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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! (8169 Views)
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Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by taryour(f): 8:15pm On Apr 16, 2015 |
OluwaChinenyenwa: And am not surprised at all. And this is how the resentment and unnecessary defense starts. Soon we will here how it turned out physical with your mother inlaw. For the LOVE OF GOD young lady you are yet to be married and you already carrying this dirty and nasty thought up in your head. Its just so so unfortunate. Good luck to you in your quest. 2 Likes |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by thorpido(m): 8:43pm On Apr 16, 2015 |
bennyrazz:she's a London girl. Op,you need to learn some things about marriage. 1 Like |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by thorpido(m): 8:50pm On Apr 16, 2015 |
Op,I don't think your mother-in-law to be is making a request that is absurd.Since you are Africans,it makes sense to have a traditional wedding on your soil.Moreover,she would want her people to attend.You say your father is yoruba and the guy you want to marry is yoruba too.You guys can get a hall somewhere in Lagos and have the traditional wedding done there. 2 Likes |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by bennyrazz: 9:57pm On Apr 16, 2015 |
thorpido:na only she dem first born for London ni ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by thorpido(m): 10:50pm On Apr 16, 2015 |
bennyrazz:I don't mean everyone born in London must behave that way,it's just an expression that means being 'too westernized'. |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by bennyrazz: 10:55pm On Apr 16, 2015 |
thorpido: oh oh, I now understand your point. I wish her the best of luck |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by capricun: 12:38am On Apr 17, 2015 |
bennyrazz: This one needs more than luck, she needs to be schooled on culture and traditions. 1 Like |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by Beetle: 3:15am On Apr 17, 2015 |
No babes, the brides family decide where you do the traditional Wedding according to Yoruba rites. One it will be cheaper to do it over here as she's coming over anyways and I guess she'll be coming down with friends and family but in the case where the grooms family are all based in Naija, omo I no know o. With mine, it was easier to do it in the UK cos we all live here and my husband's family were coming over anyways for the wedding. It would have been a big occasion in Naija so we did a very small one prior to the wedding and just hosted close friends and family on a Thursday night in a very small hall. To be honest, it's all down to the family and the logistics of it. To those saying traditional wedding must be done in Nigeria, no. You can have it done anywhere. 1 Like |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by Nobody: 4:37am On Apr 17, 2015 |
Your MIL is well within reason! In Africa, you are not considered married if you have not done your traditional marriage rites. It is even for your own good. 2 Likes |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 9:21am On Apr 17, 2015 |
pickabeau1:Nope.. He is not the only child.. First son tho Beetle:Thank you.. The traditional marriage can be held here but the mother said it must be in Nigeria.. |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 9:25am On Apr 17, 2015 |
Ewuro4:I wanted to do that with my fiance but we actually dunno where to start from.. I can actually tell you the way to my mother's house in the village but i cant say same for my dads' Thanks all the same ![]() |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 9:29am On Apr 17, 2015 |
kaboninc:I know that, i see myself more as a yoruba girl than an igbo girl even though i was brought up with the igbo culture.. I have an identity, maternal identity.. This wouldnt have even been an issue if my MIL didnt bring up the traditional marriage ish.. @Crackhaus, thanks very much.. My dad's resent to all this now is why should MIL insist on coming home for the trad? He said its left for him to decide whether he wants his daughter to have a traditional marriage or not... |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 9:35am On Apr 17, 2015 |
cococandy:His mother once visited my mum's family then, i was like four and my mum brought me down to stay with her mother to enable her finish up her degree.. She only came twice to Imo state and that was it. I never saw her again. I understand my fiance's mother quite well, my mum also does but she asking for the traditional marriage to be done in Nigeria? After all the white wedding plans? Why now? Why should she be the one to ask for a trad marriage? |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 9:36am On Apr 17, 2015 |
hahn:Funny ![]() |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 9:48am On Apr 17, 2015 |
mcdokwe:I really want to come home tbh, but coming home means holding the trad in Nigeria, right?? Whose hometown? My mum or my dad?? Mum? Yes and fine but its not allowed.. My dad is from Ogun while my fiance is from Ibadan? So who would have told my MIL anything concerning my paternal family's issues with my dad? We can always hold the traditional marriage here but she doesnt want that.. |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 9:50am On Apr 17, 2015 |
SAMBARRY:Overbearing? More like it.. No offence meant to her but heck? The plans for the wedding were already in full gear when she came up with the Nigeria trad marriage? Hullo? Why? |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 9:54am On Apr 17, 2015 |
bukatyne:Nope.. She said it must be in Nigeria, my dad said if there should be any trad, it must be in London, which is our current location i.e my family as a whole.. And nope.. My dad is not open for any reconcillation whatsoever, reasons best known to him.. |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 9:57am On Apr 17, 2015 |
Miami11:I think thats her own problem @bolded.. I speak more of igbo than yoruba, i cook igbo dishes, dunno how to make the yoruba dishes and that was a raised eye issue the first time i met her.. But her son isnt complaining!! |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by kaboninc(m): 10:00am On Apr 17, 2015 |
OluwaChinenyenwa: Yeah you have an identity... and its not your fault if by some means (from your dad's angle) you can't identify with your paternal identity. But you can take it up sha. Then again, your bobo needs to do most of the appealing to his mum (your soon to be MIL). He has to, you know, try make his mum see reasons. I hope he has enough facts as you have told us here. I mean he knows all the things, detail by detail and even more as you've laid out here. That should properly guide him. Then again please don't tell us he's a mummy's boy else you shouldn't even think of marrying him. Biko, ejoor, support him. Everybody, including your dad must understand that it is your happiness (and your bobo's) that matter and the should look towards achieving it. Unless they don't want the union to be consummated. Cheers. 1 Like |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 10:02am On Apr 17, 2015 |
salsera:Thank you!!! Its left for i and my family to make host the traditional marriage but she said it has to be in Nigeria.. My hometown ofcourse.. Ohh and i have never been there!!! The son thinks the mum is kinda sketchy with her demand too though he doesnt want to confront the mum about that.. My dad said he is the only child.. Who else do i want to reach out to if not his folks? Where do i start from? I am so tired... |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by OluwaChinenyenwa: 10:06am On Apr 17, 2015 |
kaboninc:He knows everything.. Told him everything just the way my mum told me.. I think he already told his mother and she didnt buy that.. She thinks the story is a fishy one.. Thanks though ![]() |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by kaboninc(m): 10:15am On Apr 17, 2015 |
OluwaChinenyenwa: Typical mum and you're not exempted! She only wants whats best for her son. Just be patience and understand her. Hopefully, she also come to accept you. After all, orphans get married and live beautiful lives. |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by pickabeau1: 10:46am On Apr 17, 2015 |
OluwaChinenyenwa: ok |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by mcdokwe(m): 10:47am On Apr 17, 2015 |
OluwaChinenyenwa:holding a trad outside the native home of the brides family is an aberration, forget the growing trend of holding it in cities. Forget it, even if you are from Japan, a serious individual who is interested in the roots of a prospective daughter in law will know. 1 Like |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by SAMBARRY: 10:49am On Apr 17, 2015 |
OluwaChinenyenwa:count your cost. Only you can determine whether or not to go on with the wedding with the kain domineering mil you have |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by bennyrazz: 1:39pm On Apr 17, 2015 |
capricun:you can go ahead and school her |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by ayaomoade: 5:44pm On Apr 17, 2015 |
I think your MIL wants you to have the traditional marriage in Nigeria because it's her base which will allow her peeps to celebrate with her. Not all her friends and family will be able to fly to London for the wedding. Having said that, i think she should reason with you and your family and have everything here in London. Whatever rancour your dad has with his family is absolutely his business. His hands shouldn't be twisted to make peace with his family because her daughter wants to get married. He should do it in his own time. My advice is to speak your fiance into convincing your future MIL and i'm sure you know what to do if she's not convinced. |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by jadelyn007(f): 12:07pm On Apr 18, 2015 |
Nothing absurd about ur soon to be mother-in-laws request. Maybe she is suspecting something wrong with your lineage that's why she is insisting. Try to convince your dad to come to nigeria. If he refuses, you come to Nigeria and get one of your mums brothers to represent him. |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by evavista: 8:57am On Apr 19, 2015 |
ayaomoade:I also think the same way, not all her family members or friends may afford the cost of coming to london to do the wedding, either traditional or white and your fiance is her first son, it isn't fair to her to do everything abroad. Moreover, most trad wedding in lagos now are held in halls, you guys can rent one and invite your family members, no one will ask if they are from your maternal or paternal side ( since most likely everyone is wearing asoebi) 1 Like |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by Nobody: 2:02pm On Apr 19, 2015 |
pickabeau1:seriously i find what her dad and mum did very bad. Not trying to put blames on them but you can't even go back after all these years that the dispute has thawed. Yeah, what the parents did at that time was wrong but for her dad to not go back and see his parents who trained and gave birth to him and for the wife not to have nugged him to go settle the rift is so bad i have no other words but disgust to describe their actions. People dey this world. I swear. 2 Likes |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by pickabeau1: 3:00pm On Apr 19, 2015 |
johnny1980:Maybe she was happy with the state of things....she won OR he really hated them no matter what |
Re: Soon To Be Mother In Law Insists On Traditional Marriage!!! by Nobody: 3:32pm On Apr 19, 2015 |
pickabeau1:Looks more like she is happy with the situation and may have even encouraged him to abstain because if i were a girl and my man would part and be disowned by his parents because of me, then i don't think i can ever have peace of mind knowing the premise of my relationship to someone has brought extreme damage to what should be revered . No matter what your parent did, you may not be on good terms, but totally alienating them because of choice of tribe of your bride for decades is highly disturbing. I would fear such man if i were to be the lady and may not even go through with the marriage. I know the mum would always give a tales by moonlight story to her daughter on how she "tried" to mediate but we all know that's a big fat lie. She must have even fuelled it more or the story isn't complete because i can't wrap my mind around this. Except maybe her dad's mum was divorced from the Father prior to the wedding and he was brought up by his mum and was mal treated by his dad's family while growing up and the mum is currently dead. But even at that, the mum must have had sisters, brothers, uncles and stuff he could call his own. There's more to this than meets the eyes. I wish her luck and happiness though. 1 Like |
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