Chiam55:


People are laying to themselves lol they couldn't last a year in the good old days lol.

The annoying part hun is that we Are the dreams of the olden days. We are the DREAMS those people in our situations had at that time.

I couldn't walk a day in my mother's shoes talkless of my granny... forget about that.
My Mother as one of the Surviving children of her parents lost out on their inheritance because they were women. Today I have laws protecting my daughters and their daughters.

Today I am my mother's dream I don't need a man I want a man.

You are right to a large extent
Marriage is good who wouldn't want a man to love and be loved
It feels good to know that there is a man that has my back and will lay down his life for me and the kids,that will work long and hard to keep a roof over our heads.
I like the security marriage brings and the companionship too and the family unit it creates
Marriage is honorable,I hope to be married to this same man till death do us part
It is so important that the bible likens the relationship of Christ to the church to a marriage between a man and a woman
I advocate marriage and respect the marriage institution between one man and one woman which is my definition of marriage
However,I don't believe that one has to be married and stay married at all costs
That is where my idea of marriage differs from that of many Nigerians.I don't subscribe to that philosophy

so many reasons

NobleG1:


Old marriages lasted because during that time women had no voice and right, so they were forced to stayed in abusive marriage.
Today's woman has voice and right. She's free to marry who she loves or wants, and also free to seek divorce without being chastised by society and her family.

Marriage hasn't changed, what changed is the human attitude.

Why do you assume olden times staying in marriage meant the man was abusive?

I see many people claiming this on nairaland.

What's the correlation between abuse and long marriage?

Medley:
because they married . . . . . . not to experience an adventure of marvellous sex hours.

Lolz

tpiadotcom:



Why do you assume olden times staying in marriage meant the man was abusive?

I see many people claiming this on nairaland.

What's the correlation between abuse and long marriage?

What is your own theory then?
Don't tell me you have no clue what the difference could be

tobtap:
MORALS.....OUR ladies clearly lack it now

Monkey

Because men of these days request for monkey and doggy practices after that want to jump on another tree

They ate dogs and monkeys

tpiadotcom:



Why do you assume olden times staying in marriage meant the man was abusive?

I see many people claiming this on nairaland.

What's the correlation between abuse and long marriage?

Let me explain it in a simpler way.
In the olden days, women in abusive marraiges hardly seek divorce because of how the society and their families would treat them. Women were usually blamed for their failed marraiges. Hence, most divorce cases were initiated by men.

I'm not saying all marraiges were abusive then. There were good and bad ones but bad ones were more.

Today, we're noticing more divorce cases simply because men are no more the only ones who initiate divorce. Women of today are more outspoken, educated, exposed and have more right than the women of the olden era

Qmab:
The reason is because they endured shits in the marriage. A good blend of the old and the modern woman is the best.
Besides who told you d women folks back then don't divorce, my grandma had kids for two different men. Same with my bf's grandma.
So OP always do your research well.

the reference here is marriages, not the context you mentioned.

Chiam55:

People lie to themselves lol they couldn't last a year in the good old days lol.
The annoying part hun is that we Are the dreams of the olden days. We are the DREAMS those people in our situations had at that time.
I couldn't walk a day in my mother's shoes talkless of my granny... forget about that.
My Mother as one of the Surviving children of her parents lost out on their inheritance because they were women. Today I have laws protecting my daughters and their daughters.
Today I am my mother's dream I don't need a man I want a man.

your assumption is there was the widespread antagonism towards men/women/marriage we are seeing today, I doubt it was so.

I seriously doubt olden days people would envy or dream to be the people of today. Not sure where you are from, but passing inheritance to male heirs didnt mean the females would not be taken care of, African society or culture is not brutal like that. If you give the inheritance to a woman and she marries, what happens to the inheritance then, in those days?

As per need/want, all na wash. Saying I don't need a man but I want a man is simply covering for the fact that you don't want to admit you actually do need one.

tpiadotcom:
Strange!

Modern marriages have both the husband and wife either wishing for death or divorce as their only alternatives, why marry if you hate your fellow human?

Nor be by force nah.

in those day, acknowledged that they are under the husbands and were submissive to them. Now women emancipation has entered their heads. They even said they are equal with men. You can imagine what will happen when two pilots of the ranks are in charge of one plane.

Are you married. Please for how long. The massive below does not smell of marriage.

eleojo23:
Because people are looking for easy comfort. If there is a little problem, they just quit, no effort to resolve the issue.

A lot of marital problems can be avoided when couples take time to understand each other. But no, many are too lazy to do that. They would rather prefer to live in the dream world and ride high on feelings. When the feelings disappear, the relationship comes to an end.
Anyone who has a good understanding of how life works knows that it won't always be easy and that hard times are the test of your seriousness with the relationship.
If someone only holds on in good times and gives up when things aren't smooth, it won't be far from the truth to say that such a person was never serious with the relationship in the first place.

Be back then when things get spoilt they fix it and not throw it away or change it.

On point! Even on Nairaland, you see ladies with unladylike conduct, and unabashed at it!

If those ladies are a representation of what we have in the society, we have a big problem! A lot of the ladies come across as arrogant, egocentric, vain, silly, money-conscious and unintelligent! Most are easily irritated, do not respond well to any type of criticism and are very abusive when prodded!

You do not judge a person by how they react to people they have to be nice to, but by how they react to people they do not have to be nice to!!

Food for thought...

tobtap:
MORALS.....OUR ladies clearly lack it now

Pureheart91:
The evolution of Western culture into our African norms and culture cost us the price of globalization, hence making us MODERN DAYS ZOMBIES WITHOUT LOVE.

You have a point. Solid point.

This is the most sound interpretation of the problem I have heard in a long time!!

Thanks! I also examined myself and found myself wanting in some areas! Thanks!

umarc19:
See also 12 things that can surely cause Marriage Failure (Both Modern and Olden Day)

1. You work more on your wedding than on your marriage.

You spend hundreds of hours planning and preparing for your wedding—the venue, the dress, the guest list, the bridesmaids, the groomsmen, the ceremony, the vows—but choose not to spend time planning and preparing on growing your marriage.

2. You believe that marriage is a contract.

Even though you don't say it, you really believe that marriage is a transaction between two people, a contract and not a covenant. You have the mindset that most things in your relationship are negotiated—"If you do this, then and only then I will do that." You think that marriage is a 50/50 partnership rather than a 100/100 give-it-all-you've-got relationship.

3. You think that your spouse's job is to make you happy.

4. You are not trustworthy.

You cannot be trusted by your spouse when you don't speak the truth at all times, you keep secrets or you don't do what you say you'll do.

5. You always put your kids first.

You pour all of your time, energy, attention and affection into your children. You give them your freshest and best and always serve your spouse leftovers.

6. You give in to temptation.

You talk about your personal pressures and problems with another person besides your spouse. You feel like the other person empathizes and understands you better. Instead of running from this temptation, you run toward it and end up in an intimate emotional or physical relationship.

7. You always expect your spouse to change.

You see your spouse's faults and failures every day. It's really irritating and frustrating you. They're messy, they're lazy, they nag you, they don't help with the kids, they're always at work. You think you've done all the changing, and they haven't done a thing.

8. You treat your spouse like the enemy.

You think they are on the opposing team so you keep a marital scorecard. You keep track of who spends more, disciplines more, does the dishes more, cleans more, mows more and works more. And you become bitter and resent your spouse for not helping enough or for having more fun.

9. Your words constantly tear your spouse down.

You're sarcastic, not supportive, disrespectful, comparing words are toxins of the tongue that poison your marriage.

10. You don't respect your spouse.

You don't respect your spouse's judgment. You constantly question their decisions and abilities.

11. You fail to ask for forgiveness and forgive.

Your spouse says you hurt them. You don't see that you did anything wrong, so you're not going to apologize. They get bitter. You get bitter.

12. You listen to foolish marriage advice.

You listen to well-intended but foolish advice about your relationship from a "friend" who wants you to join their man-hater or woman-hater club rather than listening to wise advice from a trusted source.

Her mother was smart! She isn't! Marriage is about acceptance! What should her mother have done? Divorce?? In those days, it was pariah! Become abusive and fight back? She'd be setting a bad example for her kids! Her mother was/is a virtuous woman, and she should admire her instead!

Pavore9:
We have evolved. ln marriages today, many couples still feel they have 'options' outside. Issues they could work on are left unresolved and the drifting begins.

We also have to consider that lengthy marriage does not necessarily mean a happy one. A female friend of mine told me though her parents were married for 28 years before her dad passed on, she will not accept from any man even half of what her mother endured being married to her father,

Most of the husbands provides totally for their wives and home generally without the financial support from the wife, the wives respects their husbands totally and they know what their husband want and what they hates(wives don't cook maggi, husbands don't eat it)

Folks of nowadays have realised that marriage is for life, so rather than endure a torturous marriage like they did in the old days, they seek happiness through divorce.

I am sure you would have also noticed most parents don't beat their kids as much as it was done before.

Lesser distractions.

It's simply: women were born in a time when something was broke, it ought to be fixed not thrown away. Besides, behaviors were the hallmark of 'family training' and no one person was ready to drag it in the mud.

Morals and values that helped people stay in marriage have all been watered down. Often times the same people who had long marriage should be blamed for not deeming it fit to pass on to their children those values that helped them survive difficult times in their marriage. Many young people don't really have what it takes to live peacefully in a room with a friend not to talk of spouse. Many are selfish, they can't make necessary sacrifice to ensure their marriage survive. The socio-economic landscape too has changed and negatively affected marriages.

The correct answer to your question is "CIVILIZATION"

MUMU..... blame it on the women.. Hypocrite. Marriage takes two to work, not one

tobtap:
MORALS.....OUR ladies clearly lack it now

HYPOCRITE

blame it on the women .. And you men are all saints rights You men that can't keep it in your pants. You start being nonchalant and carefree about your wives after you've starting sleeping with small girls.

LordCenturion:
Because they don't love money like this modern days chicks, they have common sense than girls of nowadays and they believe that, their body is the temple of GOD, not these days di*ck riders and di*ck doctors

tpiadotcom:
Strange!

Modern marriages have both the husband and wife either wishing for death or divorce as their only alternatives, why marry if you hate your fellow human?

Nor be by force nah.

The reason is not far fetched.....

1) Traditional believe- our fore parents believe in the man work while the woman stay at home to take Kie of the children, nobody cross eachother function, the woman dear not disrespect the man cos she Kno that he brought shelter, food, cloth for her and her children, she has no place to go should the man send him packing, so she obeys him. When the man comes at night she knows its her turn to pay the man with food n sex, no argument b4 sex, cos she already Kno that, a kind of slavery obedience.

But now with modern believe that or CULTURAL BELIEVE, the woman does not have to depend on the man for anything, infact some women earns more than their husband, this usually bring disrespect, i mean, we both share the bills, all monetary functions is carried out by both.

2. The first reason comes the first.....".a man's greatest need is not SEX, a man's greatest need is respect. A man might b as short at bottle, u better don't joke with him"Pastor Funmi Adejumo
quoted. Our mother do not just stay for over 50years in their marital without divorce for nothing sake, but for respect. Average women cos of CULTURAL BELIEVE (MODERN BELIEVE) has thrown away respect for their husband, and God's commandant can't b under-emphasized "wives obey ur husband.

centjamie:
Because in the olden days,morals were much more important than money.

A billion likes.

You just nailed it.

people marry for the right reasons and a woman will be with who she wants to be with without any affiliation to the man's financial status and when i hear stories of how our mothers drank garri with their husbands before hitting it big, i really respect them but today if you are not made, forget it.

A typical lady will not mind leaving a man she loves deeply and who also loves her because he is not ready for the expenses of A MARRIAGE CEREMONY just to wind up in the hands of a man she has no love for simply because he is a money bag who is willing to close the whole street because of one day marriage ceremony.

In short, misplaced priorities is the sole reason why marriages break up these days.

My marriage broke up the day i saw single as marital status on the cv of my ex even when i taught she was happily legally married to me and please tell me what will make a married lady write single on her CV? I guess because she is looking for a job that will give her MONEY and anytime i imagine that episode,i tend to wonder how much can she possibly make in that job she is looking for that will make her deny her matrimony.

Too bad money has turned most of our precious ladies into slaves and object to be bought,used and dumped in the hands of men.

Chiam55:
Marriage is no longer a NEED.
We've evolved into a society that now WANTS to be married it doesn't NEED marriage to survive.
I think it's nicer now then ever before...Personally.

We are raising a new generation so stop looking back and enjoy your God given right to love and to choose who you love!

This is the modern world with it's modern families. There was absolutely nothing good about the olden days so start being grateful for TODAY! Amen

like someone told you, your 'want' is just another code word for 'need'. You can choose which one is nicer all you want according to your own bias.

It is so uneducated of you to think "we are raising a new generation, so we can stop looking back". Societies and civilizations are full of looking backs, if you don't know, know it now! Look around you and you will discover that what you have couldn't have come about if there was a no looking back. And no, we look back not only to see things to avoid, but also things to copy and i dear say that the copying has been done more often than the avoiding.

Also, it is ABSOLUTELY untrue that back then, you didn't choose who you could love. That it was arranged, doesn't mean you still did not choose to be there. Isn't it today that we hear especially from women that "this is not like those days when suitors will come and line up asking you to get married to them"? That means they had a choice! So you can see that your feminist antics have failed here!

Since you now "can choose", and you are now making your decisions yourself (alot of which are based on telemundo superficiality) and you still turn around later to divorce (which also says alot about your "choosing" ability. Because, of course, if you had an excellent choosing ability, you wouldn't be divorcing in the first place!), and the next time you choose to marry, you would go back to choosing based on the criteria your foreparents used, the foreparents you claim dreamt to be like you; don't you think they had superior thinking, insight as well as foresight?

To answer your last paragraph, i would quote to you what my father do say to us to dismiss our youthful and juvenile cleaver clogness: "to those who claim the ways of old are not valid anymore, you should remember that the footpath your forefathers created to the stream and farms is the same footpath you are still taking to those places today; you have never created a 'modern' one!"

goodluck with your ideology obsession.

Because it's OLD SKOOL

It's because the course of their discourse is the cause that cause this cause... I will come back to explain what I wrote

babyosisi:



Why do olden marriages last longer that modern ones is your question

Back then men married plenty wives
they are mad at the wife,they marry another
They feel the wife is not behaving to teach her a lesson,they bring another wife
And she stayed for the sake of the kids and took whatever was meted to her
The same things our grandmothers endured still obtains today but women are wiser
Many women today will not tolerate what their grandmas tolerated
They have careers now
Many are independent
They now have a voice
Being divorced is not as much a stigma as before
They now know it is ok to walk away from abuse
And that it's ok to raise kids in a non abusive environment rather than stay married at all costs
Back then a woman left a bad marriage,she went without her kids
Who wants to do that?,they stayed so as not to have their kids taken away
Not anymore
The court system can now grant custody of the kids to the woman

True

Sometimes i also think this breakup is because we tend to overlook due diligence when going into a new relationship.

Have you wondered why some people have this way of not dioscussing their failed marriages or courtship? its because most of them have nothing worthwhile to say.

When we meet a new person who have been in a previous affair,many of us just start a new affair with such without asking deep questions and most times we realize too late after a recurrence of what led to the former breakup.

If we meet a new person and we are really interested in making such part of our lives,is it not just normal to really know the past no matter how unpleasant it may be at least you will have an idea of how to make the affair better.

Why do you think employers want to know your history of jobs? why do they ask for references? and why do they ask for years of experience?

You can never have a good plan of where you are going with someone when you have no clue of where the person is coming from.

As a lady you meet a man you see as WOW yet this guy killed his ex yet you have no idea of his past.

Many men have lost their lives by going into relationships with married ladies without even having a clue that these ladies are married.

Many ladies have ended up getting pregnant for a married man because they foolishly believed every poo the guy told them and how many men have fallen into the hands of evil women thinking they are angels of light

In my opinion,its not out of place to investigate the past of whoever you want to spend your life with and this is why marriages of our mothers lasts because the parents of those days do a thorough investigation not just on the bride or groom to be but deep into their genealogy.

Many will still say this writeup is trash but this is my frank opinion. INVESTIGATE BEFORE YOU COMMIT YOURSELF TO THAT PERSON.

Have you heard of these words "Once a divorcee is always a divorcee"

This assertion have been heard by me many times and until recently i had to sit down to decipher the deep rooted message in that sentence.

If you check very well, in every breakup whether in a courtship or marriage, there is usually that party that would say im done while there will be one that would be like "well we can still work it out"

If you meticulously follow the breakup and subsequent relationships these individuals go into after they part ways,you will often realize an interesting trend that the partner who says no room for reconciliation usually end up breaking up the new affair and YES by my research this happens 80% of the time. The reason why this happens is because there will always be a reason to break up no matter how perfect any affair may seem to be and if you were rigid enough to walk out of a previous affair over issues that is reconcilable then there is a great tendency to do it again and again in subsequent affairs hence justifying the assertion that once a divorcee will always be one.

This has made me realize that it is always better to scrutinize the past of any new person we want to start an affair with because when it comes to character, more often than not, humans are like leopards who never change their spots