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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie (49419 Views)
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Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by Nobody: 12:23pm On May 31, 2015 |
abbey621: i disagree with you dear. Would you please mention the specific reasons why companies pay women less and lets examine the validity and reliability of the arguement. Also men do not have to give up a whole lot to be successful? What success has ever come without a great cost? Peter OKoye once came up with an epic tweet that "behind every successful man are many unsuccessful years". You really think men who made it to the top made it there at the time they got married? Most men who are at the top of their careers married late. Alot are also divorced, Dangote is a good example. P square, D banj, Davido Einstein, Mark Zukerberg all made it to the top when they were not married! Alot of high performing males don't get married until they have achieved either the height of their career or they have completed the pre-requisite education for it. We should just accept it already that men and women are not the same, pure and simple! The reason most female CEOs are not married like you said is because building a formidable company takes time and effort. If she decides to make her money first, like the man, that would take her a whole lot of time she will be in her late 30s or early 40s. At that point, she isn't the best attractive woman around. Most men who are achievers like her have more youthful women going after them; he wants them and they want him and that makes her stands little chance in the competition. If she prefers money and success more than marriage, let her go for it! You don't make your decision and come complaining to someone else! This whole things has been provided for already. Nature knows this so well that it did not make career 'success' what makes women tick. You can insult me all you like for this things that i have said. But i can tell you that i have enough real life experience to have come to this conclusion. Fact is...women's satisfaction still lies in them having a happy home. This is why they talk more about marriage than men. Like i said, you can get angry at me all you want but i am only speaking what i have seen and heard. At the university, if you are dating a lady and you both are in 400l, she will begin to withdraw from you. This is no matter how cool your relationship is. She will tell you she wants to get married and you are not ready. Alot at that 400l don't even date students anymore. When you are like: "ha, what's up with this marriage that you people can't just wait to have" they will tell you that they are women and that they have no time at all. They way they talk about it doesn't seem like it is what the society wants from them. It sounds more like their heart felt desire, and there is nothing wrong with it! In the same way too men just want to make money. Alot of us guys in our class are not thinking about marriage yet. Its just all about money. That's what makes us tick! It is not the man's fault it is like that. That's just how things are. The problem is feminists associate this set up with power and so they can't accept it very much. They look at us and think we are privileged not taking into consideration what we have to go through to get there. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by Nobody: 12:25pm On May 31, 2015 |
5minsmadness:I don't vie for homosexuality between two men. I support homosexuality whether it's between two men or women. Whatever rock their boat. |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by Nobody: 12:27pm On May 31, 2015 |
This is why some 'boys' here dislike you but don't let them change your views. FrancisTony: 2 Likes |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by Nobody: 12:29pm On May 31, 2015 |
Word!!! Real talk... |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by Nobody: 12:31pm On May 31, 2015 |
abbey621: Still don't think you understand my point. Discrimination in the work place of any kind is illegal, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I'm not denying that racism or sexism exists, far from it. I'm saying, women are more interested in a work-life balance (balancing home/motherly duties with their careers) and that's one of the reasons they are less likely to apply for managerial positions, take up more risky/demanding positions, work more hours, start their own companies etc and ultimately, these factors affect their earnings. They're not earning less just because they are women but because of these factors. It's not a discrimination issue. My main point is, discrimination is very, very real. But sometimes, people are too quick to play the race card than try to understand that there are other factors at play and that makes it harder to take real discrimination seriously. 3 Likes |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by Nobody: 12:31pm On May 31, 2015 |
5minsmadness:1) He said Nigerian women hasn't done anything tangible in office and i'm asking him what has men done after many years in office. 2) He said he's chauvinistic i.e women-hating and I cited Angela Merkel. |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by missterious(f): 12:36pm On May 31, 2015 |
5minsmadness: If you could drop farming, why can't girls drop cooking? |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by Nobody: 12:37pm On May 31, 2015 |
Some people be like: my sister is lawyer, married and rich but not a feminist. Meanwhile, na wash If your sister isn't a feminist, why are you worried about other women? 2 Likes |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by innervoice(m): 12:39pm On May 31, 2015 |
Chinom: Nobody disagrees that there are situations in which men "are singled out for BEING A MAN." You don't have to take terrorism as an example to make your point since most terrorists are male, too. Hence, I believe, that this is not a good example. And also because terrorism affects both, men and women, in a very severe way. Who were the people from Chibok who were kidnapped and forced to get pregnant for their kidnappers? Same thing happens in most military and para-military formations. I just think that women should be happy the way things are now. There is absolutely no need for any form of feminist movement anno 2015. We are getting along just fine as it is. Most women in Islamic societies, as well as rural communities are just comfortable with their lives as it is. It's all these Western educated, city women that are trying to create an imaginary problem. Firstly, you or anyone else telling them to be happy with things the way they are now will neither change anything for the better nor will it end the never-ending discussions on gender (in)equality. Women need to be listened to in the first place. That's the way most women just are. They have a stronger desire to talk about the way they feel about things and all a man, sometimes, must do is to listen instead of commenting, judging or telling them to be just happy. If life was so simple ... everyone would be happy just because someone else told them to be happy. Secondly, if some women feel that there is a need to discuss gender issues in anno 2015, then let it be so. Why would we want to stop people from making use of their freedom of speech or opinion? If they feel that these issues must be tackled, then we ALL should be able to engage in such discussions, just like you and I, without trying to muzzle them. Remember that what we fight is what will become stronger in the end. Thirdly, if we were getting along just fine, the divorce rates and numbers of unhappy marriages would be lower, women and men on and off NL would be less aggressive when discussing gender issues. No, we are not getting along just fine but we have a chance to if we listen and try to understand. Fourthly, how do you know that MOST women in Islamic societies or rural areas are comfortable? Fifthly, in many Western countries (I work for a multinational company so I travel a lot) feminism is not as passionately and actively and frequently discussed as on Nairaland. So no, Western educated women do not necessarily create imaginary problems. Truth is that the discussions here took place in Western countries decades ago. Why is it that we are always the slowest? Can we for once set a new trend and become the leaders instead of followers? |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by 5minsmadness: 12:41pm On May 31, 2015 |
missterious:I stopped farming cos I am now an established ****** and it's more lucrative and I won't have time to do it when am married. In fact, my work is my 'farm'. It enables me grow investments/crops and provide nourishment and financial stability for my family. What's going to be my wife's excuse? [size=5pt]We are derailing but cos of your beauty and intelligence I don't mind![/size] |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by innervoice(m): 12:41pm On May 31, 2015 |
iPopAlomo: Woman wrapper is a cheap tactic. Just sayin' How many times in your life have you felt uncomfortable because of s:exist comments? 2 Likes |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by missterious(f): 12:44pm On May 31, 2015 |
MissMakas: Lol. I'm used to it now. |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by Nobody: 12:45pm On May 31, 2015 |
innervoice: the fact is...nature makes it in such a way that men are disposable, that's why even though Almajiri is synonymous with boys, the society is more likely to talk about the girl child that was handed in marriage the socity would rather build government girl's college. At the last count, there are 10 million almajiri boys out there. The issue of homelessness among men is there. What about crime rate? That is still there. It is ingrained in the psyche of the human being to see men as a threat and that's why most extrajudicial killings are almost 100percent men! The society doesn't seem to take note of male issues very much if anything, it is more interested in what he is not doing right. You are the one who is seeing the advantages and disadvantages. The likes of Chimamanda, who are responsible for shaping policies around the world, do not see this. That's why she talks only of a male privilege. And we are saying no, there are some 'privileges' we cannot do anything about and this also goes for women. The fact that the human being feels a natural sympathy for women, is a privilege. This all important privilege is the reason feminism took could achieve things in the first place. If it took feminism 50 years to get its message across, it will take the MRA 200 years to achieve half that feat. Men already understand what women have to go through and that's why there is a ministery of women affairs, there is more research to find cure to cancer that affects women even though those cancers kill fewer women than postrate cancer kills men. I have also mentioned the government girls college. What about the preferential treatment given to women when it comes to boarding the school shuttle? What about parents giving more pocket money to their female children than they do their males? What about the more visiting days parents attend in girls boarding houses than they attend in boys? 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by emzila(m): 12:48pm On May 31, 2015 |
missclasssy:sorry to disappoint you, i didnt get it from any book but from my mental spreadsheet. Notwithstanding, thanks for recognising my intellect. Regarding God's plan, i will be very much pleased if u tell me that which u think i do not know |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by peterphd(m): 12:50pm On May 31, 2015 |
smileysmiles: don't mind all these females yammering on the internet. when the annual military recruitment starts, you never see the large number of women who "know their place isn't in the kitchen" at camps. Very few women believe in feminism as their attitudes differ from whatever they type online. 1 Like |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by missterious(f): 12:51pm On May 31, 2015 |
5minsmadness:She could give the exact same reasons you just gave. 1 Like |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by MissMakas(f): 12:52pm On May 31, 2015 |
missterious:You're used to it? By being used to it, how do you mean? |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by Nobody: 12:53pm On May 31, 2015 |
innervoice: 4 Likes |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by Nobody: 12:53pm On May 31, 2015 |
emzila: One can never know God's true plan/intention. |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by iPopAlomo(m): 12:54pm On May 31, 2015 |
innervoice: None... now you see... you're covering for a woman... that's the kind of protection they get... Back at you mehn... back at you... 1 Like |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by missterious(f): 12:56pm On May 31, 2015 |
Joavid: I'm still trying to find out. Lol. |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by missterious(f): 12:58pm On May 31, 2015 |
MissMakas: I'm used to his craziness na. |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by Chinom(m): 1:02pm On May 31, 2015 |
innervoice: Ol' boy, your sense of equality is warped. The fact that men don't feel uncomfortable with s.exist comments from women only serves to confirm that we are not equal. If we were equal or rather if society considers us equal, then s.exist comments and sexual harassment should carry the same weight irrespective of the gender. If a woman pinches my butt, I laugh it off. If I pinch a woman's butt, I could go to jail for that. Maybe, this answers your question about how women are more protected by the society. I know the laws are there, but try convincing a Judge that a woman raped you. You will be considered a clown. People will just laugh at you. Societal perceptions affects the ways laws are implemented. And this favours women big time. 4 Likes |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by 5minsmadness: 1:04pm On May 31, 2015 |
missterious:And how does her work cook the food? |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by Nobody: 1:07pm On May 31, 2015 |
Missterious, are you not tired of the senseless back and forth? Biko, live your life as it pleases you. |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by shaybebaby(f): 1:07pm On May 31, 2015 |
Chinom:If a woman pinches your butt and you deem it as harassment, the same laws are there for you to use to file a legitimate suit. The point is you chose to laugh it off, others might choose to exercise their right to punish the offender by law. My understanding of feminism is the right as a woman to choose, to have the same choices as others of different genders. When it comes to making my choice, I'll let morality be my guide rather than my sex. Why is that idea so reprehensible to you menfolk? Informed choices, freedom to exercise my right.. No need for postulations of what the eventual choices might be. 2 Likes |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by missterious(f): 1:10pm On May 31, 2015 |
5minsmadness: You work all day, your wife works all day too (unless she's a housewife). Why should she come back home to do all the chores while you watch TV with a beer in your hand? |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by missterious(f): 1:11pm On May 31, 2015 |
FrancisTony: I'm too stubborn. |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by innervoice(m): 1:14pm On May 31, 2015 |
craziebone: How does nature make men "disposable"? Have boys ever been excluded from (higher) education? The issue of homelessness among men is there. What about crime rate? That is still there. It is ingrained in the psyche of the human being to see men as a threat and that's why most extrajudicial killings are almost 100percent men! The society doesn't seem to take note of male issues very much if anything, it is more interested in what he is not doing right. This is very true. Most societies are blind to the plight of the male gender. However, Western societies are slowly getting there. For example, there have been quite an amount of research done in the last decade on how boys' needs are being neglected and not properly taken care of in nursery schools and how boys are at a disadvantage at schools for being more lively and having a greater desire to move and be adventurous whereas girls are more likely to sit still and take pleasure in writing (beautifully). How did they get there? They have accepted that women's rights and position in society was often unfair. In this way, they have become sensitive to male gender issues. Feminism, and most people in the West will probably agree, has achieved most of what it stands for. However, they will also say that some other countries still have a long way to go. And I say, if we do not empower women, we will also weaken men, and the society as a whole. You are the one who is seeing the advantages and disadvantages. The likes of Chimamanda, who are responsible for shaping policies around the world, do not see this. That's why she talks only of a male privilege. Mrs Adichie is a woman who grew up in Nigeria and was educated in the US. When you compare those two societies you will not be able to deny that the life for an American woman is, in many ways, easier than for a Nigerian woman. Let us not be blind to the plight of any gender. Let us not neglect the fact that many Western women have privileges that the African woman can only dream of. And we are saying no, there are some 'privileges' we cannot do anything about and this also goes for women. The fact that the human being feels a natural sympathy for women, is a privilege. The "natural sympathy" that you speak of is (correct me if I am wrong) the result of natural differences such as physical weakness / strength. Yes, women do need special protection. They are more likely to be ra.ped, they have to carry a pregnancy and deliver, they are more prone to be infected with STDs and they bleed every freaking month, which is a challenge all by itself. Sometimes I wonder how my wife makes it to work during her menses, considering they way she feels and looks. Considering all this, the sympathy is the least we can do. But it does not mean that men should be ignored. This all important privilege is the reason feminism took could achieve things in the first place. If it took feminism 50 years to get its message across, it will take the MRA 200 years to achieve half that feat. Men already understand what women have to go through and that's why there is a ministery of women affairs, there is more research to find cure to cancer that affects women even though those cancers kill fewer women than postrate cancer kills men. I have also mentioned the government girls college. What about the preferential treatment given to women when it comes to boarding the school shuttle? What about parents giving more pocket money to their female children than they do their males? What about the more visiting days parents attend in girls boarding houses than they attend in boys? You are probably one of those of men who understands women (not easy at all ) but please read through the comments some other people publish here and listen to some Nigerian folks off NL. Listening to them makes me understand why feminism is still on the agenda. At the same time, I can also see why some females are unlikely to have a happy relationship. They are not better than the men they fight here. 2 Likes |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by Nobody: 1:14pm On May 31, 2015 |
missterious:Continue. |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by 5minsmadness: 1:15pm On May 31, 2015 |
missterious:. You know, this thing always irks me when u ladies say this. Which movie did you watch depicting a man sitting and watching a movie with a beer in his hand while the wife slaved away in the kitchen? Is the what you think marriage is about? Is that what you are looking forward to? Why would any woman want to marry a man who comes home to plop his legs on the table with beer in his hand and watch TV while the woman slaves away? Check my other posts. I cook, I clean, I wash my own clothes,i keep my house tidy when I can. I do this in and out if any relationship I am in and no magical marriage contract will make me stop. Does your boyfriend sit and watch movies with beer in hand while you slave away in the kitchen? 4 Likes |
Re: Being A Strong Woman Isnt Remarkable, It's Normal - Adichie by bukatyne(f): 1:18pm On May 31, 2015 |
Velocitron: Is the OP whinning or encouraging graduants? |
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