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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage (15088 Views)
The Sad Truth About Some Nigerian Ladies Today / The Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage / The Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage (2) (3) (4)
Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by mimi12: 1:36pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
Growing up, a woman’s virginity was such a big issue and a high value was placed on it. From time immemorial, a woman’s virginity has been seen as one of her most prized possessions and a certain respect was accorded to any woman who remained a virgin till marriage. But with modernization came a new school which places less value on a woman’s virginity. These days, virginity is even seen as a curse. Girls have no qualms losing it to the first man that comes their way. In the days of old, a maiden was expected to go into marriage as a virgin. If on the first night after the marriage her husband discovered she was not a virgin, her family gets instant condemnation. But civilization has substantially changed the way people perceive virginity. Today, there’s so much pressure on girls to gain s*xual experience before getting married as some men do not want to marry a woman with no s*xual experience. Most girls who have friends that are already sexually active feel left out when they are discussing their experiences, hence the urge to also experiment for themselves. Virgins are really very scarce these days as majority loose it even before the age of 20. Some girls even compete among themselves who would be the first to lose her virginity. But what is the big deal about virginity? Could it be the secret to a happy marriage? Let’s take a look at some of the answers given by some Naij.com readers. According to Ella Ada Obani, being a virgin does not guarantee a happy marriage but it earns trust. “You might be a virgin, but ur attitude and character is zero,” she adds. Owomoyela Abimbola Hanna said: “Yes it does, because the bible doesn’t support s*x before marriage. And whenever we do things according to the will of God, we live a happy and fulfilled life.” “It pays to be a virgin. If you are a virgin when you pray, God answers you speedily because you have kept yourself pure. Secondly, it is only a foolish man or a ‘man dog’ that does not have value for a virgin. Do you know what it cost a lady to preserve her indecency for just one man? Any husband that happens to be the first to drink from the cistern of his wife should count himself blessed. 2yrs ago, Imo state government was giving out cars to serving female corpers that got married as virgin. Let us teach our children to uphold their virginity. Your virginity is your pride,” Ebony Celestine said. Anekwe Nkechi believes that some girls are still virgin in 20’s but it has nothing to do with happiness in marriage. She explains that some virgins find it difficult to conceive, saying: “so virgin or no virgin doesn’t guarantee anything.” Justynoble Ben is of the opinion that being a virgin can guarantee a happy marriage to some extent because your husband will always respect and cherish you and with that he will hardly hurt you. “If I am given such privilege to be a virgin again, I would love to be,” he adds. Eno Jonah said: “It doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage but you’ll be happy about not having a dark past. Your husband will always respect you for that, if given another chance I’ll still be a virgin for him again.” “The answer to this question is Yes & No. Being a virgin guarantees a happy home as your hubby will cherish you like gold not only that, he won’t have the mind to cheat on you and you also earn respect trust from him. On the other hand, why I say it doesn’t guarantee a happy marriage is when you are married to the wrong person. I am a virgin and am very proud of myself, still love to be a virgin again in my next life,” Muslihat Obomeghie said. Another reader named Jane Odukwe said: “My question is the man coming to marry a virgin, is he a virgin? Typical no, so why is he looking for a virgin? Sounds as if making marriage work is made for women alone. What about the men, can’t they put effort to see that their marriage works too.” It is quite understandable that the pressure to remain a virgin till marriage has become more and more difficult in today’s world which celebrates waywardness, immorality, indecency and stupidity more than uprightness and decency. But there are still a number of virgins out there and you can be one of them. If you desire to, all you need to do is make up your mind and determine to keep your virginity till marriage. Though it is not very easy, it is possible. What's your own opinion about virginity... - See more at: http://www.maryannlive.com/2015/04/sad-truth-about-virginity-and-how-it.html?showComment=1430310424245#c2368327258821226101 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by McEwen(m): 1:38pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
We are influenced in the actions that we do by social norms, or by the circumstances that society has allowed us to participate in ![]() |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by ivyT(f): 1:40pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
Oh virginity don suffer for una hand if i was buhari i wld ban SEX,sorry for derailing |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by sinaj(f): 1:42pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
cme to read comments ![]() |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by LEvuls(m): 1:43pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
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Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by Nobody: 1:49pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
![]() ![]() ![]() I smell FP very soon Back to the topic!!! Virginity hmmmmmm To me being a virgin doesnt gives u a happy home! Why because its nt juz cause u are a virgin dat means u will be faithful after marriage or hav a happy home! The girls character determines it all and how compactable she is with her hubby! Bt never d less after she brks it off some of dem will wanna have a test of different types and sizes of D which will lead to cheating #justmyownopinion |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by Nobody: 1:49pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
mimi12:How this one wan take change the price of kwilli kwilli for market? ![]() |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by IamOdin: 1:53pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
Op,,what's ur point? ![]() |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by mkpakanaodogwu(m): 1:55pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
Wao |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by Oahray: 2:06pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
All these things differ with individual. People do not all place the same value on things. Virginity would only bring trust if your character is good enough, if you are trustworthy. I wouldn't trust a girl that's always flirting with every guy she sees, even if she's technically a virgin. I'm smarter than that. There are other ways to engage in sex acts without actual penetration. It's a bonus at best for marriages, as the real benefits are enjoyed by the virgin, not even the future partner. Remain a virgin for your own sake, not because that's the best thing you can do for your husband. It isn't. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by Codyt(m): 2:11pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
Oahray:Nice comment. We've given this particular topic so much attention it doesn't deserve. Virginity is now overrated just like sex. The issue should be how to maintain a successful marriage life considering the amount of couples seeking to dissolve their marriages these days. Naija I tire. Let's all concentrate on what really matters. |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by oloworulz(m): 2:27pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
Well, that's ur story . If you ain't a virgin, then u got no place in my home. I will take my trip to the village and look for fresh ones. I don't eat leftovers |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by TheSonOfMark(m): 3:04pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
ivyT: After jumping from your 263rd bed yesterday, you want it banned? Tired already? Extend my greetings to Alhaji and friends as you meet this evening. |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by Nobody: 4:18pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
If you have kept your virginity till now as a female, I hail you. It's not easy. If you have not, you can still make it. It is not a licence to turn your body into football pitch |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by ivyT(f): 4:27pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
TheSonOfMark: i just dey look u cos i dont feel to well |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by MzzTega(f): 4:28pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
There's no ‘‘sad truth'' about virginity. The fact that it does not guarantee a happy marriage does not mean people should loose it. Sex is Sacred. Its far beyond the physical and Virginity is STILL a pride! Once again,there is no sad truth about VIRGINITY. 3 Likes |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by pretydiva(f): 4:33pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
Virginity still remain d pride of any woman no matter how d world view it. |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by Nobody: 4:37pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
Virgins have gone the way of dinosaurs they r extinct and to those niggas searching I say good luck 1 Like |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by IamOdin: 4:38pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
Mizdeee: so i should call u a soothsayer or what? |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by whoube(f): 4:56pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
Op u realize that virginity doesn't mean purity... a lot of ladies are "virgins " but have done all sorts of things... so I think we should get it right. Please read I KEPT MY VIRGINITY, BUT NOT MY PURITY A few weeks ago I got a phone call from one of my girlfriends announcing that she got a boyfriend. I asked her what she intended to say to him about how they will protect their purity. She continued to tell that they have already talked about it and that they are “taking things slow,” and he “values” her virginity just as much as she does. This got me to think about two things: What does “taking it slow” mean? What do people think is the difference between “purity” and “virginity”? Couples all over the world will claim they are “taking it slow” but what does this really even mean? Does it mean the same thing to the both of them? Where do the physical boundaries start and end? Does “taking it slow” mean only kissing? And what kind of kissing? Kissing standing up is totally different and not nearly as stimulating as kissing each other while lying on the couch. I think when many people today discuss protecting one’s purity, they confuse “purity” with “virginity.” The value is placed on whether or not one is a virgin, not if they have compromised any other part of their body or mind to maintain their virginity. As a result, in many cases, one is technically physically still a virgin, but has compromised their body, mind, and heart to maintain their physical virginity. Consequently, failing to protect their purity. There is much more to living purely than abstaining from sexual intercourse. Purity is a life style. It is an everyday mode of being. Purity is not a choice. It is an instruction from God. God created sex as something good. Genesis says He created it for us to enjoy and to reproduce, “to be fruitful and multiply.” This is why He has given us body parts that were specifically made for sexual pleasure and baby making. However, God reserved sexual intimacy for the marriage relationship, and it is approved and blessed by God only in this context. Sexual activity represents a deep and powerful level of intimacy and vulnerability. By God’s intention, the only relationship God designed to thrive on and sustain this level of intimacy, is a godly, devoted marriage between man and woman, husband and wife. All physical intimacy between man and woman was created by God. Physical intimacy (holding hands, touching, sex, etc) is natural. Of course, it feels good. It is natural for a man and woman to want to further explore the unclothedness of one another. It is natural to be stimulated or aroused by the sights, sounds, touch, or even smells of one another. I believe this is why it is so hard to live purely, because it is a constant fight against our flesh, of what is natural. However, we have to remember that purity is a sacred gift from God. “Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun. And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And has given us this task of reconcilingpeople to him.” (2 Corinthians 5:17-18) When we surrender our hearts to Jesus we share in his glory with a renewed knowledge of God, a transformed way of thinking and behaving that begins to reflect God’s purity, His holiness, His spiritual wholeness. So, what is the truth about sex and purity? God created sex; therefore, it is natural, but God gifted purity. Therefore, it is supernatural. The only reason we are called virgins is because we have not had sex, thus we have not progressed in the natural timeline of humanity. The only reason we call ourselves pure is because God called us pure. The definition of purity is to be morally clean without blemish. The only way we are morally clean without blemish is because of the blood of Jesus. Through Jesus’ perfect sacrifice on the Cross He calls us pure. Impurity is something that is unacceptable to God. Therefore, by logic, purity could be defined as something is acceptable to God. So then, are you pure if you have never had sex? Not if you’ve been cheating the system in other ways. If purity was only based on sex, then after I got married I would no longer have to strive for a life of purity. Sexual abstinence is good, but your purity is NOT defined by your abstinence. It goes all the way back to the heart of the matter. Before you were kissing, before you were holding hands, before you were flirting – What were your intentions? What were you thinking about? What was your flesh saying? What were your desires? ________ I never understood the value of my purity until I freely gave it away. I compromised my body, my mind, and heart because I was more concerned about how it felt and what my boyfriend at the time would think of me if I said no. I always grew up with the desire that I would wait until my wedding night to have sex. After college, I started dating a man in my church. We never really discussed boundaries…I mean, why would we? He was a Christian. I was a Christian. No worries there, right? (Newsflash: Christians aren’t immune to temptation!) Discussing physical boundaries never took place until the heat of the moment when we potentially crossed lines. The temptation to further explore one another’s bodies was constant and the pressure was great. In my mind, I always thought I would never do more than kissing before marriage. Just like all temptations, when we flirt with it for so long, it is only a matter of time before you do something you never thought you would do. I let him touch me in places that belonged to my husband. Lies of the Enemy bombarded my mind. I became more concerned with the question, “How far is too far?” rather than understanding what God meant by purity. We Christians love the already defeated game of, “How much can I get away with and still be a Christian?” I was alone, ashamed and had no one to talk to. I was so confused because I still had my virginity. I grew up in the church and so many of the teachings on purity was about being a virgin for your husband. So, why was I so consumed with the shame and disappointment as if I had had sex? Even though I maintained my virginity, I gave away my purity. It was clear to me that my actions in that moment were not acceptable to God’s standards. When I chose to be impure, I butchered the gift of purity in which Jesus died for. I realized that if I did not value my purity, a gift God gave me, then did I really value what Jesus did for me on the Cross? ________ I learned a lot about the difference between purity and virginity during this season of my life. Purity is a way life, and my virginity is something I give. What mattered, was what I chose to do with what I now knew about the value of my purity. I wondered a lot how my future husband and I would protect our purity before marriage, and if I really had the strength to fight it. This was when the Lord began challenging me with the idea to not kiss my boyfriend until he was committed to me enough to be my husband. My first response to the Lord was, “Absolutely not. What kind of man would even want to be with me once I told him we cannot kiss?” Then God said to me, “Danielle, are you willing? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to protect your purity, the purity of your future husband, and your purity as one?” So I chose to take a huge leap of faith – I decided to wait until I was engaged to kiss my husband. (Let’s get things clear here before you go jumping to conclusions – I’m not saying kissing is a sin or that everyone has to wait until marriage. I’m simply telling you my story and how God chose to challenge me to trust Him more.) I made this commitment before my husband and I were even dating. The funny thing is that God was already dealing with my husband about waiting to kiss his future bride. When Rony and I chose to not kiss, God introduced us to so many new avenues of romance that I never knew even existed. It truly awakened something special. The choice to protect my purity, a gift that God gave me, began in my mind and in my heart first. Sometimes we have to get to a point where we are willing to do whatever it takes to keep us from compromising. So, I would ask you – Are you willing to do whatever it takes? Are you willing to destroy any DVDs, magazines, websites, etc. that keeps you tempted to pornography and hurts your marriage, or lack there of? Are you willing to stop talking to someone who continually causes you to lust? Are you willing to set physical boundaries with the person you are with, even though the world would say it is not normal? Are you even willing to pray and listen to what God has to say to you about it or are you too afraid to even go there with Him?? Sometimes we must be willing to do whatever it takes to protect ourselves from falling into the sins of our biggest temptations. Purity is now! -Danielle Renfrow 1 Like |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by oshe11: 6:21pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
virginity is pride onli dose who has lost dias tinks oda wise..... Experience ko, ignorant ni dose dat r nw experience, were dey nt once an ignoramus? |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by mimi12: 9:16pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
oloworulz:Hahahaha, na so |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by BJ4REEL(m): 11:09pm On Apr 29, 2015 |
MzzTega:Love this... Happy we still have decent ladies with some sense of dignity and self worth. I've seen ladies that are ready to take in anything dangling btw two legs, and ofcourse i know the type of people that always try to justify this defilement to the body. |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by divineRx(f): 1:03am On Apr 30, 2015 |
Nice |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by Pheals(f): 1:15am On Apr 30, 2015 |
One day the husband will say ,after all u are a basket u have many holes |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by Nobody: 1:23am On Apr 30, 2015 |
What's with people and their obsession with virgins? Being a Virgin is just lack of opportunity It's just so overhyped |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by Nobody: 1:26am On Apr 30, 2015 |
pretydiva: How true? |
Re: Sad Truth About Virginity And How It Affects Marriage by whoube(f): 12:27pm On Apr 30, 2015 |
Being a virgin is a very great pride. It makes you worth so much in the eyes of your husband. But if u have lost your virginity, no one is condemning you. Many were raped. But u can decide what happens after that. |
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