Dear Nairalander's

How are you all doing? I hope you guys are doing well? I am writing this post to express my fears of the unknown, because I have been a very trusting and reliable husband to my wife.

Before marriage, my wife have once told me about his ex who is supposedly his best date ever in her life before she met me, that apart 2 years into our marriage, we had an arguement in which she confronted me about a number saved with a lady's name on my dialled list. I openly and honestly told her it was my old school mate whom I missed her call and had called back. But she wanted to know more like I was doing something shady, that got me all roused up and I just told her to leave me be.

A week later, I received a call from her straight from work that my daughter had a serious cut on her lips due to an
accident, I quickly rushed down to the school, but met them at the nearest clinic where my daughter's lip was being stitched, few mins later I walked down to her school where she works nearby to pick up her car key then bring her car nearby so we could all go home, surprisingly, I found her wedding ring inside the glove compartment. A ring she wore out to work that very morning.

I didnt question her immmediately until the night of that day, I asked her why she had removed her ring and kept it in the glove compartment knowing fully well that the wore it out that very morning, she said it was because I have had mine removed since the past 1 month, so she also had the same reason to remove her's.

A week later, she opened up to me that she has been talking to her ex whom I described above, I asked her about what? She said she has been taking advise from him whenever we have issues. I kept shut and moved on.

2 more years into this marriage, I recently found out that her ex had sent her a whatsapp message, but she didnt respond, so I opened up a discussion with her based on ex's. I asked her if keeping contact of ex's or communicating with ex's is good for married people be it the man or woman, she said its a no no, that infact she will never accomodate such and that its wrong for anybody to do that. I immediately told her to open up her whats app, she did and I showed her her ex's whats app message, she at first was scared, wanted to cover up the phone somehow, but due to fear, she slowly relaxed herself and she said well that I can see that he is just talking and she has not been responding, and that its possible for someone you do not have on your contact list to send you a whatsapp message, I agreed, but countered her saying you also have saved his number with Abbreviation, if you never intend having future communication with him, why then did you save his number thereafter? I didnt get an answer, until later after two weeks when she told me she was in communication with him in order to secure a job for his younger brother. ( Very hard to believe) I moved on.


A few days later again, I was on my way to help her fix her iphone which she has abandoned like a year and the half, something just prompted me to dial his ex's number on that phone, behold she had saved the number as 'rsif' someone who bears Williams. Anyway I kept quiet still. The the final incident that gave me a final warning that this my wife might be cheating on me unknowingly was just a month ago when she told me she had met this dude on the same estate we reside, that he was into business and had also gave her his complementary card, I asked what he does, said he is an estate agent, I responded saying estate agency does not correlate with what you do, she said at least he can provide us good offer for housing by the time we are ready to move. When all of a sudden, she said that same guy had asked her to help cook since his own wife had travelled to the USA to give birth. She asked if it was right for her to go ahead and do the cooking, I immediately denounce that move that it is wrong, and that the guy has another motive entirely. I told her to tell him that he should ask his own family member to cook for him, and that she should immediately cut communication with him if she wants to last long in the marriage.

My wife responded by saying, she does not think the guy has bad intentions and that he is a cool and nice person with a very mild personality,that if the dude has such intentions, that it would be the most surprising occurence to her. I said well just do as I have said. Lo and behold, I investigated her phone and I found out that she had already cooked for this dude even before she asked me the question. I confronted her, and she said it was because I might not find it funny and thats the reason why she kept it a secret at first. I then promise to show her that the dude was infact a cheater whom is planning to cheat on his wife with my own wife. One day, I impersonated my wife, and started sending text as such as that am ready to give him what he wants, lo and behold, this dude was responding and was even asking where I was at, that he is ready to heal my wounds, a hug and everything that I needed. I showed my wife the text message, and she acted all surprised, but I was not, because based on the conversations that I have seen, it seems to me that whenever I have issued, he rushes to call the guy and tell him everything, which was a good avenue for the guy to provide emotional consolation in order to get what he wants.

I apologize for this long story, but I just needed to detail this story well, so that I can get insight of what I need to be thinking, what I need to do, and the right steps to take.

Thanks all.

Bros, begin find new wife.

If your wife would go as far as cook and confide in another woman's husband other than you then obviously something is wrong. The usual template answer most people will give you on this forum is have a heart to heart talk about it to your wife, pray about it, etc. Forgerrit, if you don't have kids yet, i'll suggest you start packing your bags.

Bro.... ELEYI GIDI GAN o0o0!!! (Someone please translate it in English )

That your wife geh something wey she nor dey talk. My advise?? Ask her for a divorce. Be serious about it and WATCH her reaction AT THAT MOMENT and also in the days to forllow. That, my good friend, is enough to give you insight on what to do next.

By the way, this dude below me is really








Cooooooooooooooool!!!!

Buh in a warrey manner

I think 'ftc' has said it all. but if u want to continue.... a hot resounding slap will reset her senses. I don't support spouse assault but just to reset it.

Your wife is not satisfied with what you have to offer her.

She definitely is on the look out for more excitement outside.
whether or not she has physically cheated, one can't say. But she is certainly cheating on you emotionally.

It's a dicey situation, because she is gonna take her game a step further.
Are you ready for such mind games? Are you up to it? Do you have what it takes to clip her wings?

Marriage is never easy, but having a spouse who's hell bent on ruining you emotionally is a NO NO! All her excuses sound so childish and hollow, it's a wonder you are still trying to decipher what she is up to. I feel for you, brother. It's a really painful place you are in right now.

You both should see a pro-marriage professional counselor.

Some people just talk about divorce as if nobody gets hurt- even the person initiating gets hurt by it. It only worsens issues. Statistics show that one divorce and remarriage is potentially going to end in another divorce. May be that's why the Bible's prescription is separation and reuniting if it has gotten to that point of moving apart. Just food for thought.

Heart to heart talk, yes. But about what? What should you talk about? How prepared are you to hear the details? What productive steps should you take to make your marriage better? That's why BOTH of you need a pro-marriage professional counselor.

If you can't get one, buy books they've written. Books like The Complete Marriage Book by Dr. David Stoop& Dr. Jan Stoop will be of help especially in communication and dealing with emotions in marriage. Please read together. I wish you the best.

Yes! She is cheating. A married woman going behind her husband to cook for an ex is already cheating.

My brother there is absolutely nothing wrong with your wife...the problem is with you. Now let me try to explain.

Your wife is behaving like a normal woman and that's how they were created. The problem is that you didn't created boundaries in your relationship.

Most women are created to be loyal and submissive now couple that with a man that disvirgined them or a man that is better than you in bed, what you get is an over loyal woman even when she don marry someone else.



Now you may be her husband quite all right but as long as you didn't set strict boundaries that are supposed to checkmate her past loyaltys you are in for this type of Mary go round.

I assure u that your wife loves you but why she removed her ring I believe she has already told you, and from her answer it looks like u caused it too. Some people believed in do me I do you god no go vex. That's if she was telling the truth about her true reason.

My girlfriend can not make the mistake of chatting with an ex not to talk of my wife.
She can not even wish him a happy birthday, she can't have his number on her phone, she can't pick his calls o! She can not interact with him through any media possible. She just can't simple.

For me its better my girl friend cheats on me with another man than with an ex. I will forgive her immediately if she sleeps with someone else I no go even think am too much...but with an ex? The relationship is over o! I hate ex's pass devil o! And she knows . she can not try any form of communication with ex o! Becos the wahala that will result she won't survive it.
These are the kind of boundaries you for don set since b4 una even marry. As in eeh the first time she even chat with the ex u for break that your flat screen TV for parlour and her mirror for room and her phone so that she go know say ex's na no go area.
Then if she flirt with a neutral guy just do like say e no pain u too much so that she will be able to differentiate ex's temper from neutral guys temper. You see she don dey understand u

One thing i can say here is that she is cheating on you emotionally and it won't take long for
her to do it physically.

You took off your ring for a month, yet you got mad that she removed hers? If you refuse to keep the symbol of your union with you at all times, it is a bit hypocritical to expect her to keep hers. You need to take the bull by its horns and deal with your marital issues, impersonating her on whatsapp and looking for clues everywhere are mere games. Sit her down, talk to her, and be as frank as possible, because based on what you've said, something is probably going on, and if it isn't, it will. I'm not one for an authoritative tone in a relationship, but this might be one of those times when you need to put a firm foot down, and tell her that she should sever all forms of communication with her ex.

If you think she is cheating, buy micro-bugging devices to monitor her movement....

Women and emotions! It is either your wife is acting from a point of innocence or she knows what she's doing.

You lack clear cut leadership figure hence, you've outsourced such roles to an ex.

You are yet to mark your boundaries like in the animal kingdom where the Alpha male defines his territories and every encroaching male knows the consequences-A fight to death.

You may need to appear unpredictable to your wife. There are two ways you can make your wife Respect you- Through Fear or Love.

If you don't act fast enough, your wife will use that ex to wreak you and bully you into submission and you will be most miserable. You have to toughen up even if it entails putting a bullet into that ex heads and let your wife read his obituary. Common, the ex already knows this unwritten rule between Men.

Following

Bros, you dey zuzu seriously. You must be a romantic, pant-washing husband. Your wife dey mix zobo give you, you dey drink. You come come here dey ask for wetin?

You have just succeeded in necessitating your wife acquiring CIA-level clandestine skills.

My guy you are just too gentle for my liking. How can a woman be playing you like ludo and you come here to weep? Go through family section threads, mostly men are the ones complaining. It is a worrying trend. Grow some balls and take charge of your relationship.
Send her packing immediately and while at it go and do DNA test on all your kids. You may be amazed at the results!
A wife cooking for a married dude she just met is unheard of. In fact, let me say it clearly so you can understand it. Yes your wife is clearly cheating!

This one pass my power o

Don't know if she has cheated but she has the tendency to.

You took off your ring at a time and she did same so that shouldn't be an issue.

Anyways, going by your story there is a high chance she's cheating. Cooking at another man's house when his family is away, an ex for that matter? I smell a fish and it's not bonga fish.

Don't know why most people believe that cheating is only when you sleep with someone else.

Op,cheating can be emotionally,or physically. The dangerous one is emotional cheating,it gradually kills affection have for the hubby.

Guy,take charge,women hate a dummy guy.

U r no longer leading her and being a wuss alongside.

Dude in clear english, "f?ck ur wife better,lead her as d head,nd stop seeking r opinion in ur leadership descision" there r things you don't ask a woman for input, that's how u lead and teach her boundaries and I don't mean bully her.

Moreso you may think you ae being nice talking abt it, set boundaries firmly and later talk calmly abt it.

11years ago, I was u

So dnt beat urself too hard,we learn daily

Good morning brother,sorry about ur plight,yes ur wife is wrong but have u thought of why she is actually "flirting".sometimes when things get very boring some women love to switch things up,checkout a new or an ex and see the lattest with men,ofcoz they will go on dates to nice places and be very confident talking to one another.now my question for you,
1.are u sure ur wife is not bored
2.do u still take her to nice places or u stopped because ur now married
3.do u still show her much love,buy her gifts,give her massages when she complains of being weak or tired or did you stop all the love because you now have her. These are the new things a new guy would definitely give her because he wants to get down with her but when she gets enough from you if she is contented there is nothing those guys will wana offer that will freak her.try to spark up ur relationship,ignite her feelings.
4.as som1 said earlier boundries,you failed to create boundries
5.you should give her the impression,ur her very best friend and she should be free to tell u any thing,if u guys re having issues and she doesn't want to talk physically she can whatsapp u and tell u exactly how she feels rather than tell an ex or a new guy.she needs to stop trusting people excessively in this country with the way things re going,what if the man's wife came in and met her in his kitchen and gave her the beating of her life or his relatives perhaps,or he kidnaps her or use her for rituals coz she barely knows him so well.yet she trusts him enough to go to his house and cook without telling u,if she had even cooked in ur house and called him to come pick it up and introduce him to u would have been better and would have even proven her innocent of cheating.
It's never too late,as some said set boundaries,tel her to stop every communication with any ex or the new guy or else she should go meet them. if she continues then threaten her with a divorce when it's beyond you and see her reaction,if she is unremorseful go further by calling a lawyer (just for shakara) so she will know ur serious,if she still loves you or wants the relationship she would change.i wish u d best.

I was tempted to ask when she was cooking, where was this Ex?

Your wife clearly do not really understand the word ex.
Maybe you should ask her to Google the meaning.

I would have ignored it if they had a child together with this ex and she was in contact because of the child. But in this case nothing.

She is not really over him yet..
Sorry i got nothing to say but to wish you well.

Hmmmm, This is strong. Cheating is not a mistake but a choice.

First of all stop thinking if shez cheating Cuz she is maybe emotionally for now. She yearn for anoda man. She wants a touch of anoda person. She may have had it already but if not then very soon she will.

WTF was she thinking going to anoda man's house to cook for him without ur consent. Bro that wud av been d first instance u shud av used to reset her senses by taking a decisive action. She went ahead to cook without telling u cuz she knew u wud av countered it. She owened up bcuz u cought her. I just hope it has not gone deeper than u know.

The usual mantra wud be to ask her why all these. What she wants that ur not giving her--sex, money etc. At dis point u need to be d man n show who is d bozz. 4get what most ladies will opine here to pray n beg. Ur finished wen she sees these weakness. U cud wake up one day and tell her u hv lost trust in her and wants a divoce. Den watch her reaction 4 some days. If she severes ties with all those people u warned her about. Give her second chance. If nt oga seperate 4 a while.

Op 2 say d truth,u stil don't ve any proof 2 show ur wife is cheating on u wit her ex,or ve u caught dem red handed Buh dat ur wife get mind shall..hw can a married woman leave her matrimonial home 2 go cook 4 somebody else's hubby

Can't d man cook himself, or go 2 any eatery 2 eat?. Marriages of these days dey tire person I swear. Op I 'd advice u give her d benefit of doubt. Watch her closely n also threaten 2 divorce her if eventually ur suspicion comes tru

freelance777:
Dear Nairalander's

How are you all doing? I hope you guys are doing well? I am writing this post to express my fears of the unknown, because I have been a very trusting and reliable husband to my wife.

Before marriage, my wife have once told me about his ex who is supposedly his best date ever in her life before she met me, that apart 2 years into our marriage, we had an arguement in which she confronted me about a number saved with a lady's name on my dialled list. I openly and honestly told her it was my old school mate whom I missed her call and had called back. But she wanted to know more like I was doing something shady, that got me all roused up and I just told her to leave me be.

A week later, I received a call from her straight from work that my daughter had a serious cut on her lips due to an
accident, I quickly rushed down to the school, but met them at the nearest clinic where my daughter's lip was being stitched, few mins later I walked down to her school where she works nearby to pick up her car key then bring her car nearby so we could all go home, surprisingly, I found her wedding ring inside the glove compartment. A ring she wore out to work that very morning.

I didnt question her immmediately until the night of that day, I asked her why she had removed her ring and kept it in the glove compartment knowing fully well that the wore it out that very morning, she said it was because I have had mine removed since the past 1 month, so she also had the same reason to remove her's.

A week later, she opened up to me that she has been talking to her ex whom I described above, I asked her about what? She said she has been taking advise from him whenever we have issues. I kept shut and moved on.

2 more years into this marriage, I recently found out that her ex had sent her a whatsapp message, but she didnt respond, so I opened up a discussion with her based on ex's. I asked her if keeping contact of ex's or communicating with ex's is good for married people be it the man or woman, she said its a no no, that infact she will never accomodate such and that its wrong for anybody to do that. I immediately told her to open up her whats app, she did and I showed her her ex's whats app message, she at first was scared, wanted to cover up the phone somehow, but due to fear, she slowly relaxed herself and she said well that I can see that he is just talking and she has not been responding, and that its possible for someone you do not have on your contact list to send you a whatsapp message, I agreed, but countered her saying you also have saved his number with Abbreviation, if you never intend having future communication with him, why then did you save his number thereafter? I didnt get an answer, until later after two weeks when she told me she was in communication with him in order to secure a job for his younger brother. ( Very hard to believe) I moved on.


A few days later again, I was on my way to help her fix her iphone which she has abandoned like a year and the half, something just prompted me to dial his ex's number on that phone, behold she had saved the number as 'rsif' someone who bears Williams. Anyway I kept quiet still. The the final incident that gave me a final warning that this my wife might be cheating on me unknowingly was just a month ago when she told me she had met this dude on the same estate we reside, that he was into business and had also gave her his complementary card, I asked what he does, said he is an estate agent, I responded saying estate agency does not correlate with what you do, she said at least he can provide us good offer for housing by the time we are ready to move. When all of a sudden, she said that same guy had asked her to help cook since his own wife had travelled to the USA to give birth. She asked if it was right for her to go ahead and do the cooking, I immediately denounce that move that it is wrong, and that the guy has another motive entirely. I told her to tell him that he should ask his own family member to cook for him, and that she should immediately cut communication with him if she wants to last long in the marriage.

My wife responded by saying, she does not think the guy has bad intentions and that he is a cool and nice person with a very mild personality,that if the dude has such intentions, that it would be the most surprising occurence to her. I said well just do as I have said. Lo and behold, I investigated her phone and I found out that she had already cooked for this dude even before she asked me the question. I confronted her, and she said it was because I might not find it funny and thats the reason why she kept it a secret at first. I then promise to show her that the dude was infact a cheater whom is planning to cheat on his wife with my own wife. One day, I impersonated my wife, and started sending text as such as that am ready to give him what he wants, lo and behold, this dude was responding and was even asking where I was at, that he is ready to heal my wounds, a hug and everything that I needed. I showed my wife the text message, and she acted all surprised, but I was not, because based on the conversations that I have seen, it seems to me that whenever I have issued, he rushes to call the guy and tell him everything, which was a good avenue for the guy to provide emotional consolation in order to get what he wants.

I apologize for this long story, but I just needed to detail this story well, so that I can get insight of what I need to be thinking, what I need to do, and the right steps to take.

Thanks all.

Yes, your wife is already cheating by having emotional affairs with her ex and the real estate dude. When a wife reaches out to another male who isn't family, especially an ex for emotional support and stability, it is av dangerous kind of cheating.

Seems to me your wife's ethics on marriage is pretty low. Did you say she cooked for another man? For me, that alone will take her to her father's house. There are few things as intimate as cooking EXCLUSIVELY for another man.

Saving her ex number with an abbreviation is a dead giveaway. That ex is an investment diick she can easily cash in on in a stormy day. She will maintain that account with occasional gists, gossips and phone calls until situation will prompt the cheating.

She may not have cheated vagina-wise, but she definitely will , it's in her plans.

You guys need to work on your marriage ASAP.
You've shown her signs that you're not emotionally invested in the relationship and she's unknowingly in the look-out for something else.
If you don't do something now, it will clear in your eyes the moment she gets carried away enough to bed the fellow. She needs a serious wake up call.
Both of you.

cococandy:
You guys need to work on your marriage ASAP.
You've shown her signs that you're not emotionally invested in the relationship and she's unknowingly in the look-out for something else.
If you don't do something now, it will clear in your eyes the moment she gets carried away enough to bed the fellow. She needs a serious wake up call.
Both of you.

Gbam!!! Well said.

wagazala:
Bros, begin find new wife.

If your wife would go as far as cook and confide in another woman's husband other than you then obviously something is wrong. The usual template answer most people will give you on this forum is have a heart to heart talk about it to your wife, pray about it, etc. Forgerrit, if you don't have kids yet, i'll suggest you start packing your bags.

Unfortunately we have kids together, 2 kids to be precise. So am on some serious hanging here. If not, I might probably have parted ways with her.

whirlwind7:
Your wife is not satisfied with what you have to offer her.

She definitely is on the look out for more excitement outside.
whether or not she has physically cheated, one can't say. But she is certainly cheating on you emotionally.

It's a dicey situation, because she is gonna take her game a step further.
Are you ready for such mind games? Are you up to it? Do you have what it takes to clip her wings?

Marriage is never easy, but having a spouse who's hell bent on ruining you emotionally is a NO NO! All her excuses sound so childish and hollow, it's a wonder you are still trying to decipher what she is up to. I feel for you, brother. It's a really painful place you are in right now.

Mr Wind, I am in a pretty bad situation with all these happening, but what can I do?