Gaborone:
And please, if a lady was once a prostitute, she should let him know too. A man has the right to know these things before committing his life to you.

Your points are well understood however some men are babies and immature any secret shared with them they will spread the secrets by informing their parents,siblings and even pastors .

If your past has no negative effect on the marriage please don't tell me.

I don't want to know how many abortions my husbandhas sponsored in the past.I don't need to enter m3riage with that sort of information.

My husband should only tell me when it affets our marriage one way or the other like if he has a child from his previous r/ship.

If I were a man, I would only take you to a hospital to know if you are able to bear a child for me nd not in the abortions you have commited such things are not a bother as long as I can see for myself your womb is intact.

ApexTitan:


This is not a matter of what I think. This is something that I have seen repeated over and over again. Any disspassionate observer will arrive at the same conclusions as I have. These different rules for the genders have been in play for almost as long as civilisation itself. The exceptions to the rule do not negate this fact.

A man with a large number of previous sexual encounters is not seen in the same light as a woman with a similar history. The man is not castigated like the woman, if anything he is celebrated and the woman is condemned.

Cue the Hugh Hefners of this world.

You would be hard pressed to find any female equivalent of Hefner or King Solomon. The rules are indeed different for women.

the question is why? aint both sex humans? Some say the itch is greater in men making them polygamous in nature. pls care to shed more light dear

zeb04:
If your past has no negative effect on the marriage please don't tell me.

I don't want to know how many abortions my husbandhas sponsored in the past.I don't need to enter m3riage with that sort of information.

My husband should only tell me when it affets our marriage one way or the other like if he has a child from his previous r/ship.

If I were a man, I would only take you to a hospital to know if you are able to bear a child for me nd not in the abortions you have commited such things are not a bother as long as I can see for myself your womb is intact.

cool. Hope u wld also take him to be sure his stuff can produce the necessary ingredient in creating an empire

Of course it seem very convenient to keep secrets from your spouse, but the truth is that is the first step in failing in marriage. The moment one secret is kept, more and more will continue to be hoarded until the whole marriage is full of secrets! What the end time marriage counsellors are advocating simply is tie him/her down with marriage first, they forget their evil style has caused more divorces than any other factors. If one opens up, he/she is likely to get more respect and honor than whey they are pretending.
Me I will always prefer that my spouse will be completely honest with me. That way I am very comfortable wit her. I also will prefer a woman I so trust that I can leave my life in her hands and not fear that she will do away with it. Anything short of that, I am not interested.

Timbuktou:


Nna, the thing tire me o. That's why marriages fail at an alarming rate in Nigeria, the new brides are too fake. Men tend to know what sort of demon their dealing with years into the relationship. What a shame.

And all the new grooms come with clean hands?

babyosisi:


Do you suppose that the woman still has feelings for Emeka or that emeka will want to do something with her or that emeka will be stupid to tell the husband that he did things with the wife years ago
How many grown men are that foolish?
What do you take women for
Some immature beings that can't handle themselves or what

If I ran into a man I had any dealings with,I will decide if I want to acknowledge him or not,first of all and the level of acknowledgement I accord him is totally dependent on me
It could be a hello and a how are you handshake and that's about it
If I decide not to make any contact whatsoever that will be my choice

I know this is the internet so I am risking conversations with minors and teens on threads like this
You are watching too much Nollywood
Real life ain't like that

Firstly, I don't watch nollywood

Secondly, I ain't a minor, it's a far cry from it

Thirdly, if Emeka doesn't spill his escapades with the lady's husband then trust that he will spill it to his husbands circle of friends or at the husband whenever they quarrel just to spite him

I had great respect for you but with all of this, I will unfollow ur thread on "marital advice for newly weds & intending couples"


You are the type that can poison a man & watch him eating the food while petting him!!

Come to think of it, you were in a relationship with a man while at same time romping with azubuike!!

God save me from your type

PS: I'm aware my tone is harsh, no hard feelings o

ApexTitan:


Women will continue to hide their party years history for as long as they can get away with it. They only fess up when ish hits the fan and their relationship is in danger. The OP is encouraging women to continue with this line of approach and I say she is doing them a disservice with such advice. The way to go about this is come clean from the start, that's what I say. The woman faces a different set of consequences when she decides to let sleeping dogs lie only for the dogs to be awaken later on by a passing canary. Those consequences are different for the man. The man may tell of his past sexual encounters to his wife and not take as much damage as the woman who is forced to reveal all later.

You cannot eat your cake and have it.

I keep saying that.

And besides you decide these consequences?

Besides, How many men do you think sing like a bird to their wives and wives to be about their sexual escapades?

You think an average guy would tell his girl 'ehmm Baby, before you I had slept with 50 girls/ I was a gigolo/ I was a love-vendor/ I used to do party '?

The girl they want to marry or their wives?

Do you think it is boys' hangout gist

How many men who cheat come home to tell their wives even If the wives might likely forgive?

You have not heard crazy it wasn't me stories?

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babyosisi:


So for someone like me whose husband never asked about names and titles of my past relationships and I never asked him nko
From the stories we tell we know the names of some of them obviously
I keep wandering what people need the details for because I don't remember that discussion coming up with people I have dated
Where are the men doing this asking or is it a given that women must spill their past
Who made that rule?
Because that is what I am reading from many of you
If she hides it and I find out blah blah
Find out what
Was she a virgin when you met her
Is it rocket science to make deductions that there were other men before you?
All this name them and describe them sounds so childish IMHO
So that what will happen
They are not necessary for the most part
People should be mature


I guess many of them responding here are teens or young adults,so their answers are expected

The necessity of such information is a result of the times we live in. With the liberalism that is afforded to today's modern woman coupled with the risks that marriages pose for men, the man needs to make an informed decision about his future life partner.

I join the voices that advocate that men should hold women to the highest standards possible when marriage or long term relationships are considered.

harveyspec:

You are the type that can poison a man & watch him eating the food while petting him!!
Come to think of it, you were in a relationship with a man while at same time romping with azubuike!!
God save me from your type
PS: I'm aware my tone is harsh, no hard feelings o

There you have it! End time marriage counsellors.

urchbarbie:
the question is why? aint both sex humans? Some say the itch is greater in men making them polygamous in nature. pls care to shed more light dear

From a purely biological view point one has to agree that the sexual drive is generally stronger in men. The average male has something like 17% more testosterone (the hormone that is largely responsible for libido) than the average woman. This amount of testosterone is mainly stable throughout the man's life. Such a high sexual drive ensure that the man is able to spread his seed effectively and ensure the survival of the species. The woman on the other hand has a much lower level of testosterone and her drive is cyclical, that is, it is affected by her menstrual cycle...

I think this is part of the reason men are generally considered polygamous in nature.

[Human beings are however much more than the sum of their biological systems so other factors are at play here. Discussing all of that would only derail this thread so we'll leave it for now]

bukatyne:


And all the new grooms come with clean hands?

For the most part, yes. The worst a man would do is show his worst behaviour, it's left for the woman to accept him the way he is or bail, but no, she'll pretend to like him for just so she can be a Mrs.

BeeKay, we men hardly pretend . I know this may seem strange to thee women, but it's the truth.

hopeforcharles:
Therefore with all said and typed i hereby declare this thread a Failure.
Open- ness breeds sincerity and trust in a relationship People please dont follow all you read in Nairaland. Peace
these are times when i need that red thread close stamp.

what if she comes out clean and the relationship ends. the same cycle repeats itself in the more relationships she finds herself.

she will be left with no choice but to zip her lips for fear of being heartbroken.

not many men can live with a woman's past. saying this from experience. if you confide In them as to what goes on in your family, then be expected to receive insults.

thread is actually dicey in the sense that not many people will understand what the op is saying.

same way a man cannot come out to tell his spouse that he was unfaithful. while the woman might put many things into consideration and forgive, same might not be said for the man who might find it difficult to swallow the fact that the wife slept with someone else. someone still told me that he's free to have affairs but can't stand his wife having an affair considering that he holds that place sacred since his children would be birthed from that same place.

best I can say is that women should live doing what is right.
personally, if I have done stuff that my future hubby should know of, I will tell him. if he can live with it and see through the fact that it is my past alk well and fine. if not, then let him take a walk.

life does not start and end with marriage biko. one can attain her goals even as a single man or woman.

Timbuktou:


For the most part, yes. The worst a man would do is show his worst behaviour, it's left for the woman to accept him the way he is or bail, but no, she'll pretend to like him for just so she can be a Mrs.

BeeKay, we men hardly pretend . I know this may seem strange to thee women, but it's the truth.

You and I know that's not true.

Some yahoo guys in my school did yahoo + and he slept with a lady who went to dispose the condoms and saw maggots in it.

I doubt either of them will disclose that story to their future spouses.

During student elections, Some guys actually slept in burial grounds for power and influence...

I doubt they would tell their spouses.

You know How many women find out about their husbands' other children/wives at his burial?

Deception is not the characteristics of any gender.

Four guys just gang-raped a girl in Ondo state. One of the guys was her bf. Do you honestly think the bf will tell the next gf that his last relationship broke due to gang rape? Or will the other three tell that they have gang raped before?

It is well

Timbuktou:


I know virgins who are more adept at giving blowwjobs than veteran hookers; virgins with loose rectums. Dey dia dey mumu yourself. All of it only boils down to what this thread encourages; speak not the truth.

what would be your honest reaction to a woman who decides to be very open to you about her past with no holds barred?

Chivee:
This is so releaving.. What's the point telling her about my past. I have an extremely bad temper. I have disfigured the face of an ex with ex poisoned amother & fatally poisoned another & got away with it.
Had to secretly bury their remains.
Telling her now would serve no purpose.
I think I love the one I'm presently with because she doesn't push my buttons.
I plan to propose next week

Thank you O.P.
People are indeed hypocrytical in our society.

...Well truth is with or without the op's advise,someone like you who have committed murder will not tell their partner that they are murders....the best your kind would do is claim to be born again,ranting on how you use to be a 'bad boy' whom have seen the 'light'...

...except your partner is suicidal,she will surely dump you faster than you can say 'Jack' if she has an inkling to that fact..I know i would..*no apologies*..


....So kindly stop pretending that you intended to come clean anyway..

harveyspec:

Come to think of it, you were in a relationship with a man while at same time romping with azubuike!!

And you thought, by some miracle, she had become a new creation? All things had passed away and she had become new?

Ngokafor:



...except your partner issuicidal,she will surely dump you faster than you can say 'Jack' if she has an inkling to that fact..I know i would..*no apologies*..

At bold, mature you mean? It would take only a mature person to accept his past, someone with no atom of hypocrisy. After all, we do have our embarrassing pasts, don't we?

Ngokafor:





...Well truth is with or without the op's advise,someone like you who have committed murder will not tell their partner that they are murders....the best your kind would do is claim to be born again,ranting on how you use to be a 'bad boy' whom have seen the 'light'...

...except your partner is suicidal,she will surely dump you faster than you can say 'Jack' if she has an inkling to that fact..I know i would..*no apologies*..


....So kindly stop pretending that you intended to come clean anyway..

Thank you ooo!
It seems women, who can handle sensitive information are actually more in sync with "reveal less"
Meanwhile men who will run at the slightest instance will get be here forming macho man, like they can handle anything.
Being a minor is not by age, it's by your content.
I have a barracks of brothers, and no sisters. I get the opportunity to sit with them and their friends and share experiences. Some dude once told me he had a party, two guys and a girl. I even asked him how he found the experience. He said he was disgusted eventually, and made sure thee other guy was 5 feet away from him. Will he tell his wife this story... he paused...No he wouldn't. She may not be able to handle it (even if I think it's not such a big of a deal for a woman not to handle). What if his wife was in such a party? He flared up, no o! I cannot marry such a woman, and if he does, he should better never know about it. If he marries her before he finds out? He paused again... ehhh, sebi it's in her past sha, but I really don't need to know!

Who remembers this old american flick about a couple who came clean? The guy talked about his deepest darkest past (I can't remember the details) They laugh about it. The woman came clean, her's was that she gave her dog a Mouth Action, and had to kill the dog eventually. Dude couldn't handle it, and he dumped her at the end of the movie.
Someone please help me with the name...

Teespice:




1. what if she comes out clean and the relationship ends. the same cycle repeats itself in the more relationships she finds herself.
she will be left with no choice but to zip her lips for fear of being heartbroken.

2. not many men can live with a woman's past. saying this from experience. if you confide In them as to what goes on in your family, then be expected to receive insults.

3. thread is actually dicey in the sense that not many people will understand what the op is saying.

4. same way a man cannot come out to tell his spouse that he was unfaithful. while the woman might put many things into consideration and forgive, same might not be said for the man who might find it difficult to swallow the fact that the wife slept with someone else. someone still told me that he's free to have affairs but can't stand his wife having an affair considering that he holds that place sacred since his children would be birthed from that same place.

5. best I can say is that women should live doing what is right.
personally, if I have done stuff that my future hubby should know of, I will tell him. if he can live with it and see through the fact that it is my past alk well and fine. if not, then let him take a walk.

6. life does not start and end with marriage biko. one can attain her goals even as a single man or woman.

1. Then that's her punishment for being wayward in the first place, isn't it? She would be best served living a virtuous life. It's no man's responsibility to harbour a slut. If she wants to have stable relationships, she better come with a clean record.

2. And neither should they. What's the point in subsidising a slut's past. She has given her best to others and now wants to come and give her husband, who should have had her best, the chaff? God forbid.

3. Oh, we do understand what OP is saying. We just don't buy it, it's total bvllshit.

4. The woman "putting many things into consideration to forgive" is not without selfishness, mind you. These things she considers are; where to start from if she leaves, the kids, will she ever get such a good man as this one who's only flaw was playing away, etc?

5. Good point.

6. You will find these are empty in the long run without a family of your own.

Good luck.

Ngokafor:





...Well truth is with or without the op's advise,someone like you who have committed murder will not tell their partner that they are murders....the best your kind would do is claim to be born again,ranting on how you use to be a 'bad boy' whom have seen the 'light'...

...except your partner is suicidal,she will surely dump you faster than you can say 'Jack' if she has an inkling to that fact..I know i would..*no apologies*..


....So kindly stop pretending that you intended to come clean anyway..

What do u mean u'd dump me on the basis of some past unholy actions... Then what happened to the immaturity & judgemental attitude u women attribute to men of this society.. Then You are guilty of the same problem u accuse us of, after all.

Let any big*tch try & dump me based on suspicion or any newly acquired knowledge of my past.. I'll hack her to pieces... What happened to "for better for worse?" WTF!

4teelaw:


Thank you ooo!
It seems women, who can handle sensitive information are actually more in sync with "reveal less"
Meanwhile men who will run at the slightest instance will get be here forming macho man, like they can handle anything.
Being a minor is not by age, it's by your content.
I have a barracks of brothers, and no sisters. I get the opportunity to sit with them and their friends and share experiences. Some dude once told me he had a party, two guys and a girl. I even asked him how he found the experience. He said he was disgusted eventually, and made sure thee other guy was 5 feet away from him. Will he tell his wife this story... he paused...No he wouldn't. She may not be able to handle it (even if I think it's not such a big of a deal for a woman not to handle). What if his wife was in such a party? He flared up, no o! I cannot marry such a woman, and if he does, he should better never know about it. If he marries her before he finds out? He paused again... ehhh, sebi it's in her past sha, but I really don't need to know!

Who remembers this old american flick about a couple who came clean? The guy talked about his deepest darkest past (I can't remember the details) They laugh about it. The woman came clean, her's was that she gave her dog a Mouth Action, and had to kill the dog eventually. Dude couldn't handle it, and he dumped her at the end of the movie.
Someone please help me with the name...

Lols

Chivee:


What do u mean u'd dump me on the basis of some past unholy actions... Then what happened to the immaturity & judgemental attitude u women attribute to men of this society.. You seem to be reeling of the same problem u accuse us of.

Let any big*tch try & dump me for reason.. I'll hack her to pieces... WTF

bukatyne:


You and I know that's not true.

Some yahoo guys in my school did yahoo + and he slept with a lady who went to dispose the condoms and saw maggots in it.

I doubt either of them will disclose that story to their future spouses.

During student elections, Some guys actually slept in burial grounds for power and influence...

I doubt they would tell their spouses.

You know How many women find out about their husbands' other children/wives at his burial?

Deception is not the characteristics of any gender.

Four guys just gang-raped a girl in Ondo state. One of the guys was her bf. Do you honestly think the bf will tell the next gf that his last relationship broke due to gang rape? Or will the other three tell that they have gang raped before?

It is well

True deception isn't characteristic of any gender, but we know women are more prone to lying to keep a relationship than men are.

While I don't believe in y+, it's likely the guy would tell his future wife of his extra efforts to succeed.

Per the rapist, he's a criminal. I doubt he would be bold to declare something as vile as rape to a love interest. That said, not all men are rapists and sticking to the general direction of the thread, we're talking relationship history not criminal history.

So these people are still trying to justify this evil

Teespice:


what would be your honest reaction to a woman who decides to be very open to you about her past with no holds barred?

My honest reaction would be to assess my chances with her. Am I as wild as she would like or is accustomed to and other thoughts. Believe me, wild women do not suddenly become the lambs they try to portray they've become.

If I can handle her past I would move with her, if I can't I move on without her. It sure beats finding out she cheated on me because o don't smoke or don't do anal, or any other wild thing her mind can come up with. I go into every relationship with honesty, if you don't like my past, that's it. I don't have to deceive you into a relationship.

ApexTitan:


From a purely biological view point one has to agree that the sexual drive is generally stronger in men. The average male has something like 17% more testosterone (the hormone that is largely responsible for libido) than the average woman. This amount of testosterone is mainly stable throughout the man's life. Such a high sexual drive ensure that the man is able to spread his seed effectively and ensure the survival of the species. The woman on the other hand has a much lower level of testosterone and her drive is cyclical, that is, it is affected by her menstrual cycle...

I think this is part of the reason men are generally considered polygamous in nature.

[Human beings are however much more than the sum of their biological systems so other factors are at play here. Discussing all of that would only derail this thread so we'll leave it for now]

why! u av don justice to it. We are worth more dan our biological make up. tnx plenty sir

4teelaw:


Thank you ooo!
It seems women, who can handle sensitive information are actually more in sync with "reveal less"
Meanwhile men who will run at the slightest instance will get be here forming macho man, like they can handle anything.

Only pansies accept a bvllshit past. Men with no self esteem. If she ain"t a virgin, she has no hope of marriage with me. Finito.

Timbuktou:


My honest reaction would be to assess my chances with her. Am I as wild as she would like or is accustomed to and other thoughts. Believe me, wild women do not suddenly become the lambs they try to portray they've become.

If I can handle her past I would move with her, if I can't I move on without her. It sure beats finding out she cheated on me because o don't smoke or don't do anal, or any other wild thing her mind can come up with. I go into every relationship with honesty, if you don't like my past, that's it. I don't have to deceive you into a relationship.

well said. thank you.

urchbarbie:
kai! ure a walking time bomb waiting to explode . on a lighter mode dear,, I trust ure genuinely repented

Indeed I've made what turned out to be futile efforts to work on my temper.. I really intend to do anything it takes to have a hold on my out-of-control emotions& my deeds still hunt me till today.
Just like i've said, As long as she doesnt push my buttons I believe we'd do just fine

Timbuktou:


1. Then that's her punishment for being wayward in the first place, isn't it? She would be best served living a virtuous life. It's no man's responsibility to harbour a slut. If she wants to have stable relationships, she better come with a clean record.

2. And neither should they. What's the point in subsidising a slut's past. She has given her best to others and now wants to come and give her husband, who should have had her best, the chaff? God forbid.

3. Oh, we do understand what OP is saying. We just don't buy it, it's total bvllshit.

4. The woman "putting many things into consideration to forgive" is not without selfishness, mind you. These things she considers are; where to start from if she leaves, the kids, will she ever get such a good man as this one who's only flaw was playing away, etc?

5. Good point.

6. You will find these are empty in the long run without a family of your own.

Good luck.

1. should what you said be applied to a man whose past is rather ugly. are they not also entitled to have a clean record as well.

2. which is why I said that if a man is not comfortable he should take a walk and look for that which is " perfect".

3. your opinion.

4. her staying to fix her marriage is not borne out of selfishness. if she were self centered, she would leave because her happiness is paramount.

5. nothing to say.

6. You can still be single and develop yourself. but unfortunately, marriage is seen as a very big deal in the society of today. marriage does not guarantee happiness. it comes form within and self satisfaction.
I can have it all and still be happy. besides I still have family in the form of parents, relatives and siblings.
capish.