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How Do I Change My Husband? - Family - Nairaland

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How Do I Change My Husband? by Nobody: 2:10am On Jul 06, 2015
A friend of mine needs advise on how to take charge of her man and here's her story....

My husband is a good guy. He is very positive and
understanding. Only problem I have with him is that
even though he loves me a lot, when anyone insults me
( like his parents or brother)n he just keeps mum. I do
not yell at them either as I do not have the courage to
face a fight. Also, it would only worsen the situation.
Instead, if he spoke for him, they would be always
forgive their son. They would also understand my
feelings at some time. Since I have not expressed
myself, I bottle up my anger and it reflects on my
behaviour with them. Whereas at all times, my
husband is a good boy in their eyes and I have become
a bad girl! I feel very lonely and let down by my
husband and is I loved him madly and could never
tolerate any kind of blame on him form my people. I
would fiht tooth and nail to rpove his inncocence
wheras he just watches evrything and always asks me
forgive and forget. Now, I feel that my love for him is
coming down because of this which is making me sad.
PLs advice how to change him
(
Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by 400billionman: 2:39am On Jul 06, 2015
Just tell him what you told me..

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Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by Nobody: 2:39am On Jul 06, 2015
Rat poison!

Thank me after the funeral.


I shall read this post later. No time to do that now.

1 Like

Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by Richy4(m): 2:40am On Jul 06, 2015
The husband of your friend is a wise man.

The point is that your friend doesn't know if the guy speak to his parents or brother privately....

He can't just start yelling at his parent in front of you just to impress you. Doing that alone will give you the license to do the same in future. That's the reason why you do not have the guts to do it.

Tell your friend to let him be. He is the definition of a perfect gentle man. His type is not common in Nigeria i presume.

4 Likes

Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by iPopAlomo(m): 4:22am On Jul 06, 2015
imagine what this woman is spewing... you love him less because he's not fighting... most of all these women are just insane... marriage is indeed overrated...

3 Likes

Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by skyfullofstars(f): 4:51am On Jul 06, 2015
Wow, do not ever let ANYONE insult you! No matter whether it's a stranger or somebody very close to you, no matter whether it's a woman or a man, someone old or someone young! Please, stand up for yourself, do not wait for a man to defend you. You are a human being and you should be the one to confront this situation.

My family believe that men are superior to women, whereas I don't. Everytime they make such comments, I begin a discussion, voice my opinion, and shout when necessary. I don't care if they think I'm crazy, i care about defending what I am, a woman, and if creating a bad moment is necessary, i din't mind, i will still voice my opinion, ALWAYS.

Please watch Chimamanda Adichie's talk on feminism.

That's my advice, rather than waiting for your husband to do anything...we need to empower women to show equality.

1 Like

Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by mployer(m): 6:15am On Jul 06, 2015
skyfullofstars:
Wow, do not ever let ANYONE insult you! No matter whether it's a stranger or somebody very close to you, no matter whether it's a woman or a man, someone old or someone young! Please, stand up for yourself, do not wait for a man to defend you. You are a human being and you should be the one to confront this situation.

My family believe that men are superior to women, whereas I don't. Everytime they make such comments, I begin a discussion, voice my opinion, and shout when necessary. I don't care if they think I'm crazy, i care about defending what I am, a woman, and if creating a bad moment is necessary, i din't mind, i will still voice my opinion, ALWAYS.

Please watch Chimamanda Adichie's talk on feminism.

That's my advice, rather than waiting for your husband to do anything...we need to empower women to show equality.

Adichies feminism is meant to deceive naive women like you and increase her popularity, while she lives the opposite in reality.


FYI, she is happily married. Likewise Beyounce.

You can't be happily married with extreme feminist ideology. You can try it.



Except you have some other plans.

8 Likes

Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by stinggy(m): 6:47am On Jul 06, 2015
Is she expecting the husband to pick fight with his people in her presence? I'm sure he fights for her in the background.
I wasn't trained to shout back at my parents because of my woman too.





skyfullofstars:
Wow, do not ever let ANYONE insult you! No matter whether it's a stranger or somebody very close to you, no matter whether it's a woman or a man, someone old or someone young! Please, stand up for yourself, do not wait for a man to defend you. You are a human being and you should be the one to confront this situation.

My family believe that men are superior to women, whereas I don't. Everytime they make such comments, I begin a discussion, voice my opinion, and shout when necessary. I don't care if they think I'm crazy, i care about defending what I am, a woman, and if creating a bad moment is necessary, i din't mind, i will still voice my opinion, ALWAYS.

Please watch Chimamanda Adichie's talk on feminism.

That's my advice, rather than waiting for your husband to do anything...we need to empower women to show equality.
Pls don't be fooled by what you read/watch from these feminists. They practise different things in real life.

4 Likes

Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by Nobody: 7:18am On Jul 06, 2015
skyfullofstars:
Wow, do not ever let ANYONE insult you! No matter whether it's a stranger or somebody very close to you, no matter whether it's a woman or a man, someone old or someone young! Please, stand up for yourself, do not wait for a man to defend you. You are a human being and you should be the one to confront this situation.
You don't have to yell at anyone just to show equality.
Your maturity & silence, should speak volume and that shows how you are above them all.

You can retaliate when pushed to an extreme probably when "hit" after their bitterness coupled with your silence has infuriated them to its peak.

4 Likes

Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by thorpido(m): 7:20am On Jul 06, 2015
You married a mummy's boy and I'm afraid you have to deal with that.
Have a discussion with your hubby about this and seek ways to improve your relationship with your in-laws.

You will need to let your in-laws know how you feel too but not by engaging in a shouting match with them.
Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by TooNoisy(f): 7:35am On Jul 06, 2015
Insults like stuupid, foolish, useless or like you could have done something better? Just wanted to make sure.

If his folks call you stuupid or useless, then he ought to stop it right there and then. That is completely unacceptable. You should stand up for yourself too.

But if they said you could have done something better, I do not expect him to get mad at that even though you may think that is an insult.

But have you spoken to him? What was his view?

3 Likes

Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by freecocoa(f): 7:50am On Jul 06, 2015
OP I don't know what you mean by insult, but I just want to say that, never fail to let people know how you truly feel in a polite/diplomatic manner, be it who. You should learn to speak up for yourself and that doesn't mean getting into a shouting match with people, you can keep your cool while defending yourself.

You also need to let your hubby know how his actions/inaction make you feel, I don't see how it's reasonable to keep mute while his people insult you, but it will also be nice if you can explain further what you mean by "insult" for a better understanding of the situation.

3 Likes

Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by Nobody: 8:23am On Jul 06, 2015
Richy4:
The husband of your friend is a wise man.

The point is that your friend doesn't know if the guy speak to his parents or brother privately....

He can't just start yelling at his parent in front of you just to impress you. Doing that alone will give you the license to do the same in future. That's the reason why you do not have the guts to do it.

Tell your friend to let him be. He is the definition of a perfect gentle man. His type is not common in Nigeria i presume.


U make sense...take kiss frm the red lip ever kiss
Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by skyfullofstars(f): 8:27am On Jul 06, 2015
stinggy:
Is she expecting the husband to pick fight with his people in her presence? I'm sure he fights for her in the background.
I wasn't trained to shout back at my parents because of my woman too.






Pls don't be fooled by what you read/watch from these feminists. They practise different things in real life.

I don't act different in real life. In my country is normal to do such, i think it's ridiculous to open a thread to ask such a thing, when that situation of being insulted shouldn't even happen, cause once you stand for yourself no one will come and insult you.... Feel me?
Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by Nobody: 8:27am On Jul 06, 2015
stinggy:
Is she expecting the husband to pick fight with his people in her presence? I'm sure he fights for her in the background.
I wasn't trained to shout back at my parents because of my woman too.






Pls don't be fooled by what you read/watch from these feminists. They practise different things in real life.
....you dey mind dem undecided
Na their type husband dey give matching-order from downstairs grin
Come here dey tell us Chimamanda story cheesy
Who Chimamanda don help *scoff* undecided

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by skyfullofstars(f): 8:30am On Jul 06, 2015
mployer:


Adichies feminism is meant to deceive naive women like you and increase her popularity, while she lives the opposite in reality.


FYI, she is happily married. Likewise Beyounce.

You can't be happily married with extreme feminist ideology. You can try it.



Except you have some other plans.

Feminism means equality for Adichie. Equality is fair.

By the way, if I can't be married because I believe I'm equal to the rest, then I'd rather be married to God only, spirituality is what matters the most, rather than having a man to fu€k every night. I mean it.
Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by Truckpusher(m): 8:31am On Jul 06, 2015
chimkaire:
....you dey mind undecided
Na their type husband dey give matching-order from downstairs grin
Come here dey tell us Chimamanda story cheesy
Who Chimamanda don help *scoff* undecided

3 Likes

Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by skyfullofstars(f): 8:31am On Jul 06, 2015
chimkaire:
....you dey mind undecided
Na their type husband dey give matching-order from downstairs grin
Come here dey tell us Chimamanda story cheesy
Who Chimamanda don help *scoff* undecided

Sorry I don't speak Pidgin sad

3 Likes

Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by Nobody: 8:36am On Jul 06, 2015
All dis inlaws undecided now ll u blame dat nairalander dat wanted to marry an orphan?? angry, because some inlaws re jst stupid troubles

God Pls don't bring mad pple close to me for inlaws abeg...make dey find there square root before I marry their son lipsrsealed
Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by stinggy(m): 9:06am On Jul 06, 2015
skyfullofstars:


I don't act different in real life. In my country is normal to do such, i think it's ridiculous to open a thread to ask such a thing, when that situation of being insulted shouldn't even happen, cause once you stand for yourself no one will come and insult you.... Feel me?

Sorry I don't feel you kankan, no offence.

Here if situations like this arise, the husby is expected to calm his parents/siblings down in the wife's presence not shout on them. All the 'shoutings' and 'fighting back' will be at the wife's back, not in her presence!

You don't shout on your folks and expect your wife to ever respect them again.

And here, a wife is not expected to 'stand up for herself' by shouting back unless the situation has degenerated to a point of 'no more respect'.


On the lighter note, are you from pekam? tongue

2 Likes

Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by stinggy(m): 9:10am On Jul 06, 2015
zaragal:
All dis inlaws undecided now ll u blame dat nairalander dat wanted to marry an orphan?? angry, because some inlaws re jst stupid troubles

God Pls don't bring mad pple close to me for inlaws abeg...make dey find there square root before I marry their son lipsrsealed

Learn how to live with people without causing troubles too.
And stop supporting that nairalander. The same way she prayed for her in-laws to die before she marries their son is the same way future DIL will pray she dies too, even earlier than those she will dead.
Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by stinggy(m): 9:14am On Jul 06, 2015
chimkaire:
....you dey mind undecided
Na their type husband dey give matching-order from downstairs grin
Come here dey tell us Chimamanda story cheesy
Who Chimamanda don help *scoff* undecided
Trust me, na dem suffer pass for man hand. Den go com dey for James Bond for their followers grin

1 Like

Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by freecocoa(f): 9:18am On Jul 06, 2015
skyfullofstars:


I don't act different in real life. In my country is normal to do such, i think it's ridiculous to open a thread to ask such a thing, when that situation of being insulted shouldn't even happen, cause once you stand for yourself no one will come and insult you.... Feel me?
Might actually be ridiculous but then, things are done differently in nigeria. Your in-laws are to be taken as some sort of demi gods, you literally have to have their approval to have a successful marriage, which is usually defined as the woman tolerating even as much as being hit, so it shouldn't surprise you to see such threads on here.

Where are you from if I may ask?
Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by yorubadelta(f): 9:28am On Jul 06, 2015
mployer:


Adichies feminism is meant to deceive naive women like you and increase her popularity, while she lives the opposite in reality.


FYI, she is happily married. Likewise Beyounce.

You can't be happily married with extreme feminist ideology. You can try it.



Except you have some other plans.



True talk.
Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by Nobody: 9:43am On Jul 06, 2015
stinggy:


Learn how to live with people without causing troubles too.
And stop supporting that nairalander. The same way she prayed for her in-laws to die before she marries their son is the same way future DIL will pray she dies too, even earlier than those she will dead.


Wat is dis one saying undecided...how is dis lady causing trouble??....oga for yin ooo...
Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by Nobody: 9:46am On Jul 06, 2015
skyfullofstars:


Sorry I don't speak Pidgin sad
...good for ya grin
Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by Nobody: 10:02am On Jul 06, 2015
stinggy:

Trust me, na dem suffer pass for man hand. Den go com dey for James Bond for their followers grin
...whoever says "a man can be changed" undecided
Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by Nobody: 10:03am On Jul 06, 2015
stinggy:

Trust me, na dem suffer pass for man hand. Den go com dey for James Bond for their followers grin
...whoever says "a man can be changed" undecided
Odogwu, karoo...booni
Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by mredwifeosband: 10:05am On Jul 06, 2015
Pheww
If a man is omo mummy wahala, if he's brain is not inside his family's armpit, wahala. My dear enjoy the ride of being Mrs somebody grin



find solace in the ranters on nl grin

Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by snakebeat: 10:33am On Jul 06, 2015
Richy4:
The husband of your friend is a wise man.

The point is that your friend doesn't know if the guy speak to his parents or brother privately....

He can't just start yelling at his parent in front of you just to impress you. Doing that alone will give you the license to do the same in future. That's the reason why you do not have the guts to do it.

Tell your friend to let him be. He is the definition of a perfect gentle man. His type is not common in Nigeria i presume.

Nice one.
Op take this advise.
Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by stinggy(m): 10:36am On Jul 06, 2015
zaragal:

Wat is dis one saying undecided...how is dis lady causing trouble??....oga for yin ooo...
Sorry I muddled it up. Pele


chimkaire:
...whoever says "a man can be changed" undecided
Odogwu, karoo...booni
I firm here jare, no challenge.

... and you?
Re: How Do I Change My Husband? by Nobody: 10:38am On Jul 06, 2015
stinggy:

Sorry I muddled it up. Pele



I firm here jare, no challenge.

... and you?
...I dey.

1 Like

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