Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line - Romance - Nairaland
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Where Do You Draw The Line Of Unfaithfulness? / Relationship Matters: Love, Respect & Compromise Part 1 / Is This Crossing The Line? (photo) (2) (3) (4)
| Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by kinglekan: 8:35am On May 05, 2015 |
For anyone seeking a serious relationship, the major goal is to find that "Special Someone" who completes you. That person who brings out the best in you, one who complements you like a missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle, one who accepts you and isn't overly critical of you. In such healthy relationships, both partners can freely express themselves and also meet each others needs. Although I have found out that most relationships are often self centered, where a partner demands that the other change in a deep and meaningful way to meet their own needs or their acceptable standards. Yess!!! little compromises are natural and essential ingredients in any serious relationship, but how do we draw that thin line so as not to give up too much of what is really important to us for the sake of a relationship that should rather affirm who you already are? So let's assume you found someone you truly call special and they had to make certain compromises just because you stated them as your ground rules. These things your partner had to let go off are not necessarily bad, but they are just simple issues that have formed the major part of your decision to take the relationship to the next level. So you get married after years of courtship and a day after your wedding, your partner opens up. He/She let's you know how hard it has been compromising and they drop the bomb "You would have to accept me for who I really am to make this union work" What do you do? Do you jump ship or rather set sail with your partner for what might turn out to be a very stormy voyage, hoping you wouldn't encounter ice bergs just like the titanic. Let's discuss within context  1 Like 20 Shares
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| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by Dhavids(m): 8:41am On May 05, 2015 |
Ok |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by Nobody: 8:44am On May 05, 2015 |
I guess it depends on what the bomb is but since you said it's not necessarily bad then I could try and live with it. But if it's something I know I couldn't handle then I'd jump ship. 1 Like |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by Nobody: 8:47am On May 05, 2015 |
Sometimes, we just have to accept the fact that 'people don't change'. They can only pretend to. The best thing to do is 'let em do em ' else, pretence and lies would be the foundation on which the relationship would be built. Take them the way the are or move on with your life Having said all these, I think your partner deserves some respect. Since you both agreed to call quit on some things, u should work on it 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by Nobody: 9:07am On May 05, 2015 |
Sacrifice; is a constant a real relationship leading to marriage can't do without. . Both partners have to give up something precious to them for the sake of the relationship else it might fail... I find it hard to think that it's a bad thing if both sacrifice something for the sake of the relationship. .. So far it makes them both happy, I think putting a compromise to what they can put into the relationship is useless 1 Like |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by kinglekan: 11:34am On May 05, 2015 |
Chiam55: So if its something you can't handle, you would jump ship regardless of your love for him and all the time you have invested in the relationship? Not forgetting that you are newly weds? |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by Beamborla(f): 11:40am On May 05, 2015 |
Hhmmmmm |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by kinglekan: 11:44am On May 05, 2015 |
jacksparrow1207: Very interesting point of view. I agree with you quite frankly but based on your last para, let's take for instance you had a lady you truly loved and she had to make certain compromises because you both agreed from the onset. Or rather after you stated what you preferred. Having endured for long, she came to the realisation that she can't keep up with this and she truly loves you, which prompted her to open up about it later on when you got married. What would your reaction be? Would you be willing to compromise for the love you have for her or consider her a truce breaker for saying such? |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by kinglekan: 11:45am On May 05, 2015 |
Beamborla:Why u dey sigh? |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by kinglekan: 11:50am On May 05, 2015 |
EricRichie: Hmmmm!! I really don't get your last sentence though. Can you throw mor light? Cos I feel you can use sacrifice and compromise interchangeably in this context. |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by ronald4lif(m): 11:53am On May 05, 2015 |
When there's mutual love in a relationship there should be little or no limit to compromise. The situation where either party decide or think of jumping ship would hardly arise. However, no matter the love I believe there's a limit one can tolerate and persevere in a relationship/marriage. During courtship he/she had overlooked your flaws and accepted you for the person you are. If after the wedding the person says they can't tolerate your shortfall anymore they can take a walk asap. I'm not going to change because someone want me to. I'm going to do so at my own convinction. |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by Nobody: 12:35pm On May 05, 2015 |
kinglekan: If I can't handle better to leave sooner before it gets complicated or children become involved. You said that he promised to give and then he lied and said he has given up and to make matters worse he confesses on our honeymoon  Yeah I'm out  |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by Nobody: 12:36pm On May 05, 2015 |
kinglekan: It all depends on what exactly we talking about. If it's has nothing to do with her fvcking around, then I guess I'll be left with no choice but to accept her the way she is and try to adjust to whatever it is. Afterall LOVE IS THE GREATEST OF ALL 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by kinglekan: 12:46pm On May 05, 2015 |
ronald4lif: Well I am actually referring to the complete opposite of the emboldened. A case where she had to meet your "standards" and these were your prerequisite for making further commitments in the relationship. Note she did this as a result of love and with the hope that she could sustain it only to find out that she could not. Would you bend your standards at this point, knowing fully well that she is being very sincere? |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by ronald4lif(m): 12:58pm On May 05, 2015 |
kinglekan: Depending on what standards she want me to give up but on a larger scale I won't give up my standard or characteristics for anyone. If she could put up with same standard during courtship she should be able to sustain the tempo after wedding or she take a walk. I don't subscribe to the popular believe that marriage is for better for worse. When someone deviate from his/her stance or think they can bend the rules and standards that were in place prior to marriage, and are defiant to accept those guidelines under whatever guise after marriage then that's the end for me. Accept me, my rules, standard, character and my flaws before wedding and stick to it after wedding or you quit. And vice versa. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by Nobody: 1:05pm On May 05, 2015 |
I read that nd I think I should be castrated |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by Nobody: 1:18pm On May 05, 2015 |
kinglekan: If I told you I understood what I wrote above I'll be the greatest liar on earth. ..  .. Anyhow you want to understand it, understand it like that.... |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by Beamborla(f): 1:20pm On May 05, 2015 |
kinglekan:The question is a lil delicate and complicated. The problem I believe starts from us wanting people to change for us just because we believe they should change especially when it's not smth bad. People don't really change when it's done just to please someone. I learnt that the hard way... They merely pretend because there is a possibility that when that person is not there, they indulge in that habit. Real change comes from within. It's out of ones conviction. I stopped telling people to change long ago. I only let them see why it would benefit them to change and leave them to it. I also try as much as possible not to make it a condition just to avoid putting myself in a sticky situation. I'd rather walk away from smth I can't cope with from the onset to cajoling the person to change. In all, it all depend on the situation at hand 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by kinglekan: 1:28pm On May 05, 2015 |
Beamborla: Thanks for that comment. Well put together, very concise and true. EricRichie: LOL  |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by Sleekyshuga(f): 7:33pm On May 05, 2015 |
@ OP, like Beamborla rightly said, the 'situation @ hand' plays a major role.. What am I compromising myself for? What is the extent to which I was hurt? What's the possibility I won't be hurt again? How do I avert this act (hurting me again, and again)? Do people really change? NO. People only pretend, or rather put, fake change. Do I have to change to please a person when I know I am not doing something bad but rather, you want to satisfy your greedy self? No, I won't. If I/you/we am/are dissatisfied, we take a walk, rather than hurting each other in the nearest future. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by MzzTega(f): 2:34pm On May 06, 2015 |
FP material. Should i bring God into this? 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by kinglekan: 2:42pm On May 06, 2015 |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by MzzTega(f): 2:52pm On May 06, 2015 |
kinglekan:Answer me na |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by kinglekan: 3:07pm On May 06, 2015 |
MzzTega:Please bring him dear. |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by MzzTega(f): 3:20pm On May 06, 2015 |
kinglekan:Ok. Many atyms we go into relationships with our everything without asking for directives frm God. Must we bring God into relationships? YES. you know why? cos God is the founder. God knows each an everyone one of us no matter our population in this world. he is the best match maker. And he wont fix us up with a ‘‘chameleon'' who would change colours after marriage. To avoid stories that touches the heart,our first contact should be GOD. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by cutieberie1(f): 4:14pm On May 06, 2015 |
kinglekan hun,cn u expantiate on it |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by kinglekan: 4:24pm On May 06, 2015 |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by cutieberie1(f): 4:27pm On May 06, 2015 |
kinglekan:yes |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by McEwen(m): 4:31pm On May 06, 2015 |
Make I go reach house...would modify. |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by kinglekan: 4:56pm On May 06, 2015 |
cutieberie1: Okies!! What if we both fell in love for example and we both shared a lot in common and you had certain ground rules you had set as a prerequisite for taking serious any relationship you find yourself in. Due to love, attraction, and our common interests I decided to compromise and give up certain things because I didn't want to lose you. (It could be that I love hanging out with friends during key football matches and I also love to play video games with my friends when they come over). But you don't like a man who spends time out with friends especially in the evening when you probably need him the more and you have this conception that men who play video games are not mature. So we get married and after a few days I open up and tell you that I can't do this anymore and I missed that part of me, plus I would love you to accept me for who I am. What would you say or do? |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by cutieberie1(f): 7:30pm On May 06, 2015 |
kinglekan: hmm complicating but i will have to bsyds i lyk video games...lol.mariage has alredy hapnd na 1 Like |
| Re: Compromise: Where Do We Draw The Line by mizkeleke(f): 8:11pm On May 06, 2015 |
Meaningful compromise never hurts...But change is not something you enforce on someone, it should be a decision by that person. To me, if its not really bad we can always work together....there would come a time when he sees the need for a change. 1 Like |
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