Amybijou:


Ok. I guess it's time to prove that to you...lolz
May God's will be done my dear. It will be if it is meant to be.

OluwaChinenyenwa:
My mum.wasnt happy but what could she have done??
My dad doesnt like talking about his folks, tried asking but got tired at some point, because its always gon be go to your room kinda answer.
I wasnt bothered while i was young because i had my maternal folks to look onto, i only asked him when i noticed his folks never visited unlike my mums'.

Reaching out? Talked with my dad this morning and he asked me to tell my MIL that everything would take place here or she should forget about having any trad marriage.. So i do not think that he wants any sort of reconciliation..

OluwaChinenyenwa:
Thank you

pickabeau1:


Ok.. at least she was not the me and my husband type of woman
Maybe she should have still reached out though but that is neither here nor there as water has passed under the bridge




So in even in his old age, he wants no reconciliation with his aged parents and will jeopardise his daughter's chances of happiness

OK

I reiterate however: There is nothing wrong in doing Trad in the fathers place
Children are named through the fathers in Africa
Modernity is why mothers family has so much influence nowadays

Even among the Igbos if I remember correctly, Okonkwo was exiled after the death of his adopted son and spent those years in his mom's place
It was not his first choice

Even in the Bible
Jacob married in his mothers place (Laban) because he has committed a grave sin against his brother

Marrying in your mothers traditional place is not the ideal

I wish you the best however

OluwaChinenyenwa:
Thanks much..

However, with the comments about walking away on this thread, i just realised maybe this woman doesnt like me much. Met her just once and it wasnt a wonderful experience...

Thanks once again..

OluwaChinenyenwa:
Thanks, what if the next guy i meet has same trouble? I mean his mother? Will i keep on walking away??

OluwaChinenyenwa:
Hello Nairalanders..

I don't even know where to start from but this is how it goes.. I and my boyfriend already agreed only on white wedding here in London, but his mother said we need to have a traditional marriage.. I cant because my dad's peeps cut him off when he got married to my mum.. The only grandparents i know are my mum folks and also the only village i call my village is my maternal village.. And now his mum insists that we also do a traditional marriage?? I am losing it.. What do i do?? I have no paternal ties.. How do i go about that? I cant even tell my peeps cause they had mixed feelings initially about my fiance.. I need your help peeps.. What do i tell his mum?

Forgive any typos and incomprehension..

OluwaChinenyenwa:
Thanks much..

However, with the comments about walking away on this thread, i just realised maybe this woman DOESN'T LIKE ME MUCH. MET HER ONCE AND IT WASN'T A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE

Thanks once again..

crackhaus:
So let me get this straight:

- Your father, an only son, was disowned for marrying your mother.

- Your father, despite being an only son, stood his ground and turned on his own family instead of trying to make peace with them all these years.

- Now you want to get married, your father literally has no kin or hometown to join in celebrations as they give you out in marriage.

- Your intending MIL, who sounds like a very traditional woman, is insisting that you do your traditional marriage in Nigeria.

- Your father knowing that he doesn't have a hometown to go back to, refuses the request.

- Instead of your father making the attempt and explaining to your intending MIL the circumstances, he is still headstrong and refuses to find a common ground.

Truth be told, your MIL-to-be has not made any absurd request.
People living in farther places like Canada and Australia go home or send representatives to stand in for them during the traditional rites, not to mention London that's in our backyard.
So there's nothing absurd in her request, it's the normal thing...probably she may have even investigated your family and is using this to confirm.
Don't think about doing the traditional marriage in your mother's hometown either...your mother is not a divorcee and your father is alive and still married to her.

All I can say to you Miss OluwaChinenyenwa is that this here is a classic case of "the sins of the father shall be visited on the children..."
Your father successfully alienated himself from his own kinsmen, and probably didn't try making amends - now you are stuck in an almost similar predicament as well.

Do not make the same mistake your father did.
If he can't step in to explain to your fiance's people and try to reach a compromise, which it seems is something he would not even do given his antecedents of being headstrong, then you have no business marrying that guy.

I'm sorry to say, but you either choose to forget this marriage and move on...or you appeal to your father to act as a mediator on your behalf in reaching out to your fiance's family so they can come to an understanding.

Your intending MIL is completely and absolutely right in her request (even though her true intentions might be sketchy)... your father is not a European (passport-holding or not), he is a Nigerian who should/must have traceable roots and that is the way we do things.



Nfact u hv said it all, he who hv ears let him/her hear.

Cheers!

OluwaChinenyenwa:
Nope.. He is Yoruba

pickabeau1:

crackhaus:
So let me get this straight:
- Your father, an only son, was disowned for marrying your mother.
- Your father, despite being an only son, stood his ground and turned on his own family instead of trying to make peace with them all these years.
- Now you want to get married, your father literally has no kin or hometown to join in celebrations as they give you out in marriage.
- Your intending MIL, who sounds like a very traditional woman, is insisting that you do your traditional marriage in Nigeria.
- Your father knowing that he doesn't have a hometown to go back to, refuses the request.
- Instead of your father making the attempt and explaining to your intending MIL the circumstances, he is still headstrong and refuses to find a common ground.
Truth be told, your MIL-to-be has not made any absurd request.
People living in farther places like Canada and Australia go home or send representatives to stand in for them during the traditional rites, not to mention London that's in our backyard.
So there's nothing absurd in her request, it's the normal thing...probably she may have even investigated your family and is using this to confirm.
Don't think about doing the traditional marriage in your mother's hometown either...your mother is not a divorcee and your father is alive and still married to her.
All I can say to you Miss OluwaChinenyenwa is that this here is a classic case of "the sins of the father shall be visited on the children..."
Your father successfully alienated himself from his own kinsmen, and probably didn't try making amends - now you are stuck in an almost similar predicament as well.
Do not make the same mistake your father did.
If he can't step in to explain to your fiance's people and try to reach a compromise, which it seems is something he would not even do given his antecedents of being headstrong, then you have no business marrying that guy.
I'm sorry to say, but you either choose to forget this marriage and move on...or you appeal to your father to act as a mediator on your behalf in reaching out to your fiance's family so they can come to an understanding.
Your intending MIL is completely and absolutely right in her request (even though her true intentions might be sketchy)... your father is not a European (passport-holding or not), he is a Nigerian who should/must have traceable roots and that is the way we do things.
Cheers!

pickabeau1:
kaboninc

It seems you are suffering from diarrhea of the brain
Last I checked.. u were not paying for my data
If its worrying you, you can jump into the lagoon

kaboninc:

[s]
No be only you waka come ni.
That person wey like your comment follow you come.
Okay...
That's all.
[size=18pt]But I said the damn truthhh[/size]
Deal with it bro.... [/s]

pickabeau1:


You said nothing dude
All the smileys indicate your obtuseness
just drop it and move on with your tail btw your legs

OluwaChinenyenwa:
Thanks, but the mum asked to come home? Why do i have to go home and do the trad? Does she have any other motive? She is supposed to be in London for the white wedding but she changed her plans and said we have to do trad first of all which is going to be in Nigeria?
This is ridiculous, going home for traditional marriage? When i can have one here?

pickabeau1:


An only child dilemma...

Has your father made any moves over the years to reach out to his father and mom and what was the result of such overtures

Your mum gave u an account //// Have u asked your dad

Did your mum ever attempt to reach out to her inlaws knowing she was married to an only child or she was happy with the state of things

Speak to your father

This may be the opportunity for him to reach out after all these years

There is nothing absurd in holding trad at home

bukatyne:


How can the mother reach out when the father is not in good terms?

Is she trying to prove that she is a 'good' wife?

She can only appeal to her husband and if he doesn't bulge, na OYO be that

OluwaChinenyenwa:
Hello Nairalanders..

I don't even know where to start from but this is how it goes.. I and my boyfriend already agreed only on white wedding here in London, but his mother said we need to have a traditional marriage.. I cant because my dad's peeps cut him off when he got married to my mum.. The only grandparents i know are my mum folks and also the only village i call my village is my maternal village.. And now his mum insists that we also do a traditional marriage?? I am losing it.. What do i do?? I have no paternal ties.. How do i go about that? I cant even tell my peeps cause they had mixed feelings initially about my fiance.. I need your help peeps.. What do i tell his mum?

Forgive any typos and incomprehension..

OluwaChinenyenwa:
My father's family cant be involved cause they don't even know me.. The rift was between my father and his folks. Ok this is it, my father is the only child. During his service year, he met my mum who is igbo and stuffs led to stuffs and they started talking about marriage which his father refused because mum is igbo.. His father cut him off when he finally got married to my mum and its been that way till date. Never been to my dad's place, dont even know where the place is cause he doesnt even talk about it..
The infos i got was from my mum.


My parents would like to do the traditional marriage only if its going to be in London, but my MIL said she wants us to come back home?? Isnt that absurd??

OluwaChinenyenwa:
My father's family cant be involved cause they don't even know me.. The rift was between my father and his folks. Ok this is it, my father is the only child. During his service year, he met my mum who is igbo and stuffs led to stuffs and they started talking about marriage which his father refused because mum is igbo.. His father cut him off when he finally got married to my mum and its been that way till date. Never been to my dad's place, dont even know where the place is cause he doesnt even talk about it..
The infos i got was from my mum.


My parents would like to do the traditional marriage only if its going to be in London, but my MIL said she wants us to come back home?? Isnt that absurd??

OluwaChinenyenwa:
He is. His mum still dictates his moves, well not every moves.. His mother knows i am not the kinda girl she is gonna want to mess with

OluwaChinenyenwa:
Organise the trad wedding? Where? My father's compound? I am supposed to be from Ogun state but i dunno where that is to start with.
She can always have the jolly frenzy during the white wedding na
I think her demand is silly.. I am the one getting married to her son not her ..

capricun:


This one never ready to marry.

You don't need the advice