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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. (34868 Views)
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Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by shrekandfiona: 12:22am On Apr 05, 2015 |
Ewuro4:I share your line of thought. Will do same too if I can |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by cococandy(f): 12:35am On Apr 05, 2015 |
bukatyne:I'm kidding. |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by bukatyne(f): 12:38am On Apr 05, 2015 |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by cococandy(f): 12:55am On Apr 05, 2015 |
bukatyne:same to you |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by SirShymexx: 1:26pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
I think arranged marriages worked back then cos roles were well defined and folks just fit into those roles, and adapt. And divorce wasn't really an option. It was a universal thing when women understood what it meant to be a woman, and the being a woman wasn't just about having female anatomy - it's about the willingness to want to build a family based on a defined structure; innate ability to be there even when things are bad by showing ya worth; and understanding that marriage isn't real until it has been tried. Even till today - divorce isn't an option for majority of the folks from that era However, the consciousness is different today. Ditto the society at large. And I doubt arranged marriages would work today. Marriage as an institution has changed tremendously and the women aren't as patient/loyal as they used to be. If you're so keen to get married - better go find someone on ya level who'll complement you; can communicate effectively with; who understands how partnership works; can make sacrifices; and who understands how to build a family and what a family structure should be. Unless they're sending a highly educated chic with a career and a body like Lira Galore on low-mileage around my way - arranged marriages should remain in the annals of history and continue to dwell there till eternity. 5 Likes |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by LordReed(m): 3:30pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
5minsmadness: So in other words our mothers who suffered physical abuse and still stayed with their husbands have it better than women who choose to leave abusive marriages? 4 Likes |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by Missy89(f): 4:19pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
SirShymexx: What is the meaning of this? |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by 5minsmadness: 5:01pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
LordReed: My mother didn't suffer physical abuse and neither did my grandmother. Did yours? 3 Likes |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by SirShymexx: 6:04pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
Missy89: The truth. How many women are loyal/patient these days? Women just blow with the wind these days lol. When a rich nyggah wants you...... Lol And are you even loyal? 2 Likes |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by bukatyne(f): 6:15pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
5minsmadness: So because you can see, no blindperson person exists. I want to understand, because I can't wrap my head around it. I saw you also striked out most parts of yomi 's post on the 5 irresponsible things men do thread. 4 Likes |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by 5minsmadness: 7:19pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
bukatyne:This woman. You are beginning to stalk me oh. I thot it would be fun being stalked but it's sh1t scary. The post wasn't directed at you. |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by bukatyne(f): 7:22pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
5minsmadness: Stalk? Don't give yourself high hopes man! Is it only posts directed to you on NL you quote or respond? Stop dreaming Neither you nor anyone else here is worth it. 3 Likes |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by 5minsmadness: 7:30pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
bukatyne: Anyway... I was trying to make him see a point. Is he (and you) now trying to say ALL or even MOST arranged marriages consisted of physical abuse of the women? Or Is he(or you) trying to say modern marriages today do not consist of physical abuse in which the woman chooses to stay? 1 Like |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by 5minsmadness: 7:31pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
bukatyne:Of course I'm worth it, you just won't admit it |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by bukatyne(f): 7:41pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
5minsmadness: Hahahahahaha! Who am I to rain on your parade? Hahahahahaha! |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by 5minsmadness: 8:12pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
bukatyne:Of course, No one was expecting you to admit it
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Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by LordReed(m): 9:04pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
5minsmadness: And if they had you would have applauded them for being "loving" and "patient" while they endured it right? 5 Likes |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by LordReed(m): 9:14pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
5minsmadness: You were simply being disingenuous. In what way did I even imply that ALL arranged marriages were physically abusive? I made allusion to women who endured physical abuse but instead of answering the question you proceeded to beat around the bush. 4 Likes |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by 5minsmadness: 9:37pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
LordReed:Answer the question pls and stop being presumptuous. Were your grandmother or mother physically abused? |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by Nobody: 9:40pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
5minsmadness:do you knw sometimes they dont care about your feelings but instead they use you to settle along time debt or boost buisness relationship. contracts in most cases. #thinkdeep. |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by LordReed(m): 9:44pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
5minsmadness: When you stop being over wise and beating around the bush and answer the question I initially posed I will answer yours. 5 Likes |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by 5minsmadness: 9:48pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
LordReed: This was my post: 5minsmadness: This was your reply based on the fact you were assuming(wrongly) that i meant physical conflict: LordReed: Funny enough, it has nothing to do with arranged marriages, i daresay more women are being physically abused in modern marriages than in the past. Walking away/divorce doesn't solve the problem(at least not permanently) as they might enter even more abusive relationships. Also on that note, isn't it funny that a woman will marry the man of her choice in this day and age and still end up in a physically abusive relationship? Was she blind when she was making her choice of a man that she didn't see his abusive tendencies? Wouldn't it have been better if her parents found a spouse for her in a family whose men are known for their patience and tolerance of their womenfolk and never raising a hand against them? or what do you think? |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by 5minsmadness: 9:50pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
LordReed:no, you were the one trying to play smart. leave this chain and answer the post above ^^^ |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by 5minsmadness: 10:34pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
LordReed:You know, I went back and read this post again. I still feel you were reading the wrong meaning into what i said but Let me redirect to avoid misunderstanding. Even in arranged marriages a battered woman had an avenue to report her husband and he was duly cautioned and finally dealt with by the community. the woman wasn't just abandoned as i think you are trying to imply here. however, more emphasis was placed on the kids and the need for them to grow up in a complete nurturing family unit. Of course if the battering became too much there were cases of families who came unceremoniously and removed their daughters from such a setting , returning the bride price as they did so. This was a big disgrace and shame on the man involved and the info was 'stored in the family files" so to speak so that in case another bride came to marry from that family they would be told of the men's infamous pastime. Ipso facto our battered grannies were not just abandoned for the men to continue beating. 1 Like |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by LordReed(m): 10:48pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
5minsmadness: You obviously did not understand what I was getting at. You say love endures ALL, does this include physical abuse? Are you saying that those who endured physical abuse in arranged marriages are more loving than women in modern marriages who refuse to stay in such situations? The frequency of abusive marriages is not so much the issue as the ways and means available to mitigate such. With increased economic power the women folk have more options available in meeting basic needs, also our altered social mores mean some actions carry less opprobrium then they used to. In my opinion one can strike a balance between making your own choice of marriage partner and involving family. Seeking the counsel of friends and family doesn't render your choice an "arrangee" marriage, this is something people tend to ignore in the name of being modern to their own detriment. If a woman is marrying a man and she fails to seek counsel, the failure does not stem from the ability to make a choice in life partner. 4 Likes |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by LordReed(m): 10:56pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
5minsmadness: You are underlining certain things I need you to clarify. Do you feel that "modern" woman's empowerment which gives her the opportunity to remove herself from harms way is inferior to what you outlined above? Also how does what you outlined above differ in outcome from a woman simply refusing to put up with the mess? |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by Missy89(f): 12:15am On Apr 06, 2015 |
SirShymexx: Relationship is always a battle. Only the strong survives because there is always a motive behind everyone of them and love is always secondary. Some guys will drop their GF for a richer or pretty babe too. Are they loyal? |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by Feraz(m): 12:32am On Apr 06, 2015 |
EZEIGBO1OFIMO: 1 Like |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by 5minsmadness: 6:09am On Apr 06, 2015 |
LordReed: 1. A resounding "Yes" to this. True love has no barriers. If a woman or a man enters marriage with lines already drawn there is no way that marriage will last. That is why I say this generation knows nothing about true love. This is a general parameter for marriage and has nothing to do with whether the marriage is arranged or not. Love ENDURES all things. Does that mean that if a man's wife cheats on him he should forgive her? A resounding YES. No one is perfect, not even the current love of your life. S/He is only human and will disappoint you eventually in one way or the other. The best marriages are one in which both partners forgive easily. This is the main recipe for a marriage lasting the test of time. The frequency of abusive marriages is not so much the issue as the ways and means available to mitigate such. With increased economic power the women folk have more options available in meeting basic needs, also our altered social mores mean some actions carry less opprobrium then they used to. But the frequency is the issue. Why should there be INCREASED physical abuse in a society where the spouses have been liberated to make their own choice of a life partner? What then is the advantage? In my opinion one can strike a balance between making your own choice of marriage partner and involving family. Seeking the counsel of friends and family doesn't render your choice an "arrangee" marriage, this is something people tend to ignore in the name of being modern to their own detriment. If a woman is marrying a man and she fails to seek counsel, the failure does not stem from the ability to make a choice in life partner.OK. |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by 5minsmadness: 6:31am On Apr 06, 2015 |
@LordReed: In a previous thread "Good marriages do not make good stories", I outlined certain relationships I am privileged to have known that have stood the test of time. Not one of them is bereft of gory tales, but it was overcoming the challenging times that made those marriages stronger. 1. The woman who supported her man and eventually married him when he had absolutely nothing to offer. 2. The wife-beater who genuinely changed. There are many instances of this. It is only in nairaland I hear that once a man hits you he becomes a batterer for life. This is beyond absurd. 3. The man whose woman was a drunk and a chronic cheat.. Even a soldier is not a true soldier until he has been through the field of battle. Marriage/True Love is tough and not for small children. It is not for disciples of cupid whose emotions are as fleeting as the wind itself. It is not for the faint of heart. Marriage is the complete acceptance of another human being with all his/her flaws and short-comings (including those present and those that will manifest later) into your life. Accepting such a huge responsibility freely is only possible if one is truly in love with the individual he/she wants to marry.
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Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by LordReed(m): 8:21am On Apr 06, 2015 |
5minsmadness: I like the pix you posted here. The couple say they FIX their problems not accept it because of love. Accepting fixable problems is foolishness not love. Yes a spouse who has anger management issues can be helped and indeed it is a loving spouse that will help such a one through the process but to simply accept physical abuse as a show of love is foolishness. 2 Likes |
Re: Arranged Marriages Were Better Than Modern Marriages. by LordReed(m): 8:27am On Apr 06, 2015 |
5minsmadness: See my previous post.
What I meant was in this discussion we are not taking frequency into cognisance else we will need to find out why instead we are looking at how it was/it is handled. |
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