I lost my mom in 2012. My dad was there for her, he spent a lot but she couldn't make it. It was such a painful experience.

Fast-forward to 2015,he wants to get married again . He's retired and has no other source of income, am the fifth child out of eight children. Two of my big sisters are married. Am 21 years old and almost through with school.

I have seen and read problems some kids face in the hands of this so called step mothers. I don't want my younger siblings to face such. I don't want a situation were we have to beg for his attention.
Must a widower take a wife, why in most cases, a widow concentrates fully on raising his kid? And am I being Inconsiderate to his feelings, does that make me a bad daughter?

hez a man na... how else do u want him to cure....



as for your fear... thank God you have senior ones including you who can take care of the rest just in case.


on lighter note- are you from the ss or se as time for me to marry don reach...

ok....

This is a very very tricky one


On the one hand, Your father didn't come into this world just to make you and your siblings happy .. As a human being, he is also entitled to his own happiness
.....

On the other hand, Your father also owes you guys a duty not needlessly stretch his already meagre and uncertain finances by trying to raise a second family, when he has not even finished raising the first one .... not to talk of the possible family relationship friction which may result from the steps mother's bad behaviour, you and your siblings' bad behaviour, or even from your father's perceived partiality towards his first or second family


Point is... You will have to personally find a custom-made solution which will fit the peculiarities of your family's circumstances. ... No effective solution can be proferred by strangers who have absolutely no idea of the nature of your present family situation, and the disposition of your to-be step-mum and your new 'step-siblings'.

Well, does she also have kids? If she is young how does he intend to care for any child the union brings into the world? Are your younger ones fully dependant on him? Is the woman in question known to you guys?

If his marrying her wilk not affect his financial obligations to his kids and she is not an A- hole then I see no reason to worry.

Stop being selfish. Your father has the right to live his life. Instead of creating problems, support him. You have the choice to create a situation in which everyone is happy or create problems right from the beginning.

If your dad's wife is a young lady get ready to wear your boxing gloves if she's an elderly woman chances are that she won't even have your time so you can still have your dads attention. All what will be in her mind is the success of her kids



KanwuliaJara con put mouth o.and meanwhile I hope you have gotten over your friends loss

Person never come you don start to dey yarn dust,you better respect yourself

I think your Dad deserve a second wife to complement his happiness what you have to do is to pray and hope that all things work out well. Your been worried will never yield any positive result to the situation. Even the christian faith will encourage a man who lost his wife to go for second wife, it is far more better than adultery

@op, i get you!
But this is a very dicey situation!
Your dad need to be happy again. If getting remarried is what his happiness is attached to, please, let him, or else, you'll be termed selfish!
Your dad has to also consider making you happy as his children being responsible to you financially and emotionally.

But let me tell you this, you can't actually stop your dad if he wishes to remarry, but you can prepare yourself for the so called to-be-step-mum.
The preparation is in two folds..........
1. Prepare to take and treat her as you mum, be like a child to her, if she's naturally a nice person, she'll reciprocate, if she's not, that will lead you to.......
2. Prepare to stand for yourself and tell others to do same, you and your older siblings should be ready and prepare to take care of your younger ones. Such lessons are only meant to make you stronger in life and add to your life's experience.
Wishing you goodluck!

Them marry ur father. My 1kobo

innervoice:
Stop being selfish. Your father has the right to live his life. Instead of creating problems, support him. You have the choice to create a situation in which everyone is happy or create problems right from the beginning.

I don't think she's necessarily being selfish, but concerned.

True, her father has the right to live his life and be happy, but he also has an obligation to look after his very dependent children. From what she's posted, he's got 3 of them to look after (financially).

Krisgift: You mention that your dad's retired. So does this new lady (his intended wife) have a supporting means of income? Does she work? If not, how does your dad intend to look after you lot, himself, his wife-to-be, and the kids they might have from the union assuming she's of childbearing age?

You're twenty-one and and adult. So I think you should have a polite (and respectful) heart-to-heart with your dad and table your concerns to him, and hear what he has to say.

I'm suggesting this on the assumption that you've got a good father-daughter relationship between you both?

OP here. Read and digest.

EfemenaXY:

I don't think she's necessarily being selfish, but concerned.
True, her father has the right to live his life and be happy, but he also has an obligation to look after his very dependent children. From what she's posted, he's got 3 of them to look after (financially).
Krisgift: You mention that your dad's retired. So does this new lady (his intended wife) have a supporting means of income? Does she work? If not, how does your dad intend to look after you lot, himself, his wife-to-be, and the kids they might have from the union assuming she's of childbearing age?
You're twenty-one and and adult. So I think you should have a polite (and respectful) heart-to-heart with your dad and table your concerns to him, and hear what he has to say.
I'm suggesting this on the assumption that you've got a good father-daughter relationship between you both?

buygala:
ok....

This is a very very tricky one


On the one hand, Your father didn't come into this world just to make you and your siblings happy .. As a human being, he is also entitled to his own happiness
.....

On the other hand, Your father also owes you guys a duty not needlessly stretch his already meagre and uncertain finances by trying to raise a second family, when he has not even finished raising the first one .... not to talk of the possible family relationship friction which may result from the steps mother's bad behaviour, you and your siblings' bad behaviour, or even from your father's perceived partiality towards his first or second family


Point is... You will have to personally find a custom-made solution which will fit the peculiarities of your family's circumstances. ... No effective solution can be proferred by strangers who have absolutely no idea of the nature of your present family situation, and the disposition of your to-be step-mum and your new 'step-siblings'.

You are not being selfish!

After 8 grown up kids u still want to marry Oga o.

He's a man he can enjoy himself without getting married

Just pick a lady that probably has a similar case and date her. Then both of them can enjoy the rest of their lives without raising kids that will be the age of his grand children

delishpot:
Well, does she also have kids? If she is young how does he intend to care for any child the union brings into the world? Are your younger ones fully dependant on him? Is the woman in question known to you guys?

If his marrying her wilk not affect his financial obligations to his kids and she is not an A- hole then I see no reason to worry.

Yes, my younger ones are fully independent on him. She's a widow with kids, not so young. I had she's into business. I am the only one that knows her, because I happen to be staying at my home town whenever school is in session and she comes to visit my dad when he's around .

greatgod2012:
@op, i get you!
But this is a very dicey situation!
Your dad need to be happy again. If getting remarried is what his happiness is attached to, please, let him, or else, you'll be termed selfish!
Your dad has to also consider making you happy as his children being responsible to you financially and emotionally.

But let me tell you this, you can't actually stop your dad if he wishes to remarry, but you can prepare yourself for the so called to-be-step-mum.
The preparationw is in two folds..........
1. Prepare to take and treat her as you mum, be like a child to her, if she's naturally a nice person, she'll reciprocate, if she's not, that will lead you to.......
2. Prepare to stand for yourself and tell others to do same, you and your older siblings should be ready and prepare to take care of your younger ones. Such lessons are only meant to make you stronger in life and add to your life's experience.
Wishing you goodluck!

Thanks for your advice dear. I guess I don't have an option but to accept her.

Krisgift:



Yes, my younger ones are fully independent on him. She's a widow with kids, not so young. I had she's into business. I am the only one that knows her, because I happen to be staying at my home town whenever school is in session and she comes to visit my dad when he's around .

Hmn, I think you should have a heart to heart talk with him sha and let him know your fears.
If he thinks ue can handle it all, I giess you cant and are not expected to stop him.
Lets hope she and her kids are going to be good and accepting of you guys. Pkele.

EfemenaXY:


I don't think she's necessarily being selfish, but concerned.

True, her father has the right to live his life and be happy, but he also has an obligation to look after his very dependent children. From what she's posted, he's got 3 of them to look after (financially).

Krisgift: You mention that your dad's retired. So does this new lady (his intended wife) have a supporting means of income? Does she work? If not, how does your dad intend to look after you lot, himself, his wife-to-be, and the kids they might have from the union assuming she's of childbearing age?

You're twenty-one and and adult. So I think you should have a polite (and respectful) heart-to-heart with your dad and table your concerns to him, and hear what he has to say.

I'm suggesting this on the assumption that you've got a good father-daughter relationship between you both?

I thought her issue was with the attention he would give or not give them.

innervoice:


I thought her issue was with the attention he would give or not give them.

Her concerns run deeper than that. Finance is a real issue here, and remember, she did mention that he is retired - so very limited source of funds assuming he's receiving some sort of pension from the state.

My older brother lost his wife and he did not remarry until all kids had gone to college 3 of them

He raised his kids alone, you should have seen the man cook, clean, bathe kids and name it, besides having a full time job, my mother stepped in sometimes to help raise his kids

He took them to boarding school, family encouraged the man to marry, he refused said he don't want his kids to suffer,

As soon as the last born went to college he now is in a serious relationship.

I respect the man oo.

EfemenaXY:


Her concerns run deeper than that. Finance is a real issue here, and remember, she did mention that he is retired - so very limited source of funds assuming he's receiving some sort of pension from the state.

Ok. I think your advice will be helpful then. Very kind of you madame.

Miami11:
My older brother lost his wife and he did not remarry until all kids had gone to college 3 of them

He raised his kids alone, you should have seen the man cook, clean, bathe kids and name it, besides having a full time job, my mother stepped in sometimes to help raise his kids

He took them to boarding school, family encouraged the man to marry, he refused said he don't want his kids to suffer,

As soon as the last born went to college he now is in a serious relationship.

I respect the man oo.

Very hard to find such men. Many Naija men are neck deep in Adultery even when wife is alive and kicking. Before the wife cools in the grave sef, they have brought in their side chicks and society is right behind them too. Only a few wait beyound 2 years to re marry. Its well. May God bless his new marriage if he decides to re marry.

You want your father to spend his old age alone?
Quit being selfish!

You have older siblings.
Let your younger ones live with your older siblings if they are at risk of being ill-treated.
SIMPLE!

KanwuliaJara:
You want your father to spend his old age alone?
Quit being selfish!

You have older siblings.
Let your younger ones live with your older siblings if they are at risk of being ill-treated.
SIMPLE!

Maybe am being selfish, I just have my fears.

Krisgift:



Maybe am being selfish, I just have my fears.

You have nothing to fear. Most of you are grown!

Krisgift:



Maybe am being selfish, I just have my fears.

you can tell your dad to marry a woman who is single and have passed menopause. Such kind of woman will take you and your siblings as her own kids and will not maltreat you.

I think the best thing to do is to pray for your dad. This is a more difficult decision for him than it probably is for you or your siblings. He is the one who would have to live alone with this woman for the rest of his life when you all leave home. I would also advice you and your siblings stick together now more than ever, have meetings to discuss the future of the family, I'm believing most of you are old enough to make reasonable decisions from dialogue (being the fifth child at 21). I don't see how a step mother would make things difficult for an united family (you and your siblings). Your dad is retired and might not be able to do too much for you all now, its time to step up to the plate and focus on helping each other and your dad as well including the lady if she does join the family.

In conclusion: You guys have more responsibility for the family now more than ever.

Cavenchy:
I think the best thing to do is to pray for your dad. This is a more difficult decision for him than it probably is for you or your siblings. He is the one who would have to live alone with this woman for the rest of his life when you all leave home. I would also advice you and your siblings stick together now more than ever, have meetings to discuss the future of the family, I'm believing most of you are old enough to make reasonable decisions from dialogue (being the fifth child at 21). I don't see how a step mother would make things difficult for an united family (you and your siblings). Your dad is retired and might not be able to do too much for you all now, its time to step up to the plate and focus on helping each other and your dad as well including the lady if she does join the family.

In conclusion: You guys have more responsibility for the family now more than ever.

Thanks dear...

Krisgift:



Thanks dear...

Anytime dear

Krisgift:
I lost my mom in 2012. My dad was there for her, he spent a lot but she couldn't make it. It was such a painful experience.

Fast-forward to 2015,he wants to get married again . He's retired and has no other source of income, am the fifth child out of eight children. Two of my big sisters are married. Am 21 years old and almost through with school.

I have seen and read problems some kids face in the hands of this so called step mothers. I don't want my younger siblings to face such. I don't want a situation were we have to beg for his attention.
Must a widower take a wife, why in most cases, a widow concentrates fully on raising his kid? And am I being Inconsiderate to his feelings, does that make me a bad daughter?

How far with the ish ? How did it go ?

Krisgift:
I lost my mom in 2012. My dad was there for her, he spent a lot but she couldn't make it. It was such a painful experience.

Fast-forward to 2015,he wants to get married again . He's retired and has no other source of income, am the fifth child out of eight children. Two of my big sisters are married. Am 21 years old and almost through with school.

I have seen and read problems some kids face in the hands of this so called step mothers. I don't want my younger siblings to face such. I don't want a situation were we have to beg for his attention.
Must a widower take a wife, why in most cases, a widow concentrates fully on raising his kid? And am I being Inconsiderate to his feelings, does that make me a bad daughter?

U r jst self centered, d man needs another wife for companionships so u want ur father single for life

Krisgift:
I lost my mom in 2012. My dad was there for her, he spent a lot but she couldn't make it. It was such a painful experience.

Fast-forward to 2015,he wants to get married again . He's retired and has no other source of income, am the fifth child out of eight children. Two of my big sisters are married. Am 21 years old and almost through with school.

I have seen and read problems some kids face in the hands of this so called step mothers. I don't want my younger siblings to face such. I don't want a situation were we have to beg for his attention.
Must a widower take a wife, why in most cases, a widow concentrates fully on raising his kid? And am I being Inconsiderate to his feelings, does that make me a bad daughter?

no u arent a bad daughter.......u just dont want someone to take ur late mom's space but u should also consider ur father too, he has to be happy, he needs to feel the comfort of a woman, ..... just do this for him.

This one get k-legs na