i had been dating this guy for months now he promised to marry me,then thing where going well until i went to see him n i spend few days with him like a pastor ask me to do to study his attitude since d traditional marriage was two months away.NB:my going to his house was against my mother's wish but i xplaind d reason den she understood so wen i got there sumtin led to sumtin n he gave me 4hot slaps i cried den he was still beating me asking me y i was crying but wen i couldnt bear it anymore i packed my litttle things n leave since den he has been apologising i hve forgiven him but i told hm i cant marry a violent man.but i still love him but im scared of accepting him so dat one day he doesnt kill me all in d name of hot temper because dat is wat he says is his problem.pls help any advice is welcome pls dont ignore

The choice is really yours.

You can choose to marry him and risk getting killed.

Or. . .

You can run for your life.

Thank God he showed you a tip of the ice berg. Get yourself prepared for some major slamming if you do decide to settle with him.

Ehn... most ladies love the guys that beats them blue black... and you want to marry the one that is already beating you huh!?... you are a good example of for better for worse. Stay there o, till all your 32 is no more

odingidiong:
i had been dating this guy for months now he promised to marry me,then thing where going well until i went to see him n i spend few days with him like a pastor ask me to do to study his attitude since d traditional marriage was two months away.NB:my going to his house was against my mother's wish but i xplaind d reason den she understood so wen i got there sumtin led to sumtin n he gave me 4hot slaps i cried den he was still beating me asking me y i was crying but wen i couldnt bear it anymore i packed my litttle things n leave since den he has been apologising i hve forgiven him but i told hm i cant marry a violent man.but i still love him but im scared of accepting him so dat one day he doesnt kill me all in d name of hot temper because dat is wat he says is his problem.pls help any advice is welcome pls dont ignore

he battered u n u still luv him, ok o but wen u foolishly n mumushily marry him don't complain 2 Nlanders abt domestic violence cos u saw red flag yet u agree 2 b called mrs. . . .
Baby put 1 n 1 2gada abeg.

Ah!
We still have a long way to go in Naija oo
Ahn Ahn
Mothers and future mothers, please, raise your daughters right!
Let them know being with a man is not the end of life
Worris all this sef?

4 rounds of hot slap and you still dey ask question....

Op are you for real? The Handwriting is staring at you in the face, pls if you love yourself forgive him but end the relationship and move on with your life.

You are in the best position to analyse things and come to a conclusion. No one would tell you to walk away or stay.

Your story is incomplete and I guess anyone with wisdom won't want to judge or give advice based on such scanty info.

"Something led to something..." That something that led to something you listed maybe gigantic and maybe something small and until you give full details; Like what led to the fracas, if he had prior behaviour showing such tendencies and so on it would be hard to advise effectively.

Also you seem to really not know what consists of a deserving relationship.

1.He has promised to marry you.(That sounds condescending to your personality) So promising marriage is what now? A jackpot or trip to heaven?

2. You have just known him for few months which although is enough time to know anyone but you seem clueless about him.

3. He has agreed he has issues with controlling his temper. Question is, is he getting the necessary help? Does he acknowledged this is bad and looking for ways to work on it?

Pls do go back to him so he can batter you the more
Pls do go back so he can weaken your body and bones
Pls do go back to him so they can send your.......... Back home
At least your love is until death do us path







He has anger issue and hasn't worked on it but want to use you as an experiment

What could be this 'something' that lead to 'something' which gave birth to four hot slaps? If you don't mind sharing.

Did you attack him first in anyway?

raumdeuter:
Did you attack him first in anyway?

she probably cursed his mother.
but trust women of the 21st century - her own offence is covered up with "one thing led to another."

After the 4slaps he continued beating you?

Well done.

coogar:


she probably cursed his mother.
but trust women of the 21st century - her own offence is covered up with "one thing led to another."

Of course. Something led to something could be anything but its always grouped under something led to something

Was it just sleeping and snoring that led to him beating you

raumdeuter:

Of course. Something led to something could be anything but its always grouped under something led to something

Was it just sleeping and snoring that led to him beating you

hehe!
seems you dunno these evil ladies. their own fault in the matter is never spoken about. if someone were to bring the boyfriend here to give his own version of the story, you would marvel!

D part that caught my attention d most is that he kept beating u,asking why u were crying. It shows he is very hardened at heart. It's up to u to decide but u need a man that will bring d best out of u,leading u in d ways of God. Don't rush into something God doesnt want 4 u dear.

@ Topic

Whatever it is you are gaining/will gain from the relationship, is it worth the risk of losing your life?
That is the question you need to answer
Best wishes!

My sister, sorry o.

I can't outrightly ask you to end the relationship now. You claim you love him, right, if that's true, then help him through this hot temper syndrome. For now, cancle your traditional wedding date until further notice now. You said, he's still begging you, tell him the only way you can forgive and move on with him is if he's ready to deal with his anger problem. Suggest counselling to him. He needs it badly. If he agrees, it means he has some iota of respect for you. Then, he should start counselling class, you can join him too. Let him pour out everything to the counsellor, what and where he needs serious help, he can also add anger therapy with it. The counselling should be thorough seriously, towards the end, you will start seeing changes. After the counselling period, then you can go and pay him visit for some days again (like practical examination of all his lectures) and observe if he has really changed. You might be the angel God will use to turn his life around for better. But if you just go like that without helping him out of his predicament, it means you don't really love him to be healed of his "but".

On the other way round, if you suggest counselling to him, and he refused to yield, then, that means he's not ready to change, in that case, run as much as your two legs can carry you.


Why i suggest you help him is that, if you just run away without helping him, another woman may mistakenly marry him, and you know what that means for her. No woman deserves a hot tempered man.
We've heard enough cases of spouse killing the other spouse..

Op, you can go on with the marriage if you are a masochist . Some ladies somewhere might just be searching for such sadistic man to be with.

Otherwise, run for your dear life and get yourself a decent guy that knows how to treat a lady right.

but i told hm i cant marry a violent man.but i still love him but im scared of accepting him so dat one day he doesnt kill me all in d name of hot temper because dat is wat he says is his problem.pls help any advice is welcome pls dont ignore

@op, Come, you well so


@cococandy et al, a year later this same woman wil come to nairaland to complain about her wife-beating husband and you all will start insulting the man as if the woman no see the thing still chuck head!




Mtcheeeeew!

coogaluta:
Ah!
We still have a long way to go in Naija oo
Ahn Ahn
Mothers and future mothers, please, raise your daughters right!
Let them know being with a man is not the end of life
Worris all this sef?

4 rounds of hot slap and you still dey ask question....

Forget the 4rounds sef, he continued to beat her after she started crying and she's still asking for advice. What NONSENSE!

Wrong thing to start nairaland with this morning jo. Am off!

What other advice do you need again?.Let's assume it was your sister that was in your shoes, what will you tell her?.Wise up girl.

Girl, he gave you a romance slaps and continued the romance when he noticed you are getting wet already, which turns him on the more. My guy probably couldn't understand why you left in a hurry when you people are just getting started with the love making. And to think you still loves him after the pre-intimacy, shows that both of you are meant for each other in the sadomasochistic relationship.

odingidiong:
i had been dating this guy for months now he promised to marry me,then thing where going well until i went to see him n i spend few days with him like a pastor ask me to do to study his attitude since d traditional marriage was two months away.NB:my going to his house was against my mother's wish but i xplaind d reason den she understood so wen i got there sumtin led to sumtin n he gave me 4hot slaps i cried den he was still beating me asking me y i was crying but wen i couldnt bear it anymore i packed my litttle things n leave since den he has been apologising i hve forgiven him but i told hm i cant marry a violent man.but i still love him but im scared of accepting him so dat one day he doesnt kill me all in d name of hot temper because dat is wat he says is his problem.pls help any advice is welcome pls dont ignore

What kind of pastor asks you to spend a few days with your intended(well it worked for you)

What kind of man promises marriage like a job?

What kind of woman is promised marriage like sweets or a trip to Dubai?

You can decide to end it or continue till he fulfills his promise of marriage

Your call.

odingidiong:
i had been dating this guy for months now he promised to marry me,then thing where going well until i went to see him n i spend few days with him like a pastor ask me to do to study his attitude since d traditional marriage was two months away.NB:my going to his house was against my mother's wish but i xplaind d reason den she understood so wen i got there sumtin led to sumtin n he gave me 4hot slaps i cried den he was still beating me asking me y i was crying but wen i couldnt bear it anymore i packed my litttle things n leave since den he has been apologising i hve forgiven him but i told hm i cant marry a violent man.but i still love him but im scared of accepting him so dat one day he doesnt kill me all in d name of hot temper because dat is wat he says is his problem.pls help any advice is welcome pls dont ignore

Lady I know how you feel
Its not easy to leave a loved one and start all over again

You will be thinking where will you start from
All the love and time invested in the relationship
what will you tell your friends and family? . . . . and the list goes on

HOWEVER!!!! . . . we are talking about the rest of your life here.
Marriage is not a 3 year uni course
Its a lifetime event
If you get it wrong, you will spend years and years trying to unravel the damage
You may infact never recover.

I always tell women something and its that there are a number of women seriously enjoying their marriages and they are queens in the eyes of their husbands. Fly must not touch them . . . these women dont have 2 heads. Is that not your prayer and expectation for your marriage?

We are all born the same, No one came with a husband or wife attached to them, but sometimes our choices put us on the wrong track. Some are lucky to go back and retrace their routed and still get there, but some aren't. You are one of the lucky ones, even though you may not see it right now.

So if you are still there, pack your bags and go back home. Work on yourself, be yourself and love yourself. . . . and make yourself an asset to the next man that comes along.

Dont you ever settle for second best

God did not intend marriage to be a prison or slave camp.

Tawai!
Tawai X 4

My dear, what did u do or say to him that led to the "hot slaps "?

People err, repent, ask for forgiveness ; forgiveness and second chance exists in my book BUT there must be genuine repentance backed with action.
I'm worried though that he was slapping you and asking u why u cried, is he a a sadist?

Take a break from him and the marriage.
Use your woman intuition to ascertain if he's really sorry.
Have a long talk with him, let him know this is his last chance.
Forgive him, if u can.

Else just dump him and move on. YOUR call

raumdeuter:
Did you attack him first in anyway?

i didnt attack him i didnt even insult him dat was y i was surprise.he was playing a very harsh play wth me dat afternun so i told him to leave me alone den he got angry n beat me

raumdeuter:


Of course. Something led to something could be anything but its always grouped under something led to something

Was it just sleeping and snoring that led to him beating you

u dont undastand me ds guy is a very hot temperd person if he asku to do sumfin n u dnt do it quickly he slap u,he like being on top he doesnt like to hear or listen to any xcuses weneva he ask u to do anytin

greatgod2012:
My sister, sorry o.

I can't outrightly ask you to end the relationship now. You claim you love him, right, if that's true, then help him through this hot temper syndrome. For now, cancle your traditional wedding date until further notice now. You said, he's still begging you, tell him the only way you can forgive and move on with him is if he's ready to deal with his anger problem. Suggest counselling to him. He needs it badly. If he agrees, it means he has some iota of respect for you. Then, he should start counselling class, you can join him too. Let him pour out everything to the counsellor, what and where he needs serious help, he can also add anger therapy with it. The counselling should be thorough seriously, towards the end, you will start seeing changes. After the counselling period, then you can go and pay him visit for some days again (like practical examination of all his lectures) and observe if he has really changed. You might be the angel God will use to turn his life around for better. But if you just go like that without helping him out of his predicament, it means you don't really love him to be healed of his "but".

On the other way round, if you suggest counselling to him, and he refused to yield, then, that means he's not ready to change, in that case, run as much as your two legs can carry you.


Why i suggest you help him is that, if you just run away without helping him, another woman may mistakenly marry him, and you know what that means for her. No woman deserves a hot tempered man.
We've heard enough cases of spouse killing the other spouse..

tnk u very much sister but i cant say i will do it now but i may do it lata dat is if he is ready to change because he is a very hard person

coogar:


she probably cursed his mother.
but trust women of the 21st century - her own offence is covered up with "one thing led to another."

no matter what violence is the worst way to handle friction .learn to put your emotions under control that's why God put our brains in our heads and our fists facing down.



After all the difference between a man and an animal is the big wide difference between the sky and the ground

And as for the men who do not know how to control your fists this is for you

odingidiong:
u dont undastand me ds guy is a very hot temperd person if he asku to do sumfin n u dnt do it quickly he slap u,he like being on top he doesnt like to hear or listen to any xcuses weneva he ask u to do anytin

Mrs woman you are the chief executive officer of your life .Make your own decisions. Nobody will tell you leaf is green that's why you have medulla oblagata

Pastor saw something, he wanted you to experience it first hand so you dont say 'my pastor said'

What are u waiting for