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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! (8138 Views)
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Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 9:58pm On Apr 15, 2015 |
Hello Nairalanders.. I don't even know where to start from but this is how it goes.. I and my boyfriend already agreed only on white wedding here in London, but his mother said we need to have a traditional marriage.. I cant because my dad's peeps cut him off when he got married to my mum.. The only grandparents i know are my mum folks and also the only village i call my village is my maternal village.. And now his mum insists that we also do a traditional marriage?? I am losing it.. What do i do?? I have no paternal ties.. How do i go about that? I cant even tell my peeps cause they had mixed feelings initially about my fiance.. I need your help peeps.. What do i tell his mum? Forgive any typos and incomprehension.. |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by buygala(m): 10:26pm On Apr 15, 2015 |
Tell her that you refused to marry the son of your village's chief herbalist( the chief custodian of the Amadioha\ Okija shrine in your village) .. so he has sworn that anyday you set foot in the village, you and all who accompany or set foot in the village on your invitation will run mad, bark and foam at the mouth like rabid dogs, and die of body swelling within 7 days ![]() or Respectfully tell her to marry her son and walk away from the relationship. ... 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by Closetoheart: 10:27pm On Apr 15, 2015 |
Forget about the guy and move on...I might sound harsh but I am sure u ll thank me later. MiLs... 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by bennyrazz: 10:32pm On Apr 15, 2015 |
there is no crime in explaining all this to your would be husband who will inturn explain to your would be MIL. Frankly, I think MIL wants to do Owambe things, she doesnt want to miss out on the frenzy of gele, buba, agbada, local drums etc Really traditional weddings are always sweet (Yoruba trad). And again, another thing with Trad wedding as to do with "dowry". Dowry payment is the most significant part of any wedding. You can as well ask your BF to tell his mother to organise the trad wedding if she so insist. 3 Likes |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by mkpakanaodogwu(m): 10:36pm On Apr 15, 2015 |
Coming |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by Yasher: 10:41pm On Apr 15, 2015 |
Doing the Traditional is no big deal. There's no law(atleast non that I know of) that states that a traditional marriage must be done in your father's village. 11 Likes |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by Nobody: 11:06pm On Apr 15, 2015 |
I have observed people now have their traditional marriages arranged in their family's location/base. I suspect she has gone to ask questions like the Igbos will usually do. It is either she knows u do not travel home and wants to use this as an excuse to push u out or she wants to wear gele for her son's trad (which I do not see as possible). Take a walk if her son can't talk to her, that woman might give u wahala in d future o o 4 Likes |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 11:53pm On Apr 15, 2015 |
buygala:Very funny!! Walk away?? Its not that easy? Or is it now?? |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 11:54pm On Apr 15, 2015 |
Closetoheart:How can i walk away from him?? We are not even having any problem? Except his mother's demand? 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 11:57pm On Apr 15, 2015 |
bennyrazz:Organise the trad wedding? Where? My father's compound? I am supposed to be from Ogun state but i dunno where that is to start with. She can always have the jolly frenzy during the white wedding na ![]() I think her demand is silly.. I am the one getting married to her son not her.. 1 Like |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by Closetoheart: 11:59pm On Apr 15, 2015 |
OluwaChinenyenwa: Okay. I pray u wont have any in d future. Thats my opinion. You dont have to take it. I wish someone gave me this option few years ago when my MIL started her wahala. She will not be disturbing my home n peace by now. Another grace you might have is if your fiancée is not mummy's boy...and you have to be very sure. 2 Likes |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 12:01am On Apr 16, 2015 |
Amybijou:If she wants a traditional marriage, we can always give her one here in london.. But going home to Nigeria? My father's place? I do not see that happening.. And his son isnt even helping matters.. Typical mamas boy ![]() |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 12:04am On Apr 16, 2015 |
Closetoheart:He is. His mum still dictates his moves, well not every moves.. His mother knows i am not the kinda girl she is gonna want to mess with |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by kpolli(m): 12:30am On Apr 16, 2015 |
OluwaChinenyenwa: Why can't you do it in your mum's side/village? |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 12:33am On Apr 16, 2015 |
kpolli:Can i ![]() |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by amokeme(f): 1:33am On Apr 16, 2015 |
OluwaChinenyenwa:its not easy but honestly, whn it comes to MIL issues, its better to just walk away... |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by Closetoheart: 2:19am On Apr 16, 2015 |
I wish you would just walk away...with your description of ur fiancee. Trust me, she ll dictate ur grandchild's name, where to have d naming, when to cut his or her hair, how to prepare food and what to prepare in ur own house, the kind of clothes u should wear for ur kids, d church u would worship in, how to spend ur holidays etc. 3 Likes |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by Ewuro4: 2:42am On Apr 16, 2015 |
Closetoheart: Na wa for you oh . Give simple advice, you're already talking about a strangers future, poisoning her mind toward her future MIL. ![]() OP is your fiancé Igbo? 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by kpolli(m): 2:47am On Apr 16, 2015 |
OluwaChinenyenwa: of course 1 Like |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by cococandy(f): 3:04am On Apr 16, 2015 |
She's not wrong to ask you guys to have a traditional marriage even though ultimately the choice is yours to make but most people especially traditional folks will like to know the origin of their children's spouse and a traditional marriage helps do that just fine. To them it is just like marrying someone they can't trace their roots and you know marriage is a big commitment. You need to know who you're getting into with as much as possible. Maybe the guy is love struck for now and his mom is looking out for him. I'm sure your mom would be worried too if you wanted to get married to man who you can't trace his root. What you can do is to have your trad in your maternal home.If you're igbo, you will understand that maternal roots are also considered as good as paternal roots. Or just do it where you are based like someone suggested. I heard that's the trend now. just give them something to hold onto. 2 Likes |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by pickabeau1: 6:48am On Apr 16, 2015 |
There is a lot being unsaid Traditional marriage is a rich expression of culture Why don't your parents want to do traditional marriage Why should your fathers family not be involved in giving out their daughter Why should a rift caused by ur fathers marriage choice years ago still be relevant today Is your father a proud man Are you talking about his extended or nuclear family ( your uncles an aunts) OluwaChinenyenwa: |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 7:22am On Apr 16, 2015 |
pickabeau1:My father's family cant be involved cause they don't even know me.. The rift was between my father and his folks. Ok this is it, my father is the only child. During his service year, he met my mum who is igbo and stuffs led to stuffs and they started talking about marriage which his father refused because mum is igbo.. His father cut him off when he finally got married to my mum and its been that way till date. Never been to my dad's place, dont even know where the place is cause he doesnt even talk about it.. The infos i got was from my mum. My parents would like to do the traditional marriage only if its going to be in London, but my MIL said she wants us to come back home?? Isnt that absurd?? |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by Nobody: 7:23am On Apr 16, 2015 |
OluwaChinenyenwa: Biko run from this mama's boy. My friend's marriage of 2yrs just packed up cos the guy's mum was practically running the marriage. |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 7:27am On Apr 16, 2015 |
cococandy:Thanks, but the mum asked to come home? Why do i have to go home and do the trad? Does she have any other motive? She is supposed to be in London for the white wedding but she changed her plans and said we have to do trad first of all which is going to be in Nigeria? ![]() This is ridiculous, going home for traditional marriage? When i can have one here? |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 7:28am On Apr 16, 2015 |
Ewuro4:Nope.. He is Yoruba |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by Nobody: 7:29am On Apr 16, 2015 |
Closetoheart: My point exactly. Thanks, you for speaking my mind. OP check it well o o before someone will say you do not luv his mum after the wedding. |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 7:32am On Apr 16, 2015 |
Closetoheart:Funny ![]() She is in Nigeria so i cant be bothered But walk away? I and this guy dated on n off and we are finally back on track, and then i have to walk away again? Its not that easy tbh |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 7:34am On Apr 16, 2015 |
Amybijou:Funny!! We had an issue a long time ago and it was because of his mum, he came back apologizing that he wouldnt let his mum come between us again, and hes been good till now? |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 7:37am On Apr 16, 2015 |
amokeme:Thanks, what if the next guy i meet has same trouble? I mean his mother? Will i keep on walking away?? 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by Nobody: 7:42am On Apr 16, 2015 |
OluwaChinenyenwa: Ok. I guess it's time to prove that to you...lolz May God's will be done my dear. It will be if it is meant to be. |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by pickabeau1: 7:50am On Apr 16, 2015 |
OluwaChinenyenwa: An only child dilemma... Has your father made any moves over the years to reach out to his father and mom and what was the result of such overtures Your mum gave u an account //// Have u asked your dad Did your mum ever attempt to reach out to her inlaws knowing she was married to an only child or she was happy with the state of things Speak to your father This may be the opportunity for him to reach out after all these years There is nothing absurd in holding trad at home 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 8:06am On Apr 16, 2015 |
pickabeau1:My mum.wasnt happy but what could she have done?? My dad doesnt like talking about his folks, tried asking but got tired at some point, because its always gon be go to your room kinda answer. I wasnt bothered while i was young because i had my maternal folks to look onto, i only asked him when i noticed his folks never visited unlike my mums'. Reaching out? Talked with my dad this morning and he asked me to tell my MIL that everything would take place here or she should forget about having any trad marriage.. So i do not think that he wants any sort of reconciliation.. |
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