babyosisi:


And you ended up leaving all these girls after a point and moved on abi
[size=18pt]Una don see am,evidence before your eyes [/size]
Girls,keep some of these stories to yourselves
This is the evidence that you should
It doesn't add anything to you but removes from you
You will be merely spreading your stories from person to person
To what avail?
End of discussion

You don't get it, I'm the one doing much of the disclosing. I should be the one to keep quiet but I chose full honesty, the girl I'm with now is not perfect but she's honest and I value that more than anything. I don't care how beautiful you are or how intelligent you might think you are, the truth will always come out, all I'm saying is I prefer to hear it from you than from someone else.....I don't know how much more I can explain

hopeforcharles:

What if he later founds out?
My type of Man will never use it against a woman no matter what, but if he founds out outside it might be more disastrous than ever. What do u think she should do about telling him.

what r u even doing with such information?..wot if she digs up ur ugly past which u've never mentioned 2 her??

hopeforcharles:

What if he later founds out?
My type of Man will never use it against a woman no matter what, but if he founds out outside it might be more disastrous than ever. What do u think she should do about telling him.

what r u even doing with such information?..wot if she digs up ur ugly past which u've never mentioned 2 her??

hopeforcharles:

What if he later founds out?
My type of Man will never use it against a woman no matter what, but if he founds out outside it might be more disastrous than ever. What do u think she should do about telling him.

what r u even doing with such information?..wot if she digs up ur ugly past which u've never mentioned 2 her??

ApexTitan:
In the light of the risk that marriages entail for men in today's world I think it is best for men to ASK their wives about their sexual past. The doctrine of don't ask and don't tell as regards relationships is foolish. Every man should be fully aware of his type of woman he is ending up with, he should know the type of woman that will be the mother of his children. It is best to hear it from the horse's mouth and come to terms with it than find out from a compromising video on the interwebs or some idle chatter - These things do happen.

The woman who is coy or elusive about this issue is showing a red flag... Like I stated earlier a women with a large number of previous sexual partners is a huge risk for long term/monogamous relationships.

This advice is directed to the so called good men out there because they are the ones that tend to marry women who have lengthy CVs of previous lovers. (it is very rare that a man and woman with a large number of previous partners marry themselves)

Do not marry a reformed harlot.

In addition to your post, this one goes to both men and women; after asking questions, do background checks too. Extremely important.

People leave crumbs and trails behind on the Internet nowadays. Check the person's facebook, instagram, twitter, social media, google. You'll find something; who they've dated, their friends, where they've worked, criminal records etc.. Check his/her credit score too.

At job interviews, the employers now go through your social media accounts to find questionable stuffs, how much more a relationship.

Everyone should have the right to know who they're about to spend the rest of their life with.

Confirmed! These are end time marriage counsellors: Babyosisi,Cococandy,Sophyrocks. Follow them at your peril! They spend by far more time on naira land than their matrimonial homes. They teach the unthinkable. Keep secrets from your spouses so respect go dey. A word is enough for the wise.

dinachi:
Confirmed! These are end time marriage counsellors: Babyosisi,Cococandy,Sophyrocks. Follow them at your peril! They spend by far more time on naira land than their matrimonial homes. They teach the unthinkable. Keep secrets from your spouses so respect go dey. A word is enough for the wise.

beginning time marriage counselor.

Dinachi pls that your puccie thread needs you.

What are you doing here?

babyosisi:



Babyosisi were you an ashawo ?
Answer
Azubuike what type of question is that,I was not a virgin when I met you,I have a past just like you do and the important thing is that I am faithful to you and will never step out on you

Full stop


That is the answer to that question

Imagine during a party in another country(maybe u went for vacation), your azubuike leaves your side to go get drinks, only to hear a conversation about how you were the best stripper, dck sucker, the most widely sought out girl in a brothel

Pls will your above answer still suffice in this case?

do you know what it means for a man to find out that his wife was/is a public utility?

That she has been mounted & climbed by every dick & Harry?

Imagine a scenario where your former customer grabs u on the waist within ur husband view unknown to him & insults you based on your reaction, not knowing you ain't in the trade anymore

pls if am to endure insult & embarrassment as a result of your past, kindly put me in the picture in the beginning

babyosisi:


I said if there are chances he knows your past then by all means come clean when asked
Wisdom is the key

Why take such chance?

how do u determine the probability of his finding out?

babyosisi:
Our parents all told us to keep away from boys
Did I go telling my mom when I got with a boy
Certainly not
Does that mean I lied and deceived my mother and father and ought to confess because the bible says obey your mom and dad and until I did that no forgiveness?
That is what people are saying here because it is about women
People use your common sense please
You disobeyed,you made amends and turned from it,you moved on in a mature way

Our parents had reasons for such, its their imperfect technique for preventing girls against avoidable disasters, (also (I must sincerely admit) sometimes to protect their ego)...but thats different, the fact that you lost your viginity to your boyfriend doesn't mean you owe your parents any explanation, its your life, you don't owe your parents your virginity, you owe them your success(seriously they aren't the ones to have sex with you)

They only try to make you a perfect spouse for your future partner (at least most parents) even if their methods are imperfect and we mostly fall short of their expectations

But a spouse is different, you owe him everything as he does you...
If you open up your past to him he should open up on his past too
Its not only women that should be subject to confessions, men should too

So the idea of cheating on a spouse and considering it an unimportant subject for discussion so long as no stds or pregnancies are involved shouldn't be a straight yes.
Its like stabbing him/her at the back and saying 'so long as he/her soesn't feel the pain, lemme Clean up the blood, bandage the wound and pretend nothing happened..so long as he/she doesn't find out were safe.....

Doesn't that in the slightest way possible sound hypocritical to you

I must admit @babyosisi does have some strong points but still, there are a lot of dangers to taking her advice

cococandy:



If I did it before I met you, if it has no way of affecting our health or childbearing possibilities, if it won't come back to be in your face (eg things like dating your husband's old friend can come back in your face. So that I'd tell him.)

if it is not any of those,it belongs in the past. I'll leave it there. Ces't finis.

Pls how will you handle this!!

Your husband tells you he ran into an old acquaintance that he saw last maybe 15yrs, someone you haven't heard about.

this acquaintance will be coming over for dinner, he shows up & behold he is Emeka you have been sleeping with in faraway Japan(you thought u were safe cos Japan was far away & Emeka told u he hasn't been too Nigeria for the past 15yrs & he has no plan to)

You have done all manner of things with Emeka, ranging from orgies to foursomes to abortion

How do you deal with this?

If you say you can't cheat in a marriage, replace the above scenario with this
You did all of that with Emeka before you married your hubby, your hubby ain't aware you did those wild stuffs, he sees you as a cool headed lady!!

you can't tell which of your past will come hunting, so saying if it has little chance of spilling, keep it that way isn't wise

harveyspec:

Pls how will you handle this!!
Your husband tells you he ran into an old acquaintance that he saw last maybe 15yrs, someone you haven't heard about.
this acquaintance will be coming over for dinner, he shows up & behold he is Emeka you have been sleeping with in faraway Japan(you thought u were safe cos Japan was far away & Emeka told u he hasn't been too Nigeria for the past 15yrs & he has no plan to)
You have done all manner of things with Emeka, ranging from orgies to foursomes to abortion
How do you deal with this?
If you say you can't cheat in a marriage, replace the above scenario with this
You did all of that with Emeka before you married your hubby, your hubby ain't aware you did those wild stuffs, he sees you as a cool headed lady!!
you can't tell which of your past will come hunting, so saying if it has little chance of spilling, keep it that way isn't wise

Brilliant analysis!
Now let's hear from the end time marriage counsillors: Babyosisi,Cococandy and Sophyrocks.

If I knew him before I knew my husband and did all that before we got married, I've committed no offense.
There's nothing to worry about here even if he finds out.
Really I'll just be running into an ex who happens to be hubby's acquaintance.

Will it be awkward?. Meh maybe.
But What possible harm does it present to the marriage except she wants to continue seeing him again?. If not, I don't see how coincidentally knowing and meeting someone your babe dated in the past is a bad thing.

You might as well keep names and pictures of those you had sex with before marriage so that you can show your partner when you marry.
Please...


On the other hand, if you reverse the positions, I'd only feel a tinge of jealousy when meeting someone who my husband used to date especially if they had a raunchy time together. And I may feel a bit sorry for him because it might be embarrassing to him.

But I don't think I'm senseless enough to be mad at him for having a life and knowing someone before me. Like he owed me an explanation then even though he hadn't met me?

harveyspec:


Pls how will you handle this!!

Your husband tells you he ran into an old acquaintance that he saw last maybe 15yrs, someone you haven't heard about.

this acquaintance will be coming over for dinner, he shows up & behold he is Emeka you have been sleeping with in faraway Japan(you thought u were safe cos Japan was far away & Emeka told u he hasn't been too Nigeria for the past 15yrs & he has no plan to)

You have done all manner of things with Emeka, ranging from orgies to foursomes to abortion

How do you deal with this?

If you say you can't cheat in a marriage, replace the above scenario with this
You did all of that with Emeka before you married your hubby, your hubby ain't aware you did those wild stuffs, he sees you as a cool headed lady!!

you can't tell which of your past will come hunting, so saying if it has little chance of spilling, keep it that way isn't wise

harveyspec:


Pls how will you handle this!!

Your husband tells you he ran into an old acquaintance that he saw last maybe 15yrs, someone you haven't heard about.

this acquaintance will be coming over for dinner, he shows up & behold he is Emeka you have been sleeping with in faraway Japan(you thought u were safe cos Japan was far away & Emeka told u he hasn't been too Nigeria for the past 15yrs & he has no plan to)

You have done all manner of things with Emeka, ranging from orgies to foursomes to abortion

How do you deal with this?

If you say you can't cheat in a marriage, replace the above scenario with this
You did all of that with Emeka before you married your hubby, your hubby ain't aware you did those wild stuffs, he sees you as a cool headed lady!!

you can't tell which of your past will come hunting, so saying if it has little chance of spilling, keep it that way isn't wise

Haba....Even if you've insulted karma before, this your scenario na wa!

dinachi:

Brilliant analysis!
Now let's hear from the end time marriage counsillors: Babyosisi,Cococandy and Sophyrocks.

Let's not reduce this discussion to one filled with spite. The way you call out those names suggest we are fighting here. All examples and instances in these talks are hypothetical and impersonal. Cheers

cococandy:
If I knew him before I knew my husband and did all that before we got married, I've committed no offense.There's nothing to worry about here even if he finds out.

Since there is nothing to worry about if he finds out,why then do you keep it from him in the first place? End time marriage counsellor this your response Na wa!

dinachi:

Since there is nothing to worry about if he finds out,why then do you keep it from him in the first place? End time marriage counsellor this your response Na wa!

because it is my privacy and I don't owe anyone a list of past sexual partners. If they do meet in future and it so happens that we will be spending time together with that person , then I'm obliged to tell him.

If someone I used to be intimate with is going to becomes a family friend, then he has to know what happened between us and decide if he's cool staying friends with them.

But as far as they are still people I met before I met him, he doesn't need to know who they are or how many they are. To what end?

cococandy:
If I knew him before I knew my husband and did all that before we got married, I've committed no offense.
There's nothing to worry about here even if he finds out.
Really I'll just be running into an ex who happens to be hubby's acquaintance.

Will it be awkward?. Meh maybe.
But What possible harm does it present to the marriage except she wants to continue seeing him again?. If not, I don't see how coincidentally knowing and meeting someone your babe dated in the past is a bad thing.

You might as well keep names and pictures of those you had sex with before marriage so that you can show your partner when you marry.
Please...


On the other hand, if you reverse the positions, I'd only feel a tinge of jealousy when meeting someone who my husband used to date especially if they had a raunchy time together. And I may feel a bit sorry for him because it might be embarrassing to him.

But I don't think I'm senseless enough to be mad at him for having a life and knowing someone before me. Like he owed me an explanation then even though he hadn't met me?

I thought its best I tell my spouse of my past but show to him that I have changed rather than portray a picture of being a normal girl or saint, only to be found out that I was wild & wayward

A man who has been having a healthy sex life within an average confines(no wild practice or exploration) suddenly learns that his wife he considered innocent or normal was once a wild dck sucking stripping escort bitchh

What do you think will happen to his psyche?

How do you think he will view her? Admiration or disgust?

harveyspec:


Pls how will you handle this!!

Your husband tells you he ran into an old acquaintance that he saw last maybe 15yrs, someone you haven't heard about.

this acquaintance will be coming over for dinner, he shows up & behold he is Emeka you have been sleeping with in faraway Japan(you thought u were safe cos Japan was far away & Emeka told u he hasn't been too Nigeria for the past 15yrs & he has no plan to)

You have done all manner of things with Emeka, ranging from orgies to foursomes to abortion

How do you deal with this?

If you say you can't cheat in a marriage, replace the above scenario with this
You did all of that with Emeka before you married your hubby, your hubby ain't aware you did those wild stuffs, he sees you as a cool headed lady!!

you can't tell which of your past will come hunting, so saying if it has little chance of spilling, keep it that way isn't wise

Your theory should centre around her reaction if Emeka was one of her customers in the brothel where she served.... nd he was her husbands long lost friend and her husband does not know his wife used to be a prostitute in far away japan.
Let's see her wriggle out of that one.
Atleast dats the part most people have a problem with, not whether she used to have a boyfriend, she's afterall, not a virgin...

dazzysleek:
what r u even doing with such information?..wot if she digs up ur ugly past which u've never mentioned 2 her?? what r u even doing with such information?..wot if she digs up ur ugly past which u've never mentioned 2 her??

You should be asking what wount i do with it,
its better i hear the truth from her and develop bumper than to hear it outside and be shamed. A sin confessed is never looked from the same veiw again, i have a past like a normal young man, so there is simply nothing she will dig out that i can't defend or own up that will cause me shame.
Besides let me think like an African man
I am payin your dowry so i want to confirm if the goods is not expired or contraband, if i was told in time what it state is i will with the knowledge i have about the good seek ways to either buy and manage it or leave it for another.

cococandy:
because it is my privacy and I don't owe anyone a list of past sexual partners. If they do meet in future and it so happens that we will be spending time together with that person , then I'm obliged to tell him.
If someone I used to be intimate with is going to becomes a family friend, then he has to know what happened between us and decide if he's cool staying friends with them.
But as far as they are still people I met before I met him, he doesn't need to know who they are or how many they are. To what end?

Why exactly are you scared of baring it all before your husband?
Don't you know your past sexual information is also needed for him or her to make an informed decision?
What if he never wanted to get married to a former or practicing prostitute and you keep the information and he later finds out, what do you think will happen?

I don't support pretense either.
And I don't support unnecessary information.

Having had an active sex life before you met your husband is not the same thing as being an escort (just another name for prostituion)

If you've had active sex life, there's no need for details. "Yes honey I'm not a virgin" should be enough. Chances are he knows your ex (if your break-up with that one is recent) That's enough information. He doesn't need to know the one before that and the one before the one before that.
Keeping a list with pictures and activity log serves no purpose.

harveyspec:


I thought its best I tell my spouse of my past but show to him that I have changed rather than portray a picture of being a normal girl or saint, only to be found out that I was wild & wayward

A man who has been having a healthy sex life within an average confines(no wild practice or exploration) suddenly learns that his wife he considered innocent or normal was once a wild dck sucking stripping escort bitchh

What do you think will happen to his psyche?

How do you think he will view her? Admiration or disgust?

babyosisi:


I guess controversy is my middle name
Every wise woman knows the things I wrote there are 100% truth
Something prompted this thread
I have watched a marriage where the man had cheated many times then separated a few times.THey came back together and he moved to the guest room and totally neglected her then in that weak moment after months of torture,she had sex with an older family friend who basically took advantage of her vulnerability ,one day when the marriage seemed to be on the up,filled with guilt and without wisdom she knelt down ,cried and confessed and he divorced her.
True story
Up till this moment every story is about her cheating no one ever mentions his

If she had come to me with her guilt,God knows I would have advised her to shut her mouth .
SHe also regrets confessing
[size=18pt]
So ladies,if you are a good woman who wandered, confess to your God and keep your mouth shut [/size]

Imagine the stains

1. The marriage is over
2. The whole world knows what you did including little kids

[size=18pt]Keep your mouths shut I say[/size]

Then you think if per adventure I find out on my own the marriage is still going to continue? What you even advising these girls sef?

dinachi:

Why exactly are you scared of baring it all before your husband?
Don't you know your past sexual information is also needed for him or her to make an informed decision?
What if he never wanted to get married to a former or practicing prostitute and you keep the information and he later finds out, what do you think will happen?

Because I don't want to waste our time.
By the time we finish perusing the details and number of the past customers our first child will be as old as three years.
Time is money. Ain't nobody gat it to waste.

Are you satisfied?

cococandy:


Because I don't want to waste our time.
By the time we finish perusing the details and number of the past customers our first child will be as old as three years.
Time is money. Ain't nobody gat it to waste.

Are you satisfied?

Nope, as much as I do not enjoy quoting you... I must say this...

"By the time, you finish perusing the details and number of past customers, he may not want to marry you"
QED
You women know this fact and dats why you choose to hide it from him...

Truth is, you can never really claim he loves you, cos he never knew you....

Replace "waste our time" to "waste my time"

Stop doing something you don't enjoy then.

Don't quote me.

njokusboy:


Nope, as much as I do not enjoy quoting you... I must say this...

"By the time, you finish perusing the details and number of past customers, he may not want to marry you"
QED
You women know this fact and dats why you choose to hide it from him...

Truth is, you can never really claim he loves you, cos he never knew you....

Replace "waste our time" to "waste my time"

cococandy:

Because I don't want to waste our time.
By the time we finish perusing the details and number of the past customers our first child will be as old as three years.
Time is money. Ain't nobody gat it to waste.
Are you satisfied?

Wasting time kee? Nothing way I know go hear! Tell him the story. Let him be the judge of whether you are wasting time or not.
My point both of you need all the information to make an informed decision. A woman who does not want to marry a former or practicing porn star and a man who does not want to marry a former prostitute both need full disclosure if they are sincere to themselves.

cococandy:
Stop doing something you don't enjoy then.

Don't quote me.

Unfortunately, this section has forced people like me to do so....
One has to quote you pple once in a while so others do not fall on tarred roads...
An elder does not sit back and watch children get poked in the eye even though he enjoys his quiet moments...

dinachi:

Wasting time kee? Nothing way I know go hear! Tell him the story. Let him be the judge of whether you are wasting time or not.
My point both of you need all the information to make an informed decision. A woman who does not want to marry a former or practicing porn star and a man who does not want to marry a former prostitute both need full disclosure if they are sincere to themselves.

i was kidding obviously.

But being a former pornn star and a former prostitute aren't the same thing as just having exes you dated before you met your partner.
Yes I totally agree that those are information your intended needs to know because they may have their reservations.

I think you should understand the difference between that and spewing irrelevant information about past relationships (emphasis On relationships.)
There's a difference.

njokusboy:


Unfortunately, this section has forced people like me to do so....
One has to quote you pple once in a while so others do not fall on tarred roads...
An elder does not sit back and watch children get poked in the eye even though he enjoys his quiet moments...

ok

njokusboy:

Nope, as much as I do not enjoy quoting you... I must say this...
"By the time, you finish perusing the details and number of past customers, he may not want to marry you"
QED
You women know this fact and dats why you choose to hide it from him...
Truth is, you can never really claim he loves you, cos he never knew you....
Replace "waste our time" to "waste my time"

My thoughts exactly! Most people are married to strangers they will not want to have anything to do with if the get to know some details about that person.
Bottomline: What this end time marriage counsellors are advocating is DECEPTION.

dinachi:

My thoughts exactly! Most people are married to strangers they will not want to have anything to do with if the get to know some details about that person.
Bottomline: What this end time marriage counsellors are advocating is DECEPTION.

Exactly

@Op i hope you don't mind me asking you a question and my apologies if it feels too intrusive;

I presume you are a married woman. In that case, have you ever cheated on your husband whilst married to him?

If Yes; did you tell him?

If Yes; and you did not tell him, how do you feel?

If No; then you should not be telling a married woman who cheated on her husband not to tell him. You know why; cos you are not in her shoes. It is only the person who wears the shoe that knows how it pinches. Having said that, I'll move swiftly back to the topic at hand.

The whole idea, is never to hide anything from a prospective spouse/partner that would later hunt your marriage/relationship which in some instances can lead to separation/divorce especially if the spouse/partner is unable to bear the secret(s) when it eventually comes out.

As mentioned previously by @Lastpage; It is better to let it all out in the open and let either of the spouse/partner; be it a fiancé or fiancée decide if they would want to carry on or not with the relationship.

I tell you a little story of a wife who hid a secret from her husband for many years and it eventually came out. The secret came out when she was in hospital on admission.

An injection was about to be given his wife and the injection was meant for a person below a certain age. The husband told the Dr his wife was younger than the age range the Dr stated. The Dr had to tell the husband that he requires the answer directly from his wife; owing to the fact that the Dr knew the health implication(s) that can occur if the injection is given to a person that is not within the age range.

The Dr asked the wife 3 times if she was in the age range. Only for her to say on the 3rd time that she was above the age range. The husband found out that his wife was older than him and that his wife lied to him about her age for many years and that was a lie the husband could not bear to accept.

That was the end of the marriage. Now, if the wife had told her husband many years ago the truth that she was older than him; who knows, the husband could have either accepted it or moved on if he was not able to bear the fact that she was older than him.

The next thing on the mind of the husband would probably be what other secret is she keeping from me? The trust bond was broken on that very day and the husband did not even look at the fact that his wife was ill and in hospital before he ended the marriage.

The lesson of the story here is; DO NOT HIDE ANYTHING FROM A SPOUSE/PARTNER. Never think of starting a relationship/marriage based on Lies, Deceit and Secrets. The consequences can be sometimes disastrous and calamitous when it all comes out in the open.

As @Bellong and a few others had mentioned earlier on “Try and avoid doing anything that you know when it comes out in the open you would feel too embarrassed or ashamed of your action(s)".

I rest my case.

@Chivee, thank you too.

@jnrbayano, thanks bro. I appreciate that.

@berbajiday, I'm flattered. God bless you too.

@Gaidenk, thank you. Don't worry, you'll find her.

@Daddi, I wish you same. Was laughing when I saw 'wise one'. Thanks.

@ArchEnemy, I take your question as a compliment, so thank you too.

@totalhouse, thanks to you.