mathdiva:
Hi all,
I am going to share my story and see if something comes out of it. I am 30 years and work in an oil company, am also a very devout Catholic and I want to marry a catholic. But it’s been horror stories with all my catholic bfs. I met one in my office and after dating for 3 months he just calls me up and says he thinks we are rushing things blah blah and we should give it time this happened after sex which I initiated and I had just returned from trip abroad where I know I really splurged on buying him stuff (just saying this in case it helps).My last guy apparently wasn’t my guy the way I thought, after 4 months of seeing some behaviours, I asked him one day to say what I was to him, and he told me that he saw me as a very dear friend. After that I stopped calling and he stopped too, except for when he comes to phc and calls me to come see him in his hotel. (I don’t go)
I think I have been equating sex with commitment and most times its just sex to the guy. My girlfriend says I love too much from the beginning and that scares guys off or makes them think am desperate. She also said buying expensive stuff or surprise gifts for guys as a rich babe gives them the impression you are trying to buy their love, meanwhile if it was a student of a lower income earning babe they would see it as a sacrifice on her part or proof of love.
There was this guy who came talking marriage and we communicated for 6months. He had some projects running with lekki gardens and he wanted me to support it. I told him I was ready to do that but that would be after the white wedding, he was hinting at introduction then, after preaching to me a sermon on trust and submission, he told me that this was a test to see if I was one of those women who want to control a man. Apparently I filed because he is marrying someone else (a recent corper by the way), when I called him to congratulate. He said he didn’t want a situation where his position as the man was undermined. I was depressed for 2 days, I went to school, studied so hard to come out with a good grade, got a good job and now its like I have to keep proving myself. I have considered adopting, at least let me hold one child….its just my dad who keeps frowning when I mention it.
Am happy right now…but since I live in Nigeria where people do not believe you can be happy while single , I always have to defend or argue or plain insult.

@bold. Thank goodness you escaped that scam artist.
Someone who's really into you won't give you conditions to finance his project before you can get married.
He would have used you as a cash cow and still gone ahead to marry someone else.

.

WOW! What a thread!

I stumbled on this thread a week ago or thereabout, and haven't focused on any other thread since then. I have taken the time to read through ALL the pages. It is like reading a book to me, a practical guide to building and sustaining a successful marriage.

This thread has touched the very depths of my being. Reading people's personal experiences and comments have really broken me in some way.

I have yet again reached the conclusion that I will indeed be walking down the aisle in May, with a man who is God's PERFECT gift to me. This thread made me realise I need to CHERISH this gift more than ever before.

We have been through it ALL in nine long, wonderful years! God has helped us. There was even the challenge with MIL to be, but the way God arrested the woman's heart ehn, makes me so humbled that God carry this union for Him Almighty head.

I really don't know how to appreciate and celebrate the wonderful woman who created this thread @Babyosisi, the contributors:

@Thorpido: I have deep respect for you. You are a great man with great wisdom.

@madam Chair cover: so sad to see you deactivated your account. You have this warm mature spirit. The effect of your post is calmness. You are indeed a blessing.

@ Bukatyne: I love you. Mature, funny, cool.

@ Floodgater: God bless you real good.

@ Ujujoan: what a great woman you are. Thank God for your home.

@ EfemenaXY: hmmm. Aunty, Migwo. you are too harsh oh. One can perceive you've got several shades of intelligence and wisdom but it's quite sad that we don't really get to benefit from you in totality, because the value of your message is lost in the brutality emanating from your post. I could tell you are not a patient person madam and you would often scare people, whom you can be a blessing to, away, with your hostile(for lack of a better word) demeanor. Please if it is tough love, it is too tough. Tone it down ma.

@ Cococandy: you are soooo sweet. Thank you for being here.

@Herzumpther: for real? Is Lakes the one you are picking the date with? I hope oh sis.

To all the other contributors, God bless you and reward you richly.

Finally and once again, madam Babyosisi, you are blessed. In fact I think we should draft a script based on your life experiences in love and marriage and then make a movie. seriously! Think aborit.

@evina
Best of luck to and your fiancé

Lolz....Here is my own story...

I met a guy and he thinks I'm uptight and I'm too carefree...

He wants me to dress girlieeee....I do wear dresses but some times my outfits are real wack...I got some heels last month anyway but I'm trying real hard because they hurt badly...

Real issue...I think he is really bothered about his physical looks...he is short, real dark, chubby, big stomach and almost bald...he asked me once what I dislike about his body and I told him nothing...that I'm more of a character person and I appreciate men with good hygiene...I also told him to appreciate his bald head and stop hiding it...

He stopped calling me and I called him yesterday to find out why he pulled away and he said it's because of this discussion...

I just wish to know what exactly I said that's wrong....

u didn't say anything wrong . u said the right things and tried to encourage him . sounds like he has self-esteem issues he should work on . a man like this will only pull you down along with him

keppyy:
Lolz....Here is my own story...

I met a guy and he thinks I'm uptight and I'm too carefree...

He wants me to dress girlieeee....I do wear dresses but some times my outfits are real wack...I got some heels last month anyway but I'm trying real hard because they hurt badly...

Real issue...I think he is really bothered about his physical looks...he is short, real dark, chubby, big stomach and almost bald...he asked me once what I dislike about his body and I told him nothing...that I'm more of a character person and I appreciate men with good hygiene...I also told him to appreciate his bald head and stop hiding it...

He stopped calling me and I called him yesterday to find out why he pulled away and he said it's because of this discussion...

I just wish to know what exactly I said that's wrong....

aflyingbird:
u didn't say anything wrong . u said the tight things and tried to encourage him . sounds like he has self-esteem issues he should work on . a man like this will only pull you down along with him

Thanks dear...Anyway, I really liked him...he's not perfect but he is a good person...I just felt real bad and all through today I've been asking myself what I really said...he just told me this bit and I said I should figure it out...

Moving on shaaa....

@geekybabe: I know most of the responses you got to your predicament are from mature and married posters.

I just want to give my suggestion based on my personal experience.

I will be getting married in May. It ought to have being on the 28th of March, but elections in Nigeria made us move the date.

My fiance and I started dating in 2006. I already had my first degree then and preparing for NYSC, while he was studying to be an engineer. By the time he had his B.Sc, I already had a few years work experience.

Like you, I am very driven. I started a business at 20. I am one of those people that can start 5 projects, run a business at the side while holding down a job and still think of fresh new opportunities to explore. He was laid back, I had to push him to always go for more.

In fact, I did not have a problem with being the bread winner until the Holy Spirit convicted me and told me I was subtly placing a curse on my intended. I mean it is NOT the place of a woman to be the SOLE provider. She is the helpmeet, the support system. The bible says a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel!

When I got that understanding, I revamped my mindset. I showed him the scripture, and told him. You know me. You know how driven I am and you know I will not let myself be limited by a man. I will not soft pedal on achieving my dreams because I don't want you to feel inadequate, so you need to sit up.

Then, I began to find ways to push him towards accomplishing his goals. While he was awaiting NYSC, I was the PR manager in a school. I organized the annual Christmas party, which was unlike any the school ever had. We had sponsors and media coverage. He is a great dancer and had a group in school, so I suggested he should consider training the students in dance;salsa, ballet etc. He was excited. I proposed the idea to the board and he was hired as the choreographer. He did an EXCELLENT job!

Next, I had an idea for weddings, talked to him about it and we made business cards. He was the MD and I Business development manager. Our biggest client was from him. (An aunt of his).

Shortly, he went for NYSC and I secured another job in another city. I developed his resume and would check for jobs online, write cover letter and apply on his behalf.

Now, several years after. I am AMAZED at the man he has become! I am soo proud of him. He is a sales Engineer, confident, driven and dedicated. He once told me he used to think he couldn't get a job without connections. But now, he doesn't think there's any interview he'll go for that he wouldn't scale through. I remember, I used to prep him for interviews back then.

I asked him recently, where that unmotivated, timid guy was, and he gave me one kind look. LOL. Now, I don't have to do any of those work I used to do because he is on top of his game.

I really thank God because even his mum, turned around and loved me when she saw the direction her son's life was headed and realized he was at his best with me in his life.

In summary, I just want to say, we should endeavor to make an impact in the lives of people we encounter. 9months is too short to give up on him. Give it your best, if it means finding time to search for jobs with him and even applying on his behalf, do it. His seeming controlling nature may just be because he feels insecure. Help him get past the insecurities. I believe the role of a woman is to build up her man, to help him reach his full potentials. That is why there is no end to how high a man can rise if he's got a good woman by his side.

That laid back dude today can become a driven, goal oriented man tomorrow. Mine is a living proof. he is not just an Engineer, he got certified in HSE and picked up great designing skills. I once got a contract to supply table top calendars. He designed it and managed the printing process. I would have spent 100k, paying a designer for the designs. He stays dedicated to tasks and wouldn't give up until he has seen it through. I didn't see these qualities in him before and wouldn't have known it was in there if I gave up on him.

All the best gurl.

I'm inspired...@evina

cococandy:
@evina
Best of luck to and your fiancé

Thank you.

keppyy:
I'm inspired...@evina

Oh. That is great. Thank you.

Evina:
@geekybabe: I know most of the responses you got to your predicament are from mature and married posters.

I just want to give my suggestion based on my personal experience.

I will be getting married in May. It ought to have being on the 28th of March, but elections in Nigeria made us move the date.

My fiance and I started dating in 2006. I already had my first degree then and preparing for NYSC, while he was studying to be an engineer. By the time he had his B.Sc, I already had a few years work experience.

Like you, I am very driven. I started a business at 20. I am one of those people that can start 5 projects, run a business at the side while holding down a job and still think of fresh new opportunities to explore. He was laid back, I had to push him to always go for more.

In fact, I did not have a problem with being the bread winner until the Holy Spirit convicted me and told me I was subtly placing a curse on my intended. I mean it is NOT the place of a woman to be the SOLE provider. She is the helpmeet, the support system. The bible says a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel!

When I got that understanding, I revamped my mindset. I showed him the scripture, and told him. You know me. You know how driven I am and you know I will not let myself be limited by a man. I will not soft pedal on achieving my dreams because I don't want you to feel inadequate, so you need to sit up.

Then, I began to find ways to push him towards accomplishing his goals. While he was awaiting NYSC, I was the PR manager in a school. I organized the annual Christmas party, which was unlike any the school ever had. We had sponsors and media coverage. He is a great dancer and had a group in school, so I suggested he should consider training the students in dance;salsa, ballet etc. He was excited. I proposed the idea to the board and he was hired as the choreographer. He did an EXCELLENT job!

Next, I had an idea for weddings, talked to him about it and we made business cards. He was the MD and I Business development manager. Our biggest client was from him. (An aunt of his).

Shortly, he went for NYSC and I secured another job in another city. I developed his resume and would check for jobs online, write cover letter and apply on his behalf.

Now, several years after. I am AMAZED at the man he has become! I am soo proud of him. He is a sales Engineer, confident, driven and dedicated. He once told me he used to think he couldn't get a job without connections. But now, he doesn't think there's any interview he'll go for that he wouldn't scale through. I remember, I used to prep him for interviews back then.

I asked him recently, where that unmotivated, timid guy was, and he gave me one kind look. LOL. Now, I don't have to do any of those work I used to do because he is on top of his game.

I really thank God because even his mum, turned around and loved me when she saw the direction her son's life was headed and realized he was at his best with me in his life.

In summary, I just want to say, we should endeavor to make an impact in the lives of people we encounter. 9months is too short to give up on him. Give it your best, if it means finding time to search for jobs with him and even applying on his behalf, do it. His seeming controlling nature may just be because he feels insecure. Help him get past the insecurities. I believe the role of a woman is to build up her man, to help him reach his full potentials. That is why there is no end to how high a man can rise if he's got a good woman by his side.

That laid back dude today can become a driven, goal oriented man tomorrow. Mine is a living proof. he is not just an Engineer, he got certified in HSE and picked up great designing skills. I once got a contract to supply table top calendars. He designed it and managed the printing process. I would have spent 100k, paying a designer for the designs. He stays dedicated to tasks and wouldn't give up until he has seen it through. I didn't see these qualities in him before and wouldn't have known it was in there if I gave up on him.

All the best gurl.

I must say he is so lucky to av u, so patient and dedicated not all women can do dis I really commend u. May d Lord bless ur union.

@Evina
I must say he is so lucky to av u, so patient and dedicated not all women can do dis I really commend u. May d Lord bless ur union

blessedqueen:



I must say he is so lucky to av u, so patient and dedicated not all women can do dis I really commend u. May d Lord bless ur union.

LOL.
I am not a really patient person oh. but I am amazed how I didn't consider giving up on him.

When I was in the university, I had a boyfriend, my first. I left him when I graduated. I put in ALOT of work too. He was so focused on the wrong things. He graduated when I was in my third year and refused to go for NYSC. He instead, went to one city and was waiting for a container of gold that would turn him to a big boy. He is the first son. His dad was so disappointed, they gave up on him.

I would go and visit him and spend my allowance on him because I never forgot how good he was to me, how he took care of my needs when my dad left the country without leaving enough money for me. (I am from a polygamous home and my mum is late) He and his sister said, don't worry, you can't lack when you have us. His family house was my home too.

So when this sudden "lunacy" started, I just couldn't give up. His mum used to ask me loads of questions cos they couldn't get it either. He had just two items of clothing with him and refused to go back home. I was trying to support my man until I realized one year don pass and I am about to graduate.

Although I was really young at the time. But I began to see him as unserious. I felt as long as I was there, feeding and supporting, he wouldn't wake up and smell the coffee. Some guys become really lazy and oblivious of their responsibilities when they have a strong woman as support system. So I gave him an ultimatum! Leave this place and get your life together or I live!

He thought it was a joke! He was my first love(so I thought at the time) I never thought I could be without him but I began to resent him. I left him and hated him. Shortly, he left that place, reconciled with his Dad and got a job with an oil servicing firm. He worked offshore.

He began to call me and at the time I was single but, I despised him. He couldn't understand it. Wasn't this what I wanted? I was angry because I felt he ought to have listened to me and become a great man with my support. But he said, it took my leaving him to realize and get on track.

I was angry for a loooong time and he wouldn't let go. But my spirit had left the union. I also began to see other things I couldn't cope with.

Today, he is doing real good and has said he won't get married until I have. I have NO REGRETS whatsoever. The man I am with now, is beyond comparison. God over compensated me with this one LOL. I AM THE LUCKY ONE.

Thanks gurl.

@evina
This ur story na exception and I actually like exceptions
You didn't lose yourself whilst giving him 'a kick up the ass...well a few kicks'
You didn't have to pretend to be someone else whilst you did this. That's important.

You fiancé listened and ran with it from baby steps to full marathon.


Geekybabes case though, her bf is already mid thirties with an MSc not working slightly different dynamic

salsera:
@evina
This ur story na exception and I actually like exceptions
You didn't lose yourself whilst giving him 'a kick up the ass...well a few kicks'
You didn't have to pretend to be someone else whilst you did this. That's important.

You fiancé listened and ran with it from baby steps to full marathon.


Geekybabes case though, her bf is already mid thirties with an MSc not working slightly different dynamic

You may be right.
Her boyfriend is 30 not in his mid thirties. Irrespective of the age however, I don't think age has anything to do with it. People are the way they are, basically because of their temperament. And a man that really loves his woman and desires a great future will appreciate support from a strong woman.

9 months in my opinion is too short a time to give up on anyone. Has she given her best to build him up and realised he ought to be left alone? (Just as I did with my first). Will she not question if she gave up too soon and regret the decision later? Personally, I don't do regrets. Once I move on, it is because I am ABSOLUTELY sure that I am DONE! I gave my all and it's time for the next challenge. So I just hope that she really is doing it right.

Anyways, the choice is hers to make.

Evina:
WOW! What a thread!

I stumbled on this thread a week ago or thereabout, and haven't focused on any other thread since then. I have taken the time to read through ALL the pages. It is like reading a book to me, a practical guide to building and sustaining a successful marriage.

This thread has touched the very depths of my being. Reading people's personal experiences and comments have really broken me in some way.

I have yet again reached the conclusion that I will indeed be walking down the aisle in May, with a man who is God's PERFECT gift to me. This thread made me realise I need to CHERISH this gift more than ever before.

We have been through it ALL in nine long, wonderful years! God has helped us. There was even the challenge with MIL to be, but the way God arrested the woman's heart ehn, makes me so humbled that God carry this union for Him Almighty head.

I really don't know how to appreciate and celebrate the wonderful woman who created this thread @Babyosisi, the contributors:

@Thorpido: I have deep respect for you. You are a great man with great wisdom.

@madam Chair cover: so sad to see you deactivated your account. You have this warm mature spirit. The effect of your post is calmness. You are indeed a blessing.

@ Bukatyne: I love you. Mature, funny, cool.

@ Floodgater: God bless you real good.

@ Ujujoan: what a great woman you are. Thank God for your home.

@ EfemenaXY: hmmm. Aunty, Migwo. you are too harsh oh. One can perceive you've got several shades of intelligence and wisdom but it's quite sad that we don't really get to benefit from you in totality, because the value of your message is lost in the brutality emanating from your post. I could tell you are not a patient person madam and you would often scare people, whom you can be a blessing to, away, with your hostile(for lack of a better word) demeanor. Please if it is tough love, it is too tough. Tone it down ma.

@ Cococandy: you are soooo sweet. Thank you for being here.

@Herzumpther: for real? Is Lakes the one you are picking the date with? I hope oh sis.

To all the other contributors, God bless you and reward you richly.

Finally and once again, madam Babyosisi, you are blessed. In fact I think we should draft a script based on your life experiences in love and marriage and then make a movie. seriously! Think aborit.

All the best in your wedding and marriage

I can't believe Chaircover has deactivated
Aisha2
Jennykadry
Ujujoan too

All the people I started this nairaland journey with have deactivated
What am I still doing here?

Even though I suspect aisha2 is back as

babyosisi:


Al the best in your wedding and marriage

I can't believe Chaircover has deactivated
Aisha2
Jennykadry
Ujujoan too

All the people I started this nairaland journey with have deactivated
What am I still doing here?

Even though I suspect aisha2 is back as

Please don't even think about it. Don't you feel blessed to be such a blessing?

I think Ujujoan is back as Wedon or so, cos the signature says aka ujujoan.

Evina, i'm inspired by your story

mavany:
I have been a guest here for two years ,but the issuse has forced me to register,I'm a 23 yrs old lady who has grown and learnt so much from this thread. Babyosisi . Chaircover.moca,efemenaxy and all others I didn't mention. Now here's my problem. I have been seeing this guy for about a year now.he is abt 28 yrs .he just got a job as a front desk officer at a hotel in abuja.I forgot to mention our relationship became long distance when I lost ma mum and had to go stay with my family as the oldest and only girl ,I'm also doing my Nysc program from home @abia. He posted a pics of him and a girl dressed in a nytie on fbk,it appeared he took the picture at the hotel lobby while he was on night duty. When I saw the pix I was so mad, I called him, he apologised and took it down ,he also apologised on facebook feigning that he tot d pix was harmless, however I told his sister and she told me that I shouldn't take any man serious and that if I didn't see any future with her elder bro I should walk, I. Realised I shouldn't have complain to her but I also took her words to mean she really didn't take my relationship with her bro seriousm fast forward today, I called her to ask her abt her wedding preparations and all and she feigned she didn't kno who called. Even though she answered cordially. I told her bro later this evening casually mentioning that maybe she didn't recognise it was me cos she believed I had left him, and that if I took her advice I wouldn't be calling her in d 1st place. He got angry and asked to leave him if that what I want,plus he is always asking me to leave him if that's what I want whenever we have a disagreement, I'm so pissed I really want to take a walk, buh I'm scared that I might be over reacting , please help me

Efe and floodgater nailed it already
Keep searching

Tashaamania:
Evina, am inspired by your story

oh, thank you much.

Evina:


Please don't even think about it. Don't you feel blessed to be such a blessing?

I think Ujujoan is back as Wedon or so, cos the signature says aka ujujoan.

I love that girl and the sincerity in her post
She has no clue how much her story has tweaked my long held notion of love and crazy love

Hahahahaha @ deactivating

You welcome, Godbess your union

Evina:


oh, thank you much.

Evina:
@geekybabe: I know most of the responses you got to your predicament are from mature and married posters.

I just want to give my suggestion based on my personal experience.

I will be getting married in May. It ought to have being on the 28th of March, but elections in Nigeria made us move the date.

My fiance and I started dating in 2006. I already had my first degree then and preparing for NYSC, while he was studying to be an engineer. By the time he had his B.Sc, I already had a few years work experience.

Like you, I am very driven. I started a business at 20. I am one of those people that can start 5 projects, run a business at the side while holding down a job and still think of fresh new opportunities to explore. He was laid back, I had to push him to always go for more.

In fact, I did not have a problem with being the bread winner until the Holy Spirit convicted me and told me I was subtly placing a curse on my intended. I mean it is NOT the place of a woman to be the SOLE provider. She is the helpmeet, the support system. The bible says a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel!

When I got that understanding, I revamped my mindset. I showed him the scripture, and told him. You know me. You know how driven I am and you know I will not let myself be limited by a man. I will not soft pedal on achieving my dreams because I don't want you to feel inadequate, so you need to sit up.

Then, I began to find ways to push him towards accomplishing his goals. While he was awaiting NYSC, I was the PR manager in a school. I organized the annual Christmas party, which was unlike any the school ever had. We had sponsors and media coverage. He is a great dancer and had a group in school, so I suggested he should consider training the students in dance;salsa, ballet etc. He was excited. I proposed the idea to the board and he was hired as the choreographer. He did an EXCELLENT job!

Next, I had an idea for weddings, talked to him about it and we made business cards. He was the MD and I Business development manager. Our biggest client was from him. (An aunt of his).

Shortly, he went for NYSC and I secured another job in another city. I developed his resume and would check for jobs online, write cover letter and apply on his behalf.

Now, several years after. I am AMAZED at the man he has become! I am soo proud of him. He is a sales Engineer, confident, driven and dedicated. He once told me he used to think he couldn't get a job without connections. But now, he doesn't think there's any interview he'll go for that he wouldn't scale through. I remember, I used to prep him for interviews back then.

I asked him recently, where that unmotivated, timid guy was, and he gave me one kind look. LOL. Now, I don't have to do any of those work I used to do because he is on top of his game.

I really thank God because even his mum, turned around and loved me when she saw the direction her son's life was headed and realized he was at his best with me in his life.

In summary, I just want to say, we should endeavor to make an impact in the lives of people we encounter. 9months is too short to give up on him. Give it your best, if it means finding time to search for jobs with him and even applying on his behalf, do it. His seeming controlling nature may just be because he feels insecure. Help him get past the insecurities. I believe the role of a woman is to build up her man, to help him reach his full potentials. That is why there is no end to how high a man can rise if he's got a good woman by his side.

That laid back dude today can become a driven, goal oriented man tomorrow. Mine is a living proof. he is not just an Engineer, he got certified in HSE and picked up great designing skills. I once got a contract to supply table top calendars. He designed it and managed the printing process. I would have spent 100k, paying a designer for the designs. He stays dedicated to tasks and wouldn't give up until he has seen it through. I didn't see these qualities in him before and wouldn't have known it was in there if I gave up on him.

All the best gurl.

Wow
Woman of substance thou art

I have never shared this before but there was a time in my career when my husband went back to do a pHD and fellowship and I earned more than him.
I didn't like it
I actually prayed that he earned more than me
Afterwards I was wondering if I had cursed myself
But God saw the sincerity in my heart and answered that prayer
Shortly after,we earned about the same salary and two years after that his salary surpassed mine
Today,he makes double mine.

I love the story of how you encouraged and pushed your man to succeed
Women need to do that always
Who else will be his greatest cheerleader but you?
In this world especially with those if us overseas,the black man is up against so much,his greatest support has to be his wife
My husband naturally is a driven person but the way I encouraged him was never to object to any of our moves.
I went wherever he wanted us to go ,wherever he had a good offer and sometimes I left very good jobs to the unknown while he pursued his dreams and it has paid off well for him( and us)
Recently we travelled to the NE United States and he asked what my reaction will be if he took up a job there and I told him he already knows I won't object to it.

babyosisi:


I love that girl and the sincerity in her post
She has no clue how much her story has tweaked my long held notion of love and crazy love

Hahahahaha @ deactivating

LOL. Please let it be a joke.
I was really touched by her story.
I totally saw your perspective. I also wonder how God's choice will be devoid of physical love. But as she pointed, it was always there, hidden. She had to uncover.

Please I would really appreciate you sharing in detail how you and your husband worked things out after he sent the cab away. My heart stopped at the statement. I am such a hopeless romantic and I saw the romance in my minds eye, the way all those telemundo movies capture it- you packing, oga battling with his ego and love for you while you pack and finally making the wise decision of letting his love prevail.

Oh madam Osisi please do a movie with your story.

Tashaamania:
You welcome, Godbess your union

amen. And may He bless you and yours too.

babyosisi:


Wow
Woman of substance thou art

I have never shared this before but there was a time in my career when my husband went back to do a pHD and fellowship and I earned more than him.
I didn't like it
I actually prayed that he earned more than me
Afterwards I was wondering if I had cursed myself
But God saw the sincerity in my heart and answered that prayer
Shortly after,we earned about the same salary and two years after that his salary surpassed mine
Today,he makes double mine.

I love the story of how you encouraged and pushed your man to succeed
Women need to do that always
Who else will be his greatest cheerleader but you?
In this world especially with those if us overseas,the black man is up against so much,his greatest support has to be his wife
My husband naturally is a driven person but the way I encouraged him was never to object to any of our moves.
I went wherever he wanted us to go ,wherever he had a good offer and sometimes I left very good jobs to the unknown while he pursued his dreams and it has paid off well for him( and us)
Recently we travelled to the NE United States and he asked what my reaction will be if he took up a job there and I told him he already knows I won't object to it.

Thank you.
You see! Exactly! People don't really understand who a virtuous woman is. The Bible says, she looks at a vineyard and purchases it with her earnings. Meaning she is not a siddon look, hand me pocket money house wife! She's got her own earnings.

The bible also says, her husband seats at the gate with the council of elders. Meaning he is a "heavy" man. A man of substance, filled with wisdom. A responsible man that has value to offer society.

Lastly, her husband and children call her blessed.
I strive to be that woman. I believe that a godly woman's place is beside her husband. Squeezing out the best in him as she becomes her best.

Thank God for you, your husband, your home. Thank you for being a giver. Thank you for this thread.

Evina:
WOW! What a thread!

I stumbled on this thread a week ago or thereabout, and haven't focused on any other thread since then. I have taken the time to read through ALL the pages. It is like reading a book to me, a practical guide to building and sustaining a successful marriage.

This thread has touched the very depths of my being. Reading people's personal experiences and comments have really broken me in some way.

I have yet again reached the conclusion that I will indeed be walking down the aisle in May, with a man who is God's PERFECT gift to me. This thread made me realise I need to CHERISH this gift more than ever before.

We have been through it ALL in nine long, wonderful years! God has helped us. There was even the challenge with MIL to be, but the way God arrested the woman's heart ehn, makes me so humbled that God carry this union for Him Almighty head.

I really don't know how to appreciate and celebrate the wonderful woman who created this thread @Babyosisi, the contributors:

@Thorpido: I have deep respect for you. You are a great man with great wisdom.

@madam Chair cover: so sad to see you deactivated your account. You have this warm mature spirit. The effect of your post is calmness. You are indeed a blessing.

@ Bukatyne: I love you. Mature, funny, cool.

@ Floodgater: God bless you real good.

@ Ujujoan: what a great woman you are. Thank God for your home.

@ EfemenaXY: hmmm. Aunty, Migwo. you are too harsh oh. One can perceive you've got several shades of intelligence and wisdom but it's quite sad that we don't really get to benefit from you in totality, because the value of your message is lost in the brutality emanating from your post. I could tell you are not a patient person madam and you would often scare people, whom you can be a blessing to, away, with your hostile(for lack of a better word) demeanor. Please if it is tough love, it is too tough. Tone it down ma.

@ Cococandy: you are soooo sweet. Thank you for being here.

@Herzumpther: for real? Is Lakes the one you are picking the date with? I hope oh sis.

To all the other contributors, God bless you and reward you richly.

Finally and once again, madam Babyosisi, you are blessed. In fact I think we should draft a script based on your life experiences in love and marriage and then make a movie. seriously! Think aborit.

Thanks for the compliments.
I just read your story and I have to say that I don't have any advise to give you.lol
I wish you all the best in your wedding preparations.

Marriage is beautiful.....it starts with making the right choice.
Understanding that as a couple,you need to work for each other.Selflessness is very essential.Be friends of each other.
There will always be challenges but as friends you can always be a strong tag-team.
If you are not an atheist,God is The Anchor.When you have the love of God in you and marry a partner who also loves God,that love is reflected in your relationship too.

Evina:


LOL. Please let it be a joke.
I was really touched by her story.
I totally saw your perspective. I also wonder how God's choice will be devoid of physical love. But as she pointed, it was always there, hidden. She had to uncover.

Please I would really appreciate you sharing in detail how you and your husband worked things out after he sent the cab away. My heart stopped at the statement. I am such a hopeless romantic and I saw the romance in my minds eye, the way all those telemundo movies capture it- you packing, oga battling with his ego and love for you while you pack and finally making the wise decision of letting his love prevail.

Oh madam Osisi please do a movie with your story.

It was a long process
Slowly we began to build and heal the hurts,it took months and months and months,it was the most difficult time of our marriage and the most challenge we have ever had till date.
He had stopped eating whatever I cooked the last weeks before his mom left and one day he asked me to cook and I did
I totally understood the times he stood by his mom wasn't because he thought I was a bad person but because he hated to see his mom sad
So somehow be chose to pacify her till she went back home but in the process hurt my feelings so much
That Christmas he went home and of course his family chewed him up for sending their mom home but he knew details they didn't know about the daily events.
He came home and asked me to call and apologize to his mom and I told him I will
It took me another 18 months or so to give that apology and he didn't push me

^{Let me repeat the story,I told it earlier}


I believe it was that act of apologizing to his mom and the aftermath that healed the entire situation completely
I apologized over the phone and my MIL called me names
All I responded was " mama is that what you are saying"?
I wasn't even offended by the names because I had forgiven her and was no longer hurt
Her son present with her grabbed the phone and started apologizing to me for her utterances and scolding her fiercely too
I had to tell him to stop scolding her
Hubby came home I told him what transpired and he called home insisted his mom must apologize to me
His family was divided over the issue,some said the mom owes me an apology ,some said never and those who opposed were if course on my MIL's side
I didn't ask for an apology and I didn't need it
Not once did I call any of my brother or sisters in law to discuss the issue
Never.

Periodically after that,I would call my MIL To say hello and carry on a conversation like nothing happened
I visited Nigeria shortly after and spent a few days with her ,without my hubby there
Then again
And again
That I believe that made my husband very glad.i suspect his mom must have told him how my visits went.

I concluded like I said before that the woman didn't hate me
There were misconceptions she had and she came out judging me without knowing me
My MIL even gave me a name and that is what she calls me and the only one that calls me that
Translated to mean the beautiful one.

That is why I tell ladies that no matter how bad you think your MIL is towards you,anyone can be changed with love
It is not easy,the key however lies with the husband
But it can be done if her son is good to you
Had my husband been pushy and unsupportive, and insisting his mom was right all the way,this would have never happened

@Evina, yes he is.

Evina:


LOL.
I am not a really patient person oh. but I am amazed how I didn't consider giving up on him.

When I was in the university, I had a boyfriend, my first. I left him when I graduated. I put in ALOT of work too. He was so focused on the wrong things. He graduated when I was in my third year and refused to go for NYSC. He instead, went to one city and was waiting for a container of gold that would turn him to a big boy. He is the first son. His dad was so disappointed, they gave up on him.

I would go and visit him and spend my allowance on him because I never forgot how good he was to me, how he took care of my needs when my dad left the country without leaving enough money for me. (I am from a polygamous home and my mum is late) He and his sister said, don't worry, you can't lack when you have us. His family house was my home too.

So when this sudden "lunacy" started, I just couldn't give up. His mum used to ask me loads of questions cos they couldn't get it either. He had just two items of clothing with him and refused to go back home. I was trying to support my man until I realized one year don pass and I am about to graduate.

Although I was really young at the time. But I began to see him as unserious. I felt as long as I was there, feeding and supporting, he wouldn't wake up and smell the coffee. Some guys become really lazy and oblivious of their responsibilities when they have a strong woman as support system. So I gave him an ultimatum! Leave this place and get your life together or I live!

He thought it was a joke! He was my first love(so I thought at the time) I never thought I could be without him but I began to resent him. I left him and hated him. Shortly, he left that place, reconciled with his Dad and got a job with an oil servicing firm. He worked offshore.

He began to call me and at the time I was single but, I despised him. He couldn't understand it. Wasn't this what I wanted? I was angry because I felt he ought to have listened to me and become a great man with my support. But he said, it took my leaving him to realize and get on track.

I was angry for a loooong time and he wouldn't let go. But my spirit had left the union. I also began to see other things I couldn't cope with.

Today, he is doing real good and has said he won't get married until I have. I have NO REGRETS whatsoever. The man I am with now, is beyond comparison. God over compensated me with this one LOL. I AM THE LUCKY ONE.

Thanks gurl.

I don't understand all these girls that say there are no marriageable men when people like you and herzumpther have suitors begging for your hand.
When babyosisi was babyosisi,I could do tum bom tum bom and stop at 5 suitors at a time ;Dand I am not Bianca Onoh

keppyy:
Lolz....Here is my own story...

I met a guy and he thinks I'm uptight and I'm too carefree...

He wants me to dress girlieeee....I do wear dresses but some times my outfits are real wack...I got some heels last month anyway but I'm trying real hard because they hurt badly...

Real issue...I think he is really bothered about his physical looks...he is short, real dark, chubby, big stomach and almost bald...he asked me once what I dislike about his body and I told him nothing...that I'm more of a character person and I appreciate men with good hygiene...I also told him to appreciate his bald head and stop hiding it...

He stopped calling me and I called him yesterday to find out why he pulled away and he said it's because of this discussion...

I just wish to know what exactly I said that's wrong....

What has he said to you about his looks?
Secondly I want you to search your heart about other things you may said in this conversation and in past conversations

There is definitely something you said maybe innocently that has affirmed what others have said and how he feels about himself

You see here on nairaland,whenever Someone wants to make fun of another,they talk about their body
I have my picture on my profile without my face for privacy
There are posters here especially a female that calls me fat whenever we fight hoping that will upset me,
Doesn't bother me a single bit
If IQ was measured on nairaland I know she couldn't come close for sure


We don't have to be perfect in our looks but not accepting oneself or loving oneself for what one is must be horrible
One doesn't have to be a size 6 to look fabulous
You can be a big girl or short man and rock and the most important is what you think of yourself

This man doesn't think much of himself
You don't know what he has heard from childhood from friends,family,enemies etc
I feel for him because this will affect him in many ways
He needs to change that mindset and carry himself well
If Denrele can post his pictures online and talk confidently,anyone can
The thing between a man's skull is the most important,not his looks
If only some men knew that fact too lol