Timbuktou:

1. In such cases, the woman is head of household. Simple as that.

2. Oh, so women want to be without control, doing as they please? They don't want to submit to authority but want to be under authority? They don't need to be married then. If you're going to be married to a man be prepared to submit. Hehehe

The wife is the head of the home if she outearns or earns equally with the husband

What will you do if your wife gets a very good job today and outearns you?

SirShymexx:


Well, I can't view things from a woman's perspective - it's going to be flawed cos I'm not one. That's the mistake a lot of these women make by trying to think like a man.

And if it's about the naija experience, I can look at my parents and those around me, and see things through their own eyes - and it isn't as bad as these folks make it to be. Most of them are just lousy and lazy. Women are the back-bone of every society, hence every progressive society has progressive women who play their roles the right way. So, I'd wager that since naija is messed up - it shows the women are also messed up. That's a perfect picture right there.

Your purview of things should always be from what you're acquainted with, not things you think in ya head. Separate reality from fiction. Yes, men also have to change a lot of things - but definitely not how/what these noisemakers cry about.

You cannot proffer a practical solution if you fail to understand where we are coming from. I am not asking you to be a woman I only ask you to try to view it from our perspective.

I mentioned earlier that you grew up in a normal family. Most people were not that lucky especially back home in Nigeria. If for example my female cousins grow up to hate men, I would blame their parents especially their dads

I agree that women are the backbone of the society but that does not mean they do not need help. We also need help just like everyone. You need to understand them first and be willing to help them to achieve their purpose.

I am neither a feminist nor a misogynist but I have realised that over time we are all to be blamed with men taking more of it for failing to adapt to today's society. Men are no longer the sole providers and for the sake of the family, both have to work together to make a home.

SirShymexx:


I don't any guy who has a career would be "insecure" around high-flying women. I'd say successful women are more attractive/appealing cos they have a mentality you can relate with easily, from the perspective of being independent. And with that: you will also get a great value when it comes to a good mother who will be able to raise ya kids the right way.

They abound. I know two of my colleagues who stayed put because their husbands do not want them to leave their current jobs (aka earning higher or near them).

The men are top flyers in their fields too.

Read a story here of a woman whose husband asked her to resign from her job to care for the kids. The last child was mature enough to plead with the mother to keep her home so you understand that caring for the kids was not the real issue.

I think the major clash here is difference in culture...

I see women beaten everyday, you see men set up daily and volia! we cannot relate because we are not looking at the same things.

What the OP portrays is very real around here and it does not depict a weak man, it depicts a overburdened wife.

Welcome to the world where men are tagged as being abusive and women victim. The fact still remain that men contribute most in 70% of homes in Nigeria. This nuisance has to stop, I'm the head of my household, no one's view is acceptable, I run it the way I deem feet (when married). Lazy, rebellious and ungrateful women. Spits on the ground. Little wonder why these 'over-worked' women outlive their husband. If the work is 'too much', employ a maid or get a younger wife for your 'lazy' husband, the latter is the reason why our mothers were rich and industrous.

Timbuktou:

There are poor households where the man earns less than 30k/month and the women bathe the children, cook the meals and straff and still do other woman things and heaven has not fallen.

Please don't make me repeat myself. My wife does not support the house with proceeds from her work. In fact, even if she earned more, I wouldn't require her to support me with.

If a man wants his wife to support he should be ready to get a broom

Selfishness is the problem here. No one is saying they want to divide the house chores with you. We simply saying your wives will appreciate it if you help them occasionally.
Please dont let me repeat myself, we are talking about an average naija family Mr, not you and your wife.

DollyParton1:

Selfishness is the problem here. No one is saying they want to divide the house chores with you. We simply saying your wives will appreciate it if you help them occasionally.
Please dont let me repeat myself, we are talking about an average naija family Mr, not you and your wife.

The average naija family should be run like my home. And btw, I help out from time to time, and in fact, I bathe our son everyday! Because I choose to. What I'm saying is women have no business demanding their husbands do chores. If hubby is led by the spirit to help out, no problemo.

bukatyne:


The wife is the head of the home if she outearns or earns equally with the husband

What will you do if your wife gets a very good job today and outearns you?

The wife is the head if she calls the shots in the home, even if the husband earns more

my wife could be as rich as Alakija for all I care. I'm ze boss baby. She don't like it, she can bounce and I get a newer model.

DollyParton1:

lawd!!!!!
Errrrm you cook food for yourself only. Not for you and your partner and kids. You dont need to do the laundary of like 3 - 5 people. You dont have to bath the kids and get them ready for school while still catering for the husband too. So please, u living alone and doing ur things alone does not equate to living with and doing things for other people. You pay someone to carry out ur supposed traditional roles that makes u head of the home and u still call urself one while ur wife is still carrying out her "traditional" roles without help and probably working to earn money in order to support the family.

And good for u. You don't need your wife's money. But some family do, which is like 80% of naija families. If u have not noticed, the economy is not favourable. And we are talking of naija families in general, dont personalise this discussion.
Even if ur wife does not work, it doesn't stop u from helping her occasionally.
LAWD!!! I can't believe this ish.

Any man who has to "need" his wife's money to run his home should have a vacuum cleaner cellotaped to his butt.

I don't speak for all men. I speak for men who choose to lead their lives as men were created to.

And the only overwhelming my wife is allowed to report to me is in the sack where we're getting it on. I didn't send her to go to Isale Eko. When I lift my rod she best be parting the red sea

Timbuktou:
The average naija family should be run like my home. And btw, I help out from time to time, and in fact, I bathe our son everyday! Because I choose to. What I'm saying is women have no business demanding their husbands do chores. If hubby is led by the spirit to help out, no problemo.

Now the stories are changing. I can see through your bullshit.
Where on this thread did u see anyone demand their husbands to do chores.
And no, an average nigerian home can't be run like yours, unlike u who claim not to need their wife's financial support, some men do. And it doesn't reduce the size of their dìćk

DollyParton1:

You misunderstood my point. Did u notice I wrote "traditional".

Shiiitt!!! You did not just write that..
You wanna control your wife? Why would u wanna control your wife? Get a slave if u wanna control someone. Parents should not even control their children talk less of a husband controlling his wife.
Yall are misinterpreting the term submission.

So u have refused to explain what protection entails. As a man you should know, so please enlighten me.

Oh, yes, I control my wife. Parents should not control their children? We're done here. Goodbye.

Timbuktou:
Any man who has to "need" his wife's money to run his home should have a vacuum cleaner cellotaped to his butt.

I don't speak for all men. I speak for men who choose to lead their lives as men were created to.

lol.... Like we dont see such cases around. so when a man couldn't get a job in this present day nigeria, but their wife could get a good paying one, that man better go hang himself innit.
You got jokes..... am tempted to question ur age.

Timbuktou:
Oh, yes, I control my wife. Parents should not control their children? We're done here. Goodbye.

I think you have issues with English or something. So parents should control children. Dang!!! Did we just regress to the 17th century or something.

DollyParton1:

lol.... Like we dont see such cases around. so when a man couldn't get a job in this present day nigeria, but their wife could get a good paying one, that man better go hang himself innit.
You got jokes..... am tempted to question ur age.

So you believed all the tales he has been feeding you?

Sophyrocks:

So you believed all the tales he has been feeding you?

Well I have seen men who reason like him in real life.
They are everywhere.

DollyParton1:

I think you have issues with English or something. So parents should control children. Dang!!! Did we just regress to the 17th century or something.

my English is fine. It's your orientation that needs a reconfiguration. Apparently, you are neither married nor have kids. Seriously, I really don't want to debate this issue with you any further. When you've got your kids, feel free to let them make all their decisions on their own. Peace.

DollyParton1:

lol.... Like we dont see such cases around. so when a man couldn't get a job in this present day nigeria, but their wife could get a good paying one, that man better go hang himself innit.
You got jokes..... am tempted to question ur age.

Oh, I'm 12, 13 next year.

I'm beginning to doubt your comprehension ability, your age and your level of exposure.

DollyParton1:

Now the stories are changing. I can see through your bullshit.
Where on this thread did u see anyone demand their husbands to do chores.
And no, an average nigerian home can't be run like yours, unlike u who claim not to need their wife's financial support, some men do. And it doesn't reduce the size of their dìćk

What stories are changing? Understanding is not one of your merits apparently.

That pic is so respectful to the typical naija man. Have some respect for the men,haba.
The remedy to these kind of aggression from the typical black woman is some serious dicking.

DollyParton1:


Please dont let me repeat myself, we are talking about an average naija family Mr, not you and your wife.

How many families have u seen where the woman is the chief breadwinner

bukatyne:

I see women beaten everyday, you see men set up daily and volia! we cannot relate because we are not looking at the same things.
What the OP portrays is very real around here and it does not depict a weak man, it depicts a overburdened wife.

How many families have u seen where the woman is the chief breadwinner
How many have u seen where the woman is overburdened

pickabeau1:



How many families have u seen where the woman is the chief breadwinner



How many families have u seen where the woman is the chief breadwinner
How many have u seen where the woman is overburdened

@bold, you really don't mean that

Until we all acknowledge the problem, there will be no solution

bukatyne:


@bold, you really don't mean that

Until we all acknowledge the problem, there will be no solution

As usual.. always dodging questions

You lot come here and say typical typical

Is it happening in your marriage .............. you lot will say NO
Is it or Did it happen in your parents marriage..........you lot will say NO
Is it or Did it happen in your siblings marriage................you lot will say NO

Then you will say NO

where are these bad marriages If its happening elsewhere BUT not in your environs...

Then why do u come online and say typical typical

pickabeau1:


As usual.. always dodging questions

You lot come here and say typical typical

Is it happening in your marriage
Is it or Did it happen in your parents marriage
Is it or Did it happen in your siblings marriage

Then you will say NO

Then why do u come online and say typical typical

Always dodging... can I see some posts where I dodged? I like proof you know

So it does not happen in my marriage means it does not happen else where or it means I should close my eyes to what I see?

BeeBeeOoh:
Point of correction: That Over-grown human being at the baq of that woman is the wife to the woman..

Yes just like GEJ is the wife to PEJ

pickabeau1:


As usual.. always dodging questions

You lot come here and say typical typical

Is it happening in your marriage .............. you lot will say NO
Is it or Did it happen in your parents marriage..........you lot will say NO
Is it or Did it happen in your siblings marriage................you lot will say NO

Then you will say NO

where are these bad marriages If its happening elsewhere BUT not in your environs...

Then why do u come online and say typical typical

lol
Don't mind these women here.

bukatyne:


Always dodging... can I see some posts where I dodged? I like proof you know

So it does not happen in my marriage means it does not happen else where or it means I should close my eyes to what I see?

So what is your frame of reference

If your sphere of influence does not have men who are tied of their wives' aprons so what is the correlation to say this is a typical Nigerian marriage

im sure you know what typical means

having the distinctive qualities of a particular type of person or thing.
"a typical day"
synonyms: representative, classic, quintessential, archetypal, model, prototypical, stereotypical; More
distinctive, distinguishing, particular

•normal, average, ordinary, standard, regular, routine, run-of-the-mill, stock, orthodox, conventional, predictable, unsurprising, unremarkable, unexceptional;

antonyms: atypical, unusual, abnormal, exceptional

If it is typical, that means a lot of females are also having these kind of marriages....

iamrealdeji:

Yes just like GEJ is the wife to PEJ

u no serious at all.

bukatyne:

-Does that automatically accord the 'authority' to the woman if she is a primary provider? What is obtainable today generally is a woman contributing a lot if not more to the family coffers. Even if the woman is not contributing financially, she pulls her weight domestically. We also cannot compare a business setting to a home setting.

- Not all cultures pay the bride price. I am sure the bride's family also have 'rites' they perform towards the husband's family

- You are right here or better still teach people to keep their hands to themselves.

I agree that for the modern order to work, both parties must be considered and not a one sided thing.

However, look at Slimyem's post...

That is what we have practically in this side of the world I am in (Nigeria).

An average Nigerian man does not want a 'liability' aka housewife yet he wants to be the sole decision maker and leave all the chores to the wife who should still look like Beyonce or Kim.

Just how the scales are tipped to the favour of women in the west, the scales are tipped to the favour of men here in Nigeria.

- Well, cash rules everything - he who he who pays the piper calls the tune. And it's always about money, power, and respect - with money controlling the other two. So, no matter how you twist it - that's the premise of the traditional African families, hence there's always more pressure on male children than their female counterparts.

Also, if you're going to be honest: it isn't uncommon in families to see women who're the primary providers having more leverage in decision making. That's normal and it happens naturally.

- All the African cultures I'm acquainted with do pay pride price. I know of the Yorubas and I've seen the ridiculous lists by the Igbos on this forum several times. How about apply gender equality to that and let the females also pay "groom price" - or just do away with the whole thing, if you lot are sincere about evolution? What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Any married woman who had a bride price paid for her has no moral right to compain about being asked to be submissive since the husband already paid for that - and she owes him.

- Slimyem's post is all over the place with neither a head nor tail. For the average Nigerian man not to want a "liability" - that shows he's progressive minded. However, only lazy women complain about doing chores cos if they were living by themselves - they'd do them. Then again, some women are just dirty and lazy - hence a lot of them always get obese after marriage. They just want to sit their ar.ses down and munch all the available food. Also, decision making is mostly dependent on financial contributions to the family - and that role most times, falls solely on the men. That's the societal standard for the breadwinner.

- Err, when western society was booming - from the industrial revolution age to let's say the 70s and 80s - the women allowed men to control everything and they looked after the homes, while being progressive (in terms of education, sacrifices, and other things). They were hardworkers. However, since the arrival of ultra-feminism, there has been a sharp decline in western societies - and in the next 20 years, it's going to be a disaster with countries from the eastern ideology taking over. UK and the entire Eurozone is on the decline - ditto America.

Is that worth emulating especially for a country like Nigeria that's perpetually in abyss? Why not start from where where western societies were during the industrial revolution, when the women were ultra-supportive and not belligerent?

On the flipside, Nigeria's case is a case of backward women who don't even know what they want...and men who have so much pressure on them - while co-existing within a retrogressive and non-functional system. Both parties have to make sacrifices.

iykedare:


lol
Don't mind these women here.

Everybody's marriage is good yet Nigerian marriages are bad

While the pic depicted might be true in some cases and is some marriages I am of the opinion its not necessarily a Nigerian or African thing.

Women generally tend to do most of the chores, caring, nuturing etc regardless if whether they work outside the home and this is in most parts of the world even so called western societies.

Hardly 3 months goes by without one report or the other in the UK highlighting how women still do the bulk of household chores despite also working and contributing to the household purse. Just yesterday I was reading an article in a paper where it was implied that if men want a better s.ex life they need to help out more with chores . Guess what the writer was a white middle class 'independent'(abi what will a magazine editor be) woman. Go on netmums, mumsnet etc and see threads upon threads of white educated women moaning on how their husbands or partners still expect them to do majority of the chores.Heck there is even a Boots tv advert depicting two obviously ill working white women still doing chores while their husbands did nothing.

I used to also think white men or western men were definitely more open to chores than our own men but living and interacting with people of all cultures has kinda shifted that view.Some of the worst 'traditionalist ' or men who think 'women belong in the kitchen' are white middle class men. Yes they exist in 2015.

Chauvinists, gold diggers, misogynsts, misandryists etc are not the preserve of African or Nigerians.


http://www.mumsnet.com/surveys/chores-the-truth-about-who-does-what

^^^ finally someone who lives in the same Western 'paradise' (as some of our ladies here put it) and can say it for what it is

Too many ladies here just assume abroad - everything is dandy

Too much naija men bashing

Don't we have white trash abroad
Don't we have white people on benefits?

Yet sell these girls abroad is utopia and they flock like moths to the flame

---

Rather than male bashing which is orgasmic for some here the focus should be on improving male participation

And for those who want to know how much of a topical issue distribution of chores still is...even in the UK

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-206381/Working-women-housework.html

Working women 'still do housework 'by ROBIN YAPP, Daily Mail
Women still have to do the lion's share of housework despite going out to work in ever increasing numbers.
Researchers found that they spent three times as long on domestic chores, such as cooking, cleaning and washing, as their husbands or partners.
Some female breadwinners, however, have to shoulder the burden of all the housework as almost one in five men admitted to doing nothing at all around the home.
The average for women was 17 hours a week, compared to just under six hours for men.
But more than a quarter of wives and girlfriends spend more than 21 hours a week on domestic chores.
These times exclude childcare, which is also traditionally far more likely to fall on women.
[b]The findings come despite the best intentions of most men, who agreed that they should share the burden by doing more housework.
[/b]Gender inequalities 'rooted'
Researchers said the survey results meant women would not achieve equal opportunities at work until their menfolk contributed more to looking after the home.
"Gender inequalities in all areas are rooted in social structures but also in attitudes," said Professor Gillian Robinson, of the University of Ulster.
"It is difficult to see how women will ever have the same opportunities in the labour market if equality at home is not achieved."
In the survey, 1,800 men and women were asked about everyday chores, such as the laundry, cleaning, cooking, food shopping, looking after sick relatives and carrying out repairs. But men only made a significant contribution by mending faulty items around the house.

At least two-thirds of women said it was usually them who carried out the other tasks, rising to 85 per cent for doing the laundry.
Men 'should pull weight more'
[b]More than half of men and even more women, seven out of ten, agreed that men should pull their weight more.
[/b]Similar proportions also believed that men should also be more involved in looking after children.

pickabeau1:
^^^ finally someone who lives in the same Western 'paradise' (as some of our ladies here put it) and can say it for what it is

Too many ladies here just assume abroad - everything is dandy

Too much naija men bashing

Don't we have white trash abroad
Don't we have white people on benefits?

Yet sell these girls abroad is utopia and they flock like moths to the flame

In the words of MI, Rita Lori chick forming Rita Ora


Baba, I'm thinking of instituting a NL kitchen where all these women can arrange the younger girls to be cooking tasty meals while we argue here. We need to replenish our energy somehow.

Timbuktou:
In the words of MI, Rita Lori chick forming Rita Ora


Baba, I'm thinking of instituting a NL kitchen where all these women can arrange the younger girls to be cooking tasty meals while we argue here. We need to replenish our energy somehow.

As in...
The cooking thing is a big issue
You see cats who don't blink an eyelid getting into bed with their boyfriends but wil growl when you tell them to cook or clean up
Cleaning is more stressful than sex

You find it easier to get n@ked than cook.... choi


Seriously I ask again

every naija man is bad yet our resident femmes just happen to have good fathers, husbands, brothers who are the exception
If everyone's man is the exception, who are the bad naija men