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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / A Father's Pain (8142 Views)
My Husband Has Become A Pain In My Neck / 49-Year-old Man Finally Becomes A Father After Suffering So Much Tragedies.Photo / It Turns Me On Seeing My Wife Hurt, Sad Or In Pain (2) (3) (4)
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Re: A Father's Pain by pickabeau1: 1:07pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
2good: So what do you propose in terms of companionship etc Because cohabitation too is a mine |
Re: A Father's Pain by 2good(m): 1:26pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
Xx |
Re: A Father's Pain by pickabeau1: 1:29pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
2good: Hmm.... I get this So what do you propose |
Re: A Father's Pain by 2good(m): 1:39pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
Xx |
Re: A Father's Pain by pickabeau1: 1:41pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
2good: Very drastic ... is it realistic How many years before cohabitation becomes common law? |
Re: A Father's Pain by 2good(m): 1:51pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
Xx |
Re: A Father's Pain by pickabeau1: 2:18pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
2good: How many years does it take before cohabitation becomes common law marriage Now I see why Ronaldo sacked his long time girlfriend Irina Sharyk within 4 years and is dating someone else Do you think this can become a life style - Date and move on before 4 years - Use a surrogate The issue is how many people can afford surrogacy and getting someone aside the mother to look after your kid |
Re: A Father's Pain by 2good(m): 2:20pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
pickabeau1:Cohabitation can become common law marriage in 2 years in some countries. |
Re: A Father's Pain by pickabeau1: 2:24pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
2good: lol date and dump before 2nd anniversary of relationship? ![]() ![]() ![]() This is not life What of those who want to have kids? |
Re: A Father's Pain by TV01(m): 2:55pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
pickabeau1:Cohabitation laws and what is considered "common-law" or a "de-facto" relationship are fast changing. That they should be granted any form of legal status - apart from what the couple themselves both agree - is already a farce. Previously, they had to at least marry you and have a kid. I envisage they continue to be tightened, to the degree that once a woman can prove a substantive relationship with a man, she will be able to make a "claim" against him in the event of a break-up. A few restaurant receipts, film ticket stubs, knowledge of your crib, your phone number sef ![]() In the near term, sharp men will continue to navigate this minefield, and perhaps even prosper if their aspirations are merely around "scoring" - a players market. Even then you'd have to be devoid of strong religious or cultural morés re relationships. Long-term, it is unsustainable for either sex and deleterious for society as a whole. There are some options, but they are not fail-safe, have limited scope or are not suitable for all. 1. Marry women from countries or communities with a deeply engrained marriage culture. But we know how bringing women to the West can contaminate them with the feminsit ideology. 2. Live and marry in a country that hasn't legally codified this madness. Which rules out living in what we term "developed" nations 3. Go your own way - totally eschew relationships with women. Patently unworkable for most ![]() 4. Make your interactions with women purley transactional; i.e. pay for sex and try and keep female friendships - if you need those - purely platonic. Sorrogates and paid carers for kids. Afterall, many relationships are pretty transactional in nature anyway. Both 3 & 4 would be all but impossible for those with strong religious inclinations or with strong marriage cultures. If you want kids - and to be an active ever present part of their lives, and in conjunction with their biological mother, which is best for them, then you are at the mercy of these laws. Marriage or children or evidence of a substantive relationship are all it will take - they've got men by the short and curlies in the West.You therefore have to, weigh up the risks and choose very wisely. The truth of the matter is, until the laws are changed, men there are playing against a stacked deck. Me I went to God 0! TV 1 Like |
Re: A Father's Pain by pickabeau1: 3:45pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
Now u have answered my q That's why I said his option was not realistic option 1 is what is causing issues for guys who come here to marry naija ladies who then become harridans due to the laws means option 4 is also not the best really... nothing like a companion to bond with (not physically) Its really tough nd its not the best for the kids Cristiano Ronaldo got his kid via surrogate, dated and dumped his long term girlfriend, is dating another one now No mother for the kid If this method becomes more low cost and affordable for the middle class, normal people, then we are in trouble Not the best for the kids TV01: 1 Like |
Re: A Father's Pain by 2good(m): 3:52pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
Xx |
Re: A Father's Pain by TV01(m): 4:11pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
2good: pickabeau1: Feminism will have to be expunged, with a reversion to at least some elements of what used to be - even if modified somewhat. This will of course mean some changes to the law in hose countries that are "infected". Feminsim does not care about children or men and in truth, long-term will not even benefit women. It may even be women that lead the charge for change. It may have to be, men are pretty powerless or in thrall to the "agenda". http://www.avoiceformen.com/feminism/lauren-southern-why-i-am-not-a-feminist/ They are still using useful fools to infect our women sha - http://edition.cnn.com/2015/07/06/opinions/nigeria-america-gay-marriage/ TV |
Re: A Father's Pain by mredwifeosband: 4:19pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
2good:solution: go to your village and get a village/bush woman and then dont take her to the west,just leave her with your mom and be sending money for upkeep to her every month for her and your children.lobatan meanwhile makesure your mom isnt a troublesome woman whereby the woman will be pushed to lace mamas food with rat poison and blame it on anything.you know autopsy in naija is dead same with police investigation except you have enough money to spend |
Re: A Father's Pain by mredwifeosband: 4:20pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() TV01: |
Re: A Father's Pain by pickabeau1: 5:32pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
Na wa nice debate 2good,TV01 TV01: |
Re: A Father's Pain by dinachi(m): 10:29pm On Jul 06, 2015 |
It is a pity I arrived this thread late. Be that as it may, I have no iota of pity for these foolish American males for giving out all their rights sheepishly because of feminists. They neglected to fight when necessary and now many of them are regretting it. In the west women hold all the aces and men are treated worse than animals! My concern is with countries like Nigeria. We men need to be vigilant or else similar fate awaits us. Men in the west needs to start moving out now and march for equality! As funny as it sounds that is the reality. They allowed themselves to be railroaded into the mess. 1 Like |
Re: A Father's Pain by Nobody: 11:37am On Jul 07, 2015 |
@ 2Good, Pickabeau1 et TV01, do you think there could/would be a reversion to the old ways, which came bout as a means of holding society together, or do you think it's going to be an evolution into something else, glimpses of which we already see? If things never go back to the 'traditional' how does it affect our future and evolution as a species? @ Obodo999, you didn't answer my question, hope you saw it? Also, your thought on the questions above; would you consider remarriage; what would you do differently given your current circumstances? |
Re: A Father's Pain by pickabeau1: 11:50am On Jul 07, 2015 |
Timbuktou I see no reversion The horse has left the stable The Marriage of the Future - Protect your assets in shell corporations so you cant lose it - Marry a decent woman you hope will not become a harridan and get a prenup while you are it If you cant get one, make enough money to hire governesses and cohabit - Break relationships before they become common law spouses - Use surrogates so no woman can claim child support - Since women want to fleece men dry, men have to change the game Such a cold world ![]() ![]() 3 Likes |
Re: A Father's Pain by Nobody: 12:16pm On Jul 07, 2015 |
pickabeau1: - Excellent point. Can't be reached. - That demographic is becoming increasingly rare. - ![]() ![]() - Indeed. - The role of the mother is still important, bruv. How do we account for that? - Oh, the game is being changed as we speak. Indeed. |
Re: A Father's Pain by TV01(m): 12:18pm On Jul 07, 2015 |
Timbuktou:In some ways, I don't believe there will be - or it's even possible/desirable to - fully revert to the "old ways". Hopefully it will be a "modified" reversion, with the worst excesses removed and an acceptance of some new realities. However, I still think the patently obvious biological and social imperatives should underpin whatever emerges. So far example, while men will lead/head homes, it wil be more collaborative, more like a "cabinet affair". Which in truth is always like it was meant to be, not as some would understand or practice it as being totalitarian. Like a "benign" as opposed to an "abusive" patriarchy - but still patriarchy. Timbuktou:It can only evolve into something else, and be sustained, if the something else actually works - as opposed to being maintained by force. If it doesn't work it will be abandoned and if it's by force- against a majority - it wil be rebelled against. We are seeing that now with gay rights, it is seeking to crush all dissent, heavily penalise and ostracise those who do not bow. There will inevitably be a backlash - with the result it could be even worse for gays than before. Same with feminsim - men are turning heel. Womens gains will prove short-term at best (mere quick emotional gratification), and long-term, society will suffer. Women won't get what they truly want, neither will men and children will suffer. Timbuktou:As above -but if it does not work and is not rebelled against, it will seriously raze - hurt their poulations, and founding structures - affected communities, and/or make them vulnerable to being taken over by others. ISIS are coming...nay they are already here. A good example of this was/is the nationwide sexual abuse of young white women by muslim men of middle-eastern extraction in thr UK. Whatever one has to say about Islam as a religion - and there is a lot to be said - the "host" population was preyed upon because of it's weak, almost non-existent sexual morality. TV 1 Like |
Re: A Father's Pain by TV01(m): 12:28pm On Jul 07, 2015 |
pickabeau1:Good points, but the prevailing ideology is already moving to dismantle some of those protections; 1. The ethos literally "infects" women who are not seriously grounded with strong religious or cultural values around marriage. Even those that stay are often "disgruntled" and make for unhappy unions. Everything form of media works towards this. 2. I said, cohabitation still soon be based on anything determined a "substantive" relationship 3. Unless you are gay, judges will still tend to favour the surrogate - there can change there minds after inception you know? 4. It still fails the children, not being optimal for them - and in any event, once a child is involved, you are on the hook. In some countries men are not allowed to demand paternity tests, so you can be forced to to take financial responsibility for a child that is not yours, and to whom you have no access. So at best it works for men who only care abou themselves. Men build civilisations, it's up to men to take them back. Point 1 may have some merit sha. A good lawyer/tax expert may be able to wrap ones asets up in the kind of wrapper no one can touch. But that only applies to a minority of hign net worth men. TV 1 Like |
Re: A Father's Pain by pickabeau1: 12:45pm On Jul 07, 2015 |
TV01: Note this is not what I want but an extrapolation based on trends I am seeing The price of Surrogacy is reducing.. also don't forget that you can use Asians/Africans thus making the birth mother gerographically impossible to track you down
It does really
This costs are reducing gradually They will become assessable to non high networth people .. mark my words Trusts were a big deal years ago but now it can be done online |
Re: A Father's Pain by Nobody: 1:05pm On Jul 07, 2015 |
TV01:This does sound good, on paper, but I tell you, my worst relationship experience was one in which I practised collaboration or maybe I was just beta at the time. Still, a system should account for all extremes, should it not? It would be perfect to incorporate a system beneficial to both alphas and betas or another imbalance(?) could occur? Not that I would want to revert to my less enlightened days, of course. It can only evolve into something else, and be sustained, if the something else actually works - as opposed to being maintained by force. If it doesn't work it will be abandoned and if it's by force- against a majority - it wil be rebelled against.Who decides what that something else would be, certainly not government, its involvement in marriage has proven counter-productive and a total failure so far. I recently watched a clip on youtube where a US statistician claimed that if the disparity among black and white prison inmate population would be level/almost level if the black American community had their homes intact. Good observation as regards LGBT and fascist tendencies. As above -but if it does not work and is not rebelled against, it will seriously raze - hurt their poulations, and founding structures - affected communities, and/or make them vulnerable to being taken over by others. ISIS are coming...nay they are already here.Per the sexxual abuse claims against these muslim men, how do we know the claims are genuine? How do we know it's not these girls trying to retain what's left of the dignity/integrity by painting these men evil? I've become very sceptical about such claims. But the point stands, they are making inroads into positions of advantage in society. I wonder when the beast would strike. 1 Like |
Re: A Father's Pain by TV01(m): 2:03pm On Jul 07, 2015 |
pickabeau1:Surrogacy is stil not optimal - no matter how cheap - even if they provide it for free. Not to say it can't become "normalised" sha. It's not the accessibility of trusts - it's how many actually have the net worth to warrant one or truly benefit - we are mostly broke-azzez ![]() TV |
Re: A Father's Pain by TV01(m): 2:15pm On Jul 07, 2015 |
Timbuktou:Unless one is married to a total dullard or bush-girl (I've nothing against either ![]() Timbuktou:That's the whole bent of the culture wars - usually whichever ideology holds powere, holds sway. It's not necessarily about numbers. Five people just re-defined marriage for 250 million Americans? The vast majority of the populace are passive. Whatever obtains has to seriously hurt them or their future - and they have to see that - for them to reject whatever those in power force upon them. Timbuktou:I believe them. There is a real lack of morality around sex and no real parent power amongst the UKs indigenous population. That allied with a political correctness that is deferential to Islam and brown -skinned minorities made the conditions right - in of course conjunction with what Islam permits. They first tried it on Hindus. Hindu men rose up - hard. There were running battles in parts of the UK. But it was reported as "gang wars". Hindu men won't stand for their girls to be violated - 'specially not by non-Hindus. It wasn't about race. "White culture" made their women vulnerable. TV |
Re: A Father's Pain by Nobody: 3:37pm On Jul 07, 2015 |
TV01: Indeed. Unfortunately, most men don't know how to lead or that they should even do so or need to? Many try to do so too late into the relationship which leads to a lot of avoidable break ups and divorces. I wouldn't say bush/dullard ![]() I agree. The vast population sees the desolation the current climate fosters and are slowly waking up to finding a solution or bailing; speaking of bailing, that would be the action of choice of the passive population, wouldn't it? ![]() "Gang wars"? Really? Wasn't aware such a phenomenon existed. Still, it seems the east is either trying to dominate or resisting cultural domination, and to do so in a distant foreign land is telling. TV, prepare to run back home ![]() ![]() |
Re: A Father's Pain by Nobody: 3:48pm On Jul 07, 2015 |
And the debaters hace gone offtopic. Back to topic I think he should bail. He should write fail letters to his kids, keep it in a journal. Pray for them daily. Stop the visits. Stop fighting for them.Live his life. His daughters will look for him in a couple of years and so will their mum. He needs to step back..that doesn't mean he doesn't love them. |
Re: A Father's Pain by JeromeK: 4:04pm On Jul 07, 2015 |
The divorce laws need changing and men need to be sharp. |
Re: A Father's Pain by TV01(m): 4:08pm On Jul 07, 2015 |
Timbuktou:Word. Men let their desire to "please" women stop them - or make them forget - that they stil have to present as leaders. They also ignore, or are ignorant of womens natural tendency to control or manipulate - ontop a craving for "drama" ![]() Men need to be able to present as leaders, without being over-bearing, indulge without spoiling and heed what their women have to say without being manipulated. Then they have ot keep it exciting, without falling for the drama - all the while avoiding shit and fitness tests. It's a tough balancing act and hard to get it, and keep it right. Men sha, we are trying ![]() I know someone whose default mode is to treat them harsh. While dating it always worked, as per dread now. With marriage it was slightly different as some element of dread is lost. (not least due to the laws & familiarity). As you relax into the marriage, it's easy to lose the edge and take your place for granted. Only women rearely stop testing and "dramatising" Timbuktou:There are too many to bail and too few actually have any options - the problem must be fixed at source. Although men at the top-end (rainmakers, entrepreneurs, etc, bailing woul dgive pause for thought) Timbuktou:It wasn't gang wars per se, but Hindu vigilantes squaring off against Pakistani/muslim gangs who were trying to run their women. Th eoress made it sound like regular drug gang turf wars, it wasn't. The Hindus were cultural vigilantes, protecting their women. The Pakistani/Muslim "gangs" were using the women for prostitution and as part of their drug operations. My wife can't stand the idea of living in Nigeria - the 2 or 3 years she spent there were horrendous for her. I'm hoping it won; tcome to that, but sensitising her to the idea gradually. If I were rich, we'd already be rocking both countries in style and it wouldn't be an issue See wtin money cause ![]() ![]() TV |
Re: A Father's Pain by Goldenboy007(m): 4:23pm On Jul 07, 2015 |
Crap !!!! Ranting of a deluded man! He is not a father, just a sperm donor ! Things like this happens to people who depend on others to have a life !!! Why go through all these as if you have been castrated ! Abi woman finish for world ? Onikotokoto |
Re: A Father's Pain by raumdeuter: 5:44pm On Jul 07, 2015 |
I know someone who went through a bad ordeal from an ex wife too though not as bad as this |
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