coogar:
you need a closure....
is there a way you can confront the abuser? is he still alive? until you put a closure on the ugly experience, you would continue to be irritated and your innocent boyfriend is bearing the brunt undeservedly.

Acidosis:
Do you love your partner?

uzernaim01:

Unfortunately he's alive. I can't bear to look him in the eyes or be alone with him talk more of confront him.

elantraceey:
This might sound a little bit awkward but you'll have to forget that experience and move on because it's obvious you haven't even though its been long, don't think of the impossibility of forgetting think of its possibility and before you'll be able to forget , you'll have to forgive your uncle , you'll not be doing this for him but for yourself , its like a heavy load you've been carrying and dear its time to drop it.


Choose to forgive your uncle and let your heart go fully to your spouse , you're currently punishing him for an offence he didn't commit and its going to continue until you choose to stop it.

coogar:


go with your boyfriend!
it would be painful, there would be tears, there would be denials but you would be doing yourself a world of good to get these things off your chest.

that's about the only way your heart can be healed!

uzernaim01:

Is it possible to heal without confronting him?

coogar:


in your case, i strongly doubt it....
you have been harbouring this ish for more than 10 years and the wound is still fresh. i am afraid, you would have to confront him to be healed!

lovaleenny:
Go for counselling it helps

uzernaim01:


It's gonna be very hard. All these years I've tried avoiding him...
My family members know I don't like him but they don't know why... It's so hard and annoying

uzernaim01:


It's gonna be very hard. All these years I've tried avoiding him...
My family members know I don't like him but they don't know why... It's so hard and annoying

elantraceey:
This might sound a little bit awkward but you'll have to forget that experience and move on because it's obvious you haven't even though its been long, don't think of the impossibility of forgetting think of its possibility and before you'll be able to forget , you'll have to forgive your uncle , you'll not be doing this for him but for yourself , its like a heavy load you've been carrying and dear its time to drop it.


Choose to forgive your uncle and let your heart go fully to your spouse , you're currently punishing him for an offence he didn't commit and its going to continue until you choose to stop it.

uzernaim01:


Is it possible to heal without confronting him?

uzernaim01:

Where?

uzernaim01:
I'm going to muster all the courage I have to get this out

So I'm in this relationship that's over a year now and we're already getting intimate. But there's a problem which is threatening our relationship as my partner think I'm 'sexually dead'. Most time we get intimate whether I initiate it or not in between the session I just get so irritated that all of a sudden I just want it to end.
And I dunno if it has to do with what happened to me when I was little, because I was sexually abused by my uncle. Though my partner knows about it and he thinks that's the source of the problem. But when he tries to bring up the matter I get so irrittiated and angry I just tell him I've moved on and I don't wanna talk about it.
But this is really affecting me because anytime I think of the sex I always remember the rape incident.
Please is there anything I can do to forget about the incident and move on. I'm scared that if i continue like this if it might affect our marriage
Thanks in advance.

Mods-RoyalRoy, Seun. I need all the help I can garner

Babymama1:

Now more seriously because this will eventually affect your marriage ,that's why I am responding
I don't endorse fornication.
Se.x is a covenant
Every time you sleep with someone you make a covenant with them and they can have lasting detrimental effects
You need to tell your mom or a trusted aunt about this
There is a sort of freedom that comes with sharing a deep seated pain
You've kept it private too long and it's eating you up you need to face it now
After you have told your mom,you need to let her know that you intend confronting your uncle
I suppose she may not want you to do this and may actually discourage you
But you know what you feel and you need to do this for you in order to free yourself
Whether your mom,aunt or older adults you share this with agree or not you need to go ahead with your plan
Get him at a place where you are free to speak but still private and tell him ho ha
You need no explanations there aren't any
You need to come out strong and tell him that what he did to you was wrong and that you hate what he did to you
And that he took advantage of a little helpless girl and that now you are grown and have decided to confront him and that he cannot hurt you again.
Tell him you have told family members about this and that you have forgiven him and that he ought to ask God to forgive him for that wicked act against you and against any other children he hurt the way he ought you .
You need to be strong while saying this
No tears,no shaky voices
Ra.pe is a crime of power where a stronger person victimizes the weaker
In this confrontation,you cannot allow him to be the strong one,he needs to be the weaker one so give him no chance to respond until you have said everything you want to say
And be ready to walk away if he comes with BS as a rebuttal
Watch out
1. He may deny it
2 he may call you names
But you need to have made up your mind and when you go with a mindset of what you came to accomplish you come out a winner.
Practice your lines over and over and over again till they come out perfect
Lastly,stop sleeping with your boyfriend,you don't need that
What you need is to heal from the pain and se.x with your boyfriend won't help the situation
Let him put a ring on it if he is serious about you.
And please don't take him to this encounter
You don't want drama out of it

coogar:


go with your boyfriend!
it would be painful, there would be tears, there would be denials but you would be doing yourself a world of good to get these things off your chest.

that's about the only way your heart can be healed!

coogar:
you need a closure....
is there a way you can confront the abuser? is he still alive? until you put a closure on the ugly experience, you would continue to be irritated and your innocent boyfriend is bearing the brunt undeservedly.

raumdeuter:


Assuming it was a complete stranger whom she cant locate again , How does she get closure

onegig:
Confronting the abuser has nothing to do with her healing. If she had been touched by someone unknown would you have advocated she constitute an ultimate search to seek the unknown person and confront him before she knows peace?

andromida:


You cannot forget the incidence its now a part of your history, just like other memories pleasant and unpleasant this is one of the unpleasant ones that is now part of your make up as a human being but the good news is you can move on with it, the experience does not have to define or limit your sexual experience. It is good you are being triggered firstly pray earnestly for healing.

Are you trying too hard to suppress the memory and its showing up as anger and irritation? What you resist persists. This will keep showing up until you address it. Whatever feelings come up when you remember the incidence investigate them don't resist them anymore, when your body feels all the feelings and sees that it won't kill you it will begin to open up and relax. Remember to listen, be gentle and compassionate to yourself treat yourself as you would a little girl that comes to tell you her uncle sexually abused her. These feelings will show up over and over until the resistance fades the more acceptance and kindness you show them the faster you heal and open all the blockages until the memory no longer has control over you and is just a part of you.

Yes a good counselor should speed up the process as well.