Post by: Ngor. on TNC

My friends think I’m the least qualified to write this post but I totally disagree… I may not have an imaginary bae, but trust me, I am writing from years of experience. And I’m going to keep it real with you. I admit that a few of the tips are a bit drastic and I can already see one or two comments about how “the right man will love me for me”, but when you think long and hard about it, you will realize that it’s that kind of Dr Phil talk that has kept you single for this long.

Please get out a pen and a piece of paper, let me help your love life flourish…

1. Don’t be yourself, at least not at first.

Look ladies, forget what you heard. This is TNC. Of course the guys are going to say they choose brains over beauty. What do you expect? All the time we hear about how they love genuine, confident, self-assured women…so you walk around with your natural hair and no make-up. You wear 1980’s dungarees and, armed with your strong political views, you hope to land the man of your dreams. Haba! You sef check am; remember your ex-boyfriend’s side chick? The busty air-head with no waist and braids down to her ass… I mean the same one who tweeted that “God should help the people of Siria and their king, Vladimeer Pootin”. Remember how he favourited that tweet and said it was adorable?

My sister, your current affairs knowledge will get you nowhere near that dream guy. For now, keep your comments on the PDP-APC saga to yourself. There’s no hurry… invest in some good quality make-up and game-changing padded bras and at least catch his eye first. Down the line, he will be pleasantly surprised when he realizes that he can stare at your boobs and get updated on the crisis in Syria at the same.

2. Be visible.

Ladies, if you have any taste, this dream guy should be desirable so chances are you are not the only one thirsting after him. He’s got a million other women offering themselves up to him on a platter of gold. In fact most of these women can serve it up in take away packs for all they care, as long as they get noticed. So you are faced with a dilemma: You have to be visible enough to get his attention without coming across as desperate.

What do you do? I suggest you get in front of him… join his book club, attend his church and join the choir, visit his web page, drop comments on his posts. If he sneezes on twitter, you gotta retweet it or favourite it. If he takes a picture of a decaying toenail and posts it on Instagram, you gotta love it then leave a comment about the deeper meaning behind the picture. Do whatever you gotta do to be seen!!

3. Don’t give too much away.

So you’ve finally gotten his attention and you want to keep it because there are sharks still circling him, waiting for blood. You’re thinking that once he gets to know the real you, he will love you and find you irresistible right? Wrong!

Don’t get carried away and bombard him with too much information all at once. Tell him enough about yourself to keep him intrigued but remain small story for the gods. There has to be some mystery and intrigue surrounding you… it’ll keep him guessing and coming back for more, assuming you are indeed an interesting person. You can drop hints and allow him fill in the gaps. If it works out between the both of you, you will have a long time getting to know each other better, but for now, maybe you should wait a while before you whip out a calendar and begin to describe in detail the events of your menstrual cycle.

4. Listen and learn.

Ask him questions about himself and when he answers, ask more questions. You’re not Aisha Sesay… you don’t work for CNN so don’t turn it into a weird overly personal interview but you have to get to know this guy. Also, he has to know you’re genuinely interested in him (abi? You’re interested right? I’m not preaching all this just so that you can get in his wallet shebi?)

Guys like to talk about themselves… they just need a little prodding. The only challenge may be that once they get started, it’s hard to get them to shut the Bleep up about all the great and wonderful things they’ve done. For example, I used to think that Ubuntu was the neighbouring tribe to Zamunda. I checked Google and when I was reading about it, my brain started overheating and I gave up. So whenever my ex started to talk about web programming and Ubuntu tins, I would fight the urge to nod off, listen attentively and just enjoy watching him talk so animatedly about it.

5. Flirt a lil’.

I am a firm believer in flirting… subtle flirting that is. Look him in the eyes when you’re talking to him. Smile. Laugh hard at his jokes even when they are dry… and when you’re laughing, lean closer, just the slightest bit, and place your hand on his arm. Be open to little touches and subtle hints.

Please o, ladies I said little. Don’t gag on a banana during lunch and then act surprised when he starts groping you later.

6. Pretend to have a life.

If this guy realized that you spend your Saturday evenings stalking his Instagram page and watching re-runs of Friends, he’s not going to think you’re a “good, homely girl”. He’s going to think that you are a freak who doesn’t have a life. Once he comes to that conclusion, he’s going to run far away because no guy wants to be saddled with the responsibility of being the centre of your life…

What you do is, you lie. Tell him about fake trips or outings with your friends. Once in a while, when/if he calls you, rush to the nearest stereo or speaker before you answer. Put the music on and raise the volume. Make sure you loud eeet… then raise your voice and talk above the sound of the music. Tell him that your crazy friends just made impromptu plans and you guys are going on a field trip to Sambisacos, ya know, your friends are mad fun like that…

You know it’s a lie, but he doesn’t need to know that. The result is that he understands that if you guys were to ever date, you would have a great life outside him, with cool Sambisa friends.

7. Baptize your laptop to get quality time.

This is mostly for ladies who are crushing on a guy at work. My crush used to be in the IT department and he was always very busy, so the only way I could get to spend any time with him was by going on an Un-installation spree on my laptop… the idea was to get him to keep coming back to re-install or fix one thing or the other. And it worked for a bit. In fact, if I wasn’t so sure that my company would make me pay, I would’ve dunked my laptop in a bathtub full of water. Imagine how much time we would’ve spent together repairing it!

I don’t know what your dream guy does, but I suggest you spoil it so that he will have to help you fix it ;-)

*************

That’s it ladies! You guys let me know if I left anything out.

Full post here - http://thenakedconvos.com/7-secrets-to-help-you-get-the-girl-of-your-dreams/

THE LADIES DON'T AND WON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT WHATEVER TERMS AND CONDITIONS YOU TALKING ABOUT HERE.



THEY'LL JUST KEEP LAMING ABOUT THE REST OF THEIR LIVES DOING THE EXTREMELY WRONG THINGS BUT EXPECTING A RIGHT MAN TO COME ALONG.


HOW SHAMEFUL!

What if the dream man turns out to be gay
Or just does t give a fck

This is a nice write-up.

@Op... I absolutely loooved this lol it all makes sense. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

Actually gurls dnt know what is called a right man infact once u allow them live their lives the way they wanted u wil atomatically bcome the right man many gurls hav left me jst bcus am honest with them some gurls missed their husbands at the age of 18 then wen theu now grow up no husband they start running in here 4 advice

Lol...all these for just one guy?..
Funny post tho..

Chiam55:
@Op... I absolutely loooved this lol it all makes sense. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

Happy to share. Lots of stuff on TNC you might enjoy.

Girltee1:
Lol...all these for just one guy?..
Funny post tho..

Yea, lol. You can try them for different guys though. See what works and repeat.

Babzilla:
What if the dream man turns out to be gay
Or just does t give a fck

Well then, on to the next one!

sinizia:
This is a nice write-up.

Thanks. Lots more on TNC.