When unmarried girls reach a certain age, depending on the societies they live in(tho it differs from society to society) people begin to refer to them as “old cargo" etc.

Especially here in Nigeria, people still look upon a young unmarried girl as though she were to blame for her state. Fingers are pointed accusingly at her regardless of the reasons or her own circumstances. The girl soon becomes the butt of ridicule, accusations, and meddling by those around her and even those closest to her.

The reasons for the girl’s delay in getting married or in not getting married at all are many and varies. But the most prevalent delay of a young Nigerian girl getting married is insecurity, especially financial security. However, there are social circumstances and pressures that also create delays in getting married for the ladies.

There are also other reasons such as high dowries, which may make some young men run from getting married on time. Little wonder why most marriages you see today are consumated by older men and women . Then there are families which demand that a prospective suitor have certain characteristics or else they will not allow their daughters or sisters to marry him.

What do girls in Nigeria say about why they are not married?
How much do they suffer because they are not married?
Can "RUNS" decide on when a girl gets married?
[b]Can a girl begin a new life and start a family no matter how late?

Ekaette, who is 38 years old, said: “I tried to imitate some girls in my family by carrying the banner of ‘No To Marriage’ — at least not until I had completed my education, graduated and worked as a accountant. As time passed, I became increasingly involved in trying to achieve this goal and to be fair, I received many proposals at that time from North, East, and Western parts of this country but the men did not meet my standards. And my friends and family agreed with me because they wanted me to have what I wanted in a partner. My mother, however, God rest her soul, disagreed and used to try to convince me to take the proposals more seriously. She told me over and over not to imitate my cousins since they had not received proposals as good as mine in the first place. But I didn’t listen to her and thought that as I was still young and attractive, I had plenty of time to consider different options and choose the right man. The days and months flew by and with the deaths of my mother and father, I was left alone. Most of my friends are married now; I’m still alone and my looks are fading with time. I realize too late that I’ve wasted my life setting impossible conditions for the men who wanted to marry me.”

Dr. Nkechi, a single woman in her 40s, said: “I wronged myself by going along with my mother’s decisions. My mother refused every suitor on the basis that he wasn’t worthy of us. And what made things worse was that my father was so much weaker than my mother that she had ‘the’ say in everything related to my sisters and me for more than 20 years. My sisters and I never had the courage to disagree with her or challenge her. And if the suitor was up to our standards, she would make up conditions that were impossible to fulfill. We never knew what she wanted from a prospective husband. The situation continued until we were no longer young but were still being called ‘Miss’. Now whenever anyone asks us why we are not married, we justify ourselves by saying that we are too involved with our professional lives. Our mother still dreams of a perfect husband for each of us; in her eyes, we are still ‘little girls’ even though we are all highly qualified adults.”

Temilope from Ogun state, who is 35 and still single, said: “Yes, it is not easy being an unmarried woman in our society. Girls who refuse to marry don’t do so without a reason. Very often the reason is her family’s attitude and that is the reason in my case. Today I’m 35 and I’ve been getting proposals since I was 19; my father, however, refused them all since he was influenced by my stepmother who accused every man of being a gold digger, greedy for our money and social status. At the same time, she managed to marry off her own daughters to men who were not always up to the standards she set for me. The result was that I focused on my studies since I had no other outlet. I had to dodge the queries about my being single. People pitied me and said how strange it was that with my looks, education and status that I was still unmarried. Even after I graduated and began working, suitors approached my family but all were turned away. We have reached the point where no one will ask for me since it is well-known that everybody will be refused.”

Kudirat, who is over 30, said: “My love for children surpasses everything in the world. I was so eager to get married and have a family but my mother refused every man who proposed to me or my sister. When I asked my mother why she refused them even though many came from prominent families, she answered that this was in accordance with our late father’s will that we not marry anyone outside our tribe The years passed by and our younger brothers and cousins got married while we have remained single.”

Kemi and her sister are teachers and together earn more than NGN 1,200,000. every month. They say their father refuses to let them marry because of what they earn; if they marry, he will lose access to their money. He treats every man as someone who wants only his daughter’s salary. He does not want to lose it.

Leyefa from Bayelsa, who turned 34 only recently, said: “My chances of getting married are decreasing if not already ended. In this day and age, young men are unlikely to marry a girl they’ve not seen — or at least one which their relatives have seen. After all, this is how girls get married; someone from among the man’s family or friends sees the girl and recommends her. Since I’m not allowed to leave the house or go out or work, no one will see me and so I remain unmarried. These conditions are the ones I have lived under since childhood; my mother didn’t allow me to go anywhere but school and so I didn’t make many friends. In order to have friends, you must be able to come and go and that is what I was not allowed to do. And even after I graduated, I wasn’t allowed to work. This made me ask my family what had been the point of my education and my degree if I was not to be allowed to work? They said both would be an advantage when I raised my children. I have now gone to a matchmaker in hopes that she can find a husband for me.”

Blessing, who is 37, said: “My not being married is a matter that is out of my hands; I am the firstborn in my family and we aren't rich so I cannot settle down now, I have to work to provide for them, I travel a lot, Abuja, Lagos, Kano etc. I just hve to make money!!! If I just agree to marry a man now, will he be providing feeding money for all my siblings and poor parents?

From the above explanations, I can draw my conclusion;
People differ in the age at which a woman is considered an ‘old cargo’. Much depends on the practices and ideas of the society the girl lives in. We often see today that the marriageable age is linked to the stages in finances because of the responsibilities of making a living and supporting a family. Women no longer feel that their worth or status is dependent upon their husband. Another factor in delaying marriages is the recent craze of "runs" a lady prefers to hang out with Politicians and others just to make ends meet then in the long run, no sensible man will want to approach her for a relationship talking more of marriage.

Also that it is now possible for women to having children when they want rather than getting married first, thereby earning the title "Baby Mama"!

According to latest statistics from The Federal Ministry of Women Affairs and Social Development 4 in every 10 ladies aged between 26 - 39 are unmarried!

Thank god all my sisters are married.. must be tough for the ladies out there.. but hey most ladies want to marry a ready made man..

Mschew.

Hmmmmm!

It seems 90% of them were deterred by their parents.

Since they desire marriage, I hope they get married.

I like the fact the Bayelsa babe went to meet a matchmaker.

economy is bad
women dont just want to marry anyhow






they want a rich, tall and handsome guy







operation sex is free

if the stories up there are true , it's those women's fault dat they're single , they're letting their parents control their lives .

Don't forget those that were married and divorced by GOD or SATAN!
All na single ol KAGO syndrome abi?
Muchechecheche!

Wonder how this adds to the current price of oil or Nigeria's economy.

Nawa ooo... what's with all these threads?? Husband scarcity thread, then this, etc.

Please let the women be mbok..

freecocoa:
Mschew.

why are you hissing?
at least we now know why some of una are still single......and then come on NL to claim imaginary husbands.

aflyingbird:
if the stories up there are true , it's those women's fault dat they're single , they're letting their parents control their lives .

nigerian parents take the blame 100%
the method some of them use to train their daughters is highly flawed. this is why the majority of nigerian women are socially awkward.

many of them were trained to flee from men & face their studies. some of them @21 still believe they can get pregnant by letting a man touch their arms. that was how most of them were taught by their parents.

then all of a sudden, the same parents who didn't want their daughters to smile at any guy would start pressuring the girls to find a husband overnight. nigerian parents need a huge dose of deliverance.

This is clearly a thread for the rabid spider monkeys. Men complaining about husband scarcity.........the fuckery of it all

saaedlee:

According to latest statistics from The Federal Ministry of Women Affairs and Social Development 4 in every 10 ladies aged between 26 - 39 are unmarried!

Post your source, couldn't find it. I only found research on domestic violence, illiteracy and early childbirth.

Nigerian parents change oh

coogar:


why are you hissing?
at least we now know why some of una are still single......and then come on NL to claim imaginary husbands.

Yea right.

The article is bullshit.

Ewuro4:
Nigerian parents change oh

Are you a Cameroonian parent?

crackhaus:

Are you a Cameroonian parent?

No , proudly Nigerian

I honestly don't have a problem letting go of a kid as long as he's a man of integrity and with great potentials.

Well, marriage is the be all and end all in Nigeria. No surprises there.

But why are these women allowing their parents control their lives if they want to get married? The Temitope lady from Ogun state is the "stoopidest" of them all.

Ewuro4:


No , proudly Nigerian

I honestly don't have a problem letting go of a kid as long as he's a man of integrity and with great potentials.

The more single women out there, the more single men.

I know plenty of guys that age who are still single.
Why is nobody on their case?
Abi the ladies go marry themselves?

#rolls eye.

ladygogo:
Well, marriage is the be all and end all in Nigeria. No surprises there.

But why are these women allowing their parents control their lives if they want to get married? The Temitope lady from Ogun state is the "stoopidest" of them all.

Exactlty,i really don't get when people frown each time they see such topic.It has been there for ages,unless we change it which I doubt.

Even I that was raised with 6 elder brothers was not that controlled,but they tried ,thank God for my Dad.

Typing............

the major problem here is family setting unreasonable standards for the man their daughter wants to marry. Though I am not against setting standards but there should be a limit to the standards family set and there should be limits to the type of man a woman dreams to marry.


Some women have what we call checklist for the type of man they want to marry but they are so quick to forget that God also has a checklist for the type of husband he has destine for them to marry. In God's plan, your husband is short, in the woman's plan, her husband is tall. In God's plan, your husband is a farmer, in the woman's plan, her husband is an Engineer. So when your plan doesn't meet with God's plan for the kind of man they want to marry, how will the marriage be possible?

There is nothing God cannot do for you so far you stick to his plans for you, no father or mother can stop you from getting married so far the man/woman is God's choice.

Lastly, some women are the architect of their own marital woes. They are too high to maintain, nothing pleases them, it is never enough for them, they have this proud look, their taste is too high, they are very wasteful, they cannot endure circumstances, they complain & nag at the same time, they are very disrespectful, they dress like harlots etc

@OP
there are few issues here:
FIRST: NIGERIANS BELIEVE WOMEN MUST BE MARRIED TO BE VALUED
the solution to this problem lies in changing the prehistoric mentality of Nigerians who believe that the life's aim of any woman is to be married and have children (and that parents should have the last say on the matter). from their early age, parents beat that notion into young girls brain so these ladies will grow up believing that they aint shiit unless a man take them as wives.... and their parents approval is the do or die on the matter. the roots of that tree is rotten and we have to change it if we want to make better apples.

SECOND: ACCEPTING YOUR FATE
if you are +35, then you have lived about 17yrs seeking for that "Mrs" status without success, and since you know the social environment you live in, i suggest you let it go and accept that maybe it aint for you (and/or go insult your parents who refused all suitors that came your way). but hopefully by then, you have a great job that you can fully focus on. i am sure you are comfortable with who/what you are and i sincerely hope you dont settle for the 1st donkey that come your way, out of desperation.

sadly you have to accept the possibilities that you may be a gf (at best), for the rest of your life. there is no point still seeking for marriage when you see what you are up against out there. any +35 woman who still desperately seek for Mr right has to seriously answer the simply question: "why?".

THIRD: MEN AINT CRAZY
if you are a successful/beautiful/sexy +35yrs old woman, and yet still single, you have to look within yourself to know what drive men away from you. too high expectations? thinking to high of yourself? wrong character? NO morals? NO class? NO integrity? a good responsible woman does NOT stay single for long on the market, and a stubborn conceited woman need to fully accept that she may be single for a while. unfortunately, you best have a diamond cootie cat if you are ugly broke +35, and expect to compete with all them young 18+ women out there who are (as well) desperately looking for a husband to save them out of their misery.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST: LETS BE REAL HERE
what man in his right mind would settle for someone that passed her early 30s, when there are gazillions of young beautiful energetic 18-20yrs old out there desperately seeking for "any" well to do man to marry them? the younger men (18-30) out there would desire someone their own age, the mid range men (30-40) would look at these women and question why they havent been married all this time, and instead they would settle for someone "fresher" ranging from 25 to 30..... and the older men (40 and up) would mostly seek for an arm candy at this stage of their lives, and therefore also settle for the younger desperate women out there that are freely available in 9ja. so the reality is, pass 30 these women are indeed "old cargo".

wow strong views MRBrownJ

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MRBrownJ:
@OP
there are few issues here:
FIRST: NIGERIANS BELIEVE WOMEN MUST BE MARRIED TO BE VALUED
the solution to this problem lies in changing the prehistoric mentality of Nigerians who believe that the life's aim of any woman is to be married and have children (and that parents should have the last say on the matter). from their early age, parents beat that notion into young girls brain so these ladies will grow up believing that they aint shiit unless a man take them as wives.... and their parents approval is the do or die on the matter. the roots of that tree is rotten and we have to change it if we want to make better apples.

SECOND: ACCEPTING YOUR FATE
if you are +35, then you have lived about 17yrs seeking for that "Mrs" status without success, and since you know the social environment you live in, i suggest you let it go and accept that maybe it aint for you (and/or go insult your parents who refused all suitors that came your way). but hopefully by then, you have a great job that you can fully focus on. i am sure you are comfortable with who/what you are and i sincerely hope you dont settle for the 1st donkey that come your way, out of desperation.

sadly you have to accept the possibilities that you may be a gf (at best), for the rest of your life. there is no point still seeking for marriage when you see what you are up against out there. any +35 woman who still desperately seek for Mr right has to seriously answer the simply question: "why?".

THIRD: MEN AINT CRAZY
if you are a successful/beautiful/sexy +35yrs old woman, and yet still single, you have to look within yourself to know what drive men away from you. too high expectations? thinking to high of yourself? wrong character? NO morals? NO class? NO integrity? a good responsible woman does NOT stay single for long on the market, and a stubborn conceited woman need to fully accept that she may be single for a while. unfortunately, you best have a diamond cootie cat if you are ugly broke +35, and expect to compete with all them young 18+ women out there who are (as well) desperately looking for a husband to save them out of their misery.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST: LETS BE REAL HERE
what man in his right mind would settle for someone that passed her early 30s, when there are gazillions of young beautiful energetic 18-20yrs old out there desperately seeking for "any" well to do man to marry them? the younger men (18-30) out there would desire someone their own age, the mid range men (30-40) would look at these women and question why they havent been married all this time, and instead they would settle for someone "fresher" ranging from 25 to 30..... and the older men (40 and up) would mostly seek for an arm candy at this stage of their lives, and therefore also settle for the younger desperate women out there that are freely available in 9ja. so the reality is, pass 30 these women are indeed "old cargo".

freecocoa:
Yea right.

The article is bullshit.

how's the article bullshyte?
kindly explain......is it not true that nigerian parents set high standards for the suitors of their daughters?

MRBrownJ:
@OP
there are few issues here:
FIRST: NIGERIANS BELIEVE WOMEN MUST BE MARRIED TO BE VALUED
the solution to this problem lies in changing the prehistoric mentality of Nigerians who believe that the life's aim of any woman is to be married and have children (and that parents should have the last say on the matter). from their early age, parents beat that notion into young girls brain so these ladies will grow up believing that they aint shiit unless a man take them as wives.... and their parents approval is the do or die on the matter. the roots of that tree is rotten and we have to change it if we want to make better apples.

SECOND: ACCEPTING YOUR FATE
if you are +35, then you have lived about 17yrs seeking for that "Mrs" status without success, and since you know the social environment you live in, i suggest you let it go and accept that maybe it aint for you (and/or go insult your parents who refused all suitors that came your way). but hopefully by then, you have a great job that you can fully focus on. i am sure you are comfortable with who/what you are and i sincerely hope you dont settle for the 1st donkey that come your way, out of desperation.

sadly you have to accept the possibilities that you may be a gf (at best), for the rest of your life. there is no point still seeking for marriage when you see what you are up against out there. any +35 woman who still desperately seek for Mr right has to seriously answer the simply question: "why?".

THIRD: MEN AINT CRAZY
if you are a successful/beautiful/sexy +35yrs old woman, and yet still single, you have to look within yourself to know what drive men away from you. too high expectations? thinking to high of yourself? wrong character? NO morals? NO class? NO integrity? a good responsible woman does NOT stay single for long on the market, and a stubborn conceited woman need to fully accept that she may be single for a while. unfortunately, you best have a diamond cootie cat if you are ugly broke +35, and expect to compete with all them young 18+ women out there who are (as well) desperately looking for a husband to save them out of their misery.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST: LETS BE REAL HERE
what man in his right mind would settle for someone that passed her early 30s, when there are gazillions of young beautiful energetic 18-20yrs old out there desperately seeking for "any" well to do man to marry them? the younger men (18-30) out there would desire someone their own age, the mid range men (30-40) would look at these women and question why they havent been married all this time, and instead they would settle for someone "fresher" ranging from 25 to 30..... and the older men (40 and up) would mostly seek for an arm candy at this stage of their lives, and therefore also settle for the younger desperate women out there that are freely available in 9ja. so the reality is, pass 30 these women are indeed "old cargo".

You are contradicting yourself. First you say that too many Nigerians believe that a woman can only be valued if she gets married and then you imply that something is wrong with a woman who is 30+ or 35+ and is not yet married. Then you continue saying that all or most men prefer young girls, which further implies that a woman loses her value if she does not marry in time. You have exactly the same mentality you were condoning in your first paragraph.

A similar pattern

All of them interviewed not a single one accepted responsibility but blamed someone, their mother, their father , their stepmother etc

Non of them admitted to being a runs girl,
non admitted to using her youthful years to chase aristo,
None said she was the one who chased poor men away,
None said she was chasing club boys in school at the expense of Efikko,
None said she was waiting for one Bf in Oyinbo land and ignored the home based ones because she wanted to travel

When would women start to take responsibility for their own actions

coogar:


how's the article bullshyte?
kindly explain......is it not true that nigerian parents set high standards for the suitors of their daughters?

The statistics on number of unmarried women in the age bracket mentioned.

raumdeuter:
A similar pattern

All of them interviewed not a single one accepted responsibility but blamed someone, their mother, their father , their stepmother etc

Non of them admitted to being a runs girl,
non admitted to using her youthful years to chase aristo,
None said she was the one who chased poor men away,
None said she was chasing club boys in school at the expense of Efikko,
None said she was waiting for one Bf in Oyinbo land and ignored the home based ones because she wanted to travel

When would women start to take responsibility for their own actions

read the article very well.....
they all took their suitors to their parents & they were all rejected. this is not uncommon in nigeria, abeg. parents setting high standards. is he a doctor, engineer or a lawyer is the most common question....

meanwhile, these parents have sons who are grossly irresponsible sitting at home doing nothing o.........but they want the daughters to pick a top man who works for an oil company, owns a flat in lekki & drives a bugatti.

freecocoa:
The statistics on number of unmarried women in the age bracket mentioned.

that statistic is even conservative in my own opinion. it should be only 2 in 10 eligible nigerian women are married. do you really think all those beret-wearing ladies in the church don't desire marriage?

coogar:


read the article very well.....
they all took their suitors to their parents & they were all rejected. this is not uncommon in nigeria, abeg. parents setting high standards. is he a doctor, engineer or a lawyer is the most common question....

meanwhile, these parents have sons who are grossly irresponsible sitting at home doing nothing o.........but they want the daughters to pick a top man who works for an oil company, owns a flat in lekki & drives a bugatti.

So because their sons are irresponsible their daughters have to marry irresponsible men?
I will tell my daughter to marry a high-quality man or not marry at all. Simples.

innervoice:


So because their sons are irresponsible their daughters have to marry irresponsible men?
I will tell my daughter to marry a high-quality man or not marry at all. Simples.

how can the parents of irresponsible sons desire responsible sons-in-law? shouldn't they just accept the fate their hands deal to them? if it's that easy to find responsible men, why didn't they raise one?

truth is - eligible men are 1 in a million.
every woman wants him. he's a hot commodity. so the chances of him settling with a girl is 1/number of the women who desire him. good luck to you & your daughter.

coogar:


read the article very well.....
they all took their suitors to their parents & they were all rejected. this is not uncommon in nigeria, abeg. parents setting high standards. is he a doctor, engineer or a lawyer is the most common question....

meanwhile, these parents have sons who are grossly irresponsible sitting at home doing nothing o.........but they want the daughters to pick a top man who works for an oil company, owns a flat in lekki & drives a bugatti.

Is it also uncommon in Nigeria for girls on their own to disqualify the suitors on their own
None of the girls disqualified the men on their own, It was the parents or someone who always disqualify the men for them

coogar:


how can the parents of irresponsible sons desire responsible sons-in-law? shouldn't they just accept the fate their hands deal to them? if it's that easy to find responsible men, why didn't they raise one?

Having irresponsible sons is the more reason to desire a responsible son-in-law. And even if that is their mistake that their sons are irresponsible, why should their daughters pay for their mistakes?

truth is - eligible men are 1 in a million.
every woman wants him. he's a hot commodity. so the chances of him settling with a girl is 1/number of the women who desire him. good luck to you & your daughter.

If that is true, then the problem is with men and nobody else. You have just painted a bleak picture of the male gender and perfectly justified why a woman may not choose to get married at all.