OK let's face it. Modern marriages seem to be breaking down left right and center. All this "marrying the love of your life" etc seems to have been over-rated. a few days ago i might have been ready to stick my neck out in defense of modern marriages but right now I am having a rethink.

We all know that our parents and grandparents marriages lasted much longer than what we see nowadays. we try to attribute it to lack of 'open-eye' by the women or unavailability of statistics but I don't believe any of that. I firmly believe our grandparents marriages lasted longer because they knew what marriage was about and had many advisers in the form of extended, older and well experienced family members to go to for help in any grey area.

The white man is good at giving a dog a bad name to hang it. They show statistics and stories and movies of how arranged marriages were so wrong and how people ended up miserable not marrying 'their one true love', they show pictures of arranged marriages looking like two unwilling people that were forced together. I don't believe all that propaganda either. Arranged marriages were better than what we have now and i'll tell you why.

1. Your parents made sure you were mature enough to get married. its not like nowadays when we see kids marrying and breaking up for the littlest of things. in those days parents and in fact the community assessed the husband-to-be to be sure he had matured physically and more especially mentally before picking a wife for him. The same went for the woman.
(****please note this post does not include/condone child marriages that take place in the north and in certain religions. those guys are on their own)

2. Your parents made sure you were ready financially for the marriage. In my place, the man would be given a piece of land to till and also a small hut to take care of his future family before considering marriage. So there was shelter and sustenance prepared already for you and your new wife.

3. Your parents did a thorough interview and investigating of the proposed in-laws before even considering approaching them. this included the type of family, whether they were hot-tempered, whether the girl could cook, whether they were known for fighting their spouses, whether the men beat their women, whether there was mental illness, convulsions, barrenness, courtesy, industriousness, etc. by the time they were through most times the family going to pick a bride or accept a groom knew what they were going in for.

4. Both marriage partners had clearly defined rules of what their duties were in the house. There was no crossing of boundaries and each of the partners knew what they were expected to do t make the marriage work, if they failed in their responsibilities for any reason, they could easily be reported to the immediate or extended family.

5. Last but not the least, they were usually not blinded by love not to see each others bad sides. Falling in love is sweet and all, but it really makes you not to see the fault in your partner until it is too late. IN arranged marriages the love came afterwards. and it was a more matured and tolerant kind of love and not the mushroom love we see nowadays that can barely stand the pressures of everyday misunderstandings.

I think it is high time we revived the practice of Arranged marriages in our society.

suffering in silence, they don't publicise there problem. Wife or husband run back home to complain but the parents tell him/her to live with it.

Yea maybe favorable for men but not for women...

Women had no say when or how they will get married,they didn't even see their supposed spouses until wedding day

Back then when love exist

Marriage is dying....

...Rather than buy a nice coffin and bury her in it, people chose to keep on applying unnecessary CPR on the bitch...

...the bitch kept on dying and dying and dying...

Please allow her to die na. She has aged gracefully. Allow her to die in peace and let us live in peace too...

Stop the effing resuscitations and write her a moving epitaph instead...

You forgot to type that our grandfather didn't claim it's a "man world" like the chauvinistic men of these days do.
A married man caught cheating would be disgraced likewise a married woman. No gender is spared...

It's high time what is sauce for the goose becomes sauce for the gander.

My piece!

When it comes to marriage, put God first. So many devils parading as human beings.

I agree love is mostly overrated
But i m not sure arranged marriage is the solution

The issue is the lack of understanding about how to keep a marriage n the collapse of mediating traditional institutions

edwife:
Yea maybe favorable for men but not for women...

Women had no say when or how they will get married,they didn't even see their suppose spouses until wedding day

And now that you have a say are things better?

afolag:
suffering in silence, they don't publicise there problem. Wife or husband run back home to complain but the parents tell him/her to live with it.

Not true pls. This is an abnormality. The usual thing is for the parents to hold a family meeting and call the offending party to order.

lilmax:
Back then when love exist

Modern couples don't know the meaning of true love. Love suffers ALL things, endures ALL things etc. What couples have nowadays is a very selfish feeling of entitlement. Real love does not exist in such cases.

I don't know anything about love or marriage whether arranged or otherwise. What I know is that just pray.

People these days are devils disguised in human form. Prayer is the answer, prayer is the master key. marry someone who genuinely loves God and make sure you get confirmation from God before you marry.

There's nothing more painful and sorrowful than marrying the wrong person.

I'm so afraid. The things my eyes has seen. It's crazy.

No such thing as love.

Only God is love.


Just be with a human being who forgives. If you marry someone that doesn't forgive you are done for.

YourCoffin:
Marriage is dying....

...Rather than buy a nice coffin and bury her in it, people chose to keep on applying unnecessary CPR on the bitch...

...the bitch kept on dying and dying and dying...

Please allow her to die na. She has aged gracefully. Allow her to die in peace and let us live in peace too...

Stop the effing resuscitations and write her a moving epitaph instead...

I want to believe that you are a product of marriage. Your parents might never have had the bravery to bring you into this world is not for the assurance of this sacred institution(marriage). Have a little respect.

Vickybee:
You forgot to type that our grandfather didn't claim it's a "man world" like the chauvinistic men of these days do.
A married man caught cheating would be disgraced likewise a married woman. No gender is spared...

It's high time what is sauce for the goose becomes sauce for the gander.

My piece!

The phrase 'it's a man' s world' came from the white people and is alien to our culture. You are quite right when you say both sexes were equally(or almost equally) punished those days.

obowunmi:
When it comes to marriage, put God first. So many devils parading as human beings.

What people don't realize is that marriage is and has always been a SPIRITUAL INSTITUTION. You cannot use a flimsy feeling like youthful love to bind two couples together. A marriage without a spiritual foundation is bound to fall like a stack of cards once the moment anu little physical obstacle comes it's way.

pickabeau1:
I agree love is mostly overrated
But i m not sure arranged marriage is the solution

The issue is the lack of understanding about how to keep a marriage n the collapse of mediating traditional institutions

We are saying almost the same thing.
. People treat marriage like it's a magical Union. Boy meets girl, both 'fall in love' and magically live happily ever after. No one talks about the obstacles they might come across or the misunderstandings or the disappointments. If you ask too much they will tell you 'love conquers all'. Nonsense.

Marriage should not be based on love but on mutual agreement and understanding. The love and respect will develop naturally afterwards.

Okay o.

But @op, u prefer arranged marriage?

obowunmi:

Just be with a human being who forgives. If you marry someone that doesn't forgive you are done for .

Words of wisdom.

5minsmadness:

We are saying almost the same thing.
. People treat marriage like it's a magical Union. Boy meets girl, both 'fall in love' and magically live happily ever after. No one talks about the obstacles they might come across or the misunderstandings or the disappointments. If you ask too much they will tell you 'love conquers all'. Nonsense.

Marriage should not be based on love but on mutual agreement and understanding. The love and respect will develop naturally afterwards.

Cool

moca:
Okay o.

But @op, u prefer arranged marriage?

Let me open up a little bit here.
I've been in several relationships where I thought I was in love with the person and she loved me as well. But I usually end up discovering they are after me for the financial security they will get. Not love. They are usually in it for what I can do for them, what I can provide. And the moment I withdraw such favours their eyes start to wander.
I'm not interested in all the pretence.
I'd rather have a woman I'm readily compatible with, someone from a good family who knows what it is to be and act like a lady. Someone who won't fall instantly in love with me cos I came to pick her in a jeep. All those things are fleeting and won't last. I'd rather have a woman who respects me for me and has all the features I want in terms of a good wife and mother. I don't need to be madly in love with her, just know that she has all the good features I need.
The 'head over heels in love' thing can come after.

Good of u to open up.
Thanks.

I'm a bit busy now.
Will give u tips on how to get a babe who will love u as per whom u are not ur pocket.
Believe me,such babes r everywhere.

All my Indian friends marriage are arranged , they seem very happy and content with their lives and so was their parents and grandparents. They are close knit family and always on top.

If I have my way with my children, I will stylishly arrange their marriage The idea of calling our family friends mummy or Aunty is out of the question in order to freely mingle with their sons.

So help me God.

5minsmadness:

The phrase 'it's a man' s world' came from the white people and is alien to our culture. You are quite right when you say both sexes were equally(or almost equally) punished those days.

Exactly! You don't expect marriage to last with that kind of mentality

moca:
Good of u to open up.
Thanks.

I'm a bit busy now.
Will give u tips on how to get a babe who will love u as per whom u are not ur pocket.
Believe me,such babes r everywhere.

Hha. OK o am waiting.
Obowunmi come and hear o.
This might be interesting.

Love based marriage over arranged marriage for me anyday

Ewuro4:
All my Indian friends marriage are arranged , they seem very happy and content with their lives and so was their parents and grandparents. They are close knit family and always on top.

If I have my way with my children, I will stylishly arrange their marriage The idea of calling our family friends mummy or Aunty is out of the question in order to freely mingle with their sons.

So help me God.

My parents have tried but it never works. The women always complain.

5minsmadness:

Hha. OK o am waiting.
Obowunmi come and hear o.
This might be interesting.

I'm waiting.

obowunmi:


My parents have tried but it never works. The women always complain.

heck I'm not gonna blind date a 32year old with my 24yr old daughter. Thats terrifying.

I'm talking from ground up.From Tween ( 11) and up, play dates, family reunion, birthday invites etc. they grow fond of each other from little. I have friends like that, but we call them cousins heck we are not even related.

cococandy:
Love based marriage over arranged marriage for me anyday

Says the lady who mentions divorce at the drop of a hat.
(runs away)

5minsmadness:

Says the lady who mentions divorce at the drop of a hat.

At the drop of hat you mean abuse?

Be arranging your marriage and advocating enduring spousal abuse. As long as it favors you.
Your cup of tea bro.

Ewuro4:


heck I'm not gonna blind date a 32year old with my 24yr old daughter. Thats terrifying.

I'm talking from ground up.From Tween ( 11) and up, play dates, family reunion, birthday invites etc. they grow fond of each other from little. I have friends like that, but we call them cousins heck we are not even related.

Those boys will be friends zoned, Mark my words.