s

1. This is a one sided story. Are you sure your actions have not contributed to his actions?

2. I doubt you did not notice traces of this in him but that's past, it has happened

3. You said he does not allow you work...please explain that. If you can raise capital to get a new shop what would he do?

4. Have you tried other forms of resolving the crisis? Like try to be a lot more sexy bla bla bla

5. Perhaps you should stop being bitter and depressed when you want to talk to him. Cook a nice meal, freshen up, no tears, be all smiles and wear that sexy thing he likes, give him that sexual experience he wants and and not ask for what you want...do that three times that table your questions

6. Has there been situations in recent times when you both are good and all smiles or it has always been like this?

Madam try reduce the too much attention you gave to him. Pay attention to yourself, if he won't allow you do business that could at least keep you busy to stabilise your mind, then engage yourself in other means, read the bible, spend time in prayer, give your self to self reading of books that can develop your mind on various subjects of life, learn a handwork (sowing, baking etc.), pay attention to your look and shape. Whenever he's around try to initiate constructive conversation and observe how he respond, if his response is hostile just let him be and get yourself busy with something. The most important thing here is that if he refuse to give attention to you please give attention to yourself, make sure you make yourself happy no matter what, when he realise that you don't longer seeks much attention from him, he will be the one seeking attention from and also seeking to give you attention. A Note Of Warning Please; during all these period make sure you give him his due respect and carry out your duty to him without fault. But above it all, get more committed to God.

Abeg mk una no dey spoil my mind abt marriage... It was neva meant to be all rosy in d first place!

[b]Some of u ladies always think life is centered on ur happiness alone... In as much as u ladies love being pampered and cared for, so are we the guys(men)... The thing of love is a reciprocating act, once it faulters on one side it affects the entire relationship.

As a wife, u must know the things ur hubby likes & dislikes in order to welcome respect into the home since our culture & religion states man is the head of the home. Speaking from a guy(man) point of view, once ur man is warning u to stop certain characters which detest playfully or seriously, he certainly mean it. If u refuse to change, certainly will change for u & always to the negative side.

We love ladies that are intelligent & self preserved, not some antagonistic lady that always look for the slightest opportunity to crucify him. If u must know, men despise ladies that gossip alot, nag, self-centered, unreasonable, careless/uncoordinated, materialistic to a fault, domineering etc.. The change u seek from him is always in u & there's no miracle or magic about it... Wish u a blissful home[/b]

The real problem is not the man changing all of a sudden. So many things went wrong both ways before it dawned on you. Search inwards, what went wrong with your line of communication? Has the affection shifted to your kids? Do you sometimes nag? Its easy to nag and not even know you do so. Do both of you create enough time for each other? How appealing do you make yourself? How often do you get intimate? Did he show subtle signs before you got married? Sometimes we choose to see only what we want to see while dating our spouses

You said you've tried talking to him. How? You may be talking but not communicating. Stop the pity party because it won't help your mental state, you don't want to slip into depression and its not good for your kids either.

Please note that i'm not saying its all your fault but it takes two to make a good marriage work. There are a lot of questions you need to really ask yourself and maybe if you are more open, you can get some help here. I think it also helps if you make yourself more resourceful, you can get busy with activities that won't make you feel bored while you try to put your life together

Good luck!

Once any lady comes here cryin foul with this kind of story, one thing comes to my mind; She's not tellin d truth and she's a trouble maker. Their stories are always one sided, they never say what they did wrong and always paint the man as the vile one. OP, first change your ways.

Madam!!!


If you want nairalanders to give you their candid opinion/solution to your relationship problem just go straight to the point. Don't tell us that you married him when he had nothing. Nothing bores us like that statement........ Why does it matter what he had when you married him? 98% of Nigeria guys married their women when they have nothing yet nobody hears about it.

When a man has had enough he either turns violent or simply goes silent and uncaring.

gabinogem:
[b]Some of u ladies always think life is centered on ur happiness alone... In as much as u ladies love being pampered and cared for, so are we the guys(men)... The thing of love is a reciprocating act, once it faulters on one side it affects the entire relationship.

As a wife, u must know the things ur hubby likes & dislikes in order to welcome respect into the home since our culture & religion states man is the head of the home. Speaking from a guy(man) point of view, once ur man is warning u to stop certain characters which detest playfully or seriously, he certainly mean it. If u refuse to change, certainly will change for u & always to the negative side.

We love ladies that are intelligent & self preserved, not some antagonistic lady that always look for the slightest opportunity to crucify him. If u must know, men despise ladies that gossip alot, nag, self-centered, unreasonable, careless/uncoordinated, materialistic to a fault, domineering etc.. The change u seek from him is always in u & there's no miracle or magic about it... Wish u a blissful home[/b]

This post reminded me of a lady I dated.

She was always going on and on and on about how I was not doing this and that. How I was not taking care of her like before etc, so I asked her.......... "Can you tell me one good thing that I can say is what I benefited from dating you if we should break up now?" I said bread up because she was already sound like my ex.

She couldn't tell me.


I asked her again. "Have you ever taken out your time to find out what I want in a relationship and if I am getting it?"

no response.


Ladies.... The world does not revolve around you and your happiness.

Tallesty1:
This post reminded me of a lady I dated.

She was always going on and on and on about how I was not doing this and that. How I was not taking care of her like before etc, so I asked her.......... "Can you tell me one good thing that I can say is what I benefited from dating you if we should break up now?" I said bread up because she was already sound like my ex.

She couldn't tell me.


I asked her again. "Have you ever taken out your time to find out what I want in a relationship and if I am getting it?"

no response.


Ladies.... The world does revolve around you and your happiness.

their issue most times is really irritating & annoying... And certainly the world does not revolve around them alone; they should understand this fact.

Mynd44:
1. This is a one sided story. Are you sure your actions have not contributed to his actions?

2. I doubt you did not notice traces of this in him but that's past, it has happened

3. You said he does not allow you work...please explain that. If you can raise capital to get a new shop what would he do?

4. Have you tried other forms of resolving the crisis? Like try to be a lot more sexy bla bla bla

5. Perhaps you should stop being bitter and depressed when you want to talk to him. Cook a nice meal, freshen up, no tears, be all smiles and wear that sexy thing he likes, give him that sexual experience he wants and and not ask for what you want...do that three times that table your questions

6. Has there been situations in recent times when you both are good and all smiles or it has always been like this?

My husband is not a talking type he likes keeping it to himself and is not helping the matter. How can you know when things go wrong if he didn't open up. I'm not a lazy type. I had a business centre before it was demolished. I know I may b stubborn at early stage of marriage of which every newly married couple experience that but not any more. All my prayer everyday is God change my weaknesses. May b I'm giving him too much attention. All I want is to engage myself with something again but he refused that since I started staying at home with kids that they hardly fall sick. Yes he pays monthly salary but money is not my problem. Respect me a little please. All I want is a happy home. I want to work again, I want to be financial independent. Let me go out like other women instead of sitting at home everyday. I'm not used to this kind of lifestyle no one knows tomorrow as you know an idle mind is devil's workshop. I'm I asking for too much.

Note: nairaland is a faceless forum before I come here I believe to get the help I need of which if I keep on lieing it won't help me in any way because I know I'm doing myself. Thanks

lrguru:
Once any lady comes here cryin foul with this kind of story, one thing comes to my mind; She's not tellin d truth and she's a trouble maker. Their stories are always one sided, they never say what they did wrong and always paint the man as the vile one. OP, first change your ways.

I wish you know me more than this. I wish he will also open up for the world to judge me. I may b making a mistake which I may not know until you tell me.

I knew I will see sick and aggravating posts as usual


he slaps you, Continue praying for him
he kicks you continue preparing good meals
he masturbates Continue wearing red pants



Tufiaaaaaaaaa

Where do women meet such men sef. Ema ku iroju o.tufiaa



Abeg let me go and prepare breakfast for my daughter before the cattles troop in to this thread

Lovelymam,
Sorry u feel this way. he wants u at home. I suggest u either act like u have forgotten all abt it,make him feel happy until one day u catch him in a jolly good mood after eating his favourite,then u be llike "honey,can u blv d wonderful dream I had abt a shop that was just attracting customers....."
The second option is that u work from home.u can make puff puff or moi moi or zobo,or queen cakes,appoint a sales girl who will come pick it up fRom home n market for u then u pay her a salary. This too need permission from ur husband.

We women can complain but just try to control/stop it. Be his safe haven.
All the best.

lovelymam:



I wish you know me more than this. I wish he will also open up for the world to judge me. I may b making a mistake which I may not know until you tell me.

so u have never made any mistake u don't know off?

Why don't you also carry him to the toilet and rinse his anus for him when he has finished defecating then flush the toilet for him. It is part of being a wife.




So much ado about AFRICAN marriage

Platnum1:
Lovelymam,
Sorry u feel this way. he wants u at home. I suggest u either act like u have forgotten all abt it,make him feel happy until one day u catch him in a jolly good mood after eating his favourite,then u be llike "honey,can u blv d wonderful dream I had abt a shop that was just attracting customers....."
The second option is that u work from home.u can make puff puff or moi moi or zobo,or queen cakes,appoint a sales girl who will come pick it up fRom home n market for u then u pay her a salary. This too need permission from ur husband.

We women can complain but just try to control/stop it. Be his safe haven.
All the best.

Platnum1:
Lovelymam,
Sorry u feel this way. he wants u at home. I suggest u either act like u have forgotten all abt it,make him feel happy until one day u catch him in a jolly good mood after eating his favourite,then u be llike "honey,can u blv d wonderful dream I had abt a shop that was just attracting customers....."
The second option is that u work from home.u can make puff puff or moi moi or zobo,or queen cakes,appoint a sales girl who will come pick it up fRom home n market for u then u pay her a salary. This too need permission from ur husband.

We women can complain but just try to control/stop it. Be his safe haven.
All the best.

My dear I have pass that stage of moi moi puff puff. He is capable of a good business but he don't want until the last kid who is still in PG class enter secondary can you imaging that. All he want is for me to sit at home before you know it I will become mama iyabor mbanu. Being woman does not make us less human from men but sure to accord them their respect.

I am one of the few that believe that a man doesn't change, maybe you were blinded by the caring and stuff.
May I ask, how long did you date before marriage and did you ever quarrel during courtship? An old uncle told me, "never marry a woman you have not quarrel with". Quarrel and disagreement breaks down the emotional wall and let you see the real individual

lovelymam:



My dear I have pass that stage of moi moi puff puff. He is capable of a good business but he don't want until the last kid who is still in PG class enter secondary can you imaging that. All he want is for me to sit at home before you know it I will become mama iyabor mbanu. Being woman does not make us less human from men but sure to accord them their respect.

what's the difference between you and sex machines. They're not expected to have or show emotions. Just sit in the house, clean, cook and open your legs for him. That's what you are good enough for. At least from his own point of view if not this thread will not have arisen

lovelymam:



My husband is not a talking type he likes keeping it to himself and is not helping the matter. How can you know when things go wrong if he didn't open up. I'm not a lazy type. I had a business centre before it was demolished. I know I may b stubborn at early stage of marriage of which every newly married couple experience that but not any more. All my prayer everyday is God change my weaknesses. May b I'm giving him too much attention. All I want is to engage myself with something again but he refused that since I started staying at home with kids that they hardly fall sick. Yes he pays monthly salary but money is not my problem. Respect me a little please. All I want is a happy home. I want to work again, I want to be financial independent. Let me go out like other women instead of sitting at home everyday. I'm not used to this kind of lifestyle no one knows tomorrow as you know an idle mind is devil's workshop. I'm I asking for too much.

Note: nairaland is a faceless forum before I come here I believe to get the help I need of which if I keep on lieing it won't help me in any way because I know I'm doing myself. Thanks

Now that you explained I see where you are coming from. I think you feel caged, you've been used to a certain kind of lifestyle and being a stay at home mom is not your thing. Permit me to say you can never give your husband /wife too much attention. Since you said he is a quiet man by nature, you are the outgoing type, good. You can't force him to open up a business venture for you and I won't advise you to go ahead and start a business on your own because he may see it as rebellion. You can choose to complain about him for the whole world to see, guess what, it may not change a thing!

Look past the difficulties of this marriage and look around you for activities you can engage in, it may be non profit organizations where you can volunteer and keep your mind busy. Let him know it won't negatively affect your kids and assure him that you will apply wisdom. You can make the transition gradual thing. Join a fellowship if you are the religious type. If not, the NGO or skill acquisition thing can be helpful. I have a childhood friend whose husband stopped banned her from working and she started writing at home. She now has two published books to her credit and another one in the pipeline. Maybe its time for you to also look inwards, it may not be something that'll fetch you money instantly but will definitely give you a sense of fulfilment. Every human being yearns for that feeling.

About him respecting you, respect is earned. I don't know how both of you operate but I'll just advise that as much as possible give him his due respect. If he wants space, and for example, doesn't feel like talking, allow him. Your number one duty to yourself is to be happy and that is not tied to anyone or any material thing you possess.

I really wish you divine direction because these breed of men require tact to live with

Did you guysdiscuss about being a stay at home wife before wedding? To a logical conclusion?

@ Lovelymam, Pray! Pray!! Pray!!! and Pray!!!! sooner or later, everything will turn around for your good.

Bibol:


Now that you explained I see where you are coming from. I think you feel caged, you've been used to a certain kind of lifestyle and being a stay at home mom is not your thing. Permit me to say you can never give your husband /wife too much attention. Since you said he is a quiet man by nature, you are the outgoing type, good. You can't force him to open up a business venture for you and I won't advise you to go ahead and start something on your own because he may see it as rebellion. You can choose to complain about him for the whole world to see, guess what, it may not change a thing!

Look past the difficulties of this marriage and look around you for activities you can engage in, it may be non profit organizations where you can volunteer and keep your mind busy. Let him know it won't negatively affect your kids and assure him that you will apply wisdom. You can make the transition gradual thing. Join a fellowship if you are the religious type. If not, the NGO or skill acquisition thing can be helpful. I have a childhood friend whose husband stopped banned her from working and she started writing. She now has two published books to her credit and another one in the pipeline. Maybe its time for you to also look inwards, it may not be something that'll fetch you money instantly but will definitely give you a sense of fulfilment. Every human being yearns for that feeling.

About him respecting you, respect is earned. I don't know how you both operate but I'll just advise that as much as possible give him his due respect, if he wants space, and for example, doesn't feel like talking, allow him. Your number one duty to yourself is to be happy and that is not tied to anyone or any material thing you possess.

I really wish you divine direction

I was going to type a long epistle but this post says all I have to say.

Aunty Sambarry e calm down ejoor

damiso:


I was going to type a long epistle but this post says all I have to say.

Aunty Sambarry e calm down ejoor

of course I'm calm E just be like say the spirit of Stoopedity just possesses some women after marriage

SAMBARRY:
of course I'm calm E just be like say the spirit of Stoopedity just possesses some women after marriage

I get you but we have just heard one side of the story. Sometimes( and I am not holding brief for lack of respect) we tend to project how we think our partners need to see things without seeing it from their own point of view. Its a bit harder if one is dealing with someone who clams up and does not want to talk. That however does not mean that she still cant handle the situation without being confrontational.

As for her not working , I don't know if it was something they spoke about before marriage but that is a very vital aspect that I expect all couples to talk about pre marriage

Ok na

damiso:


I get you but we have just heard one side of the story. Sometimes( and I am not holding brief for lack of respect) we tend to project how we think our partners need to see things without seeing it from their own point of view. Its a bit harder if one is dealing with someone who clams up and does not want to talk. That however does not mean that she still cant handle the situation without being confrontational.

As for her not working , I don't know if it was something they spoke about before marriage but that is a very vital aspect that I expect all couples to talk about pre marriage

SAMBARRY:
I knew I will see sick and aggravating posts as usual


he slaps you, Continue praying for him
he kicks you continue preparing good meals
he masturbates Continue wearing red pants



Tufiaaaaaaaaa

SAMBARRY:
I knew I will see sick and aggravating posts as usual


he slaps you, Continue praying for him
he kicks you continue preparing good meals
he masturbates Continue wearing red pants



Tufiaaaaaaaaa

Madam did you read the ops post at all? Because this your reply makes no sense in relation to the topic! It just makes You appear angry and bitter!

lovelymam:
I married a wonderful and a caring husband when we had nothing, a man who love and care for wife in all ramifications all of a sudden everything changed he became a shadow of himself. He doesn't care or even respect me. He talk to me the way he likes even if I cry all through the night in the same bed he won't shift. A man who cannot tell you your sins when you hurt him. I tried talking to him yet no change, he refused me doing any business that I should wait until when the kids are of age not even allowing me to his shop. I had a business but was demolished last October. What do I do now? This is not what you promised me at the alter of God, if I have changed let me know the area to work on. Are those girls out there better than me? If yes in what ways. God is watching.

lovelymam:
I married a wonderful and a caring husband when we had nothing, a man who love and care for wife in all ramifications all of a sudden everything changed he became a shadow of himself. He doesn't care or even respect me. He talk to me the way he likes even if I cry all through the night in the same bed he won't shift. A man who cannot tell you your sins when you hurt him. I tried talking to him yet no change, he refused me doing any business that I should wait until when the kids are of age not even allowing me to his shop. I had a business but was demolished last October. What do I do now? This is not what you promised me at the alter of God, if I have changed let me know the area to work on. Are those girls out there better than me? If yes in what ways. God is watching.

Op! Learn to be patient in marriage! Your husband may be a naturally quiet individual or may be going through a difficult time in trying to provide for you and your family so bear with him! Meanwhile sit him down and have a talk with him about how you both can communicate better! Let him know that you won't mind starting a business you can even run from the home and that would also assist him in supporting the family, and believe me it can be profitable to do business from your home! For example My neighbour runs a water distribution factory from her house and business comes to her not her running after it! As for going out, try to suggest to him new and creative ways on how you and him and your kids can do more social things like take trips, picnics, and so on together and go on more adult themed dates with other couples that you both are friends with! Create a schedule that works for both of you! You are not his slave, and no man lives to make his wife unhappy, learn to both COMMUNICATE!

SAMBARRY:
of course I'm calm E just be like say the spirit of Stoopedity just possesses some women after marriage

Where is this your anger and bitterness leading you to because I can't even get you one bit. All I see here is your insult upon insult, is that the way to advise someone. I taught I have problem but I see the one that pass mine. Good day ma

lovelymam:



My husband is not a talking type he likes keeping it to himself and is not helping the matter. How can you know when things go wrong if he didn't open up. I'm not a lazy type. I had a business centre before it was demolished. I know I may b stubborn at early stage of marriage of which every newly married couple experience that but not any more. All my prayer everyday is God change my weaknesses. May b I'm giving him too much attention. All I want is to engage myself with something again but he refused that since I started staying at home with kids that they hardly fall sick. Yes he pays monthly salary but money is not my problem. Respect me a little please. All I want is a happy home. I want to work again, I want to be financial independent. Let me go out like other women instead of sitting at home everyday. I'm not used to this kind of lifestyle no one knows tomorrow as you know an idle mind is devil's workshop. I'm I asking for too much.

Note: nairaland is a faceless forum before I come here I believe to get the help I need of which if I keep on lieing it won't help me in any way because I know I'm doing myself. Thanks

Were your kids falling ill when you worked? What makes you think the reason he disrespects you is because you don't work?