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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? (1409 Views)
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Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by mentorandfriend(m): 6:12pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
Technically, PARTRIACHY– that great nightmare of modern feminism – is a society built around the principles and authority of fathers. That this is still considered a major problem has to do with the misappropriation of the strict meaning of the term as the domination of men over women in general. Women everywhere have thus fiercely and steadily eased themselves into the show; the right to equality in all its fullness in the home front. The real situation for fathers is that, for most, their authority has long eroded. I have known a lot of dads over the last 20 years – it must easily run into three figures – and I can honestly say that not a single one appeared to be a figure of patriarchal authority. If anything, they seemed good-naturedly passive and slightly befuddled. In that sense, the patriarchy is over. Goodbye to the joys of fatherhood. From now on, your decisions shall be thoroughly weighed and challenged. Welcome to the 21st century. There are men who are resentful of this situation. I suppose this is understandable. For fathers, the process of disappearing off the centre stage in the home is rather like the church accepting Galileo’s confirmation that the Earth was not at the centre of the universe. We all wish this was just a dream we could wake up from, but alas, strong women have come to stay. The problem for fathers, then (and therefore mothers), is not social or political so much as psychological. How can fathers understand that yelling at their wives or children no longer has any real effect, other than making themselves look ridiculous? The threat of “wait till your father gets home”, holds no terrors anymore. There is a global levelling of the playing field between fathers and mothers, especially in Europe and North America. Many men – including fathers – bear the burden of an inherited historical arrogance and superiority over women. I see it everyday when I watch a man say sexist remarks at an ordinary woman going about her business or on social media. And, of course, I see it in myself. We can't just come to terms with the fact that a woman can employ you, pay you, serve you a querry, or sack you when she wants. We somehow fight against it, or live in denial of this reality of strong women. When we are looking for a business favour, and lo, a woman is who we have to lobby, be loyal to and serve to the best of our ability so as to get our proposals signed, we know that the strong woman has come to stay. Roles have changed brethren. The partriachy is lost. Most men fight it with bitterness, but it is a battle that has been lost... forever. Fathers are no longer the calm centre of a chaotic household, a final court of appeal, a place of reason and common sense. Now they are straws in the wind, less moored than anyone perhaps. They have become dish washers, cooks, dry cleaners, and lullaby singers while the women do all the shouting and commanding in the home, especially in a case where they earn more. Daddies have turned to softies: unconcerned, easy going, laid back, lullaby-singing dads who want peace to reign in the home. That is why most boys today have their supermums as their role model. But all these have come at a cost. Children that have no fear for anybody in the home. The society is paying the high price for the loss of strong men in the homes. What we have today is a celebration of confraternal brigandage, street gangsters everywhere, teenage prostitution, and a flamboyant display of I-can't-be-cautioned attitude. What we have today is a flaunting of prematurely gotten wealth in campuses, exam malpractices, venal compromise of invigilators during West African Examination Council Examinations, kids who love their Play Station more than their books, teenage pregnancies, multiple and conscience-less termination of pregnancies, drug abuse by teenage boys, etc... all because the fear-factor in men, the fear-factor in strong fathers have disappeared. The man in the men has all gone soft; and women are the managers of the 21st century families. The society is headed towards a fatherless world, a cesspool of vice. This is why we need the strong men to stand up to their dominant roles again in the home. Brace yourselves, gentlemen. Thank you. 4 Likes 3 Shares
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Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by Nobody: 6:14pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
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Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by Drhenrysaint(m): 6:14pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
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Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by Afrobasic(m): 6:17pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
@ the pic... Lmao ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by KanwuliaJara: 6:19pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
Intellectuality taken down a "bizzy-bazzoic free fall" in the catacombs of demented psychiatry! ![]() Gosh! I have been listening to that OBAhiagbon of an EDO MONKEY too often! Muhehehehe 1 Like |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by raayah(f): 6:19pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
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Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by mentorandfriend(m): 6:24pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
cc Lalasticlala, pls take us to fp. Do it big for the men. This is weekend. |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by EddyBlingzz(m): 6:44pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
great post.
i couldn't agree with you more.
i've been reiterating this storyline since i can remember. things really have fallen apart, since the center(father) cannot hold. 2 Likes |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by snakebeat: 6:46pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
raayah:But ur gender says otherwise. Aren't u proud of ur gender? |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by raayah(f): 6:48pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
snakebeat: I changed genders because i was receiving too much emails. |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by mentorandfriend(m): 6:48pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
raayah:I agree with you that there's nothing wrong in a man cooking and washing plates. But there is this recent trend of aculturation of our cherished traditional values; a situation where the woman sees it not as a favour, but as a duty of the man to share kitchen cores with her equally, since they're in it together. One sad drawback of equality in the home. I frown at it same way I will frown at a man who sees it not as a favour, but as the responsibilty of the woman to contribute more money to running the household, to be the breadwinner of the home. Both are misnomers. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by chiderablaze(m): 6:53pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
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Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by mentorandfriend(m): 6:54pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
EddyBlingzz: |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by cococandy(f): 7:02pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
Awww Is it unfortunate too that the woman is expected to be an equal player in the home support? My dear there's nothing wrong with equality at all except for those who wish to label something else as equality in their dictionary. I saw you mentioned some thing about the fathers now doing dishing and women doing the shouting in the home as if it were a role reversal of sorts. In a sane environment, should anybody's role involve shouting or yelling? Whether he be the head or she be the new head as per what feminism is causing? Abeg that's uncultured people attitude and had nothing to do with partriachy or feminism. mentorandfriend: 2 Likes |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by no2fuks(m): 7:08pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
raayah: executive chefs has nothing to do with cooking at home. exec chefs cooks at the job ie hotel or resturant. 1 Like |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by no2fuks(m): 7:11pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
raayah: nigerian guys are always so desperate I thonk we have less females right now and even less presentable ones 1 Like |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by raayah(f): 7:13pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
no2fuks: I used that example to show that men cooking is not abnormal or unmanly. I also believe that men cooking at home is not wrong especially if the woman is the breadwinner. |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by no2fuks(m): 7:17pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
raayah: I think its abnormal for the woman to be the bread winner in a family it never works out except the man is a irreversible pant for life. |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by Yustash001(m): 7:22pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
Lubbish... |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by mentorandfriend(m): 7:48pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
cococandy:Whether uncultured, or the nascent trend of acculturation problem, the fault is clearly with fathers who have become soft, or worse even... silent in raising the kids, in taking their place as authorities in the home; as mothers become super mums and shoulder it all. The dangerous teenage boys who rule the hood, kill and maim without conscience is clearly a fault that should be led at the feet of weak and/or silent fathers. That was the point of the post. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by mentorandfriend(m): 7:52pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
Yustash001:I'm not surprised. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by Stillfire: 8:08pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
But all these have come at a cost. Children that have no fear for anybody in the home. The society is paying the high price for the loss of strong men in the homes. What we have today is a celebration of confraternal brigandage, street gangsters everywhere, teenage prostitution, and a flamboyant display of I-can't-be-cautioned attitude. Nigeria is patriarchal and all these occur, so I don't get your point. How do you explain a case like Nigeria, that is evidently so patriarchal, ruled by Nigerian men since independence and totally being destroyed by men at the moment? If anything Nigerian Patriarchy is destroying itself (to my pleasure of course) since it has been unable to curb its excesses and create a better place for women and children. At least your African forefathers despite the society being patrilineal had the foresight of putting up structures that did not silence the voice of the African woman, but since the colonialists came in from a region that regarded womanhood as disfigured images of men, you men gladly helped them destroy these female structures. Even the colonialists have abandoned these demeaning ideals and their societies are better than yours. So how has this Nigeria's demonic patriarchy benefited our society? This surely doesn't look like men who have gone 'soft', lmao. ![]() Many men – including fathers – bear the burden of an inherited historical arrogance and superiority over women. I see it everyday when I watch a man say sexist remarks at an ordinary woman going about her business or on social media. And, of course, I see it in myself. We can't just come to terms with the fact that a woman can employ you, pay you, serve you a querry, or sack you when she wants. Lmao. At least you are being honest here that women have now been empowered, it is left for you as men to learn how to adapt to the empowered woman. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by cococandy(f): 8:37pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
mentorandfriend: I see your point. I do question your choice of words though. I think being responsible and setting good examples for your children to follow is the operative phrase here and not really anything about softness. A soft man can still be a good dad. Temperaments differ: A good and exemplary man is most likely to raise good kids ditto for a woman. Blaming it on feminism is skewed to say the least. Feminism does not ask you to be irresponsible and not be a father to your kids. And only in the mind of someone who's made up their minds not to understand will it mean that respecting and regarding your wife as your equal will lead to raising bad children. Unless I'm in another planet, it is the direct opposite that leads to people raising disturbed sons who have no respect for their women and can't stand differing opinions as they have been raised entitled with no accommodation for the POV of others. However I strongly agree with you on the wake-up call to father. It is long overdue. I'd say the same for mothers but I guess that would require a different thread. 2 Likes |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by cococandy(f): 8:41pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
Stillfire: @bold is what I see some don't understand. When you actually say something against the staunch and abused partriachy that followed the colonialist to Africa, they will say you're being westernized? Who's westernized really? I'd say it's the person who's forgotten or doesn't know what their old life used it be like and has adopted the white man's old and discarded ways 100percent. |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by wisdomiskey(m): 9:24pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
dont listen 2 all deez yeye feminazis on NL most of em r bored fulltime housewives dey hav no voice in deiir homes buh cum online to tlk nonsenze most of dem dont practice wat dey preach on diz site dey cant dare 2 look into deir huzbands eyez wen submissivly svckin on hiz sliooooong shud i name names? ![]() 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by mentorandfriend(m): 7:18pm On Jul 19, 2015 |
wisdomiskey:Lol |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by alphalpha(m): 3:00pm On Jul 20, 2015 |
to some women, the man is the enemy, the evil that should be conquered... to some men, equality is an evil that must not be allowed to bud... to the OP et al, the following measures should be taken; special courts should be set up for such fathers, special lawmen should be authorized, special laws should be made, all aimed at helping such fathers to man-up... anything that can be done to return the family to its position as an institution for building leaders that add/multiply to the society, must be done quickly... to me, anything that does more harm than good to the family, be it equality or inequality or discrimination, should must be rooted out... 1 Like |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by alphalpha(m): 3:02pm On Jul 20, 2015 |
raayah:should I call that an e-transgender? no offense. ![]() ![]() |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by alphalpha(m): 3:20pm On Jul 20, 2015 |
raayah: I disagree with you... i think that should be between the couple. they should understand themslves. Question: on who works more, stays at home more, or is breadwinner; what if wifey is a billionaire, hubby is a millionaire, both can equally, independently cater for the family? Who does the cooking etc? |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by alphalpha(m): 3:23pm On Jul 20, 2015 |
Stillfire: Their societies better than ours? Our societies differed greatly then and now. They aren't better in that regard, except maybe with the women |
Re: Can The Real Men Please Stand Up? by raayah(f): 5:36pm On Jul 20, 2015 |
alphalpha: If wifey is a billionaire and husband is a millionaire, they must have maids. It take a lot of time and effort to make that kind of money. my own logic : If wifey works more than husband (e.g more hours in a day), then husband should do most of the houework. If its the opposite, wife should do most of the housework. 2 Likes |
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