Every waking hour of the day, you are faced with
‘choices’ to make, that can either add to the richness
of your marriage, or could potentially harm it in
some manner.
The hard and cold truth of marriage is that staying
together can be tough at times for almost any couple.

To ensure that one's marriage lasts "as long as we
both shall live" as opposed to the increasingly
popular "as long as we both shall love”, couples
should undertake daily connection rituals that
facilitate intentional marriage.

You win at marriage when you win your wife’s heart.
Think about when you dated your wife, it was the
easiest thing in the world to focus on her happiness.

She made your every dream come true; and you
lived to please her. Once your wife knows she is the
focus of your life, she will return your love and build
a better relationship by your side.

As men are different from women biologically, so
also are they different emotionally and
psychologically. Men are analytical beings while
Women are emotional beings.

Below are some steps to help foster your marriage:

Step 1: Make Marriage Your Job

Surprisingly, men who can masterfully deal with
conflict at work say they just do not know how to
handle marital problems, and they tune out and give
up. Why not start thinking about your marriage the
same way you think of your job. It’s easier than you
think. You will feel more adept at managing marital
problems if you use your work skills: long-range
planning, active listening, and considering all options
before action. And, just like your job, your marriage
has many rewards: from personal fulfillment, to a
longer, healthier and more financially secure future,
to a better sex life. (Yes, studies show that the
average married man has more satisfying, sex than
his unmarried peers.)

Step 2: Know Your Wife

If something works for me, it must work for my wife,
right? Wrong. It is likely that your wife and you see
practically everything differently. Here is where your
job skills come in handy. To understand the way to
your wife’s heart, you must first learn what makes
her tick. A bouquet of flowers may not mean much to
you, so it may seem like a colossal waste of money to
send them. But that is not the way your wife sees it.
To you, working late might be your way of saying: “I love you and will take care of you.” To her, it might
mean you do not care about the relationship. If you
learn how she views the world, and learn to see
things through her eyes, you will understand what
actions you must take to affect her in a positive way.

Step 3: Be Home Now

Most marriages that dissolve begin to unravel in the
very first year. Do not underestimate the importance
of spending time at home with your wife. Time
together is proof that you care. You may have
thought the wedding ring was enough evidence of
your commitment. But for her, the vows are only a
start; she wants you to prove your love for her every
day. To do this, you must give up your bachelor
identity. You may want to ‘hang-out’ with the boys on
Saturdays and Sundays or regularly attend happy
hour; If that is what you choose to do, do not be
surprised if you arrive home to find a fuming wife
that sends you to the guest room to spend the rest of
the night.

Step 4: Expect Conflict and Learn to Deal with It

Most people assume that if there is conflict in a
marriage, there must be something wrong. The
reality is, conflict is part of marriage. If we always
agreed with our spouses on everything, imagine how
boring life would be. Disagreements happen even in
the best of marriages. There are good ways to fight
and bad ways to fight. Those who maintain
relationships learn to go into the argument slowly;
they avoid accusations such as: “How dare you say
that?” and instead share their own experience: “I was
really upset when you made that comment.” Don’t
panic when you clash. It’s OK to disagree. But avoid
contempt, criticism, defensiveness and emotional
withdrawal. If you fight fair, you will find that conflict
can help you learn about your wife and make you a
better husband. When the heat builds up, do not take
off in a huff. Loving humor and kind words can help
heal the rift.

Step 5: Learn to Listen

Men and women differ dramatically in verbal
communication skills. The average woman uses the
spoken word three times more frequently than the
male of the species. For many women, verbalizing a
feeling is more than communicating a thought; it is a
way to establish closeness.
Men, you have to learn the basics. When she wants to
talk, sit quietly without distractions. Turn the TV off
and, while you are at it, put down the newspaper.
When she talks, take a few moments and reflect back
on what she has said. I realize you know exactly what
she is saying or trying to say within the first five
seconds, but it does not matter; Let your wife talk,
and let her know you are listening. Before offering
suggestions to the problems or her concerns, ask her
whether she wants advice or whether she just wants
you to listen. You would be surprised how
appreciative she will be that you are just a good ear.

Step 6: Aim to Please

Funny, isn’t it, that most people treat strangers
better than they do their loved ones. You know that if
you treat someone well, they will think more highly
of you and treat you better in return. Now apply that
principle to your wife. Do something sweet or
thoughtful for her; it shows that you have her on
your mind constantly.
Aiming to please may frustrate you, and may leave
you wondering, “When do I get my needs taken care
of?” I understand your frustration. But I guarantee if
your wife doesn’t feel like you are fully committed to
meeting her needs, she won’t be there to meet
yours. That doesn’t mean you always have to agree;
after all, one of the things your wife wants is a man
with a backbone. Before disagreeing though, listen
carefully to what she says. Try to determine what she
needs, and ask yourself: Is there some way I can
make this happen for her? Being a happily married
husband means regularly and consistently
demonstrating your love for your wife.

Step 7: Learn the Truth about Sex

Sex is not the overriding factor in either marital
happiness or marital distress. And while in most
cases women want a romantic experience and men
want sex, there are many steps to take to make both
parties happy. You will have to start by understanding
her and aiming to please. But do not stop there. It’s
O.K. to ask (not demand) for what you need sexually.
You should be proud of your sexual desires, not feel
like they are something to be suppressed.
Importantly, learn to satisfy your wife; know her
sexual points, be innovative behind closed doors and
bring out the sensual woman in her.

Step 8: Re-Introduce Yourself

Most couples assume getting needs met is, one
partner goes half way, then sits and waits for the
other partner to meet him or her there. That does
not work in marriage: When you are at your half-way
point, your wife may see it as only coming along one-
tenth of the way. She is expecting you to keep
moving, and you will wonder why she is not trying to
come toward you. Only when she recognizes you are
totally committed to her happiness, then (and only
then) can you begin to get your own needs met.
If you have gotten this far, you are ready to
introduce yourself to your wife. 1: Take a good look
at yourself. Are you the kind of guy your wife would
want to know? If you derailing in any area of your
relationship, clean up your act before you ask to have
your needs met. 2: Help your wife learn who you are,
what makes you tick, and how she can make you
happy. Lovingly help her to see the world through
your eyes. You won’t end up convincing her you’re
right, but you can help her to learn from you and
grow with you. 3: Focus upon the things you did that
helped your wife fall in love with you in the first
place. Be the person she fell in love with, the man
she got all weak in the knees for.

Step 9: Tell Her How Great She Is

Women loved to be told how great they look, sounds
like a smart place to start. Remind her of how
beautiful you think she is, how pretty her eyes are,
or you love her new hairstyle. Remember, keep it
simple and to the point, that is what they want to
hear. It takes a lot of courage to do this, but those
were the things you said to her when you first met,
so this is nothing new. Swallow your pride, trust me,
it is those things that will get your wife to look at you
like she did when you first laid eyes on her.

Step 10: Respect Your wife

Men are usually quite unaware of how much women
need to be respected. When they are not respected
they feel insecure and lose their sense of self. That is
why it is so vital for you to take special care of your
partner’s need for respect.
There are a number of ways to show respect to your
wife. To begin with, do not try to change or
manipulate her, but rather, honor her needs, wishes,
values, and rights. Respecting your wife also mean
including her in decisions. It is always amazing when
you find a husband who wields all the power in a
marriage and makes all the decisions, regardless of
what his wife thinks.

Build your wife’s self-esteem and sense of security by
asking for her input whenever you can, even on the
small things. When you make a decision that might
affect her, say: “I’m thinking about..., What do you
think of that?” or “I’m thinking we should. What would
you like?”

Respect says, “I support you, you are valuable to me,
and you don’t have to be any different from who you
are.” In return for this respect, a woman will be able
to relax. She will not have a compulsive need to
prove herself as an equal, but will automatically feel
and be equal. What a wonderful way to live with a
woman.

Step 11: Celebrate your Marriage
When champions triumph, they party like there is no
tomorrow. If your marriage is a success, it is not out
of luck, fluke or chance; it is out of honed skills and
hard work.

Making your union work demonstrates more than a
personal victory; it is a way of telling your family and
your community that you have achieved something
special. So take time to celebrate. Treat yourselves to
a weekend away from the kids, go to the beach, or
pack up a picnic and take her somewhere you can
both let your hair down. Then, tomorrow, it's back to
work, because keeping your marriage alive requires
attention every day.

As I conclude, I leave you with this poem to consider
the continual choices that you make and consider
whether you are making choices that contribute to
the health of your marriage or contaminate it.

IT’S THE EVERYDAY CHOICES THAT YOU MAKE:
[i]To do what is best for your partner in life…
To respect the commitment of being husband and
wife…
To be still and just listen —not have to be heard…
To forgive and forget and not need “the last
word”…
To admit you’re not perfect —you’ll both make
mistakes…
To support the decisions that each of you makes…
To be willing to laugh when a day has been rough…
To divide up the burdens when life becomes
tough…
To support one another when things are too
hurried…
To comfort each other when stress keeps you
worried…
To be willing to cherish your true love and friend
with a joy and compassion that will never end.
As you celebrate each year together:
May you always have Understanding to make your
marriage work,

Commitment to make your marriage grow

And Love to make your marriage happy![i]

Hmm.Will work on these when I marry

Easier said

love her like Christ loves the Church. be ready to die for her like Christ died for the Church.

Am not married but i know that what u don't have, u can't give. So make urself happy before thinking about making ur wife or someone else happy.

Wonderful piece OP

DuchessLily:
Wonderful piece OP

Thanks. I love beautiful happy couples and happy homes. CC Ishilove Lalasticlala

Well written OP..

Though am not yet married, experience has shown that women are difficult to understand. How can you please someone you don't understand?
Pleasing women is as tough as a 6 unit course.


But as a man, it is your duty to please your wife. you need good communication and be open to each other.

Also, don't forget the power of words; women are moved by words.
Tell her everyday that you love her and remind her of how beautiful she is. Remember, women are moved by words!

I know feminist erm sorry chauvinist will not like this @op good one.

CHM11:

Thanks.
I love beautiful happy couples and happy homes.
CC
Ishilove
Lalasticlala

Thats great!
Hope u will practice or are already practicing what u have preached

DuchessLily:


Thats great!
Hope u will practice or are already practicing what u have preached

Haha...I will definitely practice what I preach...The lucky lady will search for me again in her next life!!!

CHM11:

Haha...I will definitely practice what I preach...The lucky lady will search for me again in her next life!!!

Wonderful! God help u

DuchessLily:


Wonderful

Marriage is a wonderful institution. Actions in it must be beautiful. The love, the companionship, the food, the fights, the sex, the outings, the kids,...infact many things make it beautiful.

CHM11:

Marriage is a wonderful institution. Actions in it must be beautiful. The love, the companionship, the food, the fights, the sex, the outings, the kids,...infact many things make it beautiful.

Very true

DuchessLily:

Very true

yeah

BUTCHCASSIDY:
Easier said

aswear!

.

Except all these is shared mutually...nothing will work.

I love this list.I just hope our men learn from this .

Lateralmaths:
love her like Christ loves the Church.
be ready to die for her like Christ died for the Church.

die for her bawo,ema wo bobo yi no

Hmm... Ok
learnt smth

MsBliss:
I love this list.I just hope our men learn from this .

and we just hope u people corperate

familiarity they say breeds contempt. Married people become too familiar with themselves easily. the husband forgets to love as much as he used to when he was going out with the lady while the wife forgets to respect and submit as much as she used to while dating. In the long run, LOVE ALONE cannot see them thru a successful marriage, but MUTUAL RESPECT will.

Andrew114:
and we just hope u people corperate

Sure we will as long as you guys treat us right .

CHM11:

Haha...I will definitely practice what I preach...The lucky lady will search for me again in her next life!!!

Nice one op...

thank God I already know some of these and they are part of me... Even my girlfriend is not ready to let go of me... and already wishes to have me in her next life..