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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / How To Handle A Crush (1406 Views)
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How To Handle A Crush by BASD(m): 3:52pm On Jun 03, 2015 |
Every single adult has had a crush while growing up, so if you have a crush or you had one before there is nothing to be ashamed of, I had crushes too when I was a teenager, from a cute Indian actor(vikem of sunita) to one fine looking guy back then in high school,(smiles).he never knew!! Some crushes die naturally without much trouble, while others could linger on and become overwhelming.This is why you need to be armed with the right information to help you recognize and deal with it . A lot of teenagers have been swept away by crushes and have ended up with so many regrets. Experts say it takes about 4months, for a crush to die, sadly the aftermath of some crushes end with a baby, an abortion or a dented reputation. so what is a crush… A crush can also be called infatuation, and it’s defined as a brief but intense feeling or a state of being carried away by unreasoning passion for someone, especially someone unattainable. As teenagers, it is quite natural to be attracted, drawn, to admire, or to be fond of an opposite sex. It actually a sign that you are growing emotionally and socially,however this powerful but real feelings has to be handled properly so as to reduce the overwhelming mental, emotional effect and regrettable mistakes it tends to bring. To help us understand better, I have classified crushes into different types Crush on a celebrity, a star icon- you don’t really know them,you just tripping from a far,as such there is a degree to how it really disturbs you emotionally. Just by entering into a teenager’s room, you could almost tell what and who he or she is fond of, by the posters on the wall, the type of song on his or her phone or ipads, the dressing style, hair style or cut, mannerism, etc Crush on someone known but way out of your league , like a big sister/ brother figure, your school teacher, your sister’s husband, your Pastor, a nice married man/married woman in church or in the neighbourhood, a blood relative…Because these set of people are most time symbols of respect, protection,care and authority it very easy for an innocent admiration of them to gradually lead to a crush, This category of crush is more dangerous because this people here are accessible and known to you, they are also much older and experience, some of them could take advantage of your naiveness, hence you make decisions base on a crush(rush), and you are left to face the consequences long after the crush has faded. Crush on someone known but within your reach- like your classmate, school mates, Church member, family friend. Etc. This type is very common among pre-teens and younger teens, It could also be dangerous when not managed well by the adolescent. crush on a total stranger- or somebody you may or may not have had any conversation with, or someone you may or may not have seen.For instance via Facebook, twitter, installation. etc. This type is almost similar to the crush on a celebrity, only that this person isn’t a star or a icon, what makes this type particularly dangerous for teenagers, is security of life and properties it threatens. Many teenagers have invited strangers to there homes or have agreed to meet up with a Facebook friend somewhere and never lived to tell their stories, all because they thought they where in love. HOW DO I KNOW IT’S A CRUSH 1. It thinks only about self and not others 2. It is blind to reality, very unreasonable and irrational 3. You break rules and deep personal values to satisfy it 4. It is breaks up at any slightest irritation 5. It’s based on feelings 6. It wants sex now 7. It’s attracted to the container,and not the content. Ie,the looks, the charisma not character, emphasises on beauty. 8. A shallow knowledge about the person, or a vague idea of the persons weakness and strength, i.e, you don’t know the person real name, yet you claim you are in love 9. Attracted to more than just one person 10. Can’t eat or sleep, persistent thought about the person, fantasy like thought 11. Makes you overly possessive, obesesive, in secured and over jealous 12. It doesn’t last, makes you sick and desperate 13. Sometimes thrives in secrecy and dominated by anxiety, fear, insecurity, and uncertainty 14. All about flattery, lies and insincerity 15. its fades with time, How to handle crush First you must know what love is, when you know the original, you can easy detect a counterfeit So what is love? 1. Love is patient 2. Love is kind 3. Love is not boastful 4. Love is not proud 5. Love does not envy 6. Love is not self seeking 7. Love is not easy angered 8. Loves does not keep records of wrong doing 9. Loves endures all things 10. Love sees the best in everyone 11. True love wait 12. You don’t fall in love, you grow in love 13. Love is not a feeling, it is a decision 14. Love doesn’t lie So when you think that you actually in love with that guy or attracted to that girl, cross check with the above list…. Love is patient, if this guy really loves me he would be patient, and if I love him I would be patient enough to finish up my studies and wait till the right time…. If he keep pressurising me to go out with him, or have sex with him then he isn’t being patient, therefore he isn’t expressing love but mere crush… which wouldn’t last and I would be left heart broken. Prioritize your interest . What is of importance to you now, arrange them in order of priority. And stick to it, no matter what. Rehearse it on your head. I remember writing it somewhere in my diary when I was a teenager.”I have no time for boys now’, it really helped me to remain focused. What are your dreams?. Let that be your mental image. What do you see yourself becoming in the next 3to 5years?..when you meditate on that often, it’s will become part of you, you will be to busy mentally pursuing after your dream. distract your crush feeling with something else, instead of taking time thinking of a particular person, get involve with social and religious activities. train your mind to think of new ways to improve yourself, mentally ,academically, spiritually. don’t be idle ,engage your mind. Ask your self some sincere questions ,What do I like about this person in question, apart from his gifts and her pretty body? most time our reasons are so shallow. when you get to observe your crush real character you might be become disinterested in him or her very soon. So give it time before rushing into a relationship with a crush.Time is the acid test that really differentiate infatuation from real love. Don’t hang out alone with someone you are crushing over, have other friends, as you begin to relate with others you find out that this person isn’t all that,premature intimacy is dangerous Talk it out , find somebody, a trusted adult, your parent(if you are close to them) about how you feel, they have been there before. Every adult has been through a crush before.. So you haven’t sin by crushing over a person. You just need to align your thought properly so you won’t be distracted, with the right help and time the crush feeling will wane off. Parents please don’t dismiss, ignore, criticize or embarrass your teen when you notice they are having a crush.If you have been directly confided in by your teen, see it has an opportunity to bring them closer, reinforce good values in them, and provide the adequate emotional support for them as they grow, share your personal stories with them, they most time come to their senses with less mistakes. if you succeed in this aspect, your teen will find you approachable always,rather than hiding secrets from you. Tell God. Pray about it. As simple as it sounds, it works. God is love he created you and your emotions and he knows how you feel. Somehow, he will help you figure out a way. As I conclude, i would like to share a short story of a teenager like you, she started dating her boyfriend because she felt they where in love, they did lots of stupid things together, after 4months,she said they got bored of each other, and decided to break up. she discovered that her boyfriend wasn’t as good looking as she thought, in fact she said he was the ugliest guy she has ever seen, that feeling was mutual, because her boy friend after the breakup, told all his friends how awful and dirty she was. This news broke her down, she couldn’t believe her boyfriend would ever betray her like that, guess what happened next…………to be continued next month… |
Re: How To Handle A Crush by INTROVERT(f): 3:54pm On Jun 03, 2015 |
A crush can also be called infatuation, and it’s defined as a brief but intense feeling or a state of being carried away by unreasoning passion for someone, especially someone unattainable. |
Re: How To Handle A Crush by braintext(m): 3:55pm On Jun 03, 2015 |
Did you expect me to read all that? |
Re: How To Handle A Crush by dharay99: 3:57pm On Jun 03, 2015 |
nd i will read ds ur long encyclopedia huh... #mtcheeeew |
Re: How To Handle A Crush by dharay99: 3:59pm On Jun 03, 2015 |
INTROVERT: & hw cum u just registered today.? Tut av seen ds profile b4... |
Re: How To Handle A Crush by Escalze(m): 4:06pm On Jun 03, 2015 |
Sorry I don't have time to read all that. I came to buy land |
Re: How To Handle A Crush by SWAGGAVILLAGE(m): 4:06pm On Jun 03, 2015 |
any body,pls summarize |
Re: How To Handle A Crush by vybrant(m): 4:11pm On Jun 03, 2015 |
Na so so crush crush i dey see... OP u be trailer? |
Re: How To Handle A Crush by Princecalm(m): 4:17pm On Jun 03, 2015 |
too long and not interesting. |
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