[size=15pt]The Killer Leggings[/size]
© Allnaijablog


Seun felt relaxed while driving his new car. The air-conditioner in his car was blasting chilled air and the car's deep-bass speakers were blasting some of the latest afro-hip-hop bangers. Seun was very excited to get to his house and tell girlfriend the latest good news- he was awarded another government contract worth millions. The sun was out and it was a bright, beautiful day in Seun's universe.

"Wouldn't Boma just be happy to see me when I tell her the news?", Seun thought to himself, as he drove out of Computer Village, Ikeja. Seun calculated that he would be at his duplex in GRA, Ikeja within 10 minutes from his current location. That meant that in 15 minutes, he would be having sex with Boma. Seun got aroused. Seun smiled.

Further down the road, Seun could see a traffic jam near the Ikeja bridge. He also noticed the biggest buttocks he had ever seen on a lady and it was mesmerising. Seun took his time to study the lady and her shapely behind. The lady's buttocks were seductively packaged by a black and shiny leggings that gave her rear end a smooth but plumpy look. The leggings made the woman's behind look like two tightly-wrapped melons in a black nylon bag. To worsen matters for Seun's already aroused manhood, the lady was swaying her hips provocatively as she was walking down the pavement.

"Would that booty feel like a pillow or soft airbag if I squeezed it?", Seun wondered to himself as he was driving behind the curvy lady.

While Seun was still wondering about the booty, a car came to an abrupt stop in his front. Seun noticed the car in his front too late and slammed on the brakes. Despite the music blasting from his car speakers, Seun was immediately deafened by the ominous screeching sound that his tyres were making in response the sudden braking. Luckily, Seun managed to stop an inch away from the car in his front.

"THANK YOU, JESUS! THANK YOU FROM SAVING ME FROM THIS ACCIDENT! THE DEVIL IS A LIAR! NO BIG BOOTY FASHIONED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER!", Seun shouted, after recovering from the shock of the narrowly averted accident. Seun then had a momentary flash of anger towards the curvy lady. "Why should a lady dress like that? Why should she tempt men in such an unholy manner?", Seun thought to himself.

Seun then wound down his car window and shouted at the lady- "MADAM, CARRY YOUR BIG YANSH WAKA GO JO! SEE AS YOU CARRY AM BLOCK ROAD!" As soon as he screamed at the woman, all the pedestrians, touts and agberos who heard his comments burst into laughter. The woman was embarrassed and quickly hurried her steps away from the laughter.

Not quite up to 20 seconds after Seun's narrowly-escaped accident scene, Seun was deafened once again by a screeching sound and a loud bang. Unfortunately for Seun, A car had just hit his car from behind. Seun came down with anger cursing through his veins to inspect the damage and also give the offending driver a piece of his mind.

Seun had to first see who was behind the wheels of the car that had just bashed his own car. It was a sheepish looking man holding the steering wheel while his wife, on the passenger seat, was giving him (the sheepish man) an angry look. Seun then quickly turned to look at the damage, which turned out to be not much, as the front of the sheepish man’s car took most of the damage. Before Seun could even look back at the man, he heard a loud slap coming from the man’s car- the man’s wife had apparently slapped him. “SEE YOU! FOOLISH MAN- A MARRIED MAN, LOOKING AT ANOTHER WOMAN’S YANSH AND ALMOST KILLING YOUR WIFE IN THE CAR. IDIOT!”, the wife shouted.

The man tried to reply, “honey….honey…..It…..it was not my fault..it...It was the devil….”, But before he could finish the reply another hot slap landed on his face, “KPASSSS!”. The wife shouted again, “WAS IT THE DEVIL THAT FORCED YOU TO LOOK AT YANSH? WERE YOU NOT THE ONE SAYING THAT I SHOULD LOSE WEIGHT? IS MY YANSH NOT FAT ENOUGH FOR YOU? HE-GOAT!”

Seun felt pity for the man, as the man too was a victim of the leggings-packaged buttocks. Seun was about to turn back into his car but an elderly woman who had been watching the whole scenario stopped him.

“It is good that you didn't confront the other driver who bashed your car because you too were looking at the butt. Furthermore, you shouldn't have criticised the woman for her appearance- she has the right to dress the way she wants and it is another fault that she has a big backside. You should have averted your eyes.”, the elderly woman said. Seun was still too angry to even reply the woman and so, he just moved past her and drove away, wondering what he just learnt from the whole episode.

As Seun got home and was trying to park his, he saw Boma coming out of his house in a very tight pair of leggings. Still remembering the earlier episode, Seun laughed. And his arousal came back again. But before he could muster anymore erotic thoughts, a man came out and slapped Boma on the buttocks.

Seun got angry again. “So Boma is cheating on me in my own house?”, Seun thought to himself. The shock of the betrayal rooted him to the spot. Unfortunately, Seun’s diabetic and hypertensive body could not take the double dose of arousal, shock and anger he experienced in the same day- Seun fainted on the spot.

Seun woke up in the hospital, staring at a nurse turning her backside to him. “Thank God, Nurses have to wear uniforms and not leggings”, Seun thought to himself. “God punish the idio.t that invented leggings!”





[center]The End![/center]]


Note- all names here are fictional.

Source- http://allnaijablog.com/the-killer-leggings

AJB. You got me reeling with laughter. I like the way you kept repeating that character's name. The repetition; the emphasis.

This is awesome.

Ki Olohun Oba ma fi IDI gba EMI lowo wa. E se amin adura.

laykorn:
AJB. You got me reeling with laughter. I like the way you kept repeating that character's name. The repetition, the emphasis.

This is awesome.

Ki Olohun Oba ma fi IDI gba EMI lowo wa. E se amin adura.

Thanks bro.

Can you please translate the yoruba at the end of your comment? I can only pick out the word's "God", "Hand", "Me", "amen"....

Hilarious.

The habit of men and staring at behind is just another thing.

So Seun didnt know his wives behind after so many years, smh for him.

Nice one Op.

AllNaijaBlogger:



Thanks bro.

Can you please translate the yoruba at the end of your comment? I can only pick out the word's "God", "Hand", "Me", "amen"....

Sadly, there is no english translation for that.

laykorn:


Sadly, there is no english translation for that.

Sadly. Anyhow, which do your prefer writing- prose or poetry?

AllNaijaBlogger:




Sadly. Anyhow, which do your prefer writing- prose or poetry?

Poetry. Do you want to know why?

laykorn:


Poetry. Do you want to know why?

Why? I need to know (I'm just an upcoming writer)

AllNaijaBlogger:



Why? I need to know (I'm just an upcoming writer)

Whether they write fiction or reality, short stories or long ones, thrillers or kiddies' stories, whether or not they write well, you see those people who write prose - including you, ARE specially made. Thrice, I have tried to taste this prose, but, my brother, prose, to be written is not for people like me. Prose is for specially made people.

Hmmm
Translation of Laykorn's prayer: May God not use booty to take lives from us. Say amen.


Boss... Please don't quote thoughts

Divepen1:
Hmmm
Translation of Laykorn's prayer: May God not use booty to take lives from us. Say amen.


Boss... Please don't quote thoughts

Thanks for the advice on thoughts. It is a problem many writers struggle with. Some guides advice using italics while some disagree.

I learn everyday.


Pls comment on any other issues of the story, if you can. Thanks again

AllNaijaBlogger:




Thanks for the advice on thoughts. It is a problem many writers struggle with. Some guides advice using italics while some disagree.

I learn everyday.


Pls comment on any other issues of the story, if you can. Thanks again

You are welcome, I will

The essence is to prevent a wide psychic distance between your readers and the character.
Not quoting it will make readers feel the thought is theirs- I.e they imagine themselves acting your drama.
when they see the quote, it make them realise they are only readers

stuff46:
The habit of men and staring at behind is just another thing.

So Seun didnt know his wives behind after so many years, smh for him.

Nice one Op.

Thanks



But it is not easy to look away from a well packaged booty

Hummmm

I created a topic about this few weeks ago and people says i wasnt serious

Seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun seun















That's all I see

leggings my greatest weak point

This one na bad market for Seun o.

Fbi

Following

Ok

Nice 1 @ OP

did I get it?

nice

leggings palava

Oga seun