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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years (43890 Views)
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(testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 11:52pm On Jul 17, 2015 |
This testimony is coming forth in a time like this just to let you know that the power of God is still available to heal, save and deliver. When a lot of things are happening in our world now, things are fallen apart, children of God are been trapped with an erroneous living the society is trying to make them feel comfortable about in the name of way of life or lifestyle as they call it, pervesions of different kinds are been perpetrated everyday, destinies are ruined, people die everyday without discovering their purpose of existence or imparting their generation. This testimony is coming forth not to undermine anyone's belief but for as many that still have a conscience that desired a change and knows too well that no matter what the media, Internet, friends, or the supreme court is trying to make you settle for, God desire we repent even as this testimony is dedicated to stir a fresh faith and hope in the possibility of helping you come out. The greatest testimony though is the testimony of Jesus ( No one can take it away from Him) I was born in a family of 5 guys no girl and I happened to be the 4th. I came from a Christian home and I have a disciplined parents that was so protected of their children. They wouldn't wanna see you and any lady at odd hour or any come looking for you at home for no good reason, they'd send her back.(wouldn't blame them anyway)-I wasn't given sex education as was supposed though. It all happened that when I was growing up (though had a scanty knowledge of what i was doing and how it all began) in my early teen, I use to have this kind of funny play with my peers that will always lead to the comparison of our d**k's as to whose is bigger and stuffs like that (sometimes we tell each other to make it stand as to ascertain the size). That was how i keep growing up and normally watching porn with an older guy living in the same compound that was teaching me how to have my way around our house maids, which I actually did. Other things happen that I can't list verbatim here because of the length of the write up. It dawned on me what this gay thing was all about in my SS3 ( we were preparing for WAEC-2004), so was in the library reading with a close friend that I never knew had knowledge of this gay thing. I knew his parents and do visit him at home. so on that day we were reading, at a point we were pressed and decided to go convenience outside (at an open farm land though), on the process he started looking at my d**k, and told me it's big. We laughed over it though I felt a little hard on and mused over it as we went back inside the library. Few minutes/hr later he asked me to escort him home to get something because his house was a stone throw from the school, which i did innocently, not having anything in mind or knowing he was up to something funny. on getting to their house there was no one home, he opened the door and I stepped in first, he came in after me and bolted the door. i was still standing up and backing him when he grabbed me from the back(he's a little bigger than I though). I was like asking him what's that and trying to loosen his grip off me, and he was like i should be quiet. i was like for what? I tried struggling myself out of his hands and on the process he was reaching out for my manliness at the same time (he actually got hold of it). After a little struggle I had a hard on, and I relaxed, he laid me on their couch and wanked me. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Yooguyz: 11:59pm On Jul 17, 2015 |
^^^ Is that a testimony or a softcore gay porn? ![]() ![]() ![]() 224 Likes 11 Shares |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 12:09am On Jul 18, 2015 |
I felt cool after he did that but unknowing to me that was the beginning of my escapades. One thing with sinful habit is that it will never ever drop you off where it picked you from. It will surely cut across many others. After that incident with him, i started longing for more of that, I will go to their house in the name of going for prep and we will head to the school and use a secluded class after which we self-service ourselves. That's how it continued till the day he gave me head job, and so many other things that happened both in their compound, but we never did penetration. He tried to make us stop but I couldn't, when it was obvious to me he's resisting me finally, I started looking outside not knowing the evil beast has been unleashed on me already. I started admiring cute guys, most of which even if it's not for making out with them, I just wanted to have them as friends....straight guys I mean. I kept graduating from one level of experience to another, more porn(even later started seeing gay porn), more masturbation, I enticed younger guys a lot just to get them on the hook. later started having sex with fellow guys and even received too(few occasion though). One thing was certain, over the time I started feeling uncomfortable with what I was doing but how to stop was a problem for me, you will wanna stay away from social network, block some friends from calling or chatting you up and other funny strategies employed but none worked. I will stop for like 2-3 months and bingo the urge will come and when you fall back it becomes worse. those times i wanna shot out some friends from coming around, it made me live so rigidly that I lived a secluded life, few people(gay partners) I give listening ears to will be like you never made yourself this way, why fighting yourself and acting strange. They will be like just find one person and settle with and be happy with your life(actually tried that couple of times).......but that wasn't who I was born to be. Habit has already been formed cont'd 4 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 12:30am On Jul 18, 2015 |
I am a born Catholic, I served mass and also did boys scout, but I knew personally my spiritual life was nothing to ride home about, so those times I will wanna fight the habit , I was led to join some fire brand church(bible based -actually went to The Lord's Chosen first) where the fear of God can actually come on me and the undiluted word of God that could spark of the desired change can come so i believed(it would have made sense if I had first surrendered to Jesus), the longest time worshiping in a pentecostal church helped me in stopping, was about 4 months and I later fell back again. funny enough whenever i fall back I will go back to Catholic(mother church) because am not the type that could feel comfortable with such preaching at the same time living in sin(PLEASE AM NOT UNDERMINING CATHOLIC IN ANYWAY THAT THEY AINT GOOD OR SOMETHING, MY PARENTS ARE CATHOLIC TILL DATE BUT AM NOT, I KNOW WHAT I WANT. besides there is no church in heaven) That was how I kept switching on and off all those years. It was so depressing, a times I will just be angry with myself for no reason(it was the lifestyle ) I knew I was a bright young lad with a wonderful heart but whenever I remember the weakness, it was the only thing that ever gave me much concern growing up. There was a particular day my dad even caught me with one guy naked on the bed after we'd make out and I felt so ashamed of myself(never knew I didn't bolt the door properly), he even went and told mom, I wished the ground could open but no way. They followed me up till I told them they should stop reminding me of it that I have stopped but I never did. We gay guys always believed there's nothing we could do about it since we have fought and fought without a lasting positive headway. Most time I stopped fighting and settled with it and continue living the normal gay lifestyle-always wanting to meet new people(some people might wanna dispute it but if you are sincere it's so insatiable). The break came in June 30 2012 when one of my partner I have done stuffs with severally in my house told me he was coming from lagos to pick up his call up later in school, though I was feeling down because of malaria of sort but the thought of him coming to pass the night in my apartment gave me some relief. when he eventually arrived, he was surprised seeing me down and started saying strange things that he can't fall sick and stuffs like that. He keep saying that a lot has changed that I don't know him now. never understood what he was saying though. |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 12:56am On Jul 18, 2015 |
Later that evening at my veranda I tried to kiss him, he pushed me off that he doesn't do that again, i felt that was a joke and relaxed. but later in the night as usual I tried to touch him, he kept resisting me and taking my hands of him, he threatened to leave the bed for me and actually did, he went and lie on the floor, at that point I pinched myself on how Stanley was able to resist me, I kept on wondering what happened to him, I couldn't sleep again the whole night, I was just saying within myself that whatever Stanley has found that I needed that too. I was just sitting there and watching him sleep till day was about breaking and I woke him up. I started asking questions, that was how he told me his salvation experience, preached to me and ministered Christ, I felt so broken(will never forget that day *sobs*) , when he was done praying for me, he advice I go to a bible believing church where I can grow spiritually and he suggested a ministry in awka anambra state(which was where I based then) called Love Ambassadors Ministry (LAM). I later left the ministry though few months later for personal reasons, and started worshipping at RCCG and by Gods mercies and grace a Sunday school teacher there till date ![]() It was such a wonderful experience as I began to get closer to God, having a personal understanding of the word of God as i study, living a fasting and prayer life. I even testified in the church I was a bisexual. I actually had things to do with some girls intimately but I knew I was much into guys and felt more attracted to guys than girls. did girls just to cover up my so called smartness. I thank God that after the unfortunate exposure to bisexual life, porn(both gay porn and normal porn), scam, bribery, lies, cheating,drug life (marijuana, alcohol, solution and cigarette), I wasn't just saved from all of that but he also made me an able minister of the gospel to the glory of his name. I thank God though for not allowing me to die with it or get any deadly disease from it. I actually know of people that have died in it (even someone i have had something to do with personally)-only God knows what's killing them, and two of my friends I have had something to do with intimately are still HIV+(one of which I only did something with once, the day I slept with him I wanted to do it unprotected and he requested I use a condom which I did(do you see how the mercies of God in action because that would have been the day he would have transfered the HIV to me),been counselling and praying along with them that God heals them completely) they actually opened up to me on their HIV status. God can still do it for you my brother/sister struggling with such. His grace has actually kept you till now irrespective all we did to save us. Please don't look down on this grace. If he can do it for me, he is still your Father and the same yesterday, today and forever more, so he can do it for you as well. By his grace I don't have such desires or urge anymore, living my normal life and having a constant fellowship with God. One thing must occupy a man, it's either you are hot for God or you are cold. He doesn't like lukewarms because it doesn't exist. Revelation 3:15-16 "I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth." Titus 2:11-12 For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men,training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, John 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. Jesus saves..... Please if you have any question you can ask. no hate comments please. God bless you 282 Likes 21 Shares |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Behira(f): 1:23am On Jul 18, 2015 |
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Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 1:46am On Jul 18, 2015 |
Behira: Am praying that life will be touched through the testimony. A lot of people are accepting and living it now. Am praying that God uses me to save as many as he desires to. Please pray along with me dear 24 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 1:53am On Jul 18, 2015 |
Yooguyz: I didn't mean to sound the way you understood it or naughty in any way. As the topic rightly said, it's a testimony. 17 Likes |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by CHARLYX9: 2:16am On Jul 18, 2015 |
oga dey well na today we start to dey hear testimony.i have gotten fed up of hearing things like testimony this testimony that if i were to have a church i won't condone testimony whatever there i would be more strict in handling things like testimony better still you can go to another church and give testimony not in my church.it sounds awful to me when i hear things like:i was a smoker he saved me,i was a porn addict he saved me,i was a chronic masturbator he saved me,i was an hardcore criminal he saved me e.t.c to hell with all this u would only say that you are not a candidate of hell cuz sm pple who do this things died in it without any repentance made while some do these things and on the long run they got saved so i later came to conclusion that some ppl are bound to go to hell while some are bound for heaven dont ask me why and i get fed up and feel like killing the person giving the testimony cuz i hate seeing people giving testimony if u like be saved if you like don't be saved it doesn't impress me but either it bring out the angry man in me.thanks 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 2:28am On Jul 18, 2015 |
CHARLYX9: Hi Charly, I actually understood how you feel about it and I quite respect your opinion about salvation and my testimony. Thanks for taking time to comment brother. God bless you 70 Likes 1 Share |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by vooks: 7:09am On Jul 18, 2015 |
Jsmile:Some gay hate hearing they can change. They want to blame nature...That's escapist. God bless you sir 104 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Nobody: 7:32am On Jul 18, 2015 |
What a way to start a day. Jsmile, I'm so happy for you. 36 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 11:02am On Jul 18, 2015 |
vooks: and bless you too brother 10 Likes |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 11:03am On Jul 18, 2015 |
Gaborone: Thank you brother, it's just the doings of God......i pray he do it for other willing souls struggling 10 Likes |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by tartar9(m): 12:50pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
wawuu,touching.Anas09 you too can do it |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by tip999: 2:15pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
Wonderful testimony, Jesus will continue keeping you. 23 Likes |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by ebuskelebe: 3:50pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
God bless you for the boldness. Take this message globaly 12 Likes |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by lastmessenger: 4:17pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
It must really be hard living a gay life.
Thank God you are finally free.whoever the son set free is free indeed.
Keep sharing your testimony bro. 27 Likes 1 Share |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Tjayjosh(m): 4:49pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
@ the OP please modify the topic. I suppose you meant to say "homosexuality" and not "homosexual". Thank God for you! I urge you to remain strong in the lord. Don't be ignorant of the devil's tricks, now that you have found grace in jesus. Don't go back to your old life. 15 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by RedCard1(m): 4:52pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
Lies, lies upon lies. Who're you guys decieving? Being gay doesn't mean that one is possesed. Keep posting rubbish 19 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 7:43pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
ebuskelebe:Thank you brother.....I hope to do so 3 Likes |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 7:44pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
tip999: Amen.....Thank you beloved. Please continue praying along for as many struggling in it 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 7:46pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
lastmessenger: Amen.....i declare aloud am free indeed. I pray that God use me to help other children of God 4 Likes |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 7:57pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
lastmessenger: Amen.....i declare aloud am free indeed in Jesus name. I pray that God use me to help other children of God 3 Likes |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 8:03pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
Tjayjosh: thank you, have made the correction. I will continue to be strong in the Lord. 2 Likes |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 8:05pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
RedCard1: Hello beloved, am not deceiving anyone. It is written that as a man thinks in his heart so is he. We have the power of choice and so we can choose to believe whatever we wish to believe. Thanks for taking time to comment though. 25 Likes 1 Share |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by debada(f): 11:27pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
So 1 question please! So are you completely changed or are you still plagued with thoughts of it? The reason why I asked is that there is a difference between temptation of lust and actually giving into such lust which is the sin itself. Would also like to talk privarely with you. 1 Like |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by lastmessenger: 11:39pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
There is a spirit behind being gay.is not easy to break away from it when it take hold of someone.only christ can save one from it.so please thank God for the op for breaking free through the power of christ. RedCard1: 28 Likes 1 Share |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by davien(m): 12:15am On Jul 19, 2015 |
So you were raped by a guy and started craving anal s.e..x,doesn't make you gay dude....nice try. ![]() 5 Likes |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 1:54am On Jul 19, 2015 |
debada: By his grace am a changed person now. its no longer I that lives my life but Christ that lives through me. If anyone truly be in Christ, old things have passed away indeed and all things have become new. No on one each is beyond being tempted, that's why we need not to allow ourself be ruled by flesh anymore in other not to give in to temptation. I live a spirit guided life now. Please you can write me privately as you requested. hope to hear from u soon. Thank you beloved 11 Likes |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 1:56am On Jul 19, 2015 |
lastmessenger: God bless you lastmessenger. preach it brother!!! its in you 5 Likes |
Re: (testimony) I Struggled With Homosexuality For More Than 9years by Jsmile(m): 2:03am On Jul 19, 2015 |
davien: there was no part of my testimony that claimed what you were saying beloved. I was NEVER RAPED. It all started from a friend that wanked me. But remember the kind if funny plays i told you I was having when I was small, so maybe such feelings or thought might have unknowingly birthed in me , I graduated to having sex with guys before i later allowed few guys to have sex with me. Remember I also said that sinful habit will NEVER leave you where it picked you from, it will surely cut across other levels of it. I practiced full sodomy but thanks for God's mercies and saving grace. In all i did am not worthy of existence but the thought of man is never the thought of God. I still give glory to God 26 Likes 2 Shares |
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