guente02:
Dear All.
I don't really know hw to start this. I'm close to my mid twenties but my mom won't let me be. She's always introducing one law or the other. She didn't start this recently, since i was barely 14 when she locked me and my brother outside in a cod northern summer night. Now she wants me to stop having friends entirely, she doesn't want to see me talking to any girl on phone or physically. She doesn't want me to go to some particular quarters of my compound because I have a friend she feels is influencing me negatively. She doesn't want me to visit any friend of mine that they should be the ones doing d visit. Im in my HND and I cant just wait to leave her alone. Because d more i see her d more i hate her because all shez doing. I don't drink, i dont smoke neither do I sleep around with girls. My life is really introverted and if im to go by her words I'm going be plugged into depression. She's now saying that if i default in any of the things she said i shouldn't even see her as my mom. I don't know what she'll gain when I'm feeling bad of myself by obeying her. Im tired.
Someone should give me an advice.
I believe there are no trolls in the family section.
Forgive my typo i haven't updated my SwiftKey keyboard.

hotice01:


What a mother sees while lying down,a child on top of MTN mast would not see it.
You won't value what you have until its gone.
In the fullness of time,when you mature,U'll understand better

hotice01:


What a mother sees while lying down,a child on top of MTN mast would not see it.
You won't value what you have until its gone.
In the fullness of time,when you mature,U'll understand better

guente02:

So what are you saying?
Explain to me

misssclassy:


Did you read what he wrote?
She is destroying his life and you are talking about MTN mast.

He is almost into his mid twenties and you are talking about maturity.
A lot of his mates are married with kids and his mother is treating him like a child that just reached puberty and you are saying when he is mature he will understand.

misssclassy:
You are old enough to make your decisions. You are no longer a kid. Your mum has no right to treat you in such manner.
I will advise you man up and talk to her like a man. Tell her exactly what you are telling us and be serious about it. Tell her that she is gradually destroying you life and she should stop it.
Tell her that she is pulling you away from her gradually and she is making you grow dislike for her.
If she is truly your mother and you talk to her like that, she should see some sense in what you are saying.

Do you have an older person living with you? Like your dad or anyone older than you.
If there is, tell the person to help you talk to your mother about the wrong way she is handling things.

Most of the times mothers seem to be very possessive of their kids, with good intentions of keeping them safe from the outside world and all that, not knowing that they are actually destroying them.

hotice01:


Talk to her,she might have some bitter psychological experience from her childhood that might be influencing her attitude towards u and making her over protective.
Hating her ain't the best option

ladyteska:
try to talk to her or obey her.....very soon she will be the one asking you when you are getting married,,shey God will miraculously send you a wife

guente02:

She doesn't share her past with us. She doesn't care what or how the stringent rules she stipulating tell us on our body. She also subconsciously segregates because I'm attending poly. She has never bend down and advised me like i seen and read in non fictional book.
Im tired.

guente02:

I have my grandmother which is loyal to her in all ramifications.
Even my maternal grandmother can't do anything without consulting her and if she likes she'll give a go and if she's in a bad mood she'll sweep it under d carpet. When I'm saying this is that i cant tell her to talk to my mother.
I've got an elder bro which will be basking in freedom since he secured admission in a school outta d state.
See its really not easy for me now. I want to go and see my church reverend and hear from him. Because me i can't take all this.
I've been obeying her since now she's now saying I've changed. I was only bearing things and I cant take it anymore. Pple r running away from me saying vrry hurtful things. All d girla in my church has been embarrassed by my mom for just standing and talking with them. My male friends d same. She's sayin she won't take me as hrr son if i dont go by what she says. Im tired. If i had d means i would just pack out and let her eat d house.

misssclassy:
You are old enough to make your decisions. You are no longer a kid. Your mum has no right to treat you in such manner.
I will advise you man up and talk to her like a man. Tell her exactly what you are telling us and be serious about it. Tell her that she is gradually destroying you life and she should stop it.
Tell her that she is pulling you away from her gradually and she is making you grow dislike for her.
If she is truly your mother and you talk to her like that, she should see some sense in what you are saying.

Do you have an older person living with you? Like your dad or anyone older than you.
If there is, tell the person to help you talk to your mother about the wrong way she is handling things.

Most of the times parents tend to be very possessive of their kids, with good intentions of keeping them safe from the outside world and all that, not knowing that they are actually destroying them.

guente02:

Please dont add obey her. She's treating me how a girl will treat a maga she catches. She knows that I've been obeying her and we've been living cool. But im tired. Some part of my life is out of shape because I'm obeying her.
The funny thing is that the exact thing she's saying i shouldn't do is what i have no idea of. If im out by 8pm she'll be thinking im fvckin some girl that is none existent.
Please help

misssclassy:


No, don't take drastic decisions like packing out of the house. It will only cause problems for the both of you.

You said you want to talk to you church pastor about it. Well I believe that's the best option there is, since you said your grandmother listens only to your mum.
Talk to your pastor and see what direction he takes.
And please when you talk to him, tell him everything and let him know exactly how you feel. Don't leave a single thing out.

I would also advise that you urge him to create a meeting where both you, your mother and himself will be present, so the three of you can really talk things out.

I would still like to hear from you if later if you don't mind. You could post developments on the thread.

Regards.

Tallesty1:
A child will never know that her parents are right until he/she begets a child.



*Goes Back To Sleep*

ladyteska:
why don't you follow your heart?...even though she is mad at you at first but she will later understand...

Tallesty1:
A child will never know that her parents are right until he/she begets a child.



*Goes Back To Sleep*

guente02:
I would. I don't think i can take it again. I'll definitely update this thread and quote/mention you when i do. Really appreciate your time.

misssclassy:


Have you ever lived under over possessive parents before?

Do you know how it feels to live under parents who already have a pattern of the lifestyle they want you to live drawn in their minds and they force you to live by it not minding your choice, thoughts, emotions and feelings?

Do you have the slightest idea what it's like to have a parent who pushes you to the edge just because they don't want you to "be like other children"

Do you know what's it's like to be controlled all your life. To not have a say in thing that concern you? To be constantly forced against your will over and over and you powerless enough do anything about it.

Do you know what that does to the mind of a child? especially one that's not emotionally and psychologically strong or stable. Do you know the psychological effect that has on a person?

You are looking at things from only one standpoint.
Something you have never experienced, you will never fully understand.

Tallesty1:
I grew up thinking that my father hated but I have realized now that I deserved all the treatment he gave me and more. It is now clear to me that he's a loving and caring dad. Only God knows what I would have turned into without those harsh treatment he gave me. My point is, take what the op said with a spoonful of salt.

Tallesty1:
I grew up thinking that my father hated but I have realized now that I deserved all the treatment he gave me and more. It is now clear to me that he's a loving and caring dad. Only God knows what I would have turned into without those harsh treatment he gave me. My point is, take what the op said with a spoonful of salt.

misssclassy:


And how did your father raise you. Hmm, tell me. how?
What treatment did he give you?

You are missing my point. I am not talking about the normal Nigerian parental treatment here.

Do you know what emotional abuse is? Do you have an idea what it does to a child?

And even if your father was emotionally and psychologically abusive to you which I doubt, it's not every one that is emotionally and psychologically stable as you are.

Tallesty1:
I get your points my dear, what makes it seem like our opinions differ is the fact that I didn't believe everything the op said.

Tallesty1:
I get your points my dear, what makes it seem like our opinions differ is the fact that I didn't believe everything the op said.

misssclassy:
You are old enough to make your decisions. You are no longer a kid. Your mum has no right to treat you in such manner.
I will advise you man up and talk to her like a man. Tell her exactly what you are telling us and be serious about it. Tell her that she is gradually destroying you life and she should stop it.
Tell her that she is pulling you away from her gradually and she is making you grow dislike for her.
If she is truly your mother and you talk to her like that, she should see some sense in what you are saying.

Do you have an older person living with you? Like your dad or anyone older than you.
If there is, tell the person to help you talk to your mother about the wrong way she is handling things.

Most of the times parents tend to be very possessive of their kids, with good intentions of keeping them safe from the outside world and all that, not knowing that they are actually destroying them.

Begonia:
There's something wrong. When people lose/ are losing (or probably never had) control over most things in their lives, they try to grasp and hold on to anything they can seemingly control. The one thing many parents feel they can control is their children's lives. There comes a time when they can't and shouldn't do this anymore. Some find it so difficult to let go and still want to prove they're "in charge". It gets worse as you grow older. I think this is called "helicopter parenting" where emotional blackmail is frequently used to control the child. This is exactly what your mum is doing.

You're going to have to talk to your mum. When she's in a good mood, tell her how she's making you feel towards her. Ask her what exactly it is she wants from you and let her know you won't let her down (if it's reasonable of course). No matter how the conversation goes, you're going to have to let go of any grudge you're holding against your mother. You'll be doing this, not for her but for your emotional and mental well being.