they won't let him touch them but until I heard about their porn addictions and drunkenness and physical abuse and rage.
The story is incomplete,I guarantee you that from experience

pak:



The problem isn't lack of communication, the woman knows exactly what she's doing, trying to always talk about it, will make the man look more desperate and end up empowering her.

The woman didn't get tired of the marriage either, this was her plan from day one. And yes, the woman is cheating, and it is not due to the man's fault. The woman waged a psychological warfare on the man from day one of the marriage.

One reality we need to face is that the marriage might be irredeemable. The woman might actually not be his true wife.

If we dig deep, I am 100% certain that the wife in question would have suffered trauma, abandonment or abuse as a little child and his acting out in attack as a subconscious protective mechanism against the man.

There is little the man can do about her, her problem and solution lies within her, not externally, so let the man try as best to ignore and live his life. Show her he is not concerned, that will in the short term grab her attention but in the long term, my instinct tells me the man is in for hell

Interesting.
Her own parents separated when they were little. she doesn't allow her father visit their matrimonial home since she feels he abandoned her and her siblings when they were little. this was one of the reasons the guy in question doesn't want a repeat as their own kids are little too.

5minsmadness:
This couple have been married for three years and have two kids. The man met his wife at his workplace during which time she had just finished nysc. They got to know each other better and soon they became a couple and got married. The man helped her get a job at his place of work but noticed she didn't mention his help to her parents, making it look as if she got the job herself. However he overlooked it thinking it was no big deal.

Recently however he has come to realise that his wife doesn't love him. He feels this way because she never acknowledges his good deeds around the house, is never willing to listen to any advice he has to give but rather takes her friend's advice over his. Most times he asks for sex she says she is tired or in her period or that they should postpone it to the next day And when the next say reaches she pretends to forget. If the man insists it turns into a big fight and they don't talk for days.

The man decided to be helping her around the house in case housework was overwhelming her as they don't have a nanny. He washes the clothes, picks the kids from school, cooks food for the kids and feeds them when she comes late from work and he is the one at home. Despite all this it seems he is making no headway as their sex life has not improved. The man decided to stop asking for sex but the wife didn't even notice.
She rarely serves him his food properly. He comes from a traditional family where the woman serves the man food as soon as he comes back from work. She says she was not brought up that way and starts cooking the food when the man comes home. He decided to be understanding and accepted to wait. But he finds if he doesn't remind her, she doesn't near the kitchen to cook for him. He had now resorted to serving himself when he gets home, thinking his wife will get the message but she is comfortable with it.

He feels the wife no longer has feelings for him and left for him would have divorced her long ago, but he doesn't believe in divorce. Also he is worried about the kids and how it will affect them if they separate.


Pls advice needed.

from what am readin your marriage lacks communication u are afraid of talking so you don't hurt her feelings u are de man dear take charge talk 2 her nd say aall you feel nd think den she go talk her own dat way u guys will knw were u not doing well nd improve
She ma also not be de sex sex type jst look deeper somfin is definitely wrong nd pls communicaye thank yoi

Love and hate goes hand in hand. Amd both could be as passionate as the other.

saasala:
Do you think I was mad when I said I wouldnt get married? A man stands to gain nothing from marriage. You lose your freedom. She nags you to hell. You live your entire life to satisfy a woman. She suddenly hates sex, loses her pristine beauty and becomes a fat pig with saggy booobs and tasteless asss, your jokes are no longer funny to her, she doesnt like to go out for fun any more, she now hates picnics and the cinema. You can get more than enough what you tend to gain in marriage by remaining single: Free sex, free movement, you can even have a baby mama if you are so crazy about having a child, plus nobody will call you oloriburuku for being single unlike the females. Guys, dont get married. Think well before you cross that rubicon. Seun Osewa has known these facts hence his decision to remain single (Well, I guess). Why get married when you will end up losing your happiness, and probably divorce. As for me and my head, ama stay single for life ni o...and I dont even give a hoot about having kids. This life is messed up already, why bring another innocent child to participate in it. Think Brothers.

perfect life and good for u. its a nice choice.

5minsmadness:
This couple have been married for three years and have two kids. The man met his wife at his workplace during which time she had just finished nysc. They got to know each other better and soon they became a couple and got married. The man helped her get a job at his place of work but noticed she didn't mention his help to her parents, making it look as if she got the job herself. However he overlooked it thinking it was no big deal.

Recently however he has come to realise that his wife doesn't love him. He feels this way because she never acknowledges his good deeds around the house, is never willing to listen to any advice he has to give but rather takes her friend's advice over his. Most times he asks for sex she says she is tired or in her period or that they should postpone it to the next day And when the next say reaches she pretends to forget. If the man insists it turns into a big fight and they don't talk for days.

The man decided to be helping her around the house in case housework was overwhelming her as they don't have a nanny. He washes the clothes, picks the kids from school, cooks food for the kids and feeds them when she comes late from work and he is the one at home. Despite all this it seems he is making no headway as their sex life has not improved. The man decided to stop asking for sex but the wife didn't even notice.
She rarely serves him his food properly. He comes from a traditional family where the woman serves the man food as soon as he comes back from work. She says she was not brought up that way and starts cooking the food when the man comes home. He decided to be understanding and accepted to wait. But he finds if he doesn't remind her, she doesn't near the kitchen to cook for him. He had now resorted to serving himself when he gets home, thinking his wife will get the message but she is comfortable with it.

He feels the wife no longer has feelings for him and left for him would have divorced her long ago, but he doesn't believe in divorce. Also he is worried about the kids and how it will affect them if they separate.

Pls advice needed.

5minsmadness:
thanks for your reply.
he has discussed with her numerous times, the last time was after their last kid when she denied him sex for several months with the excuse that she was still in pains following delivery (she had a cut), he later called her aside and asked if there was anything he had done wrong as he had asked his married friends around and none of them said thier wives starved them of sex for 3months due to pain. He even offered to take her to the hospital but she refused. she apologised and said she would be better. she became more sexual for a while but soon she fell back to her old ways. right now the guy doesnt ask for sex unless she approaches him but instead satisfies himself with porn.

He didnt have any qualms telling me all his issues cos he said he wants to make sure he has done all he can before he takes the next step.

he wanted to report to the mum but she said she would change that he shouldn't embarrass her. her dad and mum have been separated since they were little so the dad has little or no say in the matter.

i dont think she is circumcised. i will ask him.

5minsmadness:
alright babyosisi how should he check himself? be specific.
Av guyishly asked him if he maybe cheated on her and she found out, he said no, he has been faithful from day one except the porn which he is trying to stop. This guy cooks food sometimes, washes clothes and even irons it for the wife all to please her. i thought it is the kind of thing you feminist ladies like? god knows if it was me I would have thrown her from the window by now, but this guy is a genuine nice guy, well known at the office and at home. what do you think is making the lady behave this way? i want to hear "you people's" point of view.

cc: grandstar, Timbuktou, babyosisi

Very good and interesting thread

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother
A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need

You sure are a friend and a brother indeed, loyal and sticking your neck out opening up this thread here on behalf of this individual in his time of need

OK, that said.
Why doesn't your confidant believe in divorce? What is the basis for this stance?
Is this out of a religious faith, your confidant's non-belief in divorce?

Also the porn angle is not understood. Unable to grasp the reasonableness of him gravitating to porn
Why porn? Why does he need to "satisfy himself with porn".

Noticed you grinning cheerfully at Timbuktou's post and noticed your:
"if it was me I would have thrown her from the window by now, but this guy is a genuine nice guy, well known at the office and at home"

Sorry all for repeating or mentioning those long posts

babyosisi:


Please come back and report the findings and mention me
I guarantee you,her stories will shock you
I have counseled men who told me how evil their wives were and how they won't let him touch them but until I heard about their porn addictions and drunkenness and physical abuse and rage.
The story is incomplete,I guarantee you that from experience

I already mentioned that he watches porn but that was only after she denied him sex after the birth of the first baby and subsequently. he began watching porn to cope with his sexual urges but is disgusted with the habit and wants to stop.

saasala:
Do you think I was mad when I said I wouldnt get married? A man stands to gain nothing from marriage. You lose your freedom. She nags you to hell. You live your entire life to satisfy a woman. She suddenly hates sex, loses her pristine beauty and becomes a fat pig with saggy booobs and tasteless asss, your jokes are no longer funny to her, she doesnt like to go out for fun any more, she now hates picnics and the cinema. You can get more than enough what you tend to gain in marriage by remaining single: Free sex, free movement, you can even have a baby mama if you are so crazy about having a child, plus nobody will call you oloriburuku for being single unlike the females. Guys, dont get married. Think well before you cross that rubicon. Seun Osewa has known these facts hence his decision to remain single (Well, I guess). Why get married when you will end up losing your happiness, and probably divorce. As for me and my head, ama stay single for life ni o...and I dont even give a hoot about having kids. This life is messed up already, why bring another innocent child to participate in it. Think Brothers.

Hmmm

I feel you... True words... Harsh, but true

But lemme ask

What would you do when "love" happens?

When you find the one that wouldn't be or isn't any of these things? The one that totally "connects" with you and vice versa

Will you fight the feelings or just plain ignore it

redsun:
Love and hate goes hand in hand. Ad both could be as passionate as the other.

I like this. I dont know why but i like this quote. am gonna use it one day as my signature.

I'm not in support of men beating their wives, its this kind of women that responds with k when chatting with them, turn ursef to the husband in the house

MuttleyLaff:





cc: grandstar, Timbuktou, babyosisi

Very good and interesting thread

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother
A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need

You sure are a friend and a brother indeed, loyal and sticking your neck out opening up this thread here on behalf of this individual in his time of need

OK, that said.
Why doesn't your confidant believe in divorce? What is the basis for this stance?
Is this out of a religious faith, your confidant's non-belief in divorce?

Also the porn angle is not understood. Unable to grasp the reasonableness of him gravitating to porn
Why porn? Why does he need to "satisfy himself with porn".

Noticed you grinning cheerfully at Timbuktou's post and noticed your:
"if it was me I would have thrown her from the window by now, but this guy is a genuine nice guy, well known at the office and at home"

Sorry all for repeating or mentioning those long posts

hellooo old member with a new moniker, how r u doing

his reasons are mainly religious and because he doesnt want a broken up home and he's scared what will happen to the kids.

as for the porn, he started resorting to it when she denied him sex for long periods of time, and it grew into a bad habit and he wants to stop.

as for Timbuktou and babyosisi, dont worry yourself, its a story that starts way way back when wars were fought on gender battlefields

Toks2008:
f

If you are a man reading this please get this fact here and now

98% of ladies hate good guys and the 2% who does appreciate good guys must have learnt their lessons.

Most ladies deserve to be treated like poop and that will make them love you the more but be mr nice and she will take u for granted.
.

in todays world, only a foolish man does not know this.

quivah:
I believe the op is a Christian, divorce isn't an option neither is polygamy nor infidelity.. okk..
its left to you to endure, talk it out, or accept things the way they are
but its better to walk out of this sham cause sooner or later the woman will break it off after leaving you in pieces..


waiting for the , pray, wear red boxer, buy gifts crew

How was jamb?

Why do some people never value what they have until they loose it. My dear it's both ways. If u are a born again christian keep praying for her and pay less attention to her so that u will nt die of High BP.I just hope she isn't cheating on you. Look after ur self

5minsmadness:


Interesting.
Her own parents separated when they were little. she doesn't allow her father visit their matrimonial home since she feels he abandoned her and her siblings when they were little. this was one of the reasons the guy in question doesn't want a repeat as their own kids are little too.

Now that you know I am not bluffing, do you really want me to give you (or your friend) sincere advice on the way forward ??

From the little I have heard, this lady seems to be suffering from a personality/psychological disorder. Her emotional development was stunted in the early stages of her life because of the trauma and abandonement and she is in all probability severely damaged emotionally (in some instance irredeemably)

And for one minute, do not think she doesn't know what she is doing or she is just being confused or spoilt. She in all probability a most manipulative person and the 'marriage' is going along exactly the way she intends it - so communicating with her isn't a solution at all cos she already knows what she's doing and she'll go to denial mode in any communication unless she feels threatened.
Infact, right now, I am also certain she's doing her best to isolate him from other loved ones (it's a usual tactic).

Anyway, do you really want me to give my frank advice ?

Very simple case, buy a pack of condoms,tear one away as if it has been used, carelessly drop it where she can see it and letz see her reaction. If no tangible reaction eat from outside. Just get home and sleep. Don't also fget to punctuate all dese wash wash of cloth and dropping off kids at sch.

OBlaize:


Hmmm

I feel you... True words... Harsh, but true

But lemme ask

What would you do when "love" happens?

When you find the one that wouldn't be or isn't any of these things? The one that totally "connects" with you and vice versa

Will you fight the feelings or just plain ignore it

It's not easy to ignore dat feeling.

There in lies d problem, when love strikes... Because it's almost impossible to suppress dat feeling when it's mutual, it's like a magnet... That feeling is too vortex, trying to fight it can make one act silly, love strong sha...

You should read some of these interesting letters here and see how twisted love can get - http://thenakedconvos.com/dear-efe-she-wants-anal-sex/

5minsmadness:
hellooo old member with a new moniker, how r u doing

his reasons are mainly religious and because he doesnt want a broken up home and he's scared what will happen to the kids.

as for the porn, he started resorting to it when she denied him sex for long periods of time, and it grew into a bad habit and he wants to stop.

as for Timbuktou and babyosisi, dont worry yourself, its a story that starts way way back when wars were fought on gender battlefields

cc: grandstar, Timbuktou, babyosisi

Ogbologbo! Dont know how you came about "old member with a new moniker" but never mind, "how r u doing" too

I had already done my due diligence on you before posting on the thread you opened up
- like your dossier, your responses and posts
Wouldnt want to be found spending precious time on a time waster

I had Timbuktou and babyosisi etc added as mentions because it was your responses to their posts I repeated
but to curtail repetitions that guzzles up bandwidth didnt mention their equally relevant and important posts

Since it was advice you requested, let's make this clear, dont expect a "Last Chance Saloon" advice to be proffered,
because anyone that says marriage is a bed of roses, has probably forgotten to mention the prickly thorns of roses

It serves right to remember, at the back of the mind, that it is better to give than receive
- we will come back to this full course later

Does your friend or you, really know what porn is?
Does your friend or you know why people go into or go for porn?
Let's know why your friend resorts to porn because am still trying to understand the leap to porn
What role is porn serving in this case, how did it or how does it come into play here?

Delving a bit in the realms of psychology, not saying am a sex therapist nor doing a psychological analysis,
but is there any reason or history for his wife to be frigid, has she sufferred sexual assault, sexual abuse etc

According to you, your friend, he is a traditionalist, isnt that so? Please confirm
Can we safely assume that his wife is not a traditionalist?
Is breaking with convention, an option that CAN be considered for both of them and this current situation?

He is intimately attracted to his wife?
Does he find her sexually, physically and inwardly attractive?

"She Doesn't Love Him, But He Doesn't Believe In Divorce" you say, but does she respect him?

Despite not having sex, regularly getting sex or having the opportunity of making love, does he LOVE his wife?

Despite not having sex, regularly getting sex or having the opportunity of making love, are they affectionate with each other, hold hands, kiss and cuddle? Do they flirt, horse-play or "ta ge" with each other?

Please give responses to all the questions for the expected advice.

lrguru:
I have always loved polygamy as a traditional man, I don't know about u? Yes u reading this

So do you think women should have multiple husbands too?

All these long advices....

5minsmadness,

Like Dyt suggested, make your guy rattle him wife small. Make him crack am small. Appears the guy is really nice to the core but bro DEALDLY I must say!

Make him arrange one fine 'friend' wey go dey visit am often when his wife is around or call the babe at very odd hours. This female friend should be very homely and friendly with the kids too. I tell you, what started WW2 will be too insignificant to what's going to happen to the wife.

I tell you, she'll straighten up. Even Olosho dey jealous of her boyfriend!

lrguru:
I have always loved polygamy as a traditional man, I don't know about u? Yes u reading this

pashaun:
So do you think women should have multiple husbands too?

As a matter of truth both polygamy or polyandry is not acceptable, lets not deceive each other

Having said that with polygamy, all get to follow a leader
as for polyandry, the one gets to follow two leaders
but we know, one cant follow two leaders
so making polygamy is a lesser evil

How cud he have taken all this nonsense, Its d woman dat is in charge of d house. Its better d guy starts making d rules in d house & if she doesnt obey let her go pure & simple. Two sailors can steer d same ship now. the guy too gentle abeg.

pashaun:


So do you think women should have multiple husbands too?

Its not allowed, its forbidden. A pussy shdnt be a public property

MuttleyLaff:



As a matter of truth both polygamy or polyandry is not acceptable, lets not deceive each other

Having said that with polygamy, all get to follow a leader
as for polyandry, the one gets to follow two leaders
but we know, one cant follow two leaders
so making polygamy is a lesser evil

Polyandry is polygamy. Lol

Polygyny is polygamy too

Olufemiolaolu:
Its not allowed, its forbidden. A pussy shdnt be a public property

But it's polygamy

pashaun:
Polyandry is polygamy. Lol

Polygyny is polygamy too

One, polygamy, has to do with a man having more than one wife at the same time
- all following one leader
the other, polyandry, has to do with a woman having more than one husbands at the same time
- one following more than one leader

the latter more of a recipe for chaos

MuttleyLaff:

cc: grandstar, Timbuktou, babyosisi

Ogbologbo! Dont know how you came about "old member with a new moniker" but never mind, "how r u doing" too

apologies. i thought you were a familar. my mistake.

I had already done my due diligence on you before posting on the thread you opened up
- like your dossier, your responses and posts
Wouldnt want to be found spending precious time on a time waster

I had Timbuktou and babyosisi etc added as mentions because it was your responses to their posts I repeated
but to curtail repetitions that guzzles up bandwidth didnt mention their equally relevant and important posts

Since it was advice you requested, let's make this clear, dont expect a "Last Chance Saloon" advice to be proffered,
because anyone that says marriage is a bed of roses, has probably forgotten to mention the prickly thorns of roses

It serves right to remember, at the back of the mind, that it is better to give than receive
- we will come back to this full course later

Does your friend or you, really know what porn is?
Does your friend or you know why people go into or for porn?
Let's know why your friend resorts to porn because am still trying to understand the leap to porn
What role is porn serving in this case, how did it or how does it come into play here?

Delving a bit in the realms of psychology, not saying am a sex therapist nor doing a psychological analysis,
but is there any reason or history for his wife to be frigid, has she sufferred sexual assault, sexual abuse etc

According to you, your friend, he is a traditionalist, isnt that so?
Can we safely assume that his wife is not a traditionalist?
Is breaking with convention an option that be considered for both and the current situation?

He is intimately attracted to his wife?
Does he find her sexually, physically and inwardly attractive?

"She Doesn't Love Him, But He Doesn't Believe In Divorce" you say, but does she respect him?

Despite not having sex, regularly getting sex or having the opportunity of making love, does he LOVE his wife?

Despite not having sex, regularly getting sex or having the opportunity of making love, are they affectionate with each other, hold hands, kiss and cuddle? Do they flirt, horse-play or "ta ge" with each other?

Please give responses to all the questions for the expected advice.

*deep deep deep sigh*

you are so barking up the wrong tree bro. Please do your "due diligence" on my dossier again. I am NOT the man in question. If I have issues I clearly state it is me(look at my previous threads). This isn't the first time i am bringing one of my cases to nairaland. I don't do it often (at least I hope not) but when i do its cos I'm stumped and I'm looking for outside the box ideas. All the information I gave are in the original post, please read through it again slowly and without malice.

tanchu.

pashaun:


But it's polygamy

What do u mean?

MuttleyLaff:


One, polygamy, has to do with a man having more than one wife at the same time
- all following one leader
the other, polyandry, has to do with a woman having more than one husbands at the same time
- one following more than one leader

the latter more of a recipe for chaos

Wrong. Polygyny is when a man has more than one wife. Polygny and Polyandry are forms of polygamy.

In polyandry the woman is the leader

saasala:
Do you think I was mad when I said I wouldnt get married? A man stands to gain nothing from marriage. You lose your freedom. She nags you to hell. You live your entire life to satisfy a woman. She suddenly hates sex, loses her pristine beauty and becomes a fat pig with saggy booobs and tasteless asss, your jokes are no longer funny to her, she doesnt like to go out for fun any more, she now hates picnics and the cinema. You can get more than enough what you tend to gain in marriage by remaining single: Free sex, free movement, you can even have a baby mama if you are so crazy about having a child, plus nobody will call you oloriburuku for being single unlike the females. Guys, dont get married. Think well before you cross that rubicon. Seun Osewa has known these facts hence his decision to remain single (Well, I guess). Why get married when you will end up losing your happiness, and probably divorce. As for me and my head, ama stay single for life ni o...and I dont even give a hoot about having kids. This life is messed up already, why bring another innocent child to participate in it. Think Brothers.

bros, am almost tempted to agree with u, but truth be told, marriage is seriously overrated!