Over the years, in what is a total paradigm shift from the values a lot of our mothers had (well at least some), the "other woman" has now become tolerable. I am not sure when along the way it happened, and no one remembered to send me a memo but it appears to now be the norm.

I always have some nagging urge to blatantly say "No babe, it is downright unacceptable", when my friends broach me on this subject, but you end up being the friend who likes to break up homes because she's not married yet. People say if I was in those shoes I would feel differently.

Well Maybe.

However, no matter how much shame I would feel, I knew myself before I got married, my values remain my values, knowing my self-worth is what shapes every corner of my life and that is the core of me. To change now or later would be to deny who I have been for 26 years. While I am never an advocate for divorce, I have realized people do not change overnight.

A year back, my friend's boyfriend told her he was confused who to pick between her and two other girlfriends. Well she fought for "her man". Trouble is today they are married, and he's still seeing one of the other girls, who he has now rented an apartment for in Nigeria, and he's here half the year.

I've realised, the people who complain about there husbands or fiance throwing some other woman in their face mostly had an inkling they were cheats while they were dating. They were the ones who fought of five other girls to get their man. But the question is, if when you were dating there were five of you, why do you think today he would be satisfied with one. I have no doubt in my mind, everyone has an idea of things their partners are capable of in their subconscious, the trouble is a lot of us convince ourselves to believe some other truth that better suits our wants.

My mama has taught me, life is too short to jump into something you can't tolerate all your life, the sole reason for sharing your life with someone and giving up your freedom should be because they make you happier than anyone else in the world. Do not compromise your values or one day you would wish you had not.

But then, on the flip side, if you like smelling some other girls perfume on your man and having your kids run into daddy and "Aunty Bintan, the side chick" at the hotel near their school then go right ahead.

*yawns* what she said?!

interesting

Question: when did we become so tolerant of the other woman

Answer: since you started fuckin the his money.


You see, there is a general saying among my fiends and I....

If a poor man raises his hands at his wife, she won't allow him bring the hand down on her before she packed her bags and say it's over. Reason? "he wanted to start beating me"


But if a rich man slaps his wife, she will refuse to leave...reason?
"I'm staying because if my kids"

Well, we all knw d factor.

I dare tell my gf I'm a cheat, or I cheated even though I do, because she doesn't give a fucck at all. She feeds herself and almost won't even ask for my help. She is working and she is ok.

But most ladies eat from the guy's palm, and they still wanted a total respect? I dnt think it works both ways; u gotta stick to one

Hmmm

mollysteeze:
Over the years, in what is a total paradigm shift from the values a lot of our mothers had (well at least some), the "other woman" has now become tolerable. I am not sure when along the way it happened, and no one remembered to send me a memo but it appears to now be the norm.

I always have some nagging urge to blatantly say "No babe, it is downright unacceptable", when my friends broach me on this subject, but you end up being the friend who likes to break up homes because she's not married yet. People say if I was in those shoes I would feel differently.

lemme look at this from an African perspective.

Considering the bolded, it seems we now indulge in a form of historical revisionism. What I mean is that during the times of our fathers and grand fathers, the other woman as you have termed it, wasn't actually just 'the other woman', she was the other wife or wives. Back then our fathers not only dated other women, they often married them and the whole house still lived harmoniously. My grandfather for example, had 4 wives and it was the accepted norm then. But now when we look back with our rose tinted glasses, we assume, like you have done that having other women has always been an unacceptable practice which is now being tolerated rather than the opposite.

In fact, I would posit that the so called paradigm shift has actually been the vilification of the 'other woman'. Education and religion has now made us to see a one man one woman marriage as sacrosanct and any woman outside that union as the devilish meddlesome interloper. This was never part of the values our mothers had in the African setting.

I don't know wot to say

I tire

It has always been that way.
Women feel they have to get married within a particular age bracket so they feel marrying a douchebag no matter how useless he is, is better than being a spinster. In fact it is better to marry a wife beater than be a spinster.
Everyone starts to put the pressure on you once you are 25. Even your own parents start dropping hints.
No one cares if you are unhappy as long as you are married.

I am a Christian, I believe in the bible as the word of God. And Jesus as the son of God.

I know the problem with our society was the day we accepted the white man's way of life, don't get me wrong. It is not in the blood of an African man to be with one woman. Centuries of practicing polygamy is now having a toll on us. We want to be faithful, we want to show you we love you, and the kids we had together with you.
But sometimes we also want to be with the other woman, they complement you. You are not perfect and we know that , that other woman sometimes make your own imperfections easy to bear.
Ask me one thing I want to change about christianity, it is that dictate of one man one woman. Now you know why I said I'm a Christian who believe in bible,who believe in christ Jesus.
I might be wrong, I might be right. I just know that men are not hot-wired to be with one woman, check the Patriarchs

Seriously.

I don't even know why ladies will even be comfortable being side chics in the first place.

We ladies of now adays are comforble with this notion that "I am his number 1 chic, every other chic na one chance".

Did they forbid you to be the only chic?

No to side chicks....

As for me...one chick in ma coop works well for me.

Because...when you wake up one morning and suddenly realize that there are some strange spots on your body that were not there before...and by gum....have you lost so much weight old chap?

I don't know mahn

Ok

Hearing this for the first time

Enegod:
*yawns* what she said?!

i don't even knw can't understand more like poultry to me.

OK o