Good morning,I brought this here cos I blieve that y'all would be able to help me one way or the other even if I aint married yet...
please I have an issue at hand,I have being having sleepless nights..my relationship is gradually going down the drain.I and my bf have bin having issues over a certain gal which he claimed @ first was just his frnd..this is wah happened..every single day,this gal calls my bf,and he reciprocates the calls,he talks to her as tho he is talking to me,calls her all the sweet names he calls me and even sex chats with her,asking her to come and spend the night in his house that he is having wet dreams cos of her (saw it in his wahsapp chat). B4 I knew about the chats,tho they have bin talking,My bf came to see my family early april and cos it was late,he couldn't travel back and so he told me he would stay in his frnd's house buh I didn't know it was her,it was later on he told me he slept in her frnd's room and not in her room..which I doubt greatly. Last weekend,when I was in his house,this gal marched in as tho it was her bf's house,my bf didn't intoduce me,I later asked him to call her on fone that I wantu talk to her which he did,I asked her why she barged into my bf's house like that and she sed I don't have the right to ask her such question that its not my house,I told him and he sed that she was bin defensive that I shouldn't have asked her the question like that,he also told me that the calls,chats etc were all a game to see if I would get jealous,that I should ignore her,after much pressure he confessed that he only slept with her once(b4 his nysc) which I doubt,I bliv he spent the nite and many other nites in her house,he tells her he has deep feelings 4 her and she is his bestfrnd etc buh when I ask him why he sed that, he will say it was sed on a frndly note...the thing right now is that tho he confessed that he slept with her once,I doubt it and bliv there's more to it,also I made him call her and tell her that she shldnt call him anymore and their frndship has ended,buh the thing is I am not @ peace,cos I bliv he would go bhind my back to call her and apologise for ending their "frndship",I also bliv that he likes her cos he defends her,I don't want to end up with a man that is in love with another woman and again I can't seem to trust him or anything he says,he also sed while we were arguring that his mom doesn't like that..so I tot if his mom actually liked her,he woulda bin dating her meaning he likes or love her,I want to talk to him again buh I fear he would be angry that I brought up an issue which we had finalised already, please wah do I do because I love this man so much and our relationship is not upto 6mnths...was thinking of calling the gal myself cos am really hurting and confused,thanks

Simple and short you better end the relationship b4 you get dump like thrash.

...trying to digest the write up

And if u ask them wether they hav boyfrnds, they wil say yes.. Not knwin dey r indirectly single

You are approaching this totally the wrong way. You are making yourself look clingy, whiny and very annoying too

Why are you calling the girl? What business do you have with her?

The more you call her, the more she reports to your bf and the more he takes her side as the victim & pushing them closer.

Is it by force that you must go out with this man? He came to see your parents, yet is sex chatting another woman . . . .

He has made it clear that you are both sharing him and he is not ready for a mono relationship. What more do you want him to tell you? The writing is on the wall. He is a boyfriend to both of you.

So stop disrespecting yourself & stop selling yourself short.

You cant force a man to love you, no matter how much you rant or battle with the opposition. Even if he marrys you, his mind is elsewhere.

Respect yourself pls. He clearly doesnt respect you or the relationship.

keep it cool....Think of what to do to makes him love you better.

My dear, stop acting all bitchy because there is actually nothing u can do about it. No matter how much you try, it seems ur man has feelings for that gal and the more you try to drive him away from her, you will only end up pushing him to her, trust me.

Why don't you try this, be ur humble self, ignore whatever is going on btw them, just act normal, give him some time and show a blind eye to their "runs". if he luvs you, he will soon realise his misbehaviours and come back to you but if he continues with her, then u need to start thinking of moving on...

#just keep ur cool and don't act batch cos u can't make someone stay in luv with you no matter how you try, that decision is for their heart to make

I thin u need to sit down and av a chat with d girl and there is more for u to know and don't be fooled by his game , u can't av diff women at once

Young lady, you are on a ride share.

It is either you are happy being the main/side chick or you dump him ASAP.

The choice is yours. With all the naked indices, I wonder why it is difficult for you to know that you are sharing that thing between his legs with another chick who could be the main chick.

When we tell you to zip up, you call us old fashion/school. Now, you are soul-tied to him and cannot think straight.


The summary of my epistle is that you don't have a boyfriend but a servicing agent.

NB: Is he the rich guy that cheats?

Disclaimer: if you believe the most men cheat mantra, you will sell yourself cheap to any cheat. Disciplined men don't cheat.. The indisciplined men cheat.

Truth is that most men cheat. Those who dont do it physically, either do it with their eyes or in their heart. That does not mean it is justified.

Having said that, for a man to do it in your face is the height of disrespect.

A man who cannot respect you while dating or courting you will definitely disrespect you more when he marries you.

I dont know if leaving him is an option, but fact is that your guy is not ready to settle down yet.

A guy who's ready to settle down with you cannot leave on a day he went to see your parents and go to another girl's house to sleep (that's if ur findings are correct).

You guys need to talk sincerely, but I also feel he's bringing more into the relationship, so he feels he can do whatever he likes

martijez:
Good morning,I brought this here cos I blieve that y'all would be able to help me one way or the other even if I aint married yet...

please I have an issue at hand, I have being having sleepless nights.. my relationship is gradually going down the drain. I and our bf have bin having issues over a certain gal which he claimed @ first was just his frnd

This is wah happened, every single day, this gal calls our bf, and he reciprocates the calls, he talks to her as tho he is talking to me, calls her all the sweet names he calls me and even sex chats with her, asking her to come and spend the night in his house that he is having wet dreams cos of her (saw it in his wahsapp chat). B4 I knew about the chats, tho they have bin talking. Our bf came to see my family early april and cos it was late, he couldn't travel back and so he told me he would stay in his frnd's house buh I didn't know it was her, it was later on he told me he slept in her frnd's room and not in her room which I doubt greatly.

Last weekend, when I was in his house, this gal marched in as tho it was her bf's house, our bf didn't intoduce me, I later asked him to call her on fone that I wantu talk to her which he did, I asked her why she barged into our bf's house like that and she sed I don't have the right to ask her such question that its not my house. I told him and he sed that she was bin defensive that I shouldn't have asked her the question like that, he also told me that the calls ,chats etc were all a game to see if I would get jealous, that I should ignore her, after much pressure he confessed that he only slept with her once(b4 his nysc) which I doubt, I bliv he spent the nite and many other nites in her house, he tells her he has deep feelings 4 her and she is his bestfrnd etc buh when I ask him why he sed that, he will say it was sed on a frndly note.

The thing right now is that tho he confessed that he slept with her once, I doubt it and bliv there's more to it also I made him call her and tell her that she shldnt call him anymore and their frndship has ended, buh the thing is I am not @ peace, cos I bliv he would go bhind my back to call her and apologise for ending their "frndship". I also bliv that he likes her cos he defends her, I don't want to end up with a man that is in love with another woman and again I can't seem to trust him or anything he says, he also sed while we were arguring that his mom doesn't like that. So I tot if his mom actually liked her, he woulda bin dating her meaning he likes or love her, I want to talk to him again buh I fear he would be angry that I brought up an issue which we had finalised already, please wah do I do because I love this man so much and our relationship is not upto 6mnths. Was thinking of calling the gal myself cos am really hurting and confused thanks

Sorry for editing your post and changing some of the words you used but that is another way to pass across my advice.

You can decide your next step after reading the emboldened.

Chiefpriest1 Truth is that most men cheat. Those who dont do it physically, either do it with their eyes or in their heart. That does not mean ut is justified.

Having said that, for a man to do it in your face is the height of disrespect.

A man who cannot respect you while dating or courting you will definitely disrespect you more when he marries you.

I dont know if leaving him is an option, but fact is that your guy is not ready to settle down yet.

A guy who's ready to settle down with you cannot leave on a day he went to see your parents and go to another girl's house to sleep (that's if ur findings are correct).

You guys need to talk sincerely, but I also feel he's bringing more into the relationship, so he feels he can do whatever he likes

[/quote]the thing is that he will deny,he will say he didn't sleep in her house bla bla bla,and am scared of bringing it up again cos that's wah we talked about thru out last week,and he knows I hate to see him cry so he uses his tears against me

martijez:


the thing is that he will deny,he will say he didn't sleep in her house bla bla bla,and am scared of bringing it up again cos that's wah we talked about thru out last week,and he knows I hate to see him cry so he uses his tears against me

He cries when you need to resolve issue?

He is emotionally blackmailing you. Another reason to dump him.

Do you have a brother?

martijez:


the thing is that he will deny,he will say he didn't sleep in her house bla bla bla,and am scared of bringing it up again cos that's wah we talked about thru out last week,and he knows I hate to see him cry so he uses his tears against me

SMH @crying

Deep down you know the truth
Everyone has been blessed with common sense and intuition
Deep down you know where this is all heading
Its up to you to choose your heart or your head
. . .But in the future you can never say that you didnt see the signs or werent warned

And please do not beleive that all men cheat. Not all men do, and those married to men that dont, are women like you and they dont have 2 heads.

My dear carry your bathroom slippers on your hands and start running make sure your heels are touching your ogo, you can still love again love nor deh finish.....













Its better to have a broken friendship than have a broken marriage

.

tearoses:


SMH @crying

Deep down you know the truth
Everyone has been blessed with common sense and intuition
Deep down you know where this is all heading
Its up to you to choose your heart or your head
. . .But in the future you can never say that you didnt see the signs or werent warned

And please do not beleive that all men cheat. Not all men do, and those married to men that dont, are women like you and they dont have 2 heads.

The truth is that he makes me feel special,I know he likes me,I just wantu know who he likes more so I will know weda to stay or leave,I wanna know if actually it was once he slept with her and if there's more to it,I wanna know if his mom had liked the gal,if he woulda dated her,in the chat,he told her he loved her and miss her crazily and wanna have sex with her,I wanna know if the love he professed 4 her is true,I wanna know who is the side and main chiq...tho when I say jump,he ask how high,buh now he has given me reasons to doubt every thing he says or do

the thing is that he will deny,he will say he didn't sleep in her house bla bla bla,and am scared of bringing it up again cos that's wah we talked about thru out last week,and he knows I hate to see him cry so he uses his tears against me[/quote]

@ martijez, whatever decision you decide to take has consequences.

It's obvious you still like him, so I assume you want to continue.

If you decide to go on with the relationship, then be ready to live with the man's excesses. It's a delicate decision, but one that has to be made.

Since he's not keen on discussing the issue and you want to stay, maybe you need to pretend that you ain't seeing anything.

By the way, you have no business with the other girl. The only person you should be dealing with is your man. You are allowing them take away your self worth if you keep attacking the other girl

bellong:


He cries when you need to resolve issue?

He is emotionally blackmailing you. Another reason to dump him.

Do you have a brother?

Leaving him is not the problem,buh wah if the next is worse than him,for how long will I keep "leaving",for how long will I keep running instead of facing my fears,he made me promise to never leave him.....

martijez:

The truth is that he makes me feel special,I know he likes me,I just wantu know who he likes more so I will know weda to stay or leave,I wanna know if actually it was once he slept with her and if there's more to it,I wanna know if his mom had liked the gal,if he woulda dated her,in the chat,he told her he loved her and miss her crazily and wanna have sex with her,I wanna know if the love he professed 4 her is true,I wanna know who is the side and main chiq...tho when I say jump,he ask how high,buh now he has given me reasons to doubt every thing he says or do

If he loves you, he will not hurt you. Trust Me!

Chiefpriest1:


the thing is that he will deny,he will say he didn't sleep in her house bla bla bla,and am scared of bringing it up again cos that's wah we talked about thru out last week,and he knows I hate to see him cry so he uses his tears against me

@ martijez, whatever decision you decide to take has consequences.

It's obvious you still like him, so I assume you want to continue.

If you decide to go on with the relationship, then be ready to live with the man's excesses. It's a delicate decision, but one that has to be made.

Since he's not keen on discussing the issue and you want to stay, maybe you need to pretend that you ain't seeing anything.

By the way, you have no business with the other girl. The only person you should be dealing with is your man. You are allowing them take away your self worth if you keep attacking the other girl

So I shouldn't call the gal? Wah if she keeps calling then,cos she likes him,even he attested to the fact after several denials
You see the problem right now is that he lied so am finding it hard to bliv all other things,I feel there's more to their friendship..if I call her to try talking with her,he will be angry cos he has declared the issue closed.......

martijez:


Leaving him is not the problem, buh wah if the next is worse than him,for how long will I keep "leaving",for how long will I keep running instead of facing my fears, he made me promise to never leave him.....

Young lady, I guess your case is more pathetic than I thought with the bolded and last statement.

If this is your mindset, to what end did you open the thread?

martijez:


So I shouldn't call the gal? Wah if she keeps calling then,cos she likes him,even he attested to the fact after several denials
You see the problem right now is that he lied so am finding it hard to bliv all other things,I feel there's more to their friendship..if I call her to try talking with her,he will be angry cos he has declared the issue closed.......

But your strategy doesn't seem to be working. It will only push him closer to her.

Since you still like the guy and you see a future with him, you need to be tactical.

You can ignore for a while without losing grip of your man and then see if he ll change.

Both of you are competing for the same man. That's the truth. Most men will choose a woman who remains calm in the face of provocation over one who is a street fighter.

If you have mutual male friends, ask any of them you are close to,to talk to him.

Sigh. My dear I beg in the name of all that is good, leave this relationship. If you are a regular reader of the family section you will see a lot of women that come on here to complain of thier cheating husband and everyone says to them you knew he was a cheat and you still married him, You have made your bed now lie in it. Do you want that to be your portion?.

you have seen the chats, you have heard the calls, you have all the eveidence. Why do you want to die there. Don't beliieve what people say, believe what they do, he has shown you what he is, believe it. Forget all he says. You are asking if you are the main chick or the side chick, so if you are the main chick you will be happy?

The relationship is only 6 months old and he is already so entangled with another woman. Hmm I think you should tak your chances that the next person will be better than that. Also be happy to be by yourself, you don't HAVE to be in a relationship. Develop your own self , get some self help books, live life and the right person will com along. Develop yourslf so you have more to offer in a relationship.

OP, you are competing with another woman on top man where neva marry you. If he truly liked you and wanted to constantly make you feel special, she wouldn't be in his life. The fact that you even know this much about her should tell you a lot about what you really mean to him (whatever he is enjoying from you is not enough for him to give her up and no, there is no "upping" your game to get him back.)

He doesn't like you enough to give that other girl up.

So you can play the game and hopefully marry him, then come here later to cry that your husband doesn't value you or he's cheating.

Or you can be courageous and walk out and tell him to decide what he wants.

Here's something you should know: ALL MEN KNOW WHAT THEY WANT AND WHEN THEY SEE IT, THEY DON'T MESS IT UP. THEY DO EVERYTHING NOT TO MESS IT UP.

Do you feel like he is messing you up or not?

Good luck with your decision.

Op let us look at it this way.

You said he calls her the pet name he calls you....

You got a competitor at hand.

If you can't stand the heat, just get out of the kitchen dear.

Sorry he is having an affair but the little i read here, you kind of sound controlling. Your relationship with him is not up to a year and you are demanding he call a girl and cancel every affiliation he got with her. Who does that? Are you his mom?

So if he puts ring on your finger, any one you don't like that speaks with him, you will ask him to stop? Haba!!!!

martijez:

The truth is that he makes me feel special,I know he likes me,I just wantu know who he likes more so I will know weda to stay or leave,I wanna know if actually it was once he slept with her and if there's more to it,I wanna know if his mom had liked the gal,if he woulda dated her,in the chat,he told her he loved her and miss her crazily and wanna have sex with her,I wanna know if the love he professed 4 her is true,I wanna know who is the side and main chiq...tho when I say jump,he ask how high,buh now he has given me reasons to doubt every thing he says or do

Stop it.

I do not know you, but I know you are better than this - haggling about who is the side or main chic.YOU SHOULD BE THE ONLY CHIC for Christ's sake. Ya, you're special like that.

Walk out of this relationship, work on your self esteem and draw close to God for real.

Please dump the guy before he dumps you. It will be very devastating if he dumps you. Grow some nerves and move on. A better man will come your way.

Cheers!

Sharp guy, eating from two pots of egusi soup, while the owners are busy tearing themselves apart, when he's done he will walk away from the both of them, nd then they realize how much time they av wasted chasing shadows..

If u ask me my sis, d guy doenst luv any of u,but is having fun,afterall he has all to gain and notin to loose, u ladies will be at d loosing end.

A guy is cheating on u in a r/s of 6 months and u r asking for help, OK CONTINU.... Tomorrow u ll come back asking us to advise on how to deal wit ur husband's infidelity wen u marry him, as if its new..

Ladies give men the priviledge to treat them like shit, nd dts wat u re doing, love kor, love ni.. Mtcheww

D earlier u wake up from ur slumber d better for u

The signs are there,

so crystal clear,

they wiggle and dance,

and clap their hands,

but somehow just somehow,

we choose to ignore,

'what if this', 'what if that' and we take that plunge,

.......



nne I don't have much to say but please be ready to bear whatever you see if you choose to continue with this guy.

Happy Sunday to you too

Two core principles upon which lasting relationships are german floored- Trust and Respect.

Yours is lacking and heading for doom. Your alarm should be blazing MAYDAY MAYDAY hence you couldn't sleep at nights. You've just been robbed of peace of mind!

The foundation is destroyed and you are powerless. Don't you think you deserve better? Don't you think you deserve someone who loves and respects you and cuddles and watches sweet you sleep?

Life is simple but we tend to complicate issues by ourselves. Agreed you gonna feel most miserable without your current guy- it is only temporary.

Rediscover yourself and design a near perfect world for you. All the very best. I understand how.

But op you fine na!... Abi dey boy na rich dude?

martijez:


Leaving him is not the problem,buh wah if the next is worse than him,for how long will I keep "leaving",for how long will I keep running instead of facing my fears,he made me promise to never leave him.....

martijez:

The truth is that he makes me feel special I know he likes me,I just wantu know who he likes more so I will know weda to stay or leave,I wanna know if actually it was once he slept with her and if there's more to it,I wanna know if his mom had liked the gal,if he woulda dated her,in the chat,he told her he loved her and miss her crazily and wanna have sex with her,I wanna know if the love he professed 4 her is true,I wanna know who is the side and main chiq...tho when I say jump,he ask how high,buh now he has given me reasons to doubt every thing he says or do

Is cheating on you a way to make you feel special

From the replies the young lady has been giving, especially the two I quoted above, it is safe to assume the fella involved is a rich dude.. And she's willingly to share all in the name of all men cheat...