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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... (6809 Views)
My Sister Is Married To The Most Chronic Cheat Ever. Please I Need Advice / Please Help Me! I'm Extremely Confused & Need Advice / I'm Seriously Considering Cheating On My Husband (2) (3) (4)
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I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by steeze(m): 9:39pm On May 02, 2015 |
For a very long time I've been contemplating whether or not to share my story, but I've decided I will. 50 heads are better than one. I will try as much as possible to make it short. My girlfriend and I were dating for about 2 years. Last year, in my final year, she got pregnant. And being the good girl that she is, I decided we keep the baby. After my final exams we decided to go see the mom (her mom is a single mom, parents are separated) to break the news to her and accept responsibility for the pregnancy. The mom was very welcoming and understanding, and at the time I was having a very major misunderstanding with my folks which they helped me settle. And then we moved into a three bedroom apartment and started making plans and living our lives. We are/were very good together. Until the pressure started mounting. I had already assured her and her mom that we would get married as the relationship was heading in that direction and she was a nice girl. I informed my parents and my siblings that i had put someone in the family way and they were in touch. But my girl changed right in front of me as she started demanding that I take her to my papa house, and mounting pressure on me so that we get married this year 2015. FYI, I just finished school, haven't even gone for service, what's the rush? No be money them they take marry? Soon they were pressuring me to take a job in her mom's company which I refused but they kept insisting that I just do the job in the meanwhile till I got something better. It got to a point where I felt like I was being rushed but I felt - why not? Make e no be like say person dey rude. This was my biggest mistake. Now I'm a pretty competent guy in whatever I do, but it didn't take too long before the insults and rude remarks started coming in small small. The mom transformed from a sweet and charming lady into an aggressive and domineering lady who criticized and tried to control everything I did. I would smile pleasantly through gritted teeth to explain any issue to her before she would understand and keep quiet. This happened repeatedly and each time I threatened to leave the job my girl would beg me to understand. Each time I told her to talk to her mom to watch the way she talks to a prospective in-law she would either: - Shed tears and beg me to understand. - Flare up and defend her mom saying she's her mom what do I want her to do? By the 8th month of her pregnancy, her mom had frustrated me to the point where I had to leave and face my own hustle before I did the unthinkable to her. It was no longer me and my girl against the world. It was her and her mom against me. My girl was more interested in snapping pic and showing me off (our relationship) to her friends than actually making things work. When I eventually made up my mind to leave, the mom was there to insult me and curse me, and as my girl was rushing after me to beg me to stay with tears in her eyes, her mom gave her some dirty slaps to prevent her from doing so. Her mom, slapping an 8months pregnant lady. I was thankful for my escape as I left. They seemed more concerned with roping me in and tying me down than anything else. They didn't seem to care about the fact that I was just starting out in life, na marriage sure pass. My girl sent me messages and called me a few times, but I was too angry to think straight, and I told her never to call me again. I felt betrayed and hurt and used and emotionally drained. Until I saw the picture of my newborn son through a mutual friend, and then my life turned upside down again. I wished I never saw the picture cos from that moment I couldn't stop thinking about him. How was he going to be raised? Would he be happy? Would they turn him against me as I strongly suspect they will(especially her mom)? Why wasn't I informed of my son's arrival to this world? I'm seriously, seriously depressed and don't know what to do. My life has barely even started. No job but slowly gathering money together for clearance so I can go for service and move on with my life. I'm 25 years old. How can I fight this? Has anyone faced what I'm currently facing? I'm also willing to answer any questions you have relating to this issue without divulging too much details and I beg that this topic remains in this section to protect my privacy. I need serious advice. This is not a write up, this is my life I beg una. Thank you. 2 Likes |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by kilokeys(m): 9:42pm On May 02, 2015 |
![]() but hey dudes.. this guy needs ur help.. dunno what it feels like.. let experienced pple talk |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by rudebouy: 9:45pm On May 02, 2015 |
Wot do u want out of dis? Ur son, ur girl, or ur life and sanity? 6 Likes |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by corisande: 9:50pm On May 02, 2015 |
Hmmmm
let me call some people to help put mouth for your matter Babyosisi1/babyosisi Efemenaxy |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by steeze(m): 9:50pm On May 02, 2015 |
rudebouy: Thank you for this insightful question. I want my son, but I do not have the means to raise him or get involved in any court case with the family who would be more than willing to fight me for it. I thought I wanted my girl, but I can never marry into that family anymore. God will not permit. I believe she intentionally conceived to tie me down, and I gullibly fell for it. She wasn't such a good girl as she initially had me believe. I want my life and my sanity, I was making progress until I saw the pic of him. And he looked just like me. I feel so helpless. 3 Likes |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by steeze(m): 9:52pm On May 02, 2015 |
corisande:If you put mouth sef e no go bad 1 Like |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by Ab025(m): 9:54pm On May 02, 2015 |
First thing is, reconcile back with your gal, secondly, find a way to organise and go through with the marriage with her and never mind whatever insults or curses the mum hauls at you. Finally, get a job and man up, you ain't a kid anymore but a daddy. You need to live with hour gal and baby as a family. #Note:, After you marry her, her mum has no more control over her again so don't bother yourself with her present insults and initial gragra 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by rudebouy: 9:54pm On May 02, 2015 |
steeze: Den call her and tell her u wanna come see ya son. U dont have to have custody of him. He just nids a father's touch. Babies have emotional nids which include dia fada's cuddle. Or wd dat cos world war 3? 1 Like |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by corisande: 9:55pm On May 02, 2015 |
steeze:lol don't worry, there are so many others here too you'll be glad I did this |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by steeze(m): 9:59pm On May 02, 2015 |
rudebouy: Knowing the mom, it might. I've honestly never met a human being like her before. She may feel she is trying to protect the daughter but all she is doing is putting in effect a generational cycle because of what she herself has been through in the hands of men. And you know how some women are once they have a little cash. You can't tell them anything. No man should dare. The matter plenty jare, just trying to keep it short. |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by Jackeeh(m): 10:05pm On May 02, 2015 |
Things you shouldn't have done. 1. Impregnate a girl when you aren't man enough yet. 2. Bring a child you can't fend for yet into this world. 3. Agree to work under your girlfriend's single mother. Things you should now do. 1. You're a father now. Whether you marry this girl or not, do all you can be a part of your son's life. If you must marry her, do so when you're ready. not when she or her mother wants. You will be bullied. You will be emasculated. 2. Apologise to your girl . this isn't necessary though because she ought to stand with you and by you. And not team up with her mum. But as a woman you love, Try to win her back. But don't grovel. As for the mum, the only apology you owe her is for impregnating her daughter out of wedlock. 3. If you try your best and your girl and her mum still resist you, don't grovel or over beg. Take a break. 4. Be more focused now and start saving every 1 kobo. Open an account in your son's name and start building it up. No matter the amount. go for your youth service. I know you'll get a good job. Upgrade. work hard to make it. 5. If you're still being resisted, keep on doing your best to be involved in your boy's life. Employ the help of elderly members of both family. 6. One thing is certain. They can't keep you away from your son. He will look for you. Assuming his mum and grandma team up against you, when he comes of age, he will know the truth. Keep proofs of the rejection if you can so your son will believe you never abandoned him. 7. Involve God in this matter. 15 Likes |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by steeze(m): 10:06pm On May 02, 2015 |
Ab025: 1 Like |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by DuchessLily(f): 10:06pm On May 02, 2015 |
Wow! OP sorry. Just take it easy 1st. U asked her not to ever call u, that might probably be d reason she didn't tell u she had put to bed. Or maybe her mum threatened her or stopped her from telling u Anyways for ur baby's sake try and get in touch with her, let her Knw u would like things to work out BTW u, but that she has to stop getting her mum solely involved in ur affairs. If she refuses, then go on with ur life, but make sure u find a way to be involved in d well being of ur son. #Goodluck 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by steeze(m): 10:06pm On May 02, 2015 |
Ab025: I was trying to be the hard man and move on with my life like I had left nothing behind but as soon as I saw the picture of my son I don't know what came over me. My heart melted and I started regretting everything that had happened. He should not be more than 2 weeks old now. That's how recent this is. I kept thinking about him and then I didn't know when I started crying. I don't want him to live without his father. I tried to call her all day but her number has been switched off, I've sent countless messages. Sent to her friend, sent to her younger sister, even sent to the mom to forgive and forget. I just want peace to reign but I don't think they will make it so easy for me. They might want to make me suffer or reject me altogether. Remember I told her never to call me again? But it was in anger. It would break my heart not to be a part of my son's life. 4 Likes |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by innervoice(m): 10:10pm On May 02, 2015 |
@Steeze Be a man, grab your girl and your son and free them of the girl's mother. 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by steeze(m): 10:12pm On May 02, 2015 |
innervoice: With which money? I'm still trying to sort myself out. But thanks for you input. |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by kelvine(m): 10:17pm On May 02, 2015 |
Bro I can relate with your story 100 percent. I wish to have a private chat with you if you don't mind PM me. |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by rudebouy: 10:24pm On May 02, 2015 |
steeze: If day wont let u SEE, as in touch and hold ur child alone, Baba abeg move on with ur life oh. Abi sperm don finish for ur body? No time for stress dis days oh, except u enjoy emotional stress and drama sha. 3 Likes |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by Nobody: 10:24pm On May 02, 2015 |
Op whose 3 bedroom apartment did you move into? When you left your MIL's employment did you leave to go to a new job? Are you working now? What are your parents/family doing about all this? Were/are they in touch/have a relationship with your gf before and after the baby was born? Do you also mean that if you hadnt seen the picture of your baby, you would have just walked away just like that? |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by Nobody: 10:27pm On May 02, 2015 |
he is your son , u hv a legal right to be in his life , they can't keep u from him . get a Lawyer if u must . get ur own family n friends involved to support u , show dem u hv pple ![]() |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by darvic1515(m): 10:27pm On May 02, 2015 |
Pray about it, and if you think the girl is worth it bn your wife, fight for it, try all you can to bring her back, forget about the mom she's just bn angry you impregnated her daughter without doing a wedding or following the normal protocol, its normal, hustle hard and try to bring the girl with ya baby under your own roof. Goodluck. 4 Likes |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by Nobody: 10:29pm On May 02, 2015 |
If the lady is still tied to her mothers apron sstring,not matured for marriage then don't marry her yet.since you are still a fresh grad. Why not be settled first before marriage because marriage and raising a family requires money. I will advise you be involved in your sons life ,don't talk anything marriage with her just make your observations about her character and be careful of her mom,you are a man now,you have to be wise and apply wisdom with the mother. 1 Like |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by Feranchek(m): 10:31pm On May 02, 2015 |
I still dey find that babe wey go geh belle for me. ![]() Bro, as long as you're responsible, even the court won't deny you access to your boy. I smell doom going back to that family. You've seen more than enough even without being part of the family. Her mum's influence won't change biko. And as for your baby momma, try to be friends with her for the sake of your kid. God bless you. 2 Likes |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by steeze(m): 10:51pm On May 02, 2015 |
kelvine: Okay. |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by steeze(m): 10:56pm On May 02, 2015 |
rudebouy: Not as easy as it sounds but if it gets to that stage I believe I can pull it off. |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by kelvine(m): 10:57pm On May 02, 2015 |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by steeze(m): 11:06pm On May 02, 2015 |
tearoses: We rented a 3 bedroom apartment, bankrolled by her mom. Really dumb I know, but she was so understanding at the time. Was saying how I shouldn't worry, that so far I have accepted responsibility it shall be well with me. Then made hefty promises guaranteeing my financial security to be able to take care of her daughter and grandchild. Was I greedy? Maybe Did I believe her? 100% Did she fulfil any of her promises? No I'm hustling now to keep body and soul together, can hardly call it work. But I dey sustain myself. My parents think I should move on and focus on myself. And go for service, get a good job, live my life. They say the child will come looking for me when he's ready and I can have others. My mom had a relationship with her but it was a bit forced, we had barely settled our big quarrel before I dropped the news that I'd gotten someone pregnant. She wasn't too keen on my whole seriousness towards the affair but was willing to support me for the sake of peace. I would have attempted to walk away - Yes. But knowing me, and I was with her for 8 months of her pregnancy - I felt the baby kick several times, it's all talk. |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by steeze(m): 11:12pm On May 02, 2015 |
aflyingbird: You are right, I felt like the mom was jealous of my relationship with her daughter. I don't know if I still love her, but I know I love my child beyond the question why, even though we haven't met. Thanks a lot. |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by steeze(m): 11:15pm On May 02, 2015 |
Feranchek: Thanks bro, I also smell doom. |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by steeze(m): 11:17pm On May 02, 2015 |
brunnette4real: The mother wasn't normal. |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by Nobody: 11:33pm On May 02, 2015 |
Op, what were you expecting when the mum started taking care of all the financial responsibilities? ? ![]() Things are really like this because you took up responsibilities you couldn't handle. .. Anyway, mistake already made.... If you must have contact with your son, then you have to reconcile with the mother (your ex)... so you just find a way to do that. ... Then, if you love the lady and think she's someone you can settle down with, then win her back... Forget about her mum's attitude cos she'll change the moment you have a means of livelihood. ... An average parent will be frustrated to know that her daughter is pregnant out of wedlock talk more of the man responsible for the pregnancy being jobless. .. No parent will be happy. . You expected her to be happy paying your house rent and other bills?? Also, all you care about now is your son, you don't even care about how the mother is faring, how she passed through labour et al...or you think your baby fell from heaven? ![]() 18 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Need Advice, I'm Seriously Lost... by Richy4(m): 11:42pm On May 02, 2015 |
First thing is for you to go for your youth service. because i guess without it, you can not get a cool employment. you are at least lucky your mother inlaw are kinda well to do. they can take care of the baby while you put yourself together. try your best and get a job when you finish your youth service. so that when you are talking, they will listen because you are gainfully employed. then your girl can take you back because she will see you were not struggling. but if she doesn't take you back, move on bro. but make sure your kid is part of your live goodluck with your service. 1 Like |
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