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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please (35015 Views)
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My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by believer01: 3:11pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
i am a regular member on nairaland and i create this user to remain anonymous. i need mature guys and ladies to advise me on a way forward. dont mind my grammar and typographical errors i have been dating this guy since our 100level days in school, most people fear in school is that school relationships ends at the gate but our did'nt end at the gate. we went for youth service and still continue with our lovelife though the relationship was collapsing during service year but we built it up again and everything was okay after service. i happened to serve in his state and i was retained after service which makes us to start staying in the same town. In school all our focus was to finish school, serve and get a good job. marriage was not really discussed cos i was thinking it was too early and since we were doing fine for 7years i believe marriage is inevitable (i hope that word is correctly use). there is one thing i discovered after service 1. he is not ready to talk about marriage not because he is tired of me or anything (cos i know i am one of the best things that has happened to him) but cos he believe he must have millions of naira in his account. 2. he believes the tradition of not marrying early in his family could also delay his marriage even though i have met almost all his family members. 3. he brings up quarrel or another issue when i bring up visiting my family even though he has met them twice. my questions: 1. should i wait till "forever" when he will be ready to discuss/ready for the marriage? 2. i love him but now i have offers from different guys and i know the offers won't last forever(i have turn down 2 already). should i stay and pray he comes to his senses or leave him? 3. we are so closed to each other and understand each other so well that it will be difficult to understand anyone else like that. 4. am not against him having millions of naira but "money is never enough" his friends that are not as okay as himself are getting married already. 5. am not trying to rush him into marriage but how am i to know i won't regret waiting until when he will be ready? what if he leaves me after the long wait? 7years relationship now. plssss no insult we all do crazy things for love but we learn everyday and i believe this forum will give me the candid answer i seek 46 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by Sveen: 3:14pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
Huh! Maybe the next poster might have something good to say. 20 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by Eyop: 3:15pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
believer01: If i may ask,how old are you? 10 Likes |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by elantraceey(f): 3:17pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
I understand you're in a fix but I'll have to ask these questions. First , How old are you ? Your age will determine how long you'll be able to wait for him. Secondly, Aside a normal monthly pay job , what is he doing to achieve this million he's dreaming of? Is it realistic ? Thirdly, Are you ready for marriage? You have two options here. It's either you continue waiting till whenever he's ready which seems to be very far and risk him dumping you later or failing out of love with you OR You leave him now and maybe later regret it. The choice is yours miss. Your happiness should be your utmost concern. 35 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by shawnfamous(m): 3:18pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
Its all ur fault. 1)u urself knw he isnt ready 4 marriage! 2)u re all waiting 4 him 2 ve millions b4 u marry him and u alrdy turned 2 guys off! 3)he made u undrstnd dat his family dnt marry at d right age and u avent realised u re a female 4)he brings up issue wen u want 2 visit ur family! U beta leave him alone! He dsnt fit 2 b a ready husband! Another smple option! Go with another man wen he as made d millions go bak 2 him 23 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by Cutehector(m): 3:18pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
If he isn't ready for marriage, he isn't ready! Thr is absolutely nothing u can do abt that. The choice is yours to wait wit him or to walk out. Its as simple as that! 4 Likes |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by believer01: 3:20pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
Eyop:26yrs 6 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by sunnydayasaba(m): 3:23pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
I understand that feeling oh...we Nigerians just want it all...Every Nigerian youth or man wants to have it, and waiting for him to be satisfy with what he's got might end up being a long wait. I suggest you discuss with him and after talking with him and getting his final say on d matter, try talking to any close member of his family that u feel comfortable with, after doing all dis and no positive result, then look elsewhere for luv. You cant force a man to commit to u, but u can only give him d courage to do so. Men are so scared of marriage and d future on like women, so just do what u think u can do to settle his mind for d future. 23 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by Nobody: 3:23pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
Please advice me I received this txt from my girlfriend. AYO AM SORRY, BUT I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. TILL WE MEET AGAIN. GOODBYE THANK 4 EVERYTHING. AM GOING TO MISS U. MY PARENT DONT WANT U, IN MY LIVE . 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by believer01: 3:26pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
sunnydayasaba:thank you. i have tried several times to talk with him which always end with quarrel. i will talk with one of his family member that i am very close to |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by Nobody: 3:27pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
Cutehector:she asked a question on her choice & you are quoting same choice, as a sister,display your advice,..as a guy, explain reasons to her. 7 Likes |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by Cutehector(m): 3:30pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
Midehi:alryt from d look of things, dat guy can't even take care of him self let alone a wife.. I guess she should leav him. Happy now? |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by Nobody: 3:31pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
op u are a graduate and u are not sure if the word "inevitable"as use by u is rightly place.SMH.wel my advise for u is dat since u knw he truely loves u ,try and discuss the issue with him and let him knw dat money arn't everything but if he is adamant,then tel him dat u want to quit and see his reaction 8 Likes |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by TheSonOfMark(m): 3:31pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
believer01: 26 years old? I think what you should seek from him is a defined relationship. Let him state in clear terms what you both are to each other but don't arm-twist him into admitting it. Let him put things in perspective without you presenting yourself as desperate. Sometimes we men need that extra push before we commit. Do that "pushing" with an obvious sincerity born out of your feelings for him and not out of selfish interest(s). A smart, sane and responsible man would allay your fears. 73 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by believer01: 3:32pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
shawnfamous:lolz ![]() ![]() 3 Likes |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by Eyop: 3:35pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
believer01: Hmmmm...it's obvious the guy isn't ready for marriage and i wouldn't advise you to continue to wait since you have others that are serious/asking for your hand in marriage. It's not compulsory that you settle down with one you've been involved with for that number of years. Pray over the situation for direction to avoid wasting your time with another woman's husband. Goodluck 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by believer01: 3:36pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
TheSonOfMark:explain what u mean by defined relationship? 1 Like |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by Sexxkillz: 3:38pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
Your relationship isn't static. It's not even dying. . . Your relationship is dead. That guy has someone else in mind. He wants you to leave at your own volition. It's good you've started using your common sense since God will not send an angel from heaven to talk to you. How will you tell me that after 7 years of dating and sleeping with someone, after being with him from 100 level thru NYSC, after him meeting your family twice, after the plans you both have made towards marriage and he suddenly develops cold feet and picks a fight anytime you mention marriage, that all is well? What millions is he waiting to make? How much is bride price? What is actually the difference between marrying you as a wife, and all the fvcking and living together you two have been doing for 7 years? Why is he suddenly scared of committing to you in marriage, after committing to you and your punanny for 7 previous years? I smell rotten catfish. And my nose never fails me. Listen to me and listen good. A 7 year old child is now in primary 3. Next year, he or she will be in primary 4. Stop waiting for what will never be. Why do you want to wait for someone who isn't ready to discuss his future with you in it? Do you really want a hand writing on your mirror before you activate your number 6? If you've been getting serious offers from other guys, stop turning them down and start paying them attention. Your happiness here is key. Make yourself happy. Why should your happiness depend on one man who doesn't want to discuss his future with you in it? Why do you want to wait for a selfish man who cares only about his millions? Do you not know that after he makes his millions, he's gonna dump you? Do you not know? If you wait, you'll regret. He has already left you, but you are yet to get the confirmation, or as we say in banking terms, you never receive the alert. . . 232 Likes 27 Shares |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by believer01: 3:38pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
Eyop:thank you but won't people see me as a wicked person if i end 7years relationship without even listening to my reasons 1 Like |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by TheSonOfMark(m): 3:39pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
believer01: I've modified my earlier post. ![]() 2 Likes |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by CountDracula(m): 3:41pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
believer01:WTF! Woman menopause is around d corner fa! |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by believer01: 3:42pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
Sexxkillz:i almost cry while reading your comment like u feel and see what i am going through 49 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by CountDracula(m): 3:44pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
Well, as a man, I knw if I dnt want to marry, nobody can force me to, I also knw I might nt want to break ur heart cos I like u(not love) and am dating u, and I might b waitin for u to fvck up or give up... I'm nt sayin dats wat he's doin, I can't read his mind, but u need to sit him down and explain to him dat ure aging, and does he have a plan, even if nt immediate, atleast a plan for marriage dat involves u and children, if ure okay witt his plan den solved, if ure nt, u find anoda route... He's a human being, just sit him down and reason wit him 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by Eyop: 3:47pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
believer01: To be honest with you,so many red flags which you refuse to see because of love. At 26, you shouldn't gamble with the things of the heart and anyone who isn't ready to be serious should be avoided. No one will see you as wicked because the guy isn't ready for marriage. Forget the number of years you've been in this relationship but rather you should consider the future. What's the guarantee that this guy is going to make the millions and even if he's able to make the money,what guarantee do you have that he's going to look your way? 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by Sexxkillz: 3:48pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
believer01:Now tell me why that guy is worth your tears. Let's be realistic here. How long will it take him to make his millions? When you're 28, 29, 30? I'm going to make a wild guess and place this boy's age between 27 and 29. If it takes him 4 more years to be ready for marriage - and of course he warned you that they marry late in their generation - don't you think he'll be 34 or 35 years old before he'll be ready to marry? By then you should be 32 or 33 and must have been dating him for 14 years? You think he'll marry you after that time period? 84 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by Sexxkillz: 3:52pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
believer01:Do you care about what strangers think about you? Do they feel your pain? Who cares if they call you wicked? Are they in your situation right now? If this guy leaves you after you waited for him for 14 years, it is this same set of people that you are worried about them calling you wicked for leaving a 7 year relationship, that will still call you a big fool for dating and waiting for a man for 14 years. . . Your life, your choice, your decision, your happiness. 97 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by believer01: 3:56pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
Sexxkillz:you are so right. i will take the next step 21 Likes |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by believer01: 3:56pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
Sexxkillz:you are so right. i will take the next step thank you 2 Likes |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by Sexxkillz: 4:00pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
believer01:You're welcome. Never ever give any man a monopoly over you. You have a choice to make. You don't have to marry someone because you dated him for 7 years, especially someone who doesn't care. Make up your mind now, and stick to it. 66 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by believer01: 4:03pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
Sexxkillz:noted ![]() 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by MRBrownJ: 4:11pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
@believer01 A) for 7yrs you guys were seemingly happy with the r/ship you had... what status have you achieved today that makes you think that you must "upgrade" this r/ship to marriage?! do any of you guys have the GOOD JOB that you were dreaming about while dating for 7yrs? B) sadly, many foolish Nigerians believe that having millions in their account will lead the way to a great union.....while we all know this is BS. it has all to do with 9ja men egos and how it will make them feel much better if they can (at least) AFFORD all the bs that comes with marrying someone in 9ja, aka expensive glitzy wedding to portray yourselves as a successful loving couple (even if they aint). C) if you knew all along that he didnt believe in early marriage, why are you trying to change him now? D) how often do you expect him to visit your family? shouldnt he do that whenever he feels like it?! he has already told you that he is going to do whats right "in due time", so you probably should stop trying to con/trick him into a corner with your family. as for your questions: 1. should i wait till "forever" when he will be ready to discuss/ready for the marriage? yes you should! dont you "LOVE" him?! you guys have already discussed the issue, so chill..... if you cant then you could always move on with your life with someone as desperate as you to get married. 2. i love him but now i have offers from different guys and i know the offers won't last forever(i have turn down 2 already). should i stay and pray he comes to his senses or leave him? what you wrote above is a CLEAR indication that you have NO IDEA what love means.... so pls stop talking of what you do NOT know. if you loved your man, there is NO WAY you would have written the above stoopidity. 3. we are so closed to each other and understand each other so well that it will be difficult to understand anyone else like that. so you understand him so well but yet dont understand why he asks you to wait until he will be ready for marriage?! why are you contradicting yourself? you dont understand the man because if you did, you wouldnt have opened this thread. 4. am not against him having millions of naira but "money is never enough" his friends that are not as okay as himself are getting married already. then why dont you go and marry one of his friends?! lol! whether money is enough or NOT, is not the issue here....the issue is that it is his CHOICE, so stand by it, instead of comparing him with other people. you cant even stand by that man's choices and yet you are here talking about love and/or marriage. you have NO concept of what it takes to marry someone, especially when you are here comparing your lives with that of others. 5. am not trying to rush him into marriage but how am i to know i won't regret waiting until when he will be ready? what if he leaves me after the long wait? oh lawd!!!!!! and you have the audacity to say you love the guy............. i guess its a selfish love where only your insecure self matters, right? 7years relationship now. plssss no insult we all do crazy things for love but we learn everyday and i believe this forum will give me the candid answer i seek here is what you should do....... sit down, ask yourself what is the priority in your life TODAY, and if that man can give you what you desire TODAY. if he can then great, but if he cant then ask yourself if you can wait for it or not. if you cant wait for it then move on with your life and go marry the 1st donkey you will meet. 22 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Relationship Is Static. Mature Minds Only Please by queensmith: 4:19pm On Jun 10, 2015 |
You need to think about what is important you you - clearly marriage is, but have you listened to what he has said? Are his excuses sound? I know alot of women only have marriage in their minds because we are conditioned so, but sometimes we have to asses things for ourselves. I don't think you should wait for him forever, and if he isn't clear on the length of time it will take him to be ready I think you should stop turning potential suitors down. He is not ready doesn't mean another man is the same. but i understand you've invested time so it's not easy to let go. All in all I think you should make it clear that you won't wait around, you can't force him to marry you and if the idea of marriage only sends him into a rage I think the message is clear. Maybe he really doesnt want to commit. 3 Likes |
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