Whether she visits your Mum or not, she should not be forced.
Whatever she wants to do should be by her own will and initiative.

The moment when you have to tell her to visit is when you are both married and you have some right over her.


A word of advice..... Why should you make her your next of Kin? Are you so in love that after sponsoring her to school, you still made her next of kin? And take her to your "sites" that even your Mum doesn't know about?

Wake up dude....you seem puzzy-whipped already!!!!

pickabeau1: Keg of gunpowder

I hope he has a long life

My thoughts exactly!!!!

cococandy:
OP not everybody is a people person.
If your girl is like that, it may not be a problem except she disrespects your mom.

Just let her know how important your mom is in your life. You can TRY and encourage her to positively try to develop a relationship with your mom as that will make you happy.
Talk about it without sounding like you're nagging.
If you nag her about it, she will withdraw some more.

But don't force it. You can't force love.

On the upside, some little space breeds more room for mystery and respect.
Eliminating the laws of 'see finish' .

As long as there is respect between them, don't try to force them to become buddies.
It will happen if it will happen.

I concur.

By the way Op, Its damn too early to make her your next of kin. Retrace your steps now until marriage is certain and she has shown herself to be trustworthy!

RoyalRoy:
Whether she visits your Mum or not, she should not be forced.
Whatever she wants to do should be by her own will and initiative.

The moment when you have to tell her to visit is when you are both married and you have some right over her.


A word of advice..... Why should you make her your next of Kin? Are you so in love that after sponsoring her to school, you still made her next of kin? And take her to your "sites" that even your Mum doesn't know about?

Wake up dude....you seem puzzy-whipped already!!!!





My thoughts exactly!!!!

Some whipping of life
LOL

pickabeau1:


Ezatily

And moreover she does not care about the mom but likes the son's money and property

Keg of gunpowder

I hope he has a long life

na wah how can you conveniently jump into such conclusion that she doesn't care about the mum?!
I'm this kind of person that finds it HARD to call, I mean it just doesn't cross my mind ..except on rare occasions. I can't remember the last time I called my grandma or any old/younger relatives..it doesn't mean I don't care or love them when they come around I give them the utmost respect and care they deserve..but to call arrrggh (just an analogy to the op's case) how much more someone else's relatives! but people who dont understand might think i dont love them(so untrue).. the girl should just at least call if she cant visit and if she's the reserved type(not the type trying to milk the man's dry).. you just can't jump into such conclusion!

but the op is too fast...and might regret his action! how can you place a fiancee in such position.. next of kin Bawo? love or stupidity!

see, let the op treat his mum well I mean very well.. cause its obvious what the op himself have with his mum is just 'na you born me' relationship.. cause I don't see why an ONLY son who loves his mum will take his gf to the site his mum is unaware of common!!!

let the op lead by e.g

Op, What kinda son are you? Do you love your mum at all?
You have a site and your mum is not aware, yet your gf who is aware?
Your gf is your next of kin and your mum is not aware?
Your gf doesn't like visiting your mum and you are her only child?
Do you know that your mum is at your so called gf mercy if anything happen to you?
Have you heard of "a curse with or without a cause? "
Please, you need to be firm, there are something that cannot be undone after marriage, please make amendment, remove her as your next of kin until you are married! Is your Mum even aware that your gf is your next of kin?
Please make amendment! Also you have to make her understand Why she must be visiting your Mum,once in a while, except your Mum means nothing to you!

Mintayo:
Op, What kinda son are you? Do you love your mum at all?
You have a site and your mum is not aware, yet your gf who is aware?
Your gf is your next of kin and your mum is not aware?
Your gf doesn't like visiting your mum and you are her only child?
Do you know that your mum is at your so called gf mercy if anything happen to you?
Have you heard of "a curse with or without a cause? "
Please, you need to be firm, there are something that cannot be undone after marriage, please make amendment, remove her as your next of kin until you are married! Is your Mum even aware that your gf is your next of kin?
Please make amendment! Also you have to make her understand Why she must should be visiting your Mum,once in a while, except your Mum means nothing to you!

cool……
the emboldened is a bitter pill..so true! even if the fiancee is a reserved girl who necessarily doesn't see any wrong in her distant association with mil to be, chances that she would neglect the woman if her son is 'gone' is high.. as there will be lil or no bond/communication between them. I pity both mother And son, especially this son with all those stupid steps he's already taken! next of kin Bawo?!

its not a matter of her reservation, she should make amends! even if its once in a while..

quivah:

na wah how can you conveniently jump into such conclusion that she doesn't care about the mum?!
I'm this kind of person that finds it HARD to call, I mean it just doesn't cross my mind ..except on rare occasions. I can't remember the last time I called my grandma or any old/younger relatives..it doesn't mean I don't care or love them when they come around I give them the utmost respect and care they deserve..but to call arrrggh (just an analogy to the op's case) how much more someone else's relatives! but people who dont understand might think i dont love them(so untrue).. the girl should just at least call if she cant visit and if she's the reserved type(not the type trying to milk the man's dry).. you just can't jump into such conclusion!

but the op is too fast...and might regret his action! how can you place a fiancee in such position.. next of kin Bawo? love or stupidity!

see, let the op treat his mum well I mean very well.. cause its obvious what the op himself have with his mum is just 'na you born me' relationship.. cause I don't see why an ONLY son who loves his mum will take his gf to the site his mum is unaware of common!!!

let the op lead by e.g

The bolded summarises your position.. "BUT"

All before it na theory

pickabeau1:



The bolded summarises your position.. "BUT"

All before it na theory

whatever you say... just learn not to jump into conclusion as tho you were an invincible plane in the situation.

quivah:

whatever you say... just learn not to jump into conclusion as tho you were an invincible plane in the situation.

Na wa

You say im jumping to conclusion yet managed to call the guy forward for making his girlfriend Next of Kin
saying the same I said

OK.. I give you one clap
[img]http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/34718822.jpg[/img]

Meanwhile, you've not been around
How are you

mistake men make

Odunharry:
mistake men make

stories that touch

pickabeau1:


stories that touch

lol

quivah:


cool……
the emboldened is a bitter pill..so true! even if the fiancee is a reserved girl who necessarily doesn't see any wrong in her distant association with mil to be, chances that she would neglect the woman if her son is 'gone' is high.. as there will be lil or no bond/communication between them. I pity both mother And son, especially this son with all those stupid steps he's already taken! next of kin Bawo?!

its not a matter of her reservation, she should make amends! even if its once in a while..

It's kinda strange to me, making someone you are not married to your next 'f kin?
Op please don't let your mama's effort on you be in vain, atleast it can wait till u get married to her!

pickabeau1:


Na wa

You say im jumping to conclusion yet managed to call the guy forward for making his girlfriend Next of Kin
saying the same I said

OK.. I give you one clap
[img]http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/34718822.jpg[/img]

Meanwhile, you've not been around
How are you

And moreover she does not care about
the mom but likes the son's money and
property

we both agreed the guy was too forward... but neither of us know if the girl in the op is exactly what you've painted her to be in the attached quote.. you only jumped into such conclusion... i don't agree with that

I'm good, thank you sire

quivah:


we both agreed the guy was too forward... but neither of us know if the girl in the op is exactly what you've painted her to be in the attached quote.. you only jumped into such conclusion... i don't agree with that

I'm good, thank you sire

OK o
I hear you
Lol

Odunharry:
lol

Lol

RoyalRoy:
Whether she visits your Mum or not, she should not be forced.
Whatever she wants to do should be by her own will and initiative.

The moment when you have to tell her to visit is when you are both married and you have some right over her.


A word of advice..... Why should you make her your next of Kin? Are you so in love that after sponsoring her to school, you still made her next of kin? And take her to your "sites" that even your Mum doesn't know about?

Wake up dude....you seem puzzy-whipped already!!!!

my thoughts exactly

Chiefarian47, I'm more concerned about how much you have invested in this relationship in relation to how much you have benefited from said relationship. She knows everything about you, however, it seems you know next to nothing about this up-and-doing woman.

You sound like someone who's going to bite his fingers in regret in the future. She might dump you after graduation or fvck your life up if you people eventually get married.

She's probably very pretty and you're so smitten you can't reason straight. Hope you have health insurance? There's going to be a story after this one. Please feel free to come update us next year or in ten years.

True some people are not a fan of my boyfriends family and friends
But on a second thought. Could it be that she is dating you because of your financial commitment or some other physical things?
Is she actually seeing a future with you? Do you discuss the future with her and whats her own take on it?
Could it be that she plans to slide away from the relationship without family interference?
Again making her your next of kin is a no no..
Start by convincing yourself that she does not owe you anything for all you have done for her then invite her for a heart to heart discussion.

Marry her 1st.

I don't blame her. I avoid Nigerian elders like I avoid the flu. Before you know it now, they will say you are disrespectful. I just do the greeting thing when I see them and try to stay away.

Op do not be discouraged, not everyone is opened like that, me for instance I never went to my MIL's by myself and we have a very cordial relationship with respect now that I am married to her son.
As for your reasons why you made her next of kin and sponsoring her education nobody knows that,you should have your own reasons. I believe she's a good girl for you to do that so please don't heed to certain advice here. Four years is quite a while to throw away just like that. Good luck

Beamborla:
I would advice you discuss this and not fight over it before you think of any marriage.

You should see improvement without giving her a clue that you are watching her cos if you go ahead and marry her without solving this, I pray you live long

May God bless u dear,well said.........OP now the ball is in ur court.



P.S-U NEVER MARRY HER,SHE DON DEY UR NEXT OF KIN................THANK GOD AM NOT THE ONLY CHILD.IF U WANT TO LIVE LONG U GOT TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM AND SEE THAT SHE HAD CHANGED FOR GOOD AND NOT PRETENDING.......

MAY GOD HELP U BROTHER.......................


SOME NAIJA GIRLS NAWA OOOOOOOOO.

chiefarian47:

Have being courting with her for abt four years now,Have been the one sponsoring her education and taking care of her Since her inception into the university .By God's grace She will be graduating in a couple of days from the university. She is up and doing academically, She is Good @ cooking, very neat .
I am the only child of my mother ,the very i introduce to my mom she so much like her to the extent that wen she was to resume for 2L She gave her 10k . But this lady never for once willing visit my mom even When am around nd She also came around.
She has never willingly tell me am going to ur mom's place If I don't fight here to. This is the lady Who is my next of kin in my bank,Who knew my sites nd my mom never know. Am praying for blessing nd provision from above for my wedding Before the August. I have I need the advice of the this honourable house to draw my inference in a relationship .
Thanks nd God bless.
Happy palm Sunday to u All.

There is nothing bad in she not visiting in as much as she communicates.Am sure some nairalanders visited their MIL to be and the guy didn't end up marrying them or the so called MIL didn't even like them after all.

aduaba:
Op do not be discouraged, not everyone is opened like that, me for instance I never went to my MIL's by myself and we have a very cordial relationship with respect now that I am married to her son.
As for your reasons why you made her next of kin and sponsoring her education nobody knows that,you should have your own reasons. I believe she's a good girl for you to do that so please don't heed to certain advice here. Four years is quite a while to throw away just like that. Good luck

Exactly, some people just concluded that she is not a good person.
You are the one in the relationship , not nairalanders. You alone knows the reason why you re sponsoring her education and you never asked anyone's opinion about that.
I believe you should discuss with her before jumping into conclusion.
I personally do not like the idea of going to a boyfriend's/fiancee's house alone and will only do that now since I am married. This is because I would not want to feel like part of the family and eventually things may not work out.
The happened to someone very close to me. After six years of relationship. It didn't work out . The lady 's in-laws live here in uk and each time they go to Nigeria, she will leave her school, go to her fiance's house and do all the house chores.
The fiancee travelled to the US and met another lady. They got married. The lady is not aware till this moment.
I really felt bad for her because am related to the fiancee. When my aunty called yesterday disscussing the issue with me , I was really disappointed.
She told me all the things the lady does for her each time she travels to Nigeria. I kept reminding her the lady has the right to know so that she can move on with her life but they re all scared on how to go about it.

But you can judge every relationship with that. I just hope you handle the issue with care.

How convenient. I loff the excuse. I guess the girls mother too should be to old to live alone and live with her daughter. By the way op why are you paying the girls school fees when you are not sure of you guys being together. Nawa to you o.maga of the year

omoseun:
Kindly pardon my being inquisitive, but why are you sponsoring her education?

Anyway, back to the issue at hand, all the things you mentioned that you did for her is way too much and i would advice you to cut down on it, at least until you 2 are married.

FYI, i doubt your fiancée would change after wedding, in fact i believe she would definitely have issues with your mother.

Why not take time and read some of the post on family section, just the other day a man wrote about his mother and wife fighting over mere picture.

Being an only child, whoever you decide to marry must be ready to accept the fact that there will come a time that your mum would have to live with you due to old age.

So whoever you decide to marry must accept your mother and love her like her very own mother. I know it is not easy but it is possible because am a living testimony. Just choose wisely.