Hi Guys,
In posting my experience here, maybe it helps some man appreciate his lady better, maybe it helps some lady appreciate her man, and maybe it helps bring closure to a chapter in my life, knowing my experience could be of help to someone out there.

I started my exciting career at a very young age, and approximately six years ago, on one of my outstation working trips, I struck gold when I met the lady I have come to love with all my heart. She was a second year undergrad. It was love at first sight, even though I would not admit this at the time. We were both young, and time seemed to stand still. Everything was perfect. She was young and naive, a perfect vessel to mould, a task I took as sacred duty with desired result to the envy of all. Our relationship was founded on love, honesty and trust (at least on my part). I dug deep, determined to get this one right.

A year later I had to go abroad for my master program. Nothing seemed to bother me more than the thought of leaving her behind. She cried precious tears I can remember till this day. Determined to make it work, I promised we would overcome, and overcome we did for two years of my study (though there was the usual challenges of a long distance relationship). Not a day went by without communication (mostly from her I must acknowledge). She ensured I had all the social media apps installed, and made it a point of duty to call day and night.

It’s important to note at this point that I was by nature very impatient and intolerant of insolent behavior, and a strict disciplinarian, but I loved her dearly, and would spare no cent to get her the very best of anything if I could afford just to make her happy. She loved, respected and honored me as well, but would always pray that I could be a little more patient, etc.

Then I had a spiritual experience. I became born again. The zeal and passion burned within me, and I was eager to share it with anyone who cared to listen, especially with the one I loved soo dearly. She was very excited for me, and for us, as her prayers had been answered. In no time, fruits began to manifest: meekness, patience, holiness, etc. I cut off all external female influences and decided to dedicate myself to this one lady (not like I was cheating on her, I just had quite a few female friends for any lady’s comfort ).
This new life came with a price of course, all excesses of the flesh had to be circumcised (in plain english, there could be no pre marital sex anymore, at least not for me). However, I wasn’t prepared to let go soo easily. Not after all we’ve been through. I held on to the scripture 1Corinthians7:12&15 (“But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.... But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace”). However I knew how unfair it would be trying to keep her without one of the ‘benefits’ of our relationship. So I summoned up courage and offered her a way out. I gave her a chance to walk away, as it would be unfair trying to make her conform to my new ways, however, I promised her if she stayed, I would be willing to help her come to speed, and love her dearly with all my heart. I prayed earnestly she would take my latter offer, and your guess is as good as mine, she did ! A new breath of fresh air was injected in me at that moment. I had salvation, and I got to keep the love of my life. However, I was under no illusion the war was won. I had just showed satan my weakness, and he wasn’t going to take this defeat lying low. I guess I had hoped her love would overcome since I was sure what the foundation was made of.

Permit my little digression; it was important I painted a vivid picture for the reader to understand the following chapters.

My intention was to get married to her immediately after my study; however, I had exhausted all my savings on tuition and living expenses during my master, and was in debt. God willing, I secured a good job here in Europe upon completion of my program, and set a time frame for getting married. Lucky for me, she was still yet to round up with her university, so at least some time for me to recuperate which i explained t her on numerous occassionns.

Time passed, she was my everything, and I was hers. She honored me, respected me, and I in return.

Eventually, she was accepted to a master program in the UK. I was very excited for her and myself. At least visits would be more regular for me. However, before she left the shores of Nigeria, I gave her an orientation of all that she could expect in the UK; The sudden appeal of freedom without limits, no parental guidance, bad friends, male disturbance, the illusion of ‘abroad’ (as I like to put it) etc. I pleaded with her to focus on study and never forget where she’s coming from. Looking back, I wish I could say I was wrong, but I wasn’t.

Not long after her arrival in the UK, the downward trend began to set in. As always, it starts with the company you keep. I was not comfortable with the company she chose to associate herself with from day one. I could already begin to see the negative effect on her behavior and character. Fortunately at this stage she could still tell me a lot of things, and I was scared at the type of things I was hearing. My ‘baby’ was being corrupted and she just couldn’t realize it. In trying to make her see this, I slowly became her enemy. It snowballed into calls which used to be daily becoming irregular. My protests about the communication gaps were met with the usual “you’re being unfair”, “you’re being unreasonable”, “you’re being selfish”, etc. So I thought to myself, maybe I was. I accepted her usual excuses of being busy and overwhelmed with school work, trying not to be ‘unreasonable’, as I realized it takes a while to adapt to a new environment, I decided to give this a break hoping it would get better with time, once again I had yielded ground for peace to reign, and I was wrong. Next, my advice began to sound archaic, as she had ‘grown up’ in her words. The sense of freedom seemed to overwhelm her, and every advice became toxic. Everything about Nigeria and Nigerians was from the stone ages and the UK was heaven. The illusion was beginning to have its effect. She was running faster than her shadow and couldn’t see it.

Next, she decided to get a part time job. As a student, it was easy to secure a care job which was quite rewarding (as they enjoyed generous tax breaks). I was happy for her, but warned her that the appeal of ‘easy money’ would make her lose her sense of priority (both to her studies and our relationship). Once again, I wish I was wrong. The job was her new boyfriend, and the free money became addictive. Soon every free calendar day was dedicated to taking long shifts on the job without care for how it affected us or trying to carry me along. Some of these shifts could go as long as 12 to 14 hrs on consecutive days with no means of reaching her. I was right once again, the relationship did take a hit.


In no time, I could hardly recognize the lady I had come to know and love for 5 years. Just when I thought I had seen the worst, I was accused of being ‘Stingy’. In her own words, “I do not give her money”. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The money card i had heard many of my friends associate to their ('runs') girls had finally been played. This allegation was like a dagger through my heart, as I had spared no cent to make her happy. Had all my love, time, numerous gifts, travel tours, affection, advice, availability despite my busy schedule etc been reduced to ‘money’? My relationship wasn’t built on that foundation. This was the first time in over five years I had heard such. She was the envy of all her friends and I made sure of that. In expensive gifts and attention more abundant. More so, she was from a family that more than provided for her need, so I was dumb founded at her new habit of ‘monitizing’ and how it could far out weigh what we had (or at least what I thought we had). I would imagine a sensible lady hoping to settle soon would strive to save her man’s money in preparation for her big day and not looking for ways to exhaust it.

Her new financial freedom soon saw her become obsessed with acquiring latest gadgets and fashion accessories, Ipad air, Mac book, I-phone, expensive wrist watch, shos etc, which she flaunted with all pleasure. I was sad, and sad, and sad, as this was a lady I assumed I had instilled financial discipline. Here she was returning to her vomit, and I couldn’t do anything to help. My efforts to call her attention to her new destructive habits made me the enemy. Truth is not easy to appreciate when you chose to dwell in the midst of merry singers.

I knew there was fire on the mountain, and there was more to this. I was right. Influence was at play. She had been spending time with the wrong crowd, and evil communication was having a field day corrupting good manners. I talked (shouted), and talked (pleaded), and talked (begged). All to no avail. She had pitched me versus her friends. Friends she only recently met, and they were carrying the day. This bus was headed for a crash and there was no stopping it.

I pride myself in always having a closed relationship, where issues are settled without external interference. However, it was clear I was getting nowhere here, so in desperation, I decided to involve her mother as she was close to her mum. I emphasize, I don’t take involvement of third party lightly, as it’s a sign control is lost. This was a first, and I hoped some elderly advice would suffice. After a few rounds of talking, a picture was taking shape. The insinuation was that I wasn’t taking the relationship to the next level i.e. marriage. I was in subtle terms encouraged to ‘commit’ to her. My reply was short and simple “How can I teach you algebra if you refuse to learn ABC? How can I be encouraged to marry if you won’t be found worthy in character willing to subject yourself to learning”.
The irony of this is, I was already scouring for the best diamond ring worthy of a princess prior to all this display, but I was never going to propose under duress, and her actions only postponed that day for her.

After parental intervention, a bit of a reprieve was achieved; however, she never got rid of the company. Still, we agreed to renew our commitment to make it work. In all this, my revelation of ‘Jesus Christ’ was getting sharper. I had a perfect idea of the weight and responsibility of a father in a family, and how he’s to be the shepherd of his family. I was determined to pattern a family in like manner. I made it known that it would preferably be with her, but I wasn’t prepared to compromise on Biblical doctrines. I needed a sheep (and not a goat) if I was to succeed. She always insisted on meeting ‘at the center’. I certainly concurred to that suggestion, but the problem was, as I pointed to her on few occasions, her ‘center’ was in the gutter on many issues. Most of which required me to return to a life style I had left behind. Had I made the classical mistake of not burning every bridge behind me in carrying her along? I asked myself.

All of this finally snowballed to open rebellion, rudeness and disrespect. It became difficult to have an ‘issues based conversation’ with her without her personalizing it. She became irrational at every slight provocation, choosing to rudely walk out on a conversation, and prepared to keep malice for days and weeks. I warned her severally about walking out. Told her one day would be the last walk out. Finally that one day came. I was trying to have an ‘issues based conversation’ and in her usual manner, she cut me short and walked out. I made sure to delete everything that had her name or image without looking back. The madness had to come to an end. It’s been a month and I haven’t looked back.


Some of you out there might wonder why I took all of this from this lady, and didn't wield the hammer earlier. Simple, I was in love with her. I knew she wasn’t in control of herself, that there were higher forces at play, and I was determined to help her. Unfortunately you cannot save a drowning person while they’re still struggling with the water, else you’ll go down with them. I made her a promise I wouldn’t leave our relationship, that she would be the one to break this, and I was determined to stick to my word. The whole experience proved to me that indeed I had received a new spirit within me, the Holy Spirit, as I exhibited tolerance and patience which was contrary to my old nature.

Truth be told, I don’t hate her. She had been used as a pawn to devastating effect. She had presented herself a willing tool in the hands of satan to torment me, and I was taking a hit badly. I was dying slowly. I lost a whooping 10kg thinking. It was a miracle I didn’t get fired at my job because some days I would spend the entire day unproductive. By Gods grace I met all my deadlines. If this was a game of cards, satan had played his joker, and the demand was simple; roll over and have back the love of your life, or continue in the light of Jesus Christ and lose her. The parable of the rich man, the camel and the eye of the needle comes to mind, so does Luke12:26-33 (For the Christians in the house).

I wasn’t ready to add my name to the long list of great men who had been laid to waste because of their love for an ill mannered woman. The choice was painful but not one to be thought over.

I should add that I’m certainly not going to generalize that all women are the same. My experience has certainly not imputed in me the attitude of hate for the female race. I was just guilty of casting my pearl before swine in this instance.

Why have I taken time to type all this? As I said at the beginning of this write up, perhaps my story can help someone going through same take the initiative and make that difficult decision. If you’re reading this as a man in similar situation, and you’ve done everything humanly possible yet no change, you should RUN! An irreverent woman without home training is the surest and fastest way to the grave. Seek out a sheep not a goat, else you’ll get too many ‘head butts’ for comfort and sanity.

Aaawww...i feel sorry for u..but if u think u made d ryt decisions, then good for u..

to summerise the whole attitude exhibited by her."She gat a maga who is blowing the hell out of her ass." btw where were ur exact location during dis write up?

you should have dumped her the moment she was going to the UK. not many women can handle what they deemed as success. crossing a big hurdle for most young women usually results to a problem in their relationships.

sorry, bro!

Before i pass my judgement let hear from the lady in question. Oya sister talk ur own side of the story

Freedom!Freedom!!Freedom!!! If not thoroughly utilized can bring one to doom.

Sorry bro. I once advised someone to let you know u dont deserve that girl. The same married man has been sponsoring all her trip and taking care of her for years. How do u expect her to change. Her friend who u think is the good one is also part of the click and has always known her to b d way she was. Im glad to know ur born again. Cos d spirit will guide you to whom ever deserves u. The gurl has hurt u so bad and i could tell from ur voice d day u spoke. Let her go and dnt ever think of marrying her. Ull regret it

Messilistic:
Sorry bro. I once advised someone to let you know u dont deserve that girl. The same married man has been sponsoring all her trip and taking care of her for years. How do u expect her to change. Her friend who u think is the good one is also part of the click and has always known her to b d way she was. Im glad to know ur born again. Cos d spirit will guide you to whom ever deserves u. The gurl has hurt u so bad and i could tell from ur voice d day u spoke. Let her go and dnt ever think of marrying her. Ull regret it

you know the girl & the OP?

not really. U know how gist flies in dis UK. Every one is connected one way or d other

coogar:


you know the girl & the OP?

...... In other words, Good riddance to bad rubbish!

Messilistic:
not really. U know how gist flies in dis UK. Every one is connected one way or d other

i feel you....
boyfriends & fïances should be worried whenever their yet-to-be married partners are travelling to europe - especially the UK. it's so damn easy for these girls to fall into the temptation the UK has to offer.

Well I wouldnt generalise. There still are a few good ones out there. At least i can testify to dat from a couple of friends i have. A gurl that would be influence would alwais b. one has to pray for guidance to get d right girl.

coogar:


i feel you....
boyfriends & fïances should be worried whenever their yet-to-be married partners are travelling to europe - especially the UK. it's so damn easy for these girls to fall into the temptation the UK has to offer.

Messilistic:
Well I wouldnt generalise. There still are a few good ones out there. At least i can testify to dat from a couple of friends i have. A gurl that would be influence would alwais b. one has to pray for guidance to get d right girl.

for any young woman coming to the UK to study, accommodation is the biggest problem. they cannot work more than 20 hrs per week with jobs that won't pay more than £10/hour - that is even if the job is available.

from that £200/week, she would be taxed & given crumbs that can barely pay for a room. meanwhile, there are big boys like sirshymexx & nihilist on the sidelines whispering to the girl that they are ready to accommodate her in their luxurious smart flats if she says yes. how many girls would refuse such offer?

You're a patient guy, I'll give you that.

I'm glad you got to realize this before it became too late:

I wasn’t ready to add my name to the long list of great men who had been laid to waste because of their love for an ill mannered woman. The choice was painful but not one to be thought over.

very correct. My flatty is an example . But then again, the OP's babe is from a wealthy family and her folks are more than able to foot her bills. what would you classify her case as? The Op even stated how he spoils her with expensive gift to his abilities. Above all, accommodation is not her problem. Her family has a house in Uk. In general i would say shes just to greedy. Like i stated in an earlier post. Op doesnt deserve her

coogar:


for any young woman coming to the UK to study, accommodation is the biggest problem. they cannot work more than 20 hrs per week with jobs that won't pay more than £10/hour - that is even if the job is available.

from that £200/week, she would be taxed & given crumbs that can barely pay for a room. meanwhile, there are big boys like sirshymexx & nihilist on the sidelines whispering to the girl that they are ready to accommodate her in their luxurious smart flats if she says yes. how many girls would refuse such offer?

She started working and used HER money to buy the latest gadgets. I really don't see anything wrong with that part. She was doing a honest job, what is wrong with taking longer shifts to earn more money? So because someone is in a relationship, she shouldn't work? The only problem I think she has from your write up is that she became rude to you but you seem a bit domineering so I don't think you have been a saint either.

Bro,
You have my sympathy. Sometimes conditions help us understand the true nature of human beings. She's probably a good person, but unstable and easily influenced. Certainly not ready for marriage (yet). Such people end up with people who will either force their will on them through violence, or ignore them completely because they have another woman outside that gives him peace of mind. You my friend are neither, so thank God and pray for a mentally and spiritually mature lady.

ireneidiva:
She started working and used HER money to buy the latest gadgets. I really don't see anything wrong with that part. She was doing a honest job, what is wrong with taking longer shifts to earn more money? So because someone is in a relationship, she shouldn't work? The only problem I think she has from your write up is that she became rude to you but you seem a bit domineering so I don't think you have been a saint either.

Sister, In paragraph 11 to be precise, OP was happy for her with respect to the job. Its only normal for him to warn her against getting carried away with the lure of easy cash, as she had proven to be unstable in her ways. Her primary objective was to study not to make money. He also never claimed to be a saint. Just a man who knows what he wants, and tried to conform his woman to the perfect image so he can have peace of mind.
Domineering means imposing your will over someone in an arrogant way. I doubt a domineering person will exercise the amount of patience i have just seen expressed by the OP.

I feel you bro.
[size=28pt].. Why do women change the moment you send them abroad?[/size]

Op you are really a patient man.

@Messilistic:

You mean the OP 's girl was dating a married man before they left Nigeria?

How did she manage to hide it from him then?

Why did she wait til til abroad before deciding to show herself?

@OP:

Sorry about the heartbreak however thank God you found out before marriage.

I pray God heals you and gives you a much better woman.

All I can say is OP has alot he has not sed.....

bukatyne:
@Messilistic:

You mean the OP 's girl was dating a married man before they left Nigeria?

How did she manage to hide it from him then?

Why did she wait til til abroad before deciding to show herself?

Messilistic:
All I can say is OP has alot he has not sed.....

OK then

Messilistic:
All I can say is OP has alot he has not sed.....

Dude, this is no place for jokes. A pattern of behaviour has been painted. If you read between the lines, all has been said.

John20000:
Hi Guys,
Influence was at play. She had been spending time with the wrong crowd, and evil communication was having a field day corrupting good manners. I talked (shouted), and talked (pleaded), and talked (begged). All to no avail. She had pitched me versus her friends.

That's more than enough to tell you she was a rebel.

Messilistic:
All I can say is OP has alot he has not sed.....

Hi, I certainly don't know you. You're right, i have only given an executive summary. There's obviously more to be said. My purpose was not to smear anyone, but for someone to take the lessons from this when the same patterns of behavior (as DaMayor1 said) begin to come up in their relationship.

hope u read the op's reply

DaMayor1:


Dude, this is no place for jokes. A pattern of behaviour has been painted. If you read between the lines, all has been said.



That's more than enough to tell you she was a rebel.

DaMayor1:


Sister, In paragraph 11 to be precise, OP was happy for her with respect to the job. Its only normal for him to warn her against getting carried away with the lure of easy cash, as she had proven to be unstable in her ways. Her primary objective was to study not to make money. He also never claimed to be a saint. Just a man who knows what he wants, and tried to conform his woman to the perfect image so he can have peace of mind.
Domineering means imposing your will over someone in an arrogant way. I doubt a domineering person will exercise the amount of patience i have just seen expressed by the OP.

You still used the 'conform' word. And that is exactly why the relationship did not work. You really can't get an adult to conform to your standard. It won't work.

I think she grew apart from you as soon as she hit abroad
Her expectations went up probably what she wants now from a man is something different

Forgive her and reclaim your love for her, beg her, kneel down and pray, fast

Don't let cougar, sirshirmex and all the guys in London steal her from you.

Op, you need to work on your emotions,I actually sense your personality as more of a narcissist.