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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? (6568 Views)
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Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by Nobody: 9:38am On Jun 15, 2015 |
[quote author=Acquilla post=34777157][/quote] Over time i have seen your type of cases but you said something that gave me real thoughts otherwise howbeit what i quoted above says i'm on track. Your statement that got me rethinking is that you said if you see someone with her trait plus more beauty, you will move and not look back. This is very serious. Even though you want to reset if its not done well, that statement might make you cheat anytime there is a sign of crack or crack. Cool down bro, this your change is like that who recieved the word with joy but got choke with the beauties of life, however there's hope. You can take time to prepare a fertile ground for a perfect yield. This kind of issue, you dont rush or force it otherwise when people are not there to repeat sense into your head you always go back to square one when there's problem. From your answers to my question, you love through the not regular way. You want the type that you will fall in love with the beauty first and other things will naturally follow or a mental picture in your head. Now let me remind you, you fell in love like that before but was not sustained without character because it surely get to a point you hardly notice the beauty easily but you spot the character readily and then it all ends. Or why didnt it last with the former beauties? In this times, it is adviced you look at outside and inside before opening your heart to love because if your unguardedly let your heart to love the outside like that the easier way, it most times lead to hurt. You fell in love with her inside, the best part that is why you dont want to easily let her go but your vain self is holding you from loving her outside. You must deal with her outside before you take her to the alter as it has an important place too. It is like a cloth with ugly design, therefore it makes you not to see the goods in it but when you know and appreciate the stuff it is made of, you see only beauty in everything about it and you wear it with pride so much that everyone cant stop noticing it. 3 Likes |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by bukatyne(f): 10:24am On Jun 15, 2015 |
bellong: Super nice one @OP: Since she is on NL, you can also go through her posts to see if the online her = offline her And if no, you can get a glimpse of another side of her. cc: Acquilla |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by freecocoa(f): 10:31am On Jun 15, 2015 |
EfemenaXY:How dare you say it before mua? I didn't have to read to the end before seeing that the OP is extremely selfish, like wtf? 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by bellong: 10:50am On Jun 15, 2015 |
1 Like |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by Nobody: 12:44pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
bellong: That was funny...dont let dust enter them. Lol |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by bellong: 1:27pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
salsera: Sister Salsera.... na you be this? Long time. How are you doing? My phone had issues and I lost all contact. |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by kubba: 4:30pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
I am the lady O my heart, my heart, my heart. |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by bukatyne(f): 4:55pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by bukatyne(f): 4:56pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
bellong: My glasses protect them So shinning lomo |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by Ewuro4: 5:26pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
pickabeau1: 2 years is a long time for a lady to waste on a fruitless relationship . @ bold I'm glad you said you. It's clearly obvious he's not attracted to her besides the virtues of a good wife material she possesses. I won't advice my brother or anyone to modify a woman to his taste at that stage. We can't change people. A man that loves you will accept you with all your flaws. 1 Like |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by kubba: 5:42pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
bukatyne: |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by pickabeau1: 5:43pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
Ewuro4: What does fruitless mean ---> no marriage?
Beauty fades with time Good loving never does |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by Ewuro4: 6:55pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
pickabeau1: Of course it means 'no marriage' It's not about the beauty but the spark/attraction. The same spark that'll fuel that companionship ride down the lane. But again, I guess people marry for different reasons. |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by bellong: 7:23pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
bukatyne: So you use glasses.... You must be one genius according to our childhood theory. |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by Nobody: 7:27pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
Acquilla: All these long essay. If you want to marry someone you don't need this kind of essay. Base on the length (I didn't read jack), I will say let her go. Thank you 2 Likes |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by toksbisola: 8:54pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
@Op; I’ll say in all honesty, you are not being sincere to yourself as to what exactly you want in a wife. You are also picking on mundane things to justify your actions. From my observation, it takes a man only few weeks/months to know if the lady he is currently with WOULD END UP BEING HIS WIFE; certainly not 2 years. Has it ever occurred to you why some men marry a woman based on the external traits that they want her to posses? It’s simply because if the wife lacks in that department and they eventually marry her there is a high percentage of them straying when the opportunity presents itself. In your case, you made a statement that “I am yet to cheat on her”; that alone is a RED HERRING and when the opportunity presents itself, you probably might not have the self control to resist. Best believe TEMPTATIONS WOULD ARISE. I might be wrong but it appears to me, that one of the traits you so much hold in high esteem is for your wife to be pretty. Based on your account, your current lady in your own words does not probably fit into that category or only fits 55% and not 98%. However, you did mention that she has other qualities that you like aside her not being pretty enough. My question is would that be enough for you to marry her? I doubt that very much but I may be wrong. What I can’t understand is why you even said HELLO to her initially let alone going ahead to date her for 2 LONG and LONELY years. when you knew from day 1 that she was not pretty enough; I just can’t bring myself to understand it. May I remind you that BEAUTY IS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER. Once you as an individual can’t see the beauty in the initial stage; it usually wouldn't suddenly change. IT WILL REMAIN A PROBLEM. Note these 2 points; 1) Never marry anyone out of pity simply because you have been with them for a long time and you don’t want them to lose out. 2) Marry for true love so that when the challenges start occurring in the marital bond (and best believe challenges would arise) that the love both of you have built up would be able to withstand the ups and downs that would occur; take note that MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES. It would be in your best interest to DECIDE NOW AND FAST WHAT EXACTLY IT IS YOU INTEND TO DO. PLEASE TRY TO AVOID PROLONGING THIS MATTER ANY LONGER. She is a woman who’s biological clock is ticking and if you honestly would not be able to look beyond her external beauty; PLEASE FREE HER AND FREE YOURSELF. Don’t have a selfish attitude (No offence hope none taken) where you want to have your cake and eat it by keeping her and STILL HAVING DOUBTS. It'll be totally out of a selfish interest to allow her to chase other men away (one man’s meet is another man’s poison) with her knowledge that she has met her husband; meanwhile her man is in doubt if he has met his wife. I can just imagine the agony and pains both of you are going through right now. You also made mention of her mother being married a few times and having children for different fathers as a source of concern. Whilst it’s only normal for that to be of concern, you currently don’t judge an individual based on that. Let alone having the idea that her children might follow in their mother’s footstep. That’s absolutely wrong. Let's not judge other people for their actions as you don’t know the full story behind why they made such decision(s). You also mentioned that your family like her; which is good; but note that it is not your family that would be living with her in your home; it's YOU and once you have these doubts occurring then please look into these doubts carefully. FOR LADIES, don't wait and glue to a man that you are already having doubts over. (The lady in this scenario noticed this and quoting from what the OP mentioned; "There was a time she complained lightly that I have never called her pretty".) Never say there might not be another man available as that would be totally wrong. You probably might be driving other men who met your criteria away by remaining with the one you are managing to your own detriment. Finally, remember this saying; HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED I rest my case 4 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by KanwuliaJara: 8:58pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
In pursuit of unhappiness PART 1! Intense craving as a prerequisite for marriage? When BLACK people dream, it is always a NIGHTMARE! |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by Time2Smile(m): 9:39pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
KanwuliaJara:So FUNNY, Where did you pull that quote from. |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by pickabeau1: 10:33pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
Ewuro4: are you postulating that relationship must end in marriage to be meaningful |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by Ewuro4: 11:05pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
pickabeau1: I'm giving your post that look right now Ofcourse Pick' naw , No messing around @22+. |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by pickabeau1: 11:11pm On Jun 15, 2015 |
Ewuro4: now you have qualified it...22plus but have u forgotten this is the new age.. no limits no barriers etc free the nipps liberalism date as u like etc |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by KanwuliaJara: 1:37am On Jun 16, 2015 |
Time2Smile: My creativity of course! |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by Nobody: 5:47pm On Jun 19, 2015 |
I'll never understand why people wring their hands at the prospect of ending a relationship that obviously needs to end. |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by Nobody: 11:15pm On Jun 19, 2015 |
OREMUSSANCTUS:. |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by otokx(m): 5:46am On Jun 20, 2015 |
The nays have it. |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by MicroBox: 7:05am On Jun 20, 2015 |
@OP I so much understand your situation, that she helps you wash your cloths,do your dishes, do your cooking and all of those doesn't mean you must marry her. She's not a housemaid she's suppose be a wife, any housemates will do those. In Africa if a woman is used to washing, cleaning and stuff the conclusion is She's a wife material.... that is big scam What about her IQ, if her IQ is high, I bet you not too panic. take her to state and she will learn to be very romantic. Romantic is not sex or kisses but it's just that thing, that will make you demand for more. your dog can be romantic, your Bird can be romantic,your pet can be romantic, your male friend can be romantic. Romantic is nothing but caring affectionately. @OP take your time and initiate it in your relationship I bet you she will learn. I also observe that you are a reserve person. wake up man and build your home. you have gat the opportunity to mould her, she care and respect you. |
Re: Help I Need Advise….should I Go Ahead And Marry Her Or Not? by EfemenaXY: 1:53pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
Acquilla: Sorry to be a party pooper, but I doubt the sincerity of this your response. You've had two whole years of chronic indecision and now, in the space of just four hours (i.e: the time lapse between Bellong's post and your response), you've made a complete U-turn? Is that how easy it is for you to switch emotions? Like a tap? ON and OFF at will? And what did you mean by the bolded bit? Re: speaking to her in an "unusual" manner. How? You know what I think? I think, you were shocked at the responses you got from your initial epistle. Almost everyone, both male and female have been totally against you and now for some reason best known to you, you want to get back on the "right" side of the lane? Bros, if this your story has any shred of truth in it, you just aren't into this girl. You've given your reasons and just because people don't like them (me included), doesn't mean you should be insincere to your heart and go ahead and marry the wrong girl. Just let her go, mate. |
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