Toks2008:


Thanks bro but the saddest side to it is that no matter how hard you try, when it comes to a woman who i strongly consider as the first wonder of the world, you can never ever be too careful in choosing them because every woman is like a black market that has the tendency to give you unpleasant surprise(s) no matter how careful you are in choosing them or how excellently you treat them.

This has made me draw up this conclusion that in order to be happy with a lady, all you need do is Love your lady with so much passion,lavish her with gifts,treat her like a queen,don't ever raise your hand to beat her or insult her in anyway

Listen to her when she wants to be heard and shower her with lots of accolades,give her undivided attention and be very romantic towards her.
Respect her above others and dont cheat on her in anyway. Provide her needs and don't ever break her heart or make her cry.
Be extremely caring and pamper her in anyway imaginable.

But despite all these,expect the worst from her.

This in my candid opinion is the only way you can be happy with a woman.

All these cannot change the mindset of a lady who is out to do bad.if she wants to misbehave,she will sure do irrespective of any thing.

I still get your points sha.

SAMBARRY:
Lololol





ok so the hymen makes her a man and after disvirgining her she miraculously turns into a woman



toks2008 are you serious




so what type of respect because I need to know because I have a young growing beautiful oyoyo daughter

You are on your own.

eleojo23:
Because people are looking for easy comfort. If there is a little problem, they just quit, no effort to resolve the issue.

Marriage is work. Many marital problems can be avoided when couples take time to understand each other and try to resolve issues that may come between them. But people would rather prefer to live in the dream world and ride high on feelings. That is the modern day philosophy - it has to feel good all the time.
Anyone who has a good understanding of how life works knows that it won't always be easy and that hard times are the test of your seriousness with the relationship/marriage.
If someone only holds on in good times and gives up when things aren't smooth, one cannot but question his/her commitment to the relationship/marriage.

(I understand that this subject of marriage is one in which many people claim to have 'Phd's' and thus opinions may vary The above is mine )

well said brother, u just hit the major points..

HizMissy:


Just want to ask if it was ur wife who made you a man.

irrelevant question.


Do you pay dowry and bride price to your husband's family? In the olden days, men only pay bride price on virgins!

Toks2008:



Yes and i was only 26 then. Other encounters i have had before then was like sexual molestation.And asides this, it is not an issue for a man to be a virgin by virtue of the way nature has designed it.

ok so it's your sexual status that defines you as a man or woman if I'm to go by your analysis, right




#singing#




I believe in miracles since you came along you sexy thing.you should know the song. You remind me of the song

Toks2008:


You are on your own.

I'm not. I want to know Sir!

centjamie:




All these cannot change the mindset of a lady who is out to do bad.if she wants to misbehave,she will sure do irrespective of any thing.

I still get your points sha.

Unfortunately you can never decipher the one who has ulterior motives from the onset so the best bet is to treat her right and expect the unimaginable and if at the end you grow old with her without crazy issues, good for you and if not, you are already psychologically prepared so it will not bother you as such.

SAMBARRY:
ok so it's your sexual status that defines you as a man or woman if I'm to go by your analysis, right




#singing#




I believe in miracles since you came along you sexy thing.you should know the song. You remind me of the song

Lol, i guess you are using style to woo me and trust me i no mind because i really want to wooed since im now single and ready to mingle.

umarc19:
See also 12 things that can surely cause Marriage Failure (Both Modern and Olden Day)

1. You work more on your wedding than on your marriage.

You spend hundreds of hours planning and preparing for your wedding—the venue, the dress, the guest list, the bridesmaids, the groomsmen, the ceremony, the vows—but choose not to spend time planning and preparing on growing your marriage.

2. You believe that marriage is a contract.

Even though you don't say it, you really believe that marriage is a transaction between two people, a contract and not a covenant. You have the mindset that most things in your relationship are negotiated—"If you do this, then and only then I will do that." You think that marriage is a 50/50 partnership rather than a 100/100 give-it-all-you've-got relationship.

3. You think that your spouse's job is to make you happy.

4. You are not trustworthy.

You cannot be trusted by your spouse when you don't speak the truth at all times, you keep secrets or you don't do what you say you'll do.

5. You always put your kids first.

You pour all of your time, energy, attention and affection into your children. You give them your freshest and best and always serve your spouse leftovers.

6. You give in to temptation.

You talk about your personal pressures and problems with another person besides your spouse. You feel like the other person empathizes and understands you better. Instead of running from this temptation, you run toward it and end up in an intimate emotional or physical relationship.

7. You always expect your spouse to change.

You see your spouse's faults and failures every day. It's really irritating and frustrating you. They're messy, they're lazy, they nag you, they don't help with the kids, they're always at work. You think you've done all the changing, and they haven't done a thing.

8. You treat your spouse like the enemy.

You think they are on the opposing team so you keep a marital scorecard. You keep track of who spends more, disciplines more, does the dishes more, cleans more, mows more and works more. And you become bitter and resent your spouse for not helping enough or for having more fun.

9. Your words constantly tear your spouse down.

You're sarcastic, not supportive, disrespectful, comparing words are toxins of the tongue that poison your marriage.

10. You don't respect your spouse.

You don't respect your spouse's judgment. You constantly question their decisions and abilities.

11. You fail to ask for forgiveness and forgive.

Your spouse says you hurt them. You don't see that you did anything wrong, so you're not going to apologize. They get bitter. You get bitter.

12. You listen to foolish marriage advice.

You listen to well-intended but foolish advice about your relationship from a "friend" who wants you to join their man-hater or woman-hater club rather than listening to wise advice from a trusted source.

excellent work brother, u did ur research well..

I'm on it! Thanks

umarc19:


U welcum sir, hope u will rectify those areas u found urself wanting.

beryl04:
because the ladies are getting wiser ,it's no longer business as usual for the men-folk.

modern man should act accordingly-modern

You mean the men in the west are not acting accordingly-modern?

Toks 2008 now you're talking where did you put tokunbo that you are bearing toks @your post that said women are the first wonder of the world

brownlord:
Kai so many reasons.

Parents was the one making choices for their kids.

It was an era when the most important thing was family background, unlike today, it is pocket background,

Even when family background is considered, it's about how wealthy the family is, honesty, good morals etc no longer count, just have money, the would-be inlaw's don't care about the illicit activities in the family.

I noticed then, A woman never get to know her partner until the day of marriage, which in most times she will refuse, they had little or no choice, even though there was no courtship like we having today, they still get to love themselves... the love was not there from the beginning.

Their priority was raising a good family.

They were not looking for 6 packs in men and men not all about light skin, yellow-label skin etc, it was about decency, honesty, modesty, integrity...etc

It was a time, the man was the head of the family.

It was a time, women were shy of losing their virginity before getting married....Unlike today girls boast of how many yahoo boys they have slept with.

What went wrong?

i dont know my brother, something badly went wrong and things are going from baad to worse...

Big lies,olden days women endured simply because they knew marriage is neva a bed of roses and were morally trained from good homes.how do u expect a girl that can't say sorry or apologies to endure in marriage? Or d girl that came from a broken home to endure in marriage?not possible,its all about moral upbringing and fear of God.

precisionindepth:
what about men too? some men r wicked too in fact extremely wicked

No doubts about that.

But the reason why so many marriages crash now unlike in the olden days is mostly because of misplaced priorities.people place material things much above other important qualities...... and women are always the chief culprits.

Taylor86:
y e no go crash

wen ur husband go dey untop of u dey do everything humanly possible to satisfy u


u dey ping dey reply message

i dy tell u brother, so many reasons are responsible for this marriage death..

SAMBARRY:
Toks 2008 now you're talking where did you put tokunbo that you are bearing toks @your post that said women are the first wonder of the world

Toks 2008 was used because i signed up into nairaland in 2008 and yes my name is Olatokunbo hence the need for the abbrv toks.

Small boys looking for slaves and semi literates as wives.....ndi ara!
It is always the fault of a woman..even an ogogoro master and a lazy broke ass is looking for a submissive wife material......hahahaha
Those screaming education, let me ask...How does being educated make marriage fail?
You complicate things yourself when you go about listening to immature folks,writing list here and there....and trying to live by it.
Why don't you ask your parents( if you are not from a broken home) how they made their's work.

Toks2008:


Lol, i guess you are using style to woo me and trust me i no mind because i really want to wooed since im now single and ready to mingle.

ode you better don't get high on your siemen.im not singing for you. I said you remind me of the song because you're funny

vfactor:
Cos modern day people too get sense! And too much sense....hmmmm....well the end justifies whether too much sense is a good thing or not!

yeess bro, i feel ur comment..

Toks2008:


Unfortunately you can never decipher the one who has ulterior motives from the onset so the best bet is to treat her right and expect the unimaginable and if at the end you grow old with her without crazy issues, good for you and if not, you are already psychologically prepared so it will not bother you as such.

Sure.you are right.

Have you remarried?

Toks2008:


Toks 2008 was used because i signed up into nairaland in 2008 and yes my name is Olatokunbo hence the need for the abbrv toks.

ok

centjamie:


Sure.you are right.

Have you remarried?

Honestly if you are in my shoes, you will be tired of this creatures called women after spending 12 years of your life wasting it with one. I will remarry when i find another one to risk my lifetime with.

Toks2008:


So you are so gullible to believe guys that said they don't want virgins? in as much as we know virgins are rare to find but trust me, no sane guy will give up a virgin for a thoroughly battered p*nny.

Why do ladies have so much attachment to the guy that first broke them? Show me one man that will divorce a wife he disvirgined except for an extremely serious case.

I was the man who made my wife a woman and trust me, this is a big plus because despite her shortcomings and immaturity,i still have this respect for her and while many ladies may not believe this, no matter how sweet your hubby may present you, there is this maximum respect a lady gets if she marries the man that made her a woman and this is why the Bible recommends bride price on only virgins.

If i will ever have to remarry, i am not looking for a virgin not because i don't want it but because its like trying to pick a diamond from the floor.

If you are a lady and a virgin reading this, just try and preserve it fore your hubby and watch if he will not respect you to the highest limits.

Ladies should get this straight, men will tell you plenty rubbish just to have a taste of your goody bag and even me as a mare mortal despite my spiritual inclination might take advantage of a virgin girl even if i have no vivid plans for her so it boils down to you as a lady to wise up.

If you are not a virgin,no wahala, a man will still love you and respect you but there is a big plus in you marrying the man who made you a woman and this is an unequivocal fact.

i wonder why a man in his 40s and married ashould still be using the word "punny" to refer to the femal Instruments. Don't you know the more formal word to use to it? It is Vaginaa.

Aslo, do you still remember the discussion we had the other time?

And pls, i really want you to answer this question; i want to know what you think. Is it also a big plus for a woman when she makes a man a man? Does he also give him that "maximum" respect?

Marriage then was not just viewed as a man and woman union, rather as a man, woman and the whole community Union.

then you cant maltreat your spouse and not get punished by the community.

Those shouting no option knows nothing about the set up.

Then your character is recorded not just against you, but against the whole of your extended family.

There was what we called social responsibility.. if you are known to be violent, its either you are fined by the community or banished away from the community while the lady or man returns to her family.

It seems alot of people commenting here lack their cultural knowledge.

i pity all these cnn people.

Go and ask questions from the older generation and stop trying to paint their generation black just to justify your modern day failure!

SAMBARRY:
ode you better don't get high on your siemen.im not singing for you. I said you remind me of the song because you're funny

You are definitely a comedian. lol, high on semen.

Western influence and the so called civilization

Acidosis:


irrelevant question.


Do you pay dowry and bride price to your husband's family? In the olden days, men only pay bride price on virgins!

And who made you judge to decide what objections to overrule?

craziebone:


i wonder why a man in his 40s and married ashould still be using the word "punny" to refer to the femal Instruments. Don't you know the more formal word to use to it? It is Vaginaa.

Aslo, do you still remember the discussion we had the other time?

And pls, i really want you to answer this question; i want to know what you think. Is it also a big plus for a woman when she makes a man a man? Does he also give him that "maximum" respect?

First let me correct the fact that i am not in my forties but will be 40 this year and very much single and no longer married. Yes i agree that the word p*nny is very inappropriate but yes one can use it when expressing sarcasm and that was why i used it.

Thanks for the observation.

Acidosis:


irrelevant question.


Do you pay dowry and bride price to your husband's family? In the olden days, men only pay bride price on virgins!

Please are men allergic to being virgins?

Arsenate:
but truth is there will always be trying times in marriage. why marry at all if you have the intention of bailing out at the slightest hint of trouble

yeah, the thing is most people enter with just one leg in, even before they get married they make utterances like 'abeg I can't stay with someone I can't be happy with... I can't stay with a person that does this or that....abeg I will just carry myself back to my parents, after all they did not drive me before'

They have already conditioned themselves for failure. In the old days, which parents house will they go to? There is no where to go, especially for females. Once married, she is a used commodity and most likely wouldn't find any other spouse and will be made fun of. (This is quite mean however)

Many people underestimate the work that goes into getting ones marriage to work out and so they enter it blindly, thinking as it was while dating, so it will be in marriage.

Love might be blind but marriage is an eye opener for sure but then nothing good ever really comes easy right? Just a little work and irreconcilable differences could become reconcilable.

Our society has evolved and now divorce is easily agreeable, its just too bad sha abi what can I say?

pocohantas:
Humans are changing, evolving...call it anything.

You can't compare their ideologies to life then and now. Women way back were more tolerant and 'timid'. They were trained to take everything that comes their way. Divorce was never an option.

I wouldn't be far from the truth if I say the women were in a kind of bondage then.

With the advent of feminist and misogynist, there has been a clash of ideologies. The problem is the present day men and women. I think I love it this way, marriage isn't a do or die affair.

You either in it or out of it.

well i have heard ur words,u made a good point and later deviated, let me then correct you, women those days where no timid,they were trained to understand their role as a woman in the life of a man, morals where highly valued and they were so intelligent that they understood life so well more that u terrible breed of nowadays girls that only sees life from fantasy view,dreams of riches,riches,a caring man, with endless wealth, without flaws,life without hardship, only easy easy way..