steeze:


And what I did was so terrible that it cannot be forgiven? At least I came back inspite of everything. What about all I suffered in the hands of the mother just because I was trying to do the right thing, to which she was a witness?

I've come to realise that men and women think differently. So while a man might express horror and disbelief that I actually stayed and endured all that, a woman would insist that I should have stayed and tried harder. In the other thread there were some comments tearing me up and insisting I go back to that job. That I am wasting a golden opportunity.

Tell me honestly, would you have advised your brother to do the same?

veave:




Women are soft and hard at the same time. Why did you spoil what you wrote first with the. Next two texts...
No need to swear and start saying you are dead except you really want to die.


Women are very soft. Did you expect a drastic change of mind sharp sharp like that? Today's visit was just a seed sown. By the time you left she had already started thinking. Then you went ahead to spoil everything. Its seems like you are not a patient person oh. Let me give you a secret,it takes the grace of God alone to make a woman stop loving the father of her children. Almost nothing can reduce it talk more of taking it away.



I don't know how to advice you again fa








You said a man like you is living with her and instead of you to ESTABLISH your PRESCENSE you ran away and went to send text messages? He even had the audacity to carry your baby and he didn't let you touch him. You no give am black eye you come here to open thread. I see you are not jealous like your God.

spongeisback:
OP you're too proud.
Put yourself in her shoes...you left her while she was EIGHT months pregnant, she begged you,you used your own mouth without thinking about her condition to tell her not to call you again. She's just doing what you asked her to. Btw your son may grow up and he wouldn't want to have a relationship with you if he finds out what happened, you better keep on begging because she deserves it.

cococandy:
You've done your part abeg. So for now don't worry about being an item with her. Just worry about your child.

don't let that man steal your child. Still reach out and insist on being the dad.
Nna your child is your child and since you didn't abandon the child to grow up without you, you have a right to him. A right to be a part of his life if that's what you want.

Don't let anyone intimidate you.
I see that's what that guy is there to do.

aflyingbird:
congrats on ur job. i know i was tough on u in d other thread but u hv tried by visiting her tho it wasn't pleasant . dat doesn't mean u hv done enuff n shud give up trying to see ur son bc dey won't let u ! dis is ur child we're talking abt here not a piece of furniture u can easily disregard it replace . none of dem hv d right to prevent u from seeing him n if u really want to be a part of his life u won't be so quick to give up now ! as far as I'm concerned u hv't tried yet n hv't exhausted all ur options . someone else gave u some gud advice on other steps u can take. also now wud b the time for u to start recording conversations , like u cud've recorded how d man wad refusing n ur ex refused u from holding ur own son , get a lawyer , get ur family involved . u'r too quick to want to move on , kinda reminds me dat ur heart wasn't in it from d start ( ur other thread ) n still isn't . d guy can't intimidate u if u don't allow him . who d fk is he ? he has no business in wat's going on . dis isn't his child but urs.

steeze:


Timbuktuo God will really bless you for this. Starting from the end of this month I will follow this approach. I bet they will all be very surprised. Minimum of 5k na small tin na.

I've already Googled some Child Welfare services in Lagos. It's looking good. God bless us all!

steeze:
On my way home I sent her a series of texts which I have copied and pasted below:

Revenge is a dish best served cold. I understand the need to pay someone back in his own coin and hurt someone who has offended u. My apology still stands. If u want to ignore everything that really happened that's fine. I will take all the blame. It's all my fault. Still, there is no sin that is too great to be unforgiven, there is nothing that justifies denying a father the right to see or hold his son, or give him a real family.

It is clear to me that ur family has turned ur heart fully against me, and that is no problem. Family first, I only wished that we would start one of our own just like we always dreamt. All I know is that I've tried and I really wanted us to work. I want to promise you that this is the last time you will ever hear from me, I swear on my grandmother's grave.

You can tell my son that his father is dead, or he abandoned him, or he never really cared, because the way I see it you are already heading in that direction. Or u can tell him that someone else is his real father. Do whatever u want sweetie, let that rest on ur conscience if u have any left. Wish u all the best!

steeze:
Hey guys, update on what's been happening. I've got a steady job now. Pays about 60k plus accommodation. I'm starting on Monday by God's special grace. At least it's a start.

Now, since I put up the last thread concerning what's been happening with me and my girl (check my profile), I've been trying to make amends. Been trying really really hard. Most times she wouldn't pick my calls, sometimes she would pick and allow my credit to burn out, other times she would pick up and scream at me to leave her alone to move on with her life. No one from her family picks my calls now, they are in ignore mode. Eventually, I had to make out time to buy a few baby clothes and some jewelry for her and went to meet her at her house earlier today.

She was surprised to see me but still was reiterating everything that happened for which I'd apologised a million times over before. I just feel that a man has to be a man, not under anybody. She was bathing the baby, and when she finished she wouldn't let me hold him, not even once.

There is a man staying with her in the house - her mother's boyfriend's elder brother (it's that complicated). He was most emphatic on refusing to let me hold my baby. He seemed to have grown so attached even. I sat there looking so confused not knowing what else to say or do. Sure I messed up, but is there any sin that is too great to deny a father his son? Or the chance to start a real family? Or another chance with his mom?

In the last thread I mentioned that my girl's mother was a single mom and couldn't seem to hold a man down as they always ran off eventually and never returned, and a lot of people almost ate my head off, as if the attributes of the mom would hold no bearing or impact on the daughter. I mentioned something about breaking a generational cycle but I can see that I have already failed. She has determined to raise the child without me, and another cycle is now in effect. I know the effect not having her dad (he never cared a bit for them) around had on her in our earlier years.

Eventually she asked me to leave as she had some business to attend to. As I hung around forlornly, wondering whether to leave or not, I met a woman who recognised me and asked where I had been all this while. She told me that the man (her mom's boyfriend's elder brother) and my girl had been living together like a couple since I'd left and anytime she asked about me they would say I traveled or I went to school. Soon the story changed to them telling her that the man staying with her was her husband and I was his younger brother. Eventually the situation changed to them avoiding her altogether, and she soon got the message and learned to mind her business too.

The man should be 47 years but has a youthful look and could somewhat pass for my elder brother since we are both fair skinned. The way he held my baby like it was his, I can only estimate that it's just a matter of time before they start sleeping with each other. I may be wrong but at this point I don't really care anymore. I am only saying things as they happened. I asked her if she really wanted the baby to grow up without the father and she told me that he (the baby) is not complaining. She said a lot of other stuffs, but I will take it sha.

Questions:

Was I wrong to want to stand on my own two feet as a man?

Was I wrong for accepting the responsibility for the pregnancy in the first place? (The baby is mine please, there's no question about that)

Was what I did so bad to be undeserving of forgiveness and reconciliation?

Come to think about it, why was there so much pressure for me to take the job in the first place? (I already had my vision and career path mapped out and I'm currently on that path by God's grace)

My salary while working for the mom was 25k, and she rubbed it in my face at every turn that she doesn't pay anybody else in the company such a huge amount of money and made it seem like she was doing me a huge favor, acting like I had never held 25k in my life. Please note that I do not in any way seem wretched, desperate or poverty stricken. So even if I wanted to continue to tough it out and work with her, there was no motivation. The money I make on the streets and while hustling far exceeds that. In time I never even had time to work for myself, only the mom - for 25k. And I had my pride and self dignity to protect. While leaving to sort my life out in February, I never collected that month's salary to show the mom that that wasn't my problem. My girl was 8 months old at the time. No one acknowledges the fact that I stuck by her for so long through all the degradation and humiliation while she lapped up all her family's love and support. I was in a strange territory and she couldn't see the sacrifices I was making for her. She was the one that eventually succeeded in making me take the job.

I repeat - N25,000... Not N250,000.



I'm willing to answer any questions you may have for me. If you want to insult me and judge me that's fine as well. I just want to know what the public opinion is. Remember there is a child's life at stake here.

Please do NOT move this to frontpage. Thank you all.

steeze:
On my way home I sent her a series of texts which I have copied and pasted below:

Revenge is a dish best served cold. I understand the need to pay someone back in his own coin and hurt someone who has offended u. My apology still stands. If u want to ignore everything that really happened that's fine. I will take all the blame. It's all my fault. Still, there is no sin that is too great to be unforgiven, there is nothing that justifies denying a father the right to see or hold his son, or give him a real family.

It is clear to me that ur family has turned ur heart fully against me, and that is no problem. Family first, I only wished that we would start one of our own just like we always dreamt. All I know is that I've tried and I really wanted us to work. I want to promise you that this is the last time you will ever hear from me, I swear on my grandmother's grave.

You can tell my son that his father is dead, or he abandoned him, or he never really cared, because the way I see it you are already heading in that direction. Or u can tell him that someone else is his real father. Do whatever u want sweetie, let that rest on ur conscience if u have any left. Wish u all the best!

steeze:


And what I did was so terrible that it cannot be forgiven? At least I came back inspite of everything. What about all I suffered in the hands of the mother just because I was trying to do the right thing, to which she was a witness?

I've come to realise that men and women think differently. So while a man might express horror and disbelief that I actually stayed and endured all that, a woman would insist that I should have stayed and tried harder. In the other thread there were some comments tearing me up and insisting I go back to that job. That I am wasting a golden opportunity.

Tell me honestly, would you have advised your brother to do the same?

charijee:
Hey barbie.....been a while I saw you....how's you?

sisisioge:
Wowzer! Life is just too short for all these complications allowed. Good decision...move on. However, keep a place opened in your heart for your son. The little guy will sort you eventually. Trust me, he would.

So go make a good life for yourself, have a proper family and never forgets he exists. Good luck bro, may God help you chose right.

redgem:


I'm good dear, how are you?

ayolight:
Bro. I ve to read tru d former post ti undstnd ur pains. Bro yr decision is rit. but make sure u contribute seriously to d care if d baby. keep a tab on dem Evn if Dey chnge environment. fget abt d moda but not abt d child. do tins dat ll make her crazy. like paying ur child a visit wit wonderful gifts (God ll provide for u), make it clear during yr visits tru ur actions dat u careless abt d mother but ur child. dnt allow her to slip frm ur crow. the future has a beta destiny for u. a friend was once stuck BTW her hubby nd mother she wisely choose her hubby which helps to define d mother boundry. so bros pls dnt fget ur child I beg u in d name of God. u can Evn visit with a lady friend who can act well and tell her to act as a caring girlfriend toward d child. a girl friend who can really get on d nerve of a bitter person. Evn if she dnt allow her to touch her let her show her care nd love wit action nd pricking words. I wish u luck

veave:
Make sure you go with your friends next time if you dey fear. Don't ask to carry the baby, just lift him from were ever or who ever hands he's in. Play with him very well. Then pass him to anyone around. Look round for anything you can do for her, even if its his cloths, trust me there will always be soaked clothes at the corner. By the time you do this twice, she will be looking forward to your visits because she knows you will help. Do not go empty handed.




If I heat say you run. You no get akpobi friends ne?

freecocoa:
Funny lady.

charijee:
I'm very well girlie