Hi, please I need help on how to go about with my house help which is also my cousin she's 14yrs should I take her back to her parents or still allow her to stay with me? She has been living with us for a year now. Yes she helps me a lot in doing housework. They are characters of hers which I don't like, though I was aware of some but I thought she's going to change but up till now she's not ready to change. She's from my mom's side. It was my mum that brought her to stay with us when I requested for somebody even though I wasn't comfortable with her staying with us cos of those her behaviors. But my mom was like I should manage her. So my point is this. D girl steals, doesn't feel remorse whenever she does something wrong,she can't apologies when she wrong me nor my husband, she can't even take care of my 2 kids when am not around, she's wicked as in she carries things I her mind, she beat my 3yr old son when am not around even when am around she still beat him but if ask her she ll deny it., she lies a lot she's ready to cry out blood than to tell you she did something even if u caught her doing it. She ll still lie, she's not also friendly with kids, u can't dictate her mind, whenever I query or beat her up cos of what she did wrong my kids ll pay for it, she also behaves as if her head is not correct. But she's very very intelligent in times of her education. My husband and my mom is aware of all this things but they were like I shouldd just over look her that if I should take her back home people ll like she's my cousin this that. But the truth of the matter is that am not comfortable with her staying with me with those characters and she's not ready to change cos I ve talk to her severally but after talking and advice she ll still do it again. And no matter the amount of beat she ll still do it again. I wnt to stop beating her that why I want her to go cos I might wound her by then people ll start saying look at what she did to her cousin "wicked women" and I can't pretend according to my husband which I still find it difficult to understand his reasons for saying I should just pretend as if nothing is happening even though he knows d girl is not doing well.( I hope is not what am thinking sha) the worst is that if u ask her do u want to go home she ll say no.. Please what do I do I really hate her behavior. Despite d fact that she does house work.

How the hell did your cousin become your house help?
It shouldn't have been your relative if you needed a nanny for crying out loud.
To be completely honest with you, I'm tempted to ask how old you are because I can hardly read up your post without finding a thousand faults in you even with the countless allegations you made against the poor girl.

I still don't understand why many women can't live without domestic help, and please don't give me the career excuse. I have a career, a husband who isn't hands on and a child and I manage just fine.

Invest in home appliances like a washing machine and if you need help with cleaning, get someone to come in once or twice a week.

This domestic help a.k.a house help issue usually doesn't end well, because there is always a sharp delieanation between the househelp and madam's kids.

Your cousin's behaviour is bad, yes, but she is still a child just getting into her teens. How would you treat your child if she exhibits the traits you talked about? Would you be here complaining about it?

Please send that girl home if you are tired of having her around. If the whole idea was to assist her parents with her upkeep, then send them a monthly allowance to do that. Get an elderly nanny for your kids or use a creche/after school service. There are still some good ones. And then roll up your sleeves and keep your home.

If she were to be your own grown up daughter, sunty what would you do ??...sorry to say thus , but you sound kije a like harsh sister , one that can beat d living day hell out of another !!pls b4 you commit murder, abeg let her go, her parents will never forgive you even though you claim you wanna help o !, you must have sown great terror and fire into the heart of the lil girl and thus. She is now refined in d furnace of bitterness. Malice and anger in your house !!!!

chival:
I still don't understand why many women can't live without domestic help, and please don't give me the career excuse. I have a career, a husband who isn't hands on and a child and I manage just fine.

Invest in home appliances like a washing machine and if you need help with cleaning, get someone to come in once or twice a week.

This domestic help a.k.a house help issue usually doesn't end well, because there is always a sharp delieanation between the househelp and madam's kids.

Your cousin's behaviour is bad, yes, but she is still a child just getting into her teens. How would you treat your child if she exhibits the traits you talked about? Would you be here complaining about it?

Please send that girl home if you are tired of having her around. If the whole idea was to assist her parents with her upkeep, then send them a monthly allowance to do that. Get an elderly nanny for your kids or use a creche/after school service. There are still some good ones. And then roll up your sleeves and keep your home.

congratulations supermom but will you still say the same thing when you have more than one child?
Will the washing machine stay with the kids at home on those days you get stucked in traffic even when you leave the office early?
Pls don't judge others until you take a walk in their shoes. Just thank God for ur situation and move on.

ChiChi0296:
Hi, please I need help on how to go about with my house help which is also my cousin she's 14yrs should I take her back to her parents or still allow her to stay with me? She has been living with us for a year now. Yes she helps me a lot in doing housework. They are characters of hers which I don't like, though I was aware of some but I thought she's going to change but up till now she's not ready to change. She's from my mom's side. It was my mum that brought her to stay with us when I requested for somebody even though I wasn't comfortable with her staying with us cos of those her behaviors. But my mom was like I should manage her. So my point is this. D girl steals, doesn't feel remorse whenever she does something wrong,she can't apologies when she wrong me nor my husband, she can't even take care of my 2 kids when am not around, she's wicked as in she carries things I her mind, she beat my 3yr old son when am not around even when am around she still beat him but if ask her she ll deny it., she lies a lot she's ready to cry out blood than to tell you she did something even if u caught her doing it. She ll still lie, she's not also friendly with kids, u can't dictate her mind, whenever I query or beat her up cos of what she did wrong my kids ll pay for it, she also beh :oaves as if her head is not correct. But she's very very intelligent in times of her education. My husband and my mom is aware of all this things but they were like I shouldd just over look her that if I should take her back home people ll like she's my cousin this that. But the truth of the matter is that am not comfortable with her staying with me with those characters and she's not ready to change cos I ve talk to her severally but after talking and advice she ll still do it again. And no matter the amount of beat she ll still do it again. I wnt to stop beating her that why I want her to go cos I might wound her by then people ll start saying look at what she did to her cousin "wicked women" and I can't pretend according to my husband which I still find it difficult to understand his reasons for saying I should just pretend as if nothing is happening even though he knows d girl is not doing well.( I hope is not what am thinking sha) the worst is that if u ask her do u want to go home she ll say no.. Please what do I do I really hate her behavior. Despite d fact that she does house work.

All these from a 14 year old

Pls never use an underage girl as your housemaid. It's child abuse.
You mention she does a lot of work at home and she's also very intelligent but she still exhibits all those character flaws. I strongly suspect she is overworked, hence her unhappiness.

Personally, I can never let any unhappy person take care of my kids esp when I have something to do with their unhappiness. Of course they will transfer the aggression to ur children. It's very dangerous if you ask me.

It's either you get a matured and proper househelp to assist you while still keeping the girl or you send her back her parents and continue to help with her academic pursuit.

Kimoni:


congratulations supermom but will you still say the same thing when you have more than one child?
Will the washing machine stay with the kids at home on those days you get stucked in traffic even when you leave the office early?
Pls don't judge others until you take a walk in their shoes. Just thank God for ur situation and move on.

Seconded jor.

chival:
I still don't understand why many women can't live without domestic help, and please don't give me the career excuse. I have a career, a husband who isn't hands on and a child and I manage just fine.

Invest in home appliances like a washing machine and if you need help with cleaning, get someone to come in once or twice a week.

This domestic help a.k.a house help issue usually doesn't end well, because there is always a sharp delieanation between the househelp and madam's kids.

Your cousin's behaviour is bad, yes, but she is still a child just getting into her teens. How would you treat your child if she exhibits the traits you talked about? Would you be here complaining about it?

Please send that girl home if you are tired of having her around. If the whole idea was to assist her parents with her upkeep, then send them a monthly allowance to do that. Get an elderly nanny for your kids or use a creche/after school service. There are still some good ones. And then roll up your sleeves and keep your home.

You've said it all.

Poster, she's just 14yrs old, how do you expect a kid to take care of your kids? She beats your children due to the fact that she also suffers abuse in your hands .. all what she's exhibiting is called 'transfer of aggression'.

Please send the poor girl back to her parents.

The definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again yet expect a different result . You claim you have been beating her and she's still stubborn yet will continue to beat her. Btw what's with nigerians and their love for violence or thrir belief in violence to solve stubbornness and character issues


husband will beat wife because he'll claim she's stubborn
Wife beat children because they're stubborn
older sibling will beat younger sibling
mother will beat house help
house help will beat children

and the cycle continues


Op have you called her and sat down with her to discuss one on one like an elder sister to a youngsters sister or friend or you are forming madam of the house I'm in charge. Remember she's a teenager and teens get to resent this overbearing attitude. They sense it a mile away

also do you treat her like your sister or competitor and rival. Ask yourself that and remember one day your children will be teens so when they misbehave will you send them out of the house. Won't you devise a method to contain the teenage excesses. You better see her stay with you as an opportunity to learn how to raise teenagers and their wahala. Moreover there's always something to learn from in every problem.

int by the time you raise her properly like your own child she'll become more like a big sister to your kids and a model

KanwuliaJara over to you

Thanks all for your contributions. But I don't even ve much work to do in my house. She just fetches water, wash plate, take care of my kids when am not around though for now I still stays at home. Am not even a lazy woman I like taking care of my home. Am not d type dat leaves everything for maid to do. Most times my husband ll lyk go and rest let her assist you
My problem is dat she's hash to my kid. She's not friendly at all. Am still a young mum. She make me talks too much which I don't like.

Kimoni:


congratulations supermom but will you still say the same thing when you have more than one child?
Will the washing machine stay with the kids at home on those days you get stucked in traffic even when you leave the office early?
Pls don't judge others until you take a walk in their shoes. Just thank God for ur situation and move on.

don't mind her. Lagbaja said enu dun rofo. Meaning talk is cheap and judging is easy until you are actually in that same position

SAMBARRY:
don't mind her. Lagbaja said enu dun rofo. Meaning talk is cheap and judging is easy until you are actually in that same position

Pls come and teach me proverbs

ChiChi0296:
Thanks all for your contributions. But I don't even ve much work to do in my house. She just fetches water, wash plate, take care of my kids when am not around though for now I still stays at home. Am not even a lazy woman I like taking care of my home. Am not d type dat leaves everything for maid to do. Most times my husband ll lyk go and rest let her assist you
My problem is dat she's hash to my kid. She's not friendly at all. Am still a young mum. She make me talks too much which I don't like.

Whatever it is, pls don't allow any unhappy person to take care of your kids. Maybe she doesn't want to be separated from her own parents. The first thing I ask anybody coming to help me is if they are happy coming or they were forced to come. They only stay if they came of their own freewill and I tell them to let me know immediately, if they wish to leave. I also watch them to ensure they are truly happy.

That's why it's good to take adults who can take decisions for themselves, asides the fact that it's child abuse when you use an underage girl as a domestic help.

***Have you read stories of young girls who were forced to marry people they didn't like? you know what these girls did?? Pls read these stories if you missed them.

ChiChi0296:

ChiChi0296:
Hi, please I need help on how to go about with my house help which is also my cousin she's 14yrs should I take her back to her parents or still allow her to stay with me? She has been living with us for a year now. Yes she helps me a lot in doing housework. They are characters of hers which I don't like, though I was aware of some but I thought she's going to change but up till now she's not ready to change. She's from my mom's side. It was my mum that brought her to stay with us when I requested for somebody even though I wasn't comfortable with her staying with us cos of those her behaviors. But my mom was like I should manage her. So my point is this. D girl steals, doesn't feel remorse whenever she does something wrong,she can't apologies when she wrong me nor my husband, she can't even take care of my 2 kids when am not around, she's wicked as in she carries things I her mind, she beat my 3yr old son when am not around even when am around she still beat him but if ask her she ll deny it., she lies a lot she's ready to cry out blood than to tell you she did something even if u caught her doing it. She ll still lie, she's not also friendly with kids, u can't dictate her mind, whenever I query or beat her up cos of what she did wrong my kids ll pay for it, she also behaves as if her head is not correct. But she's very very intelligent in times of her education. My husband and my mom is aware of all this things but they were like I shouldd just over look her that if I should take her back home people ll like she's my cousin this that. But the truth of the matter is that am not comfortable with her staying with me with those characters and she's not ready to change cos I ve talk to her severally but after talking and advice she ll still do it again. And no matter the amount of beat she ll still do it again. I wnt to stop beating her that why I want her to go cos I might wound her by then people ll start saying look at what she did to her cousin "wicked women" and I can't pretend according to my husband which I still find it difficult to understand his reasons for saying I should just pretend as if nothing is happening even though he knows d girl is not doing well.( I hope is not what am thinking sha) the worst is that if u ask her do u want to go home she ll say no.. Please what do I do I really hate her behavior. Despite d fact that she does house work.

You, the house help and by extension that your whole family sound as if you all don't have any iota of sense! Your cousin is your hose help? Your mama carry am come? You hate her because she's a heartless, child beating, lying, corrupt but brilliant thief? Your husband na looku looku? Your mama says be patient with a demon? You also like her demonic but hard working ways? Madam abeg grow some sense! This is arrant rubbish!

ChiChi0296:
Thanks all for your contributions. But I don't even ve much work to do in my house. She just fetches water, wash plate, take care of my kids when am not around though for now I still stays at home. Am not even a lazy woman I like taking care of my home. Am not d type dat leaves everything for maid to do. Most times my husband ll lyk go and rest let her assist you
My problem is dat she's hash to my kid. She's not friendly at all. Am still a young mum. She make me talks too much which I don't like.

you have been treating her like a housemaid. Don't you think its time you start treating her like your cousin which she is? Don't you think you should give her the equal love you give your kids?

If you find it difficult in giving her the same love you give your kids,please kindly send her home before she hurts your kids.

Kimoni:




Pls come and teach me proverbs

lol in direct translation it means it's easier to cook vegetable with your mouth while sitting down than to actually prepare it


I learn yoruba proverbs and thei meaning from yoruba home videos

@Beremx I never treated her badly . I treat her equally lyk my own. just pray not to experience such.

Please send dat reprobate out of your house with immediate effect. At her young age she's already this headstrong!! Then, when she s a bit older, na uncontrollable be dat. This is accumulated stress you r joking with, don't imagine dat you r immune from high bp

During Xmas period send her home in the name or spirit of Christmas.

Buy things for her and her mom as a parting gift.

After Xmas tell your mom you do not want her any more that you are ok.

The caption alone as betrayed or exposed how you took her.House help. Not cousin

Case closed. All rise!!!!

ChiChi0296:
Hi, please I need help on how to go about with my house help which is also my cousin she's 14yrs should I take her back to her parents or still allow her to stay with me? She has been living with us for a year now. Yes she helps me a lot in doing housework. They are characters of hers which I don't like, though I was aware of some but I thought she's going to change but up till now she's not ready to change. She's from my mom's side. It was my mum that brought her to stay with us when I requested for somebody even though I wasn't comfortable with her staying with us cos of those her behaviors. But my mom was like I should manage her. So my point is this. D girl steals, doesn't feel remorse whenever she does something wrong,she can't apologies when she wrong me nor my husband, she can't even take care of my 2 kids when am not around, she's wicked as in she carries things I her mind, she beat my 3yr old son when am not around even when am around she still beat him but if ask her she ll deny it., she lies a lot she's ready to cry out blood than to tell you she did something even if u caught her doing it. She ll still lie, she's not also friendly with kids, u can't dictate her mind, whenever I query or beat her up cos of what she did wrong my kids ll pay for it, she also behaves as if her head is not correct. But she's very very intelligent in times of her education. My husband and my mom is aware of all this things but they were like I shouldd just over look her that if I should take her back home people ll like she's my cousin this that. But the truth of the matter is that am not comfortable with her staying with me with those characters and she's not ready to change cos I ve talk to her severally but after talking and advice she ll still do it again. And no matter the amount of beat she ll still do it again. I wnt to stop beating her that why I want her to go cos I might wound her by then people ll start saying look at what she did to her cousin "wicked women" and I can't pretend according to my husband which I still find it difficult to understand his reasons for saying I should just pretend as if nothing is happening even though he knows d girl is not doing well.( I hope is not what am thinking sha) the worst is that if u ask her do u want to go home she ll say no.. Please what do I do I really hate her behavior. Despite d fact that she does house work.

What is happening is not a good situation to raise children lest you raise abusers.

The mind of a child is "tabula rasa". A clean slate that is, and what they see they learn and it sticks.
What their parents do around the house and how you treat people or more importantly, what significant others (like your cousin) do around them are all what they will pick up and do whether now or in later life.

By extension, your cousin may start poisining their minds because whether you like it or not she is closer to them than you because you work.

If you return her, they will talk for a minute and life goes on but you have saved your children from a possible terrible path.

Thanks! Thanks! Really appreciate u guys. So happy dat I still have people like you that understand were am coming from. @melodies @richy4 @nairamode. God bless

Kimoni:


congratulations supermom but will you still say the same thing when you have more than one child?
Will the washing machine stay with the kids at home on those days you get stucked in traffic even when you leave the office early?
Pls don't judge others until you take a walk in their shoes. Just thank God for ur situation and move on.

Did you read the part where I adviced the original poster to get an elderly nanny if she needs someone to mind her kids?

Your sarcasm will not change the facts. I make bold to say that a lot of women are lazy, period! If you see the amount of work these househelps are saddled with sometimes, you'll weep. These kids are exploited and treated badly and it has to stop. If you can't take care of your own children and bring them up yourself, then don't have them.

I will not consider a live-in domestic help no matter how many children I have.

chival:


[s]Did you read the part where I adviced the original poster to get an elderly nanny if she needs someone to mind her kids?

Your sarcasm will not change the facts. I make bold to say that a lot of women are lazy, period! If you see the amount of work these househelps are saddled with sometimes, you'll weep. These kids are exploited and treated badly and it has to stop. If you can't take care of your own children and bring them up yourself, then don't have them.

I will not consider a live-in domestic help no matter how many children I have[/s] .

Irrelevant points. The fact that you don't use a domestic help does not mean those who do are lazy.

If you can't take care of your own children and bring them up yourself, then don't have them.

Senseless. I must never step out of the house because I have kids?

ChiChi0296:
according to my husband which I still find it difficult to understand his reasons for saying I should just pretend as if nothing is happening even though he knows d girl is not doing well.( I hope is not what am thinking sha)

Madam please what are you thinking

ChiChi0296:
according to my husband which I still find it difficult to understand his reasons for saying I should just pretend as if nothing is happening even though he knows d girl is not doing well.( I hope is not what am thinking sha)

Madam please what are you thinking.

chival:
I still don't understand why many women can't live without domestic help, and please don't give me the career excuse. I have a career, a husband who isn't hands on and a child and I manage just fine.

Invest in home appliances like a washing machine and if you need help with cleaning, get someone to come in once or twice a week.

This domestic help a.k.a house help issue usually doesn't end well, because there is always a sharp delieanation between the househelp and madam's kids.

Your cousin's behaviour is bad, yes, but she is still a child just getting into her teens. How would you treat your child if she exhibits the traits you talked about? Would you be here complaining about it?

Please send that girl home if you are tired of having her around. If the whole idea was to assist her parents with her upkeep, then send them a monthly allowance to do that. Get an elderly nanny for your kids or use a creche/after school service. There are still some good ones. And then roll up your sleeves and keep your home.

Hmmm my dear u won't underatand. Somebody like me that has five kids what should I do? When two teenagers stayed with me, they brought more pains than gain so I took them back to their parent and employed a nanny. She comes in d morning and goes in d night. So I support u on dat.

And the home appliances takes care of ur child when you and hubby are at work abi?
ode

chival:
I still don't understand why many women can't live without domestic help, and please don't give me the career excuse. I have a career, a husband who isn't hands on and a child and I manage just fine.

Invest in home appliances like a washing machine and if you need help with cleaning, get someone to come in once or twice a week.

This domestic help a.k.a house help issue usually doesn't end well, because there is always a sharp delieanation between the househelp and madam's kids.

Your cousin's behaviour is bad, yes, but she is still a child just getting into her teens. How would you treat your child if she exhibits the traits you talked about? Would you be here complaining about it?

Please send that girl home if you are tired of having her around. If the whole idea was to assist her parents with her upkeep, then send them a monthly allowance to do that. Get an elderly nanny for your kids or use a creche/after school service. There are still some good ones. And then roll up your sleeves and keep your home.

ChiChi0296:
Thanks all for your contributions. But I don't even ve much work to do in my house. She just fetches water, wash plate, take care of my kids when am not around though for now I still stays at home. Am not even a lazy woman I like taking care of my home. Am not d type dat leaves everything for maid to do. Most times my husband ll lyk go and rest let her assist you
My problem is dat she's hash to my kid. She's not friendly at all. Am still a young mum. She make me talks too much which I don't like.

She is taking her anger out on your children
When you try something that isnt working then you try something else.
Stop beating her and stop being too harsh with her
What if she was your daughter? how will you treat her? How do parents deal with naughty children?
Try to treat her like a sister, talk to her, advise her, bond with her and show her love and respect . . yes I said respect. She is human too

When she experiences love, then she can show love too . .its very simple. A lot if her behaviour is tied up into her enviroment that she is. She is 14. Many teenagers misbehave. They need support, love and good advise.

Forget all this madamism and if you take my advise, you are killing 3 birds with one stone.
- Protecting your kids from harm and your kids will be round someone who genuingly cares for them
- Someone to help you round the house
- training a kid to be a positive influence on herself and the society in the future

Sorry Op, I think you're maltreating the girl. .. Cousin turn housmaid

ChiChi0296:
Thanks all for your contributions. But I don't even ve much work to do in my house. She just fetches water, wash plate, take care of my kids when am not around though for now I still stays at home. Am not even a lazy woman I like taking care of my home. Am not d type dat leaves everything for maid to do. Most times my husband ll lyk go and rest let her assist you
My problem is dat she's hash to my kid. She's not friendly at all. Am still a young mum. She make me talks too much which I don't like.

She fetches all the water you use in the house at 14yrs?? Can't your husband fetch water? Or betterstill get someone to do that...Won't be surprised if it's an upstairs too...

With the way things are, she can't be a good influence on your kids, better send her home biko... beatings here and there, shuuu...

What ever. D person that wore his or her shoes knows where it pinches her the most. So thanks all for your advice. Is a free world every body is free to say whatever he or she thinks.

Sambarry!! Who are you? I need to meet u juo! OMG!!

@ poster pls she is too young for all the work and duties u just reeled out. She is overstressed. Get an adult to handle the home and pay the person. Life is so easy but na we de complicate tinz