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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. (89066 Views)
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Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by Vyolet(f): 8:34am On May 28, 2015 |
Yes,there should be somethings better left unsaid. This is because most men cannothandle the truth. An average man expects his wife to understand him whenever he confesses most esp his unfaithfulness but he will always feel disgusted and even go as far as contemplating divorce if his wife does same. 7 Likes |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by Moana(f): 8:35am On May 28, 2015 |
hopeforcharles:im not grilling you in anyway just trying to get a better understanding |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by charles316: 8:36am On May 28, 2015 |
babyosisi: What is repentance without confessing to the person you have wronged? In this case,the person has wronged the spouse(husband). Please lets be wary of the kind of advice we give on a public forum. 10 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by dBard: 8:39am On May 28, 2015 |
Gaborone: Am relatively young in marriage so am referring to courtships as well as a marriage or two. Thing is , you rarely get to hear about such situations cos d parties would rather just keep mum about it and focus on the rebuilding...plus, how many guys will be proud to disclose that he's with someone that cheated/bin cheating on him. Rather just forgive and move on.. Male ego is something else. |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by thorpido(m): 8:40am On May 28, 2015 |
Momcherry:Why is she hiding such information from the husband?Even if the father abandoned her as a baby,it is needless keeping such from him. ...............The husband sef..................six years is enough for him to have known. |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by hopeforcharles(m): 8:43am On May 28, 2015 |
Moana:ok hope u have understood me, |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by freecocoa(f): 8:47am On May 28, 2015 |
thorpido:I may not agree with all the points made by the OP, but of what use is the abortion tale to the man? This is in a situation where nothing went wrong, that is. 2 Likes |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by charlesikhalea(m): 8:49am On May 28, 2015 |
Well I think the husband or wife should tell everything, if a woman cheats she should tell the man cos if he finds out on his own he will never trust her, he will believe she still does it, same goes to the guys, anyone who leaves u for been honest doesn't deserve u. This world is a small place, even if u cheated in UK ur spouse might find out, that's how a girl cheated on me once and I sat face to face with the guy she did it with few months later, we were talking about chicks in general when he shared a deadly information with me,she kept it away from me for 6months. twas too hard to bear cos I asked her a couple of times and she denied. the relationship eventually ended due to trust issues....lets be honest and live a free life without the burden of guilt 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by Bloodstream: 8:53am On May 28, 2015 |
kilode100: ![]() ![]() ![]() 2 Likes |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by dBard: 8:57am On May 28, 2015 |
dinachi: Well said.. Concerning the HIV issue... I have personally come across such cases..no jokes. I don't know how people expect a good result wen their calculations are wrong ![]() Openness and honesty CANNOT be over emphasized. Yes, people are different, and so expectations are different. If your husband to be (cos this has to b approached from a pre marital angle) doesn't care to know your body count or whatever, then the rule of 'What's important for him to know' applies BUT if Ur partner cares about such, then, with wisdom, tell him/her wat he/she wants to know. s.m.h@some threads sha cc:marvellousGod 7 Likes |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by charles316: 9:02am On May 28, 2015 |
freecocoa: Just confess to the man . He will be the one to know that. |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by charles316: 9:07am On May 28, 2015 |
bellong: Exactly. People know these things and still go on to do it . Infact threads like this encourage such. Live a crazy life and hide it from your husband. 2 Likes |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by bellong: 9:12am On May 28, 2015 |
charles316: He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Proverbs 13:20 4 Likes |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by dinachi(m): 9:18am On May 28, 2015 |
You keep secrets from your husband and he keeps secrets from you. Pray tell what are you too doing in a marriage? You are total strangers playing tricks on each other in your stage managed romance! 17 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by Bibol(f): 9:19am On May 28, 2015 |
charles316: I think she was talking in the context of things ladies did before they got married The more open a couple is to each other, the better they bond. Why have too many secrets and carry guilt in your heart all the rest of your life? Not all advice should be taken verbatim, its different for everyone and every marriage 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by hopeforcharles(m): 9:21am On May 28, 2015 |
Therefore with all said and typed i hereby declare this thread a Failure. Open- ness breeds sincerity and trust in a relationship People please dont follow all you read in Nairaland. Peace these are times when i need that red thread close stamp. ![]() ![]() ![]() 10 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by charles316: 9:23am On May 28, 2015 |
Bibol: Before or after marriage,it is still important that the spouse gets to know those things. If he /she will be ashamed to tell the spouse,why go on to do it? 1 Like |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by Bibol(f): 9:25am On May 28, 2015 |
charles316: Exactly! I guess people hardly think of the consequences of their actions before engaging in temporary pleasures. Its human nature 3 Likes |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by Nobody: 9:33am On May 28, 2015 |
Mynd44:'nuff said |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by Lumpyy(f): 9:35am On May 28, 2015 |
freecocoa: ![]() ![]() 3 Likes |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by Jahblessme: 9:52am On May 28, 2015 |
HOLY!! HOLY!!! HOLY!!! I love how when its woman matter they all start preaching confess confess. Those people talking no vex oo but have you confessed totally how many prostitues you slept with or you are still sleeping with? How about the one night stands? How about the times you got your ex pregnant and she aborted? Our society is NOT the right environment for any female to confess anything.If your brother comes and tells you his gf had 6 abortions, cheated on him or was an ashana won't you be the first to say dump her?? No matter how courageous she was or how reformed? Na una go scream 'harlot' pass. Aren't 95% of you virgin hunters?? Una go poke but want to marry unpoked.Sorry.No wonder hymen repair is rampant.Sleep around, then go and become virgin again to fool d fools.And they'll be boasting,I married her a vajinn.Disregardng soo many other things about her character which are important.Was it not the other day that some governor married a chick and claimed he was disciplined while married to his first wife of blessed memory?? This same man famed for being a man -LovePeddler with uni chicks? shouting he married his wife cos she's a vajin? he and his mother also insulted Nigerian women ![]() Abegg when men speak like others are dirt cos of any se xual past why would any sane thinking girl come out to really really talk about her body count? Confess ko confess ni. Only an idi ot with a past would be reallly honest to the average Nigerian man.If you are caught red handed or if there's really no way out,then you can tell the truth as much as you feel is permissible cos a good percentage of the time,it will be used against you. If you have chopped within or without the marriage/relationship, clean mouth quietly,discuss with your maker and move on.How many times has he come to you to confess that he chopped outside too? Even most men caught in the act will deny till they are blue in the face. Only confess if you are ready to take a gamble that the relationship will die.If you are sick of his tired ass,please go into minute details ,he will flee by himself. If you want to talk of the past,have u dated other people? - yes or no. body count questions are usually asked by the sanctimonious - avoid answering,its not his bizniz. abortion nko- of he asks,ask him how many he has taken part in first. A non judgey guy would never ever want to go into fine details cos he believes past is past,but the one wey go ask what color of pant you were wearing for each se xual act?? Flee. Till Nigeria stops shaming women for having and acting on their sexual urges,nothing like confession.Mr Femi Kayode released na ked pictures of his ex gf when their relationship went south and he went to the extent of shaming her family and giving details of secrets she 'confessed' to him. ladies,talk at your own risk! After all,if confession is so good why do the men who have forgiven cheating partners lie about it and join the crowd to shout God forbid,kick her out.Simple,its cos it is a taboo for them to accept that someone shined Congo better than them and they'd be laughed at for still going on with the 'slut'. Talk if u have HIV or life threatening disease ,just be careful what you give away in the name of 'confession'.Daz all I deviated a lot,sorry. 25 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by Lumpyy(f): 9:59am On May 28, 2015 |
i dnt know who this ladies are angry with,there is nothing you can do to change the fact that its ur kitty-kat dt has d hymen to b broken,its ur body dt bears d cross of what uv done in d past not the man's.that is y men's past seems overlooked.will a single father have difficulty getting a wife?na him go carry d pregnancy?na him boobs go sag?will d guy incase of abortion b d one being drilled during D&C?there is nothing like gender equality because we are made differently.hardly wil a lady boast of having slept wt this guy n dt one but c our men. i agree we all av one/2 things better left forgotten but let it b silly things u did as a child not while fully grown and concious of the consequences. during my marriage counselling,the pastor asked me how many men have slept with(luckily for me tis just my oga ![]() No secret remains forever pls,couples should better spill all while trying to know eachoda so if u cant love ursefs and ur pasts then move on,how will u be at peace knowing uv aborted befor and ur hubby doesnt know?and you say ur vows conveniently? am nt judging anyone please,just knw that NOTHING is HIDDEN UNDER the SUN! 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by Nobody: 10:01am On May 28, 2015 |
This topic reminds me of a show called BAGGAGE n Dstv. The reason people are able to spill their dirty secrets on that show and also able to accept them is because the whites are less judgemental and more accomodating. They have accepted who they are and are more open. Unlike we nigerians who know how to use peoples' past against them. The society is judgemental and hypocritical at the same time. No one is able to handle the truth no matter how much they preach openness. NO ONE! We are all humans with limitations and that will be shown on how much information we can handle. The truth is most men and women will keep their horrible pasts to themselves which brings about the importance of investigating your partner before marriage. Some you will get to know during the course of courtship. But inspite of that, you still dnt get to know everything. So if we are to be very honest about our pasts, we ought to ask ourselves if he or she can handle them. are we truly ready for the consequences of letting he or she know about them? Is openness the watchword of your partner? Has he or she spilled his or her past to you? why are we spilling? Most peeps who spill expect automatic forgiveness and forget that things would change afterwards. Are we ready to accept the changes that would occur after the spilling? Are we ready to be victims of attack from time to time once your partner is armed with your secrets? Are you ready for your past to go beyond your partner as others apart from your partner may get to know them? Are we ready to move on should in case the relationship/marriage packs up? Lower your expectations and expect the worst because you are not dealing with jesus christ o. You are dealing with a human. There are standards each one of us hold or expect from our partners. Use the standards of your partner to decide if he or she can truly handle the openness before deciding to spill. Let your brain be a sieve and show tact when opening up. There are things to spill and there are others to be kept to yourself biko. Be selective. As for what to spill, well, diseases such as HIV, Herpes, Hepatitis, children outside wedlock should be spilled o. Anything major that poses a threat to your partner should be spilled ON TIME. As for cheating, to each his own biko. Just make sure before you spill you have packed your bags already ready to leave if you know fully well your partner will not accept it. Body count questions are useless. Always sieve what to say. Know when to talk and when to keep quiet. THIS IS NIGERIA NOT AMERICA. we have a culture that can't handle the truth. Be tactful. Be wise as a serpent biko. 10 Likes |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by babygirlfl: 10:59am On May 28, 2015 |
To be honest, the best and ideal thing is for a couple to be completely honest and open to each other. It's by far the best type of marriage which should be what couple should have as a standard. However just like many standards that should be maintained in marriage, our people are very very far from it. Nigerian women should not kid themselves by thinking that the couple is being asked to be honest to each other. In most cases, they are asking only you the WOMAN to be honest. If Nigerians want the women to be honest, we have to make a conducive environment for it. We have to be less judgemental and more open ourselves. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by bukatyne(f): 11:49am On May 28, 2015 |
babygirlfl: My thoughts I remember someone once said be honest with style ![]() He was relating it to Joyce Meyer who told her husband her father raped her. I don't know about an average Nigerian guy/husband to be Anyways. It's all Good. |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by jmoore(m): 11:54am On May 28, 2015 |
Anyway, I will marry a virgin. 100% worry-free from past No need to worry if she aborted or fuc*** 1,000 guys. Make una continue dey hide oh... When the truth forces itself out, be ready to bear the consequences. 2 Likes |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by kilode100(f): 12:03pm On May 28, 2015 |
jmoore: What consequences? Soldier come, soldier go barrack still remain. Hian! 29 Likes |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by SHARIAREPORTERS: 12:05pm On May 28, 2015 |
D very reason I wanna marry a virgin
A new nylon
D hymen must be intact
I no wan hear story dat touches d hart |
Re: Things Your Fiancé/ husband Is Better Off Not Knowing. by emburgceo(m): 12:06pm On May 28, 2015 |
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